View Full Version : SWO Wind ups
hmmmm
17th Apr 2009, 22:38
Time for a laugh. Lets have a thread about your friendly SWO.
I was nominated for a SWO's working party (late for work after a night out) and told to report to the Guard Room 0800 next day for SWO's detail, dress Denims. I turned up in wranglers and Levi jacket, SWO went off on one and instead of one day I did a week washing pans in the airmen's mess.
Any other funny stories out there?
NutLoose
17th Apr 2009, 23:10
SWO at Odius had an assistant, many moons ago, SAC Br***es? who had a really broad Yorkshire accent but was not renowned for being that bright, He always Started Tannoy Messages in his Broad Yorkshire accent with "Standby for Broadcast, Guardroom Tannoy!" at which we rushed to phone the Guardroom as the phone was next to the Tannoy and in all the years I was there he never had the sense to lift it off the hook....... He would bumble on flustered with the phone ringing all the way through his messages. :}:}
Swo was a nice Gent though, arrived fresh faced as an LAC, knocked on the hatch to be met by an old Gent who asked me if I knew anything about Tomatoes.... That was the SWO! We then later got Jack Holt, a man with little humour and even less stature.
spanners123
17th Apr 2009, 23:39
Levi's and Wrangler's together, never. Anyway, oldest are the goldest!
A2QFI
18th Apr 2009, 08:47
Jack Holt was College Warrant Officer at Cranwell, known as Bogbrush because of his moustache. One day we were doing some not very marvellous arms drill and he berated us for not striking our rifles hard enough and thus not making enough noise. "Pathetic, gentlemen! I could make more noise rattling my g**lies in a jamjar". Voice from somewhere in the ranks - "You couldn't get your g**lies in a jamjar!"
ShyTorque
18th Apr 2009, 09:06
He was also the SWO at Linton on Ouse in the late 1970s. no doubt he was good for the station commander's peace of mind but he wasn't a popular man amongst us trainee pilots.
I was in SHQ on the morning of my final departure, getting my blue card signed off. A young airman was signing in. The SWO came up behind him and noticed he was wearing a gold ear-ring. Jack bellowed like a bull at him! He was instantly marched off to the gents. When he re-appeared a couple of minutes later there was no sign of the ear-ring; the airman was almost in tears and by the look of the blood on his earlobe I don't think he took it out voluntarily.
He would probably have been done for assault these days.
collbar
18th Apr 2009, 09:09
Whilst an Apprentice at Halton a drill instructor placed his pace stick on the shoulder of a dishevelled airman and pronounced
" There is a peice of **** on the end of this stick"
well within the 6 second rule the snappy answer was
" It's not on this end!":8
Laarbruch72
18th Apr 2009, 09:35
" There is a peice of **** on the end of this stick"
If you do a search on ARRSe and you'll find dozens of soldiers that claim that was them on the end of that stick, and the "SWO at Halton" becomes an RSM at Aldershot, Singapore, Hong Kong, Sennelager etc. It's an amusing idea, but I doubt it's ever actually happened.
taxydual
18th Apr 2009, 09:41
Finningley mid '70's.
80 or so airmen returning to work, up the main drag, after lunch.
1 poor chap not wearing headdress.
SWO, WO Walker, appears on the Guardroom frontage and bellows "You, Airman, stand still".
80 airmen freeze.
"WHERE IS YOUR HEADRESS?"
79 airmen breathe a sigh of relief.
The 80th airmen, bleats a reply to the SWO. "Sir, I have a chit from the MO not to wear a beret".
"WELL WEAR THE F'ING CHIT THEN" echoes down the main drag.
79 airmen fall down in hysterics.
spheroid
18th Apr 2009, 10:31
SWO....???? Squadron Warfare Officer.?????
Rigger1
18th Apr 2009, 10:39
Outside Brize’s airman’s mess, SWO shouts at a group of SAC’s, one of whom is bereft of headdress “Airman where’s your beret” only to be met very swiftly with the response “in my pocket, sir”, Result - one SWO 40,000ft and climbing with a rant of such ferocity it could have been heard in Oxford.
