Pontious
26th Nov 2008, 11:11
I just wanted to express my gratitude to the various aircrews, namely 'Eagle 1 & 2' for escorting us into MPN on monday, The RN Lynx crew who were doing positively unbelieveable things in the airfield overhead while our crew were disembarking the B767, & finally, the pair of scrambling VC-10's on both monday & tuesday brought a tear to my eye with their aroma of burnt kerosene & smokey plumes, about which the youngest member of my crew exclaimed,
"Those two look like something off 'Thunderbirds'!"
I know it's just 'another day in MPN' for you guys & girls but our crews enjoy every minute of our time there.
THANK YOU
Pontious.
:ok:
Gainesy
26th Nov 2008, 11:42
RN Lynx crew who were doing positively unbelieveable things in the airfield overhead
Well, if you're away from home for a long time...:)
6foottanker
26th Nov 2008, 19:42
I'd say our scrambling pair of thunderbirds deserves a pair of your finest stewardesses delivered in lingerie to the