What's the most stupid thing you've done as a pilot? [Archive]

topendtorque

23rd May 2009, 11:50

mmm
plenty I would rather not think about.
after cyclone tracy a workmates inhereted a heap of homeless,
but very fit greyhounds.

the wife was exercising them along the local airstrip,
with her motor-car and holding all four dogs at a fairly fast clip,
in the motor-car was her two kids, and infant now sound asleep;
a panorama before me as I skated over the last ridgeline before base.

well, apparantly the kids all had nightmares for months,
the dogs half of which were never seen again, nearly,
but very nearly tore her arm orf, she had stress disorder forever,
stupid, damm stupid, maybe as bad as a mate of mine.

he was skating along the highway, at zot minus;
up a slope round a bend and over the crest he flew,
holy mother what the, a white car careering bush,
oh dear, the travelling nursing sisters on the rounds,
now with a flat tyre and very stern countenance; he had bolted.

every one down the road, at the next visitation site was waiting:{
for smoko and an ogling or something more. in they stormed;
violence upon the pilot was their mission,
lo and behold about fifteen minutes later in he sauntered;

silence, absolute silence, afore the penny dropped with a clang
and away he went without scones or tea or a buttering up
that he had expected in his exalted position.
silly very silly, one, a silly beat up,
two, girls, especially happy ones were always in short supply.

Sir Niall Dementia

23rd May 2009, 15:09

Got airborne with the biggest hangover of my life. Schweizer 269, 97 hours on my personal clock and couldn't make out why my flying was so rough. Landed in the middle of the field to think things through. It took me five minutes of looking around the very basic cockpit to realise I had left the frictions on.

Never, ever flown in that state since (12 500 hours now) Never touched tequila since either.

VeeAny

23rd May 2009, 19:55

Got married twice.

Got divorced twice too, I do learn it just takes a while.

Hughes500

23rd May 2009, 21:14

Converting from a Gazelle to an R22A and wondering if I could or should be flying

SASless

24th May 2009, 01:25

Started my second tour in Vietnam on 1 April 70.....should have known better!

I should have known better than to kick off something as serious at that on that particular day of the Year!:ugh:

Gomer Pylot

24th May 2009, 01:46

The stupidest thing I've done as a pilot? Become a pilot.

maeroda

24th May 2009, 11:21

Summer 2002, night T/O for a 160Nm trip from an airport on a little island in the deep south mediterranean sea (for those middle aged remember Loran C station in Lampedusa?) towards Palermo hospital.
I was junior F/O with less than 1000 hours and my captain was a newly hired retired navy istructor pilot who had quit flying ten years before and recently resumed his licence to get some living.
He cranked the good 412SP, we checklisted everything, he pulled pitch and got into the runway ready for departure while I stood head down on the cockpit setting nav and gps.
Suddenly I felt a strange vibrations under my backpants and shortly resumed my vision towards the gauges--------what the f..k!
We where pitch down attitude, 40kts, 50ft on the rwy, zero climb or dive, the helicopter rock shaking without any intention to get airborne.
Than I turned at him: he had crossed arms on chest, feet-off-the-pedals staring at the cockpit doing anything and waiting for something never coming up to him.
Autopilot was engaged with Vertical speed and Heading modes coupled at 40kts some feet off the concrete, flying towards the accident.

"What are you doing?"
"Waiting for the autopilot to bring the ship off the ground!"
"Pull pitch!!"
"I say pull pitch!!"
"PULL PITCH NOW!"
No answer or movement coming from him.

As I grabbed the lever and pulled the heavily loaded 412 crawled up in the night.

For allmost all the flight he didn't say a word and I performed all till we got to Palermo Hospital and unloaded pax and refuelled.
I asked him about the argument just before strapping in for the flight back.
"Sorry for that, boy; I don't know how this autopilot works, nobody told me ever about this!" his gloomy words.
He was a good man, maybe once in the navy was a good pilot but now he was experiencing how difficult it was his return to flying operations in the unknown civil hems world after ten years behind a desk in the military.
Douring his +30 years pilot career in the Italian navy he had used 4-axis autohover autopilots on B212 gaining good skills in antisubmarine operations, being also istructor in all that stuff.
Now we where using a 3-axis on our hems 412 and minimum speed for his operations was 60kts and 500feet after crosscheck calls between pilot flying and pilot not flying.
He told me anything wasn't in the right place for him and he left the company some months later.