ThreadBaron
18th Apr 2009, 10:40
SWO....???? Squadron Warfare Officer.?????
You came in the wrong door, sir. Down the corridor, in the door marked 'JB' is where you should be.
SirToppamHat
18th Apr 2009, 10:59
SWO = Station Warrant Officer.
A bit like an RSM, (unfortunately) not quite as loud but (fortunately) without the fettish for having everything on the station painted white several times each week.
On appointment, SWOs are issued with 2 things:
1. A stick of some sort that they wander round the station with (purpose unknown).
2. An airman of some type (purpose unknown). Often known as the 'SWO's Bitch.
STH
spheroid
18th Apr 2009, 11:30
Ah, you mean the Jossman....... Thanks STH
Gainesy
18th Apr 2009, 12:45
Wittering 70s
SWO :"YOU AIRMAN!!"
Airman :"YOU SWO!!" (runs off round corner of block, giggling).
Snoop:"Me Flight Sergeant, gotcha."
NutLoose
18th Apr 2009, 13:44
SWO at Gutersloh to me......
Airman! Station Standing orders state Combat Jackets are to only be worn on Exercise and Detachments.....
Me to SWO....
I am on Exercise and Detachment..........
SWO....................
Errr, Then get your Haircut and report to me at my office by 3PM
Me to SWO looking over his shoulder at our Puma ready to depart back to Blighty...
Yes Sir!!
Wonder if he is still waiting?
BEagle
18th Apr 2009, 18:20
Fine fellows in the main, SWOs.
Apart from the martinet who once served at a certain Covert Oxonian Aerodrome at the behest of the unlamented Stn Cdr of the day, 'Thrombo' (the wandering clot). What had worked at Colchester wasn't quite what was needed at a busy STC base...
First piece of advice given to JOs after graduating from RAFC "FFF's sake learn the name of the SWO on your station!"
SWOs can spot a scruffy, slouching airman at 500 yards - and reduce a wet-behind-the-ears JO to mumbling incoherence within a few carefully chosen words of 'fatherly' advice.
Long may they reign!
Pontius Navigator
18th Apr 2009, 19:03
- and reduce a wet-behind-the-ears JO to mumbling incoherence within a few carefully chosen words of 'fatherly' advice.
"You Sir! yes You Sir, I'm saluting you Sir."
Station Warrant Officers, on reaching said heights they must receive a book of "one liners" as well as the pace stick to use on certain occasions.
I was on a Freedom of a lovely Ulster city parade not so long back, and the usual "Ulster Climate" started Peeing down, Said SWO in full boot and suit regalia confirms to all insundry not to worry as "Your Uniform may not be waterproof, but Your skin is" Fantastic news to the "Wet Dog" smelling selected personell!!, anyway the do afterwards was great. :D
BEagle said: .. and reduce a wet-behind-the-ears JO to mumbling incoherence within a few carefully chosen words of 'fatherly' advice.
At Hullavington, we had a young Flight Commander who ran everywhere, even to the NAAFI which was 100 yards from the Sqn. Sqn WO took him to one side, pursed his fingertips, sucked through his teeth and said 'Look, can you stop running everywhere sir. The men don't like it, you see - it makes them.. nervous'.
The SWO here still has nice orange foot prints taped to his carpet in his office for us all to stand on!! for that nice one way chat
J.A.F.O.
18th Apr 2009, 22:03
A mate of mine was taking a shortcut across the grass to the mess when the SWO caught up with him.
"Sergeant, do you not know that no-one is allowed to walk on the grass on this station?"
"Don't worry, sir; no-one's seen us." Was the reply that he somehow got away with.
Same SWO on a church parade spots a JO wearing his hat as he enters the church and bellows, "Mr X, get your f@ck!ng hat off in the house of the Lord, sir."