TheWizard
29th Oct 2009, 11:44
It may have been done before but with all the bickering and sniping that has been on these pages of late, this is a bit of a light hearted banter that is not Service biased!!
The Royal Air Force Oath
I, Biggles, Swear to sign away 12 years (22 if I carry out enough secondary duties) of my life to the RAF, because I know I couldn’t hack it in the Army, because Marines frighten me, and I am afraid of water if I can’t touch the bottom.
I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others who are more dedicated than I and take their job more seriously than I do.
I also swear not to do any real form of exercise, but promise to defend the VO2 Max Test as a valid form of exercise.
I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know that I am not really in the Military and I find it amusing to annoy the other Services. I will have a far better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, remind them of that fact.
After completing basic training I will be a civvy in blue clothes and will not work unless someone is watching me, and it makes me look good.
I consent to never, ever, being promoted and understand that all those people I took the piss out of yesterday will probably out-rank me tomorrow.
So help me Travel Lodge
The British Army Oath
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 22 years of my mediocre life to the British Army because I couldn’t score high enough on the entrance exam to get in the RAF, I’m not tough enough for the Marines and the Navy wont take me as I can’t swim.
I will wear my uniform every day, even when out with the missus. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine, because that is what I was told in basic training, despite the fact that the only action I will see will be a Courts Martial for sexual harassment or bullying.
I swear that I will make my wife stay at home because if I let her out she may run off with a Royal Marine, because they are far better than me as they carry a Royal Navy I.D. Card.
I swear that I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I understand that I will undergo no training at all that will help me get a job upon my inevitable PVR.
I accept all of the above, without question as I may get A.G.A.I’d
if I attempt to think for myself .
So help me Odin.
The Royal Navy Oath
I, Jolly Jack, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 22 years of my life to the Royal Navy, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to be one of them, because I thought that the RAF was too ‘corporate’, because I don’t want to live in a hole in the ground like the Army do and because I thought ‘I like to swim, why not?’.
I promise to wear a uniform that went out of fashion in 1878 and understand that each time I wear it I will be mistaken for an extra from a ‘Village People’ video (especially with my lamb chop sideburns).
I will strive to use a different language to the rest of the English speaking world by using words like Deck, Bulkhead, Galley and Head, when I really mean floor, wall, kitchen and toilet.
I will take great pride in the fact that all Naval acronyms, rank, insignia and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make no sense what-so-ever.
I vow to hone my cup handling skills to the point where I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a force eight and still not spill a drop.
I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted twice per financial year as the navy sees fit, after all the RAF take up fifty percent of the Defence budget.
So help me Neptune.
The Royal Air Force Oath
I, Biggles, Swear to sign away 12 years (22 if I carry out enough secondary duties) of my life to the RAF, because I know I couldn’t hack it in the Army, because Marines frighten me, and I am afraid of water if I can’t touch the bottom.
I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others who are more dedicated than I and take their job more seriously than I do.
I also swear not to do any real form of exercise, but promise to defend the VO2 Max Test as a valid form of exercise.
I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know that I am not really in the Military and I find it amusing to annoy the other Services. I will have a far better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, remind them of that fact.
After completing basic training I will be a civvy in blue clothes and will not work unless someone is watching me, and it makes me look good.
I consent to never, ever, being promoted and understand that all those people I took the piss out of yesterday will probably out-rank me tomorrow.
So help me Travel Lodge
The British Army Oath
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 22 years of my mediocre life to the British Army because I couldn’t score high enough on the entrance exam to get in the RAF, I’m not tough enough for the Marines and the Navy wont take me as I can’t swim.
I will wear my uniform every day, even when out with the missus. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine, because that is what I was told in basic training, despite the fact that the only action I will see will be a Courts Martial for sexual harassment or bullying.
I swear that I will make my wife stay at home because if I let her out she may run off with a Royal Marine, because they are far better than me as they carry a Royal Navy I.D. Card.
I swear that I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I understand that I will undergo no training at all that will help me get a job upon my inevitable PVR.
I accept all of the above, without question as I may get A.G.A.I’d
if I attempt to think for myself .
So help me Odin.
The Royal Navy Oath
I, Jolly Jack, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 22 years of my life to the Royal Navy, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to be one of them, because I thought that the RAF was too ‘corporate’, because I don’t want to live in a hole in the ground like the Army do and because I thought ‘I like to swim, why not?’.
I promise to wear a uniform that went out of fashion in 1878 and understand that each time I wear it I will be mistaken for an extra from a ‘Village People’ video (especially with my lamb chop sideburns).
I will strive to use a different language to the rest of the English speaking world by using words like Deck, Bulkhead, Galley and Head, when I really mean floor, wall, kitchen and toilet.
I will take great pride in the fact that all Naval acronyms, rank, insignia and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make no sense what-so-ever.
I vow to hone my cup handling skills to the point where I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a force eight and still not spill a drop.
I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted twice per financial year as the navy sees fit, after all the RAF take up fifty percent of the Defence budget.
So help me Neptune.