Virulens Heathrowitis - from the Irish Independent today

[bear11]

Virulens Heathrowitis sufferers are morosely unhelpful -- please bring back the cattle boat

By Kevin Myers


Wednesday June 10 2009

IT was in Heathrow Airport that I first noticed the disease, early one Sunday morning 20 years ago. I had just arrived from Central America flying British Airways galley-class, in which you travel Joan Collins-style with your heels behind your ears.

The journey lasted about three weeks, or felt like it anyway. I now had to travel to the centre of London, but had no money. So I went to a NatWest airport bank and cashed a cheque for IR£40. The sullen clerk sullenly gave me £40 sullen sterling. I told her she was giving me too much -- the exchange rate merited £35.

Being English, she clearly didn't know the two pounds had different rates. She went away and then came back. Sorry, she said, sullenly, we don't cash Irish cheques. Ah, I replied, but you just have.

And the only reason I'm not walking away from you with your forty quid is because I'm an honest man. Now please cash my cheque.

A look of sickly triumph appeared on her face. No, she said.

Get me the manager, please, I whispered.

The manager appeared, as morose as a vegan in a Halal abattoir. I told her the brief history of my time at her bank, that I had to get into London and that I had no money to buy a railway ticket. It was 6am, and by now I felt as if I had just come from New Zealand curled up in a tea chest on a galleon sailing sideways.

Her sullenness was instantly abolished, and she yodelled with pleasure. She could not help me! No way! Absolutely not!

And with that she did several joyous handstands back into her office, while her staff erupted in cheers.

That was it: Virulens Heathrowitis, the sado-sullen airport disease: a general demeanour of morose unhelpfulness, punctuated by occasional spasms of ecstatic hostility.

In those days VH existed only in that sordid and eponymous slum west of London, but it is now found wherever aircraft rubber stains concrete.

This is a litigious world, and the airport in the following tale is small. Other than turning a routine flight into the Little Big Horn, airport workers love nothing more than to sue humble columnists for libel. So let us call the place in question Scuntwick, where we had placed our toiletries in those small transparent plastic bags which we happen to have used many times before.

The female security guard examined them as if they were scabs peeled from the private parts of a scrofulous camel. Wrong size, she declared. "The bags should be 13 centimetres by 10. These are 14 by 9. We can't let you on the plane with those."

Look, I know arguing with anyone afflicted by Virulens Heathrowitis is a waste of time. But I nonetheless tried. And, of course, she now took pleasure from being an obstacle. Why, I think she even had an orgasm, or possibly two, as she found fifteen different ways to say no. Finally, she wheezed, (and slapping her thigh), I would have to go out onto the main concourse, and buy a plastic bag from a 50p slot-machine.

Of course, I didn't have 50p. So I went to the bank nearby, clearly a cousin of the one at Heathrow, and offered the clerk €5 for a 50p coin. He couldn't help me, he guffawed, and choking with laughter he pointed me to a hole-in-the-wall. My AIB card told me I had no money -- an utter lie for which I am now severing a lifelong relationship. My Visa card was charging me a fee, so to make this transaction worthwhile, I took out £100. I then bought a newspaper and, with my 50p coin in change, got a plastic bag from the vending machine.

Back into airport security, I placed my toiletries in a suitcase which I have taken aboard a hundred flights. But this time, a sullen official in security didn't like its shape.

It was then put into a bag-measuring frame, and though it fitted, it was ruled to have done so too tightly. Bliss was suddenly universal.

THE bag could not go on the plane with me, chortled a security man. Behind him, his colleagues were performing a Morris dance of joy. The security-woman was on her back and groaning.

Outside, the bank clerk was doing his Gene Kelly, 'Singin' in the Rain', impersonation. Happiness, of the toxic Heathrowitis Virulens variety, was now abundant across Scuntwick.

So I then had to put my suitcase (containing the utterly redundant £100 plastic bag) into the hold, costing me another £20.

Seeing the look of inconsolable grief on my face, the check-in girl nearly choked with joy. She retired behind a screen to finish her ecstasy in private.

And so to Dublin Airport, where there were just three sullen officials in passport control, with the same slab-like faces of Scuntwick, to cope with the hundreds of travellers. Our bus driver, who then took us on a day trip around the long-term car park, was similarly facially blessed.

Nearly two hours after arriving at Dublin Airport we were finally able to escape the Irish bastion of Heathrowitis Virulens.