My stupid thing?
Trust an unknown colleague without going through any assesment about his flight ability or human behavior relying only on his huge military background experience just because he has huge military experience.
My second stupid thing?
Feel too confident about night operations as to leave my head behind the ship.

Cheers

Maeroda

B Sousa

24th May 2009, 13:36

Actually I think it would be answering that question so the world can see it here. So I wont.

NickLappos

24th May 2009, 15:17

Volunteered for combat duty in Vietman?

Longdog

25th May 2009, 00:28

One of the stupidest things I did, strapping on a FH 1100 for about 500 hours over two summers, chasing forest fires in central Canada!
Young, dumb, and full of ***

Non-PC Plod

26th May 2009, 07:03

Eating a Ginsters pie 15 minutes before getting airborne. Not sure what the MCC procedure ought to be to get your copilot to land immediately or suffer incoming projectiles from the left hand seat!

DennisK

26th May 2009, 08:11

I can't believe I'm telling this.

Enstrom 28a. 1973. My TT around 75 hours. Location heli apron at Shoreham Airport in the UK. Trusty old Lycoming fired up and burbling away at idle.

Take-off checks complete and I call ATC for lift-off clearance.

Sardonic reply. "Suggest you engage rotors first!" Sadly true.

DennisK

212man

26th May 2009, 08:53

Cleared to take off in a fixed wing trainer, I accelerated onto the runway from the holding point - in a 'punchy student' kind of way - and reached up to close my helmet visor.

Sadly, I had left the velvet cover over it (RAF MK3 Helmet), and as the visor had locked down it wasn't that easy to retract it with one hand. There were a decidedly unhappy few moments as I tried to regain vision by removing the cover :\

Darren999

26th May 2009, 12:56

212- That made me chuckle. Was visualizing that!!

There's a few things that I could mention, however, the humiliation would kill me.

However, remember my student days putting on my headphones, calling the tower, then wondering why ther're not hearing me! Radio was on, squelch set ok, right freq, speaking loudly into headphones, nope there working, what the hell!!
Shut down, then realised I had plugged headset into the wrong jacks, it was in one of the passenger jacks! :{
Problem corrected, pleasant flight had.... :O

Hedge36

26th May 2009, 15:36

On an especially hot day in Northern California, I put down 2 liters of bottled water before climbing into a C172 for a trip to visit a friend of mine about 300 miles away. Now, this 172 had a bit of a rigging issue which was known around the club - one needed a goodly amount of left pedal at all times to keep the old girl from trying to swap ends in flight, which was a bit tiresome over the long haul but certainly manageable.

Manageable, that is, until the water ran through my system and demanded release. So here I am at 4,000 feet with a half-liter narrow-neck water bottle in one hand, the yoke in the other, and I can't remove my left foot from the rudder pedal. As if this wasn't bad enough, my long legs demanded that I reach down to trip the seat release to gain enough room for the gymnastics required to put Tab A into Slot B, as it were.

The 172 seats, as you may know, slide waaaaaay back into the passenger compartment, on short notice, which makes keeping a foot on the rudder pedals sort of impossible.

The resultant near-roll and mess in the cockpit taught me a very valuable lesson about making a trip to the head before departure. I shudder to think what the accident investigation board would have found after picking through the wreckage...

Checkboard

26th May 2009, 15:55

No helicopter time, but my fixed wing stories are here:

https://www.pprune.org/jet-blast/360003-few-flying-stories.html

Retro Coupe

26th May 2009, 21:16

Carrying on when I should have turned back.

Paddyviking

26th May 2009, 21:25

I began my training in November as a SPL(H) and by Christmas had progressed to hovering lessons
While nursing a mild hangover during the holiday period Christmas/NewYear
as one does, I received a phone call one morning from my instructor
informing me that he was at the airfield all by himself and would I like to come out and join him for a lesson -- why not I thought and I said I'd be there in an hour.
Moving swiftly along we got airborn and as you all know how easy it is to hover in the begining :rolleyes:
After 20-30 mins or so of sweating (alcohol) and wondering why I was performing like my first ever hovering lesson and struggling so much with the controls and decided that this aint working
Instructor agreed and we said we would call it a day, so hovered back to the helipad (badly) and set it down.
Once we were on the ground I quickly descovered the problem -
Frictions still on
Neither I nor the instructor for that matter had released the frictions before lifting off, the whole lesson was conducted with frictions on
Biggest lesson I learned that day was never ever attempt to go flying with alcohol in your system := a lesson I still standby today
Even now as an Instructor I have turned away students who turn up for lessons with the smell of drink on them with a warning that I lessons would end permanently if it happened again
Only happened a few times but there were no re-offenders

Sir Niall Dementia I know exactly how you felt

Pv

seang

27th May 2009, 00:34

On the morning of my skills test I turned up to be told we would be flying G-whatever, a white R22, and to go and do a pre-flight check. Chief pilot said it needed fuel and to phone fuel man to fill it up. Strolled out to nearest white R22 and did full check. Just as I finished I noticed the fuel man arrive in his truck to fill up another white R22, G-something else, on next but one helipad. Out of the corner of my eye I spotted my examiner walzing over to G-something else just as I was closing the checklist and thinking I'd done a good check on G-whatever, the wrong bloody heli. Examiner looked over at me, shook his head and vanished back into the office. I followed him expecting him to cancel skills test on the grounds of my stupidity, but he just tutted and said: "Come and get me when you've checked the right helicopter, it's the white one with a fuel hose sticking out of it and the letters G-something else plastered all over the side of it."
Amazingly, he passed me.
That's the silliest thing I did as a pilot. The silliest thing I did as a person was deciding to become a pilot. What I could have done with all those thousands of pounds I have blown in the sad hope I would ever make a living out of being a pro heli pilot, God only knows.
Best wishes
Sean

thecontroller

27th May 2009, 01:23

Here's one from my early days. Not the most stupidest thing I've done, but mildly amusing.

Fresh PPL in hand, just about to take a friend up and show him what a great pilot I am. Starting up on the pad, doing the ATIS/radio gubbins. Tower come on and say "G-XXXX how do you read?". I have no idea what he's talking about (never heard that expression before on the radio). So I say "say again". He says again. I still have no idea what he's talking about. I had to ask him two further times before he said rather angrily "G-XXXX DO YOU READ ME LOUD AND CLEAR?", then the penny dropped. D'oh!

Needless to say my friend still reminds me about that to this day.

ramen noodles

27th May 2009, 04:30

I was due to take an instrument checkride on one of those bumpy Alabama afternoons where the CB's pop and there are lots of thermals to keep your cross check from slowing down.

In spite of the turbulence, I flew one of those rare days where all the gauges seem to be glued in place. Every maneuver was letter perfect. I was on a roll, there was nothing I could do wrong.

We hovered back to the spot, and the SIP started filling out the slip. "You always seem prepared, candidate," he said. "I think you are ahead of the aircraft at every turn," he continued as he turned to glance at me with a surprised look on his face.

Then he said, "Its a shame you never fastened your seat or shoulder belts!"

vaqueroaero

27th May 2009, 20:22

In no particular order:
1) Teach night unaided touchdown autorotations.
2) Allowed my ex-boss to take us IMC in 206B.
3) Got in a hurry when refueling, cranked up, took off, flew across the airport, entered the traffic pattern, landed, did another traffic pattern and then wondered who the gas cap belonged to that was sitting on the helipad.

Probably a whole bunch of other stuff, but can't remember them right now. (thankfully)

nigelh

27th May 2009, 21:02

1) Bell 47 in Egypt , fuel van is driving along with window open ...i fly down side of road , stick end of boom through window and give him a squirt , he brakes , boom hits front of window , helicopter nearly v damaged ...
2) Bell 206 Pulling more and more pitch and helicopter just wallows around light on skids .....still at ground idle :rolleyes:
3) 1 1/2 hr flight at night near galveston with no cockpit lights but luckily 2 smokers on board with lighters :ok:
4) Use skids to break ice on lake to let the duck in ....like whiteout but different ....
lastly hungover ,cyclic between knees ,coffee in one hand and fag in other (no not as in gay ) bird hits windshield ...luckily i think the spilt coffee put out the cigarette between my legs ..... come on , weve ALL done it !!!

SASless

28th May 2009, 03:05

Pre-solo checkride at a small flight school in Texas.....about 600 helicopters in orange and white paint schemes.....preflighted....including checking the logbook...got strapped in to crank it up while Instructor Pilot finished his coffee and ciggy. Before hitting the start button....had nagging second thoughts....wanted to make sure the blade tie down was off....unstrapped and got out and walked to the rear of the aircraft.

Then I noticed the entire tail rotor and hub was not attached as it had been removed for maintenance.

Nope....not nervous...not me!

Thank goodness the IP wanted a second ciggy before coming out to fly or I would have really embarrassed!

BlenderPilot

28th May 2009, 03:31

How about demostrating autorotations (R22) to a girl, me having less than 20 helicopter hours? Does that count?

Fareastdriver

28th May 2009, 10:25

Early sixties. The Valiant Bomber had been withdrawn from service because of the wing spars. Lots of gash bomber pilots suddenly found themselves at Tern Hill on a rotary wing course as the Air Force were short of helicopters pilots.

The basic trainer was the Bristol Sycamore. Wooden blades, supercharged radial engine, no hydraulics and manual trims for the limited authority controls. Difficult to fly and underpowered so it was the ideal helicopter trainer. After 20 or so hours mastering the difference between minus 15 to 120knots as opposed to 120 to Mach 0.9 came the night flying stage. This was fairly short and simple as the Sycamore was considered too dangerous to fly at night outside the airfield circuit. Even then you had two Schermuly flares attached to the side so that you could illuminate your crash site when you had another engine failure.

Off I went with my instructor for the 45 minutes dual. It wasn’t too bad as with the wind direction the approach was over the highly lit up prison a couple of miles from the airfield. After landing we shut down, briefed and I was detailed for 45 minute solo circuits in a different aircraft. The instructor then went home.

I had not started one at night before as the previous trip was a running change. Lots of fumbling about in the dim red and UV lighting but eventually I had it burbling away. It was apparent before I took off the weather and visibility were a lot worse than before. Once I got into the circuit it really got bad. I could hardly see the lights on the ground and if it hadn’t been for the prison lights I would not have been able to line up.

I did one full circuit, was baulked and had to overshoot on the following two. I was now totally choked off and was as the point of firing off both Schermulies, landing it in the middle of the airfield and walking away from this helicopter flying permanently. However, being a craven coward I persevered and stumbled through my 45 minutes.

After landing it on a parking spot the next solo student came out to take over my aircraft. For those that don’t know the procedure on the Sycamore the relief pilot held the cyclic steady whilst the in situ pilot slid his backside over the substantial quantities of switches, trim wheels and the odd collective lever into the left hand seat. Once this was done he would steady the left hand cyclic whilst the new pilot strapped in. Murmuring that the aircraft was OK but the weather wasn’t I got out of the left hand door. The first thing I did was to take off my helmet.

As I did so there was a thump on my nose. I lifted up my deep purple high altitude V Force visor and I could see for bloody miles.

firebird_uk

28th May 2009, 10:31

The most stupid thing I've done / do as a pilot? It would have to be assuming the intelligence of others.

For Example: Was told my pax were waiting in the customer lounge. Introduced myself and said "Hi, you must be Shane" to the passenger. Loaded up him and his party. Just about to lift when I notice someone from the ops team waving wildly at me. Turns out they're not my pax.

Said to the guy "I thought your name was Shane", he says "No, I'm Kieth"!

Mistakes: 1. Believing the first person who told me they were my pax. 2. Believing the customer would question me if I addressed him repeatedly with the wrong name.

vaqueroaero

28th May 2009, 11:16

How about demostrating autorotations (R22) to a girl with less than 20 helicopter hours? Does that count?

Blender, if she is of the quality of some of the ladies in your pictures, then no, I'm afraid it doesn't count!

darrenphughes

28th May 2009, 13:34

1. During my student days, on one of my solo x-countrys I lifted off in the R22 with the POH sitting on top of the main fuel tank having left it with the pre-flight checklist page open while pre-flighting the main rotor. When I got back that night it was lying close to the pickup spot and was missing a few pages due to the rotor downwash ripping them out(who'd have thought the R22 downwash was strong enough to rip paper!!). Now I do one last walk around the aircraft before each flight, checking that cowl doors and fuel caps are secure and that there are no manuals where they shouldn't be.

2. 1.5 hour flight from Sacramento back to Fresno departing a half hour before sunset. It was the darkest night I have ever seen. That was until I was descending past the Fresno tower turning final for my spot I realized I still had my sunglasses on!!!:D It was actually quite a nice night.:O

rotorrookie

28th May 2009, 16:19

Going on that introduction flight with Aesir about ten years ago :ok:

coorong

28th May 2009, 16:40

Mid-Atlantic at night: returned to ship after 4 hours ASW pinging. Luvly approach to empty deck. Deck crew came running out as I moved across deck and landed on . Passed smart-aleck comments to my crew on tardiness & pissup in brewery type behaviour. As we waited for them to lash us down, then noticed I had landed on the sister ship to the one I was supposed to land on.
Immediately lifted and skedaddled to correct ship with tail between legs................................................:ooh:

the delaminator

28th May 2009, 16:46

It was years ago. I was young!!! And stupid!!! Always a bad combo.

I was on the Hughes 500d on a logging show in Canada. If you decide to leave the controls with the engine at ground idle, which we did as routine in those days you have to secure the pedals. The usual way is to flip one 180 degrees so that it acts as a stop. (the pedals are spring loaded to be neutral at 100%rpm and so will set full right pedal at ground idle.)

I got the bright idea of making a u bolt into a control lock to save time. I put lots of florescent tape on it to ensure i would not forget to remove it before flight.

apparently not enough tape.

Took off into the hover, start to rotate slowly to the right, look down at pedals...................Oh cr@p!!.

A very skillful (read lucky) landing in a confined area with no pedal control followed with no harm done.

I'd rather be lucky than good.

technoprat

28th May 2009, 23:51

The Wessex (S-58) engines are normally started with the rotorbrake on.
With both engines at idle, the brake is slowly released to a count of 1-2-3.

I was an engineer on an external intercom longlead when, the SAR pilot on a solo training flight proceeded the release the brake as quickly as possible.

The dear old Wessex (being a bit top heavy) proceeded to oscillate wildly, leaping from one main u/c wheel to the other, threatening to roll over.

I ran like hell, nearly strangling myself with the longlead in the process.

The a/c finally settled down as the rotor rpm cranked up & stabalised.
I returned & plugged into the intercom.
"WTF ?" I asked.
"I always wondered why they told you to release the rotorbrake slowly" he replied.

topendtorque

30th May 2009, 12:52

How about demostrating autorotations (R22) to a girl, me having less than 20 helicopter hours? Does that count?

This, I can believe, girls in your part of the planet being extra special good lookin' sheilas.

reminds me of a mate of mine - an I'll just post on his behalf- who decided that he would demo to me an auto,.yes in an air log 269 B model, onto Huntington beach. I had just 2 hours in one of those buckets at that time.
I also had just enough hours (3300 in '47's) to be terrified, he had just enough (35, he was only converting from fast jets) to be supremely confident.
he pulled it off, despite the plethora of kites at about 750 feet with heavy cables attached, that were seen by yours truly as very hazardous descent traffic.

rotorrookie

30th May 2009, 14:20

How about demostrating autorotations (R22) to a girl, me having less than 20 helicopter hours? Does that count?

Un-f***king-believable..... What was she thinking :ugh: by putting you stressful situation like that :}
Women can be so cruel

Heli-Ice

10th Jun 2009, 21:52

In a S300C, customer and I strapped in, engine cranked up, about to engage rotors when I notice the blade tie down still around the tail. Still feel silly over that.

With only 120 hrs heli or so. On a night flight in the S300C, pressing towards an airfield after a long day of flying, didn't check fuel consumption well enough, got the fuel low light shining its amber rays at my scary looking face on final to the unlit airfield!

I knew that there was a powerline down there somewhere along my track, a potato field, few barbwire fences and a river so it was very exciting for a while to see where I was to end up...

Slowed down to 40kts, looking out for a good landing spot if engine decided to quit, and of course pressing my dear towards the runway. Landed a little later on the ramp by the fuel pump with very little fuel left in tanks and trying not to look worried. :\ Never again!

The most silly thing I did as a pilot... thinking it was a smart move to become a pro helicopter pilot.

nigelh

What happened to the mobile you were on and the sandwich you were eating at time of bird strike? :)

Davey Croppet

11th Jun 2009, 06:45

Eating a Bad Lunch then a ferry flight over water followed by lunch departing without clearance" Yes Sir sitting in crap for over an hour"

Croppet

Mountain Top Bankstown

Flyt3est

11th Jun 2009, 16:42

Used to know a guy in the Navy, who, to relieve the boredom of night time ASW operations used to play "CB Bingo" whilst dipping in a cable hover.. randomly pull CB to frighten ten bells out of rest of crew.. oh how we laughed!!

Bravo73

11th Feb 2015, 12:39

paco

11th Feb 2015, 12:51

Worked for Cabair.

Phil

Helilog56

11th Feb 2015, 13:01

Getting my licence....:}

Non-PC Plod

11th Feb 2015, 15:27

Putting my helmet visor down with the cover still on........you have control!

212man

11th Feb 2015, 15:39

Putting my helmet visor down with the cover still on........you have control!

Yes, did that about 30 years ago with a Mk 3 helmet with a velvet visor cover. I was asked by ATC to expedite a take off in a Bulldog (FW trainer) and made a 'punchy' departure from the holding point, with the throttle in my right hand and snapped the visor down with my left. It seemed to take an age to find the unlocking latch.......:eek:

Sam Rutherford

11th Feb 2015, 16:30

whoknows idont

11th Feb 2015, 16:37

back in the day during my first xc flight, in a hover prior departure from a small airport asking the controller for qnh in inch. immediately realized the stupidity of my question. he said he couldnt provide for that and asked (with a very audible giant smile) if my ac shouldnt be equipped with some kind of device helping me figure that one out. :\

diginagain

11th Feb 2015, 18:49

I don't know anyone else who has managed the 'triple'!
I've seen the double done a couple of times, usually by a recent-graduate of Sandhurst, but a two-man triple takes some doing.

Bellrider

11th Feb 2015, 19:09

Pipeline check low level! A Good friend of mine was Pic, i was the observer!
My Pic wanted to turn the heater on, the wheel is located under the seat. After this action he was shocked, and tould me that the hydraulic isn't working any more! WE planed a emergency landing, during approch, i had the solution for the prob! He didn't turned the heater on, he fixed the friction of the stick.......

MightyGem

11th Feb 2015, 19:31

The Westland Scout had the heater control next to a smiler looking fuel cock. On more than one occasion it's gone horribly quiet after the heater has been adjusted.

ShyTorque

11th Feb 2015, 21:03

Not really my fault (excuses, excuses) as the co-pilot, but with the Ac Comd we managed to:

Sign out one machine
Fly another
Sign back in a third

The techs went ballistic trying to clean up the paperwork (quite apart from the fact that we'd just done an airtest on a perfectly serviceable Gazelle - it passed...).
I don't know anyone else who has managed the 'triple'!
Safe flights, Sam.

An ex-RAF colleague of mine signed for his helicopter and set off on task for the day. He came back after about ten minutes, unloaded all his personal kit and went into the line office all in a huff. He put the aircraft u/s, complaining to the engineers for not doing their job properly. The line chief apologised and allocated him another aircraft. He signed the new F700, took it with him, climbed back into the same aircraft and flew off - this time he didn't notice it was broken and he had to be recalled on the ATC net!

Democritus

12th Feb 2015, 10:31

I did many stupid things over the course of 40 years flying helicopters but the nearest to a self-induced accident was back around 1977 in a Bolkow 105. Enroute from the south to Prestwick for a load lifting job I took the opportunity to give another pilot with low hours on type some I/F training as his initial IR test with the CAA was due soon. We had the approved screen fitted which consisted of a bar across the cockpit, held in place at each side of the cockpit with pip pins and the attached screen was then rotated down in front of the PU/T.

We were in and out of cloud but the weather deteriorated around Carlisle and we began to pick up ice so I called it a day on the I/F and we descended to 1500ft and proceeded VFR. The PU/T asked if we could remove the I/F screens so we both removed a pip pin but the screens would not come clear of the brackets. We both gave an almighty tug, the screen assembly came loose and with the inertia it hit both speed selects in the cockpit roof and snapped them back to idle.

So… two pilots both with their hands in the air holding a fairly hefty bit of kit and both engines at idle. To say there was pandemonium in the cockpit would be an understatement. Utter, utter, stupidity!