Please, someone -- bring back the Liverpool cattle boat. OH PULLEASE.

- Kevin Myers

[dubh12000]

Actually, if it wasn't Kevin Myers, I'd sympathise.......but it is.:}

[Michael SWS]

Wrong size, she declared. "The bags should be 13 centimetres by 10. These are 14 by 9. We can't let you on the plane with those."There is no such regulation - the maximum permitted size of plastic bag is 20cm by 20cm. It makes you wonder just how much of the rest of this story is made up too.

[Codger]

Michael SWS
Does not matter what the real regulations are. Even in the same airport the "regs" have been different within 48 hours.

[10secondsurvey]

No, the above all sounds true. I was recently stopped at Heathrow for having the wrong size of plastic bag. It wasn't massive, maybe just a cm out at a guess, but otherwise it was fine - and I have used the same type of poly bags all over the world including LHR. Everyone around me just looked on incredulously.

This highlights the nonsense the author above writes so eloquently about. The plastic bag is there to limit the amount of liquid goods, and enable the security screeners to see clearly into it. If a bag is one cm or so longer on one side or another, it does not affect the role of said bag. But as the author so correctly highlights, this is all about security personnel having a spot of 'power mast*rbation'.

As I am a very frequent flyer, I've put some of my shaving cream into a helpful little bottle which you can buy in boots the chemists. It is plain, but has a label stating its volume - but it is very obviously small. The reason I do this, is that for some bizarre reason, almost all shaving cream comes in bottles or tubes of 125ml (just over the limit). Anyway, on a recent trip, the security staff pulled out the plain bottle with shave cream, and told me there was a problem. Was it the size, did he not believe the volume label??? No. The problem was, the shaving cream was in a plain bottle, with no manufacturers name on it.

So there we have it. I moved the cream to a smaller bottle to comply with the 'stupid beyond belief' security rules, but then I was told this was the wrong thing to do. You could not make it up.

Several years ago, it was the case in the USA that laptops needed to be kept INSIDE your bag for screening, the opposite of the UK at the time. I can distinctly recall passing through security at Seattle, after having taken my laptop out (I thought I was doing the right thing). Suddenly one of the female security goons started yelling really, really loud and very angrily 'whose is this laptop - who took it out' when I admitted it was mine, she ranted at full pelt about how I should know better, and I must NEVER take my laptop out. But of course, as the paying passenger, I would have been arrested had I dared to raise my voice at her like she was doing to me.

From that point onwards, I ignore any member of airport staff if they raise their voice, regardless of the circumstances. The louder they shout - the less I hear.

Of course now the reverse is true in the USA. Laptops out.

I can still remember many, many years ago travelling through airports was semi- pleasurable. It is now just a living hell.

The security rules make NO sense. The staff are pig ignorant - with few exceptions. 'security' is used as an excuse to treat pax like sh*t, and those who grumble are offloaded promptly. All free space has been filled with 'retail opportunities', leaving departure terminals overcrowded, with inadequate ventilation and cramped seating areas.

I have seen and experienced so much utter bullsh*t from airline and airport security staff over the last few years, I have to completely and fully agree with the article - my only complaint being it does not go far enough.

Oh, yes, virulens Heathrowitis is a truly global pandemic.

[Globaliser]

It makes you wonder just how much of the rest of this story is made up too.One should never let facts get in the way of a good rant!

[Guest 112233]

At Grumpy hole No 5 (T5) LHR, beware of the plastic rollers at the security gate.When you place your expensive laptop on them - They collect static - Same applies for SFO - it could result in the afformentioned kit becomming about as much use as a scabby camel or an Insurance claim.

CAT III (been there sniffed the Camel)

[NWSRG]

Virulens Heathrowitis,

I'm glad at least I know now what thi sdreadful afflication is called.

Only last Monday, I too suffered from an extreme bout...coming from Canada, and using the airside transfer between T3 and T1, my icewine, puchased in Vancouver's duty free, was deemed a security risk too great to carry onboard my final leg to Belfast.

Now I mistakenly believed that staying airside would allow me to retain my legally purchased booze. How naive and stupid was I! So I was instructed (by no less than three sullen faces, each speaking in a monotone over one another) to go landside and check in my booze. That was easier said than done.

The maze of immigration desks, lifts (that didn't work quite right), and staircases that lead right back to where you started only increased the severity of my bout of VH. And then, when offered assistance by a member of airport staff, my wife made the mistake of showing her frustration. Not in an aggressive way, not in an argumentative way, but simply by the totally unreasonable act of explaining herself. Said staff member then suggested that if she wanted help, she better calm down, or he wouldn't be helping anyone! Utter cheek and condescension :\

But the most amazing bout of VH afflicted another poor traveller. Wheeling his luggage cart through the Nothing to Declare channel, with two suitcases and a three year old son sitting on top, enjoying the ride...one of these gormless, jumped up security staff ordered the man to remove his child from atop the baggage. Now, I can't for the life of me see how a small child, catching a free ride on a luggage trolley, and heading for the door, could pose a security risk. And what if the father said no? What punishment could the sullen one dish out? Send him back inside?

These people are sad, joyless, anally retentives. I've travelled through Vancouver, Calgary, Orlando, Newark and Amsterdam in the past year. All of them a pleasure...but step back into the UK...:ugh:

[Michael SWS]

I mistakenly believed that staying airside would allow me to retain my legally purchased booze. How naive and stupid was I!The regulations may not appear to make much sense, but they are clearly stated on BAA's website:What about liquids if I am connecting through Heathrow?

If you are arriving from outside the EU, all liquids must be in individual containers with a capacity not greater than 100ml. They must be placed in a single transparent, resealable bag no larger than 20cm x 20cm (8in x 8in), and must fit comfortably inside the bag so it can be fastened closed.It is surely the responsibility of the passenger to ensure that he is aware of all regulations, no matter how stupid and pointless they may appear to be, and particularly where the transport of liquids is concerned, for we should by now all be aware that regulations differ from country to country and even airport to airport. In recent months there has been considerable discussion of the rules for transferring liquids at other European airports on this forum - it's not just London. (Try this one: http://www.pprune.org/passengers-slf-self-loading-freight/317688-duty-free-discrimination.html)

Perhaps Munnyspinner could invite you to join his "I'm very very angry because I don't think the regulations should apply to me" club. :)

[Globaliser]

Only last Monday, I too suffered from an extreme bout...coming from Canada, and using the airside transfer between T3 and T1, my icewine, puchased in Vancouver's duty free, was deemed a security risk too great to carry onboard my final leg to Belfast.

Now I mistakenly believed that staying airside would allow me to retain my legally purchased booze. How naive and stupid was I!Did you have any basis for your belief?

Or did you just assume something that happened to be the outcome that you desired?

The information was all out there, waiting for you to discover it, if you'd bothered to look.Wheeling his luggage cart through the Nothing to Declare channel, with two suitcases and a three year old son sitting on top, enjoying the ride...one of these gormless, jumped up security staff ordered the man to remove his child from atop the baggage. Now, I can't for the life of me see how a small child, catching a free ride on a luggage trolley, and heading for the door, could pose a security risk.It's not a security risk, it's a safety risk.

The airport is full of prominent notices telling passengers not to allow children to ride on the baggage trolleys.

But so many airline passengers seem to lose their faculties of reading obvious notices as soon as they begin their trip.

[Munnyspinner]

But so many airline passengers seem to lose their faculties of reading obvious notices as soon as they begin their trip.

Well, maybe they're not as obvious as they should be?

Using a luggage trolley as a child mover doesn't strike me as sensible but maybe the perp had no common sense, hadn't seen the signs or had seen them and ignored them?

20 years ago and more.....I know I am an unrealsitic dreamer but, I remember when you could just turn of and fly. On the BA shuttle you could buy a book of flight vouchers and just go. Did we have security then - I really can't remember, but , I'm sure I do remember once buying a ticket on the flight. And if you had a ticket but there weren't enough seats - they'd put another flight on for you.

Wait a minute - surely that never happened.

I know why we have all these rules and regulations but it isn't a surprise to me that pax can't keep up with the requirements of aviation and the need to do this or do that or not do this or not do that, put this in plastic bag....... oh, how did it come to this?

[Guest 112233]

I do remember the Queen Maude - as a very sick toddler - The rain lashing down, the disturbed cattle being tossed about below the Steerage Class Pax (i.e me) and whaling their heads off. No we dont need the cattle boats back (Holyhead - Dun Laoghaire many times ) although the scrum for a well known Lo-Co's flights does remind me of the "Boats" - Actually

The three miserable Harpies that I had to contend with at a well known Irish airport - Reps of the aforementioned Company ( 200 Eu for a flight to Stn) did fit the description Virulens.... - Perhaps the phrase "Bag for Life" describes their unhelpful attitudes - To be fair the computer system had packed up that morning, but politeness costs nothing - Its all water under the bridge now and I won't be back.

Cead mile Failte

CAT III

[eastern wiseguy]

The regulations may not appear to make much sense


No Michael they make NO sense.

At a well known airport(in the UK part of Ireland) the other day, I was amused to watch a tanker driver exit the fuel farm with a tanker full of aviation fuel have a pat down search and a very thorough search of his cab for drinks. I felt immeasurably safer.

I was relating this to the off going watch manager and he told me that the fireman detailed to shoot crows in the undershoot was searched,arms aloft,whilst he held a SHOTGUN in one hand and a case of CARTRIDGES in the other.

And the BAA dumped MY XO in Gatwick(internal transfer from the US):hmm:

[Munnyspinner]

whilst he held a SHOTGUN in one hand and a case of CARTRIDGES

And what the **** else would you use to shoot birds? A catapault? The fireman was authorised to undertake the task for which he required the correct equipment. Honestly?

And Michael SWS, I don't need to encourage anyone to join the club - there are more members than non members!

[Avman]

the fireman detailed to shoot crows in the undershoot was searched,arms aloft,whilst he held a SHOTGUN in one hand and a case of CARTRIDGES in the other.

Munnyspinner, not for the first time in these forums, you have completely failed to understand the point (irony in this case).

[Dan Winterland]

Airport security personnell aren't employed because they have an IQ of 160. I first realised when flying a load of soldiers back from an exercise in Canada. The security people at the civilian airport made the soldiers put their rifles through the x-ray machine!

[Final 3 Greens]

Airport security personnell aren't employed because they have an IQ of 160.

Are you sure that holds true in Israel?

[eastern wiseguy]

MunnySpinner........Try to keep up. :rolleyes:

[James 1077]

Using a luggage trolley as a child mover doesn't strike me as sensible but maybe the perp had no common sense, hadn't seen the signs or had seen them and ignored them?


So just because it doesn't strike you as sensible a jumped up security guard should force him to stop it?

If the father was endangering other passengers or property then that would be reason for a security guard to stop it - but he wasn't. He was endangering his son and, as such, the security guard should butt out of the guy's business. The airport operator is protected by the "don't do it" signs if the father was stupid enough to try and sue.

I used to love hitching a ride on the baggage trolleys and luggage belts as a kid - I can't see what security risk that these things give rise to.

[mikkk]

Has anyone considered what it is like to be employed in one of these positions? We all know some passengers can be rude and demanding and downright assholes. Working in security screening you would meet every one of them. Is it any wonder people who look like going off are treated with pre emptive hostility. The conditions of employment and the management hardly make for content and happy little workers. Indeed it may provide a clue to the surliness and hostility. Do people choose such vocations by choice or are they taking any old job they can get? Do they get payed well and enough to lead happy fullfilled lives? Do their work hours and conditions allow them to have a life outside work? If not are you happy to have such people, poor, insecure, unhappy and stressed looking after your security?

[Final 3 Greens]

Mikkk

Great theory.......... except that the other major countries in western Europe have security staff who are professional and courteous.

Explain please.

[mikkk]

Maybe they treat their workers better.
Maybe the pax arent such scum.
Maybe life in general is better leading to happier people overall.
Maybe they dont pay peanuts and so dont get monkeys.
Maybe the bosses dont have so much power to mistreat their workforce.
Maybe you are imagining things and they arent so different.
Maybe the rest of western Europe isnt so focused on cash and efficiency.
Maybe they arent given the power to lord over everyone else.
Maybe they arent as stupid and anal as us in making and enforcing stupid rules.

I could go on endlessly but Im sure there are a few in there that would apply.
Someone should do a study.

[Final 3 Greens]

So in other words, you cannot defend your assertion with any certainty.

Goodbye.

[LH2]

Has anyone considered what it is like to be employed in one of these positions?

Yes. Those who are not qualified to pump the **** off the aeroplanes, load baggage, or clean the toilets, can opt to watch the X-ray monitors. I say this with no disrespect whatsoever for any of those other occupations, which unlike dribbling in front of a monitor, make an essential contribution to the running of the operation , and as such, require a higher standard of training and qualification.

Do people choose such vocations by choice

No, they're press-ganged :rolleyes:

But anyway, these people are not the problem. The problem are those who came up with all this non-sense, those who support them, those who believe them, and those who don't give a crap about it.


Anyone attemping to suggest that the current x-raying process is any use whatsoever goes straight in my ignore list.

[jackcat]

Great theory.......... except that the other major countries in western Europe have security staff who are professional and courteous.


Rather a sweeping statement....and not my experience at CDG, who IMHO are guilty of exactly the same misdemeanours you attribute to UK personnel

[strake]

If I had a job which did not pay particularly well, which appeared to offend everyone who comes into contact with me and if I got wrong, could cause a tragedy for which I would probably be blamed, I might have the odd "off-day" as well.

I have made mention previously of the high standard at Narita and would be delighted if this could be copied elsewhere but it won't be because you can't change culture so easily. Despite the problems, overall I think the UK security people do a good job especially when compared to the TSA standard.

I came through T5 earlier this week and I was most impressed by the patience and helpful manner that the scanner team displayed.

[barstow]

Without the slightest bit of exaggeration, or embellishment:

I travelled from SYD via several US destinations to arrive in LHR with a full sized deodorant can in my carryon. Not one of the many xray checks deemed it to be a binary component or anything similar. On departure from LHR, the xrayer asked me to produce the can, which by this time I had forgotten was there. She said "this is over the size limit" I will have to take this. Now, I had plenty of time, and felt like working out her rationale behind the seizure - not to be an arse, just for understanding. I asked that didn't the rule govern liquids? The can certainly contained a liquid, but produces a powder & gas mixture once the container is opened, and I demonstrated this fact to her, remembering I forgot to use it that morning. No, it is a liquid, so I have to confiscate it. I relent, as I wasn't going to provoke the authorities into heightened mode....:=

Not such a big deal, but I wonder how much thought went into the reactionary "standards" that we comply to these days???

Anyway, I dread LHR every time. Combine it with being forced by the business to fly BA makes the experience a very sobering, frustrating experience!!!

[Donkey497]

Sorry Strake, but I'll take the TSA service at EWR, IAH or JFK over any UK airport. I can also only compare the queueing to be re-screened whilst still airside at T5 before being admitted to the shopping mall, sorry departure lounge, from my connecting flight to that of animals penned and corralled at a slaughterhouse waiting to be stunned before slaughter.

Our security and immigration services could learn a lot from the TSA. The wider, more open, airy and well lit areas in US airports help to introduce a calm to fatigued and fractious passengers whereas the tightly coralled areas with passengers shuffling back and forth past each other in thight confines only helps to irritate tired and confused passengers, couple that with the archtect's favourite "subdued lighting", i.e. dark and gloomy and paint colours from the 1970's NHS psychiatric pallette just completes the depressive mood for incoming travellers.

Then again, if we were to have this, it would mean BAA giving up some of its retail space to better serve their customers and we all know that this is not likely to happen as BAA have never demonstrated greater love for their customers than for their customers money.

[Final 3 Greens]

jackcat

Rather a sweeping statement....and not my experience at CDG, who IMHO are guilty of exactly the same misdemeanours you attribute to UK personnel

Not a sweeping statement, one based on 31 years of empirical observation, typically 100 times per year.

As fo CDG, I have never encountered a similar attitude to the BAA airports in security, in fact I passed through there yesterday evening and the the two ladies on the scanner were charming and we shared a couple of jokes 'have you any money in your pockets sir?', 'no, my wife has all the money', 'with very good reason, sir.'

By the way jackcat, do you give the French scanners the courtesy of speaking to them in their own language?

I do and they can express themselves properly - although they will do their best in English they may not have fluency and thus appear less responsive.

I speak English at London and find there is little excuse for the boorish or generally uncaring behaviour that often prevails. One does sometimes encounter a decent individual, which always comes as a surprise.

[pax britanica]

I was at LHR yesterday dropping daughter off for a trip, hadn't been there for a while.
Yes T5 has helped remove the crush but the appalling service remains. Only one lift working for a whole massive car park to get to departures!!. Horrid crowded dark terminal check in area. Is T3 left to look like that in order to make the very very ordinary T5 look good? Rude airport staff many of whom look fotofits for al Qaeda suspects compare badly with cheerful East European girls selling you food and drink. The place no doubt run by grumpy sullen Spanish management who have frankly been completely cheated on their investment by BAA and UK Government. (UK owner BAA hideous monopoly fine, same monopoly owned by Spanish compulsory divestiture of major assets). Would any other major country allow foreign ownership of its capital city airport??
Very apt comments from mikk above which some up much about UK2009 and being in Australia he will know a lot about mindless bureaucracy as it is pretty much world class down there.
Has anyone ever tried the flight information phone line BAA run where before you can get any information you are forced to listen to about 90 seconds of legal disclaimers. What are these people on, could the person who insisted they include that on the tape really be a sane responsible human being. Would he or she like to go into his local shopping mall and ask somewhere excuse me where is Dixons only for them to produce a card disclaiming liability for anything that happens during the rest of his or her day !!!! Astonishing.

I was only there two hours and look what it did to my sanity, only good thing was got to see an A 380 land.

[5711N0205W]

I'll take the TSA service at EWR, IAH or JFK over any UK airport. I can also only compare the queueing to be re-screened whilst still airside at T5 before being admitted to the shopping mall, sorry departure lounge, from my connecting flight to that of animals penned and corralled at a slaughterhouse waiting to be stunned before slaughter.

Couldn't agree more, T5 airside re-screening is an embarrassment! My most recent experience of this a few weeks ago was arriving from Seattle where the whole TSA process was calm, efficient and generally good humoured to be penned and herded through T5 by the most miserable people I had encountered since leaving the UK some 10 days previously....

[jackcat]

By the way jackcat, do you give the French scanners the courtesy of speaking to them in their own language?

Another assumption....je suis parfaitement bilingue, et vous?

[Capot]

Airport security personnell aren't employed because they have an IQ of 160.

Are you sure that holds true in Israel? Well, yes; having been routinely taken on one side and "interviewed" by two aggressive young people every time I put on my arrival card at Tel Aviv that I'll be staying in the **** Hotel, Gaza, I can confirm that IQs of 160 are thin on the ground at Ben Gurion. IQs over 90 might be quite rare, too.

"Who are you meeting?"

"Ali bin Falaan" (Joe Soap)

"Why"

"To discuss comparative intelligence issues"

"When will you meet him?"

"Next week"

"When are you leaving?"

"Later this week"








"OK. Go."

"Thank you. Have a nice day".

[Final 3 Greens]

jackcat

An assumption is when you take something as a fact, whereas I asked you a question then made a statement about the English ability of the CDG scanners and why it may limit their response, if you spoke in English, which I did not assume, as I asked you.

If you are perfectly bilingual, then I am at a loss to explain why they are rude to you, as I am far from perfect in my French language skills and to date have always received a pleasant response.

[Married a Canadian]

Having just experienced T5 for the first time myself I have to agree with most of the nay sayers on here! It really is embarassing.

Early morning flight from YYZ with Mrs MAC and less than one year old MAC junior. Connecting flight to ABZ. Did not realise that we would go through FULL security again joining up with all the other flights that have arrived at 6am AND all the people who have just checked in. Chaos! To make matters worse Fastrack was at the other end of the security area which meant that people were having to push past 1000 other passengers....which lead to MAC junior being clobbered quite heavily whilst in his stroller. This lead to me and the wife yelling at the businessman responsible which lead to security singling me out which lead to another passenger leaping to my defence which lead to him being pulled out the line (he called security a waste of space...which I didn't think was a good idea at 7am!).
After a pointless argument we got to the x-ray machine where my son's medicines (all in the correct bottles and bags) and jars of baby food were all made to be opened there and then for me to taste in front of security (even though they had been fine with it in YYZ...as there were in the correct volumes). I pointed out to security that once the jars had been opened they had to be used within 2 hours and my connecting flight was not within that time frame. I was told of the security risk (and me pointing out that I am an air traffic controller with ID went down like a lead balloon)....and told I would have all the food and medicine confiscated if I did not taste them!.

Once we got through security we found the supervisor who was dressing down the guy who had defended us in line. When I told him that my son had been hit really hard in the arm due to the logistics of the security area he went really sheepish...and blamed BA. Apparently they want fastrack at the other end due to it being closer to their lounge.

Oh the joys! You get slagged on PRUNE for criticisizing the UK and Heathrow in particular..but come on...from my perspective it is embarrassment for a country that could and should do so much better! I have no problems in YYZ with security whatsover!

[Skipness One Echo]

Did not realise that we would go through FULL security again joining up with all the other flights that have arrived at 6am AND all the people who have just checked in.

Flight connections surely? Thought you didn't have to go landside?

[hotmetal]

This doesn't surprise me at all. BA is in trouble but whatever it does to attract customers or give good service it always has the out of control UK security monster making sure its passengers are treated like cattle. These people have no interest in customer service at all. They take it for granted that there will always be a big queue of passengers to bark orders at. Let's hope all the passengers don't all go somewhere else. BA really ought to take control of this.

[dubh12000]

Flight connections surely? Thought you didn't have to go landside?

Its the same area.

You would have thought by now that BA would have forced the issue and made them redesign the whole area.....its a joke of the highest order.

[Married a Canadian]

Skipness

Flight connections surely? Thought you didn't have to go landside?

I thought flight connections would be for arriving passengers aswell..but no we joined a line with guys who had just come from landside having just checked in. It made no sense to me either!

BA really ought to take control of this.

As I said when I quizzed the supervisor he blamed BA as they wanted fastrack at the far end in order for it to be closer to their lounge. So they share some of the blame for the layout nightmare of security. With all the space they have available in T5 it should not have been too hard to design a working security area...or does that take away from retail space?

[Globaliser]

I thought flight connections would be for arriving passengers aswell..but no we joined a line with guys who had just come from landside having just checked in. It made no sense to me either!I don't see why this makes no sense. As you've arrived from overseas, you have to undergo the same security screening as anyone who's just starting their journey - so why shouldn't you be in the same security screening area?

[Capetonian]

I've done my level best to avoid Heathrow, quite successfully, for the last few years, the main reason being the absurdly long time it takes to get out of the place after landing, particularly if you need to hire a car.

The courtesy and demeanour of the staff though is far better than Luton ....

Yes. Those who are not qualified to pump the **** off the aeroplanes, load baggage, or clean the toilets, can opt to watch the X-ray monitors to which I'd add ... at Luton.

To describe some of the security operators there as animals is to deeply insult our four legged friends. No doubt someone will ask me to cite examples, right now I don't have time, but I can do so.

[bandit2106]

Here's a recent example of the behaviour of security staff at Luton. I recently travelled through the airport and encountered a member of the staff who caused me physical pain as a result of being forced to stand on the concrete floor with my arms outstretched, then told me that my obvious physical distress was suspicious and unless I submitted to (even more) of the same I would not be travelling.

Don't get me started on the utterly gobsmacking queue for Luton Border Control last night :eek:

I'm really happy that there are plenty of airports, trains and roads serving my destination, so I can avoid Luton whenever possible in future. As for Heathrow, yes it's congested, and IME as the staff are not quite so abusive, so it's currently my airport of preference.

[SLF3b]

I've related this story before but for me it sums up the mean spirited dump that the UK has become.

T5 fast track, quiet Saturday afternoon. In front of me a very old lady in a wheel chair, obviously frail, attended by a nurse. She has a leather suitcase at least as old as her. The bag is not as tall or as wide as the standard baggage frame, but is 1 cm longer. They won't let her take it through. She is obviously confused and cannot understand what the problem is. I suggest to the baggage nazi that maybe she should exercise some discretion. 'Sir, we have to be consistent.' I suggest that since she and I are the only ones present to witness the inconsistency no one will ever know, and promise not to reveal her dark secret to anyone. She is adamant.

I leave, because if I don't, I will lose my temper - and if I lose my temper I probably will be denied boarding.

What upset me more than the mindless cretin refusing to treat an old lady as a human being was the fact that I felt powerless to complain.

[Capetonian]

Here are two stories which, for me, sum up the mean spirited dump that the UK has become." Both incidents took place at Luton.

Queuing for passport control with my 6 year old who desperately needed a pee and was in visible distress. The UK/EU line was busy and moving very slowly .... you know what's coming now don't you? ..... and the two counters for 'others' had nobody queuing. I stepped forward and sideways to ask the (I'm being kind here) gentleman in a uniform posing as a security guard if we could just go through the other line. He barked at me to get back into line and refused the requested rudely and abruptly.

On the way out of Luton another time, the Polish family in front of me at 'security' had a toddler who was hanging onto a nearly empty plastic bottle of cooldrink. The 'official' barked at her to dispose of it, she didn't understand, and walked forward through the arch with it and he reached down and snatched the bottle, which she instinctively tried to hold on to, so he used some force and she ended up screaming and having to be comforted by the parents while he appeared to find the whole thing amusing.

When I told him this was a quite unneccesary abuse of his position, I was threatened with a 'personal search', which I guess he was trying to intimate was a rubber glove job (but for all he knew I might have enjoyed it!), and made to wait for about 5 minutes before he let me pass.

Needless to say my written report received the usual meaningless inane placatory standard reply.

[Married a Canadian]

Globaliser

I don't see why this makes no sense. As you've arrived from overseas, you have to undergo the same security screening as anyone who's just starting their journey - so why shouldn't you be in the same security screening area?


Arriving from overseas means I have already been vetted (especially as the carrier was BA).
I arrived from YYZ having been through full security there. Arriving at Heathrow it seems you are arriving into a "sterile" area..ie no route back groundside...and you are going through immigration straight off the plane. Our route off the plane was ramp, immigration, security...before connections lounge. Why does that require FULL screening again..having just got off a 747 that went through all the checks in Canada? Most amusingly people are having to hand over all the small bottles of water that they have just taken off the plane...which BA put on in the first place to serve at dinner and all of a sudden become security risks.

It made no sense to me and the herd of other people who had just got off their respective flights from overseas....jetlagged and incredibly frustrated to be joining a HUGE queue to go through security with punters from groundside. If it makes no sense to me (and Mrs MAC) and about 1000 other people on one morning....then why don't the BAA, BA and other agencies make it more apparent as to why it is happening? Why is airtravel so frustrating? Because things that seem obvious to the travelling public...never seem to be so to the operators?....and the travelling public aren't always the braindead masses portrayed.

Questions for BAA, BA, Terminal 5 that would help clarify security a la arrival passengers?

Why not have a separate flight connections security line? Keep passengers from groundside separate..so you know who has at least been through an "acceptable" level of screening.
If the arrivals area is not a "sterile" area...how can that be changed so that further security screening is not needed. A wall built in the right place might help?
If overseas arrivals really are considered to be not properly screened then that surely is something for BA, BAA and the other users to bring up with other airports around the world...."hey we would like you to improve XYZ" so we don't have to do it at our end.
Are we saying that arrival/connecting passengers are as great a "risk" as the just checked in?.
Can connecting passengers not be taken from immigration and bussed directly to the depature lounge? No need for rescreening in this instance as they are kept within a "watched" area?

If the answers to those and other questions leave no grey area...then I have to accept that I and many other air travellers are wrong..and our frustrations are purely borne out of ignorance. It does seem though that there are a LOT of ignorant travellers out there. However, there are enough stories around on PRUNE, and in the general aviation world now that seem to tar the UK and Heathrow in particular with this stigma of being awkward, frustrating and illogical. Is it just know nothing passengers...or amongst all the gripes...are some of them actually legitimate. When you read complaints made by pilots, my fellow atcos, professionals from the field of aviation....are we being difficult...or are we trying to improve the field we work in?

[conner69]

as a reasonabley frequent user of Heathrow my wife and I have found that the smart way to move around the airport is using the underground walkways between terminals - minimal security and hassell free - eg T1 to T3 12 minutes comfortable walk - once tried to tell sullen staff about it - they didn't want to know - probably would have endangered their overtime pay !!:)

[Globaliser]

Arriving from overseas means I have already been vetted (especially as the carrier was BA).
...
If overseas arrivals really are considered to be not properly screened then that surely is something for BA, BAA and the other users to bring up with other airports around the world...."hey we would like you to improve XYZ" so we don't have to do it at our end.
Are we saying that arrival/connecting passengers are as great a "risk" as the just checked in?.
Can connecting passengers not be taken from immigration and bussed directly to the depature lounge? No need for rescreening in this instance as they are kept within a "watched" area?The rule is basically this: You haven't been screened in the UK, so you need to be screened in the UK.

You may have come from Canada, but at that point you are mixing with other passengers who have come from a number of other countries, the acceptability of whose screening standards one might not want to take for granted.

And as far as I can see, this rule (screen all inbound international arrivals to local standards) is applied almost universally around the world. It's inconvenient to many, but it's readily comprehensible.

[MartinCh]

Quote:
Wrong size, she declared. "The bags should be 13 centimetres by 10. These are 14 by 9. We can't let you on the plane with those."
There is no such regulation - the maximum permitted size of plastic bag is 20cm by 20cm. It makes you wonder just how much of the rest of this story is made up too.
Why should it be made up? I experienced the same thing in Belfast International once. I had bit rectangular but within limits (not like the standard square shaped one) resealable bag and they forced me to get 'security size' one. Peeved me off considerably.
As long as I see all sorts of sizes used around elsewhere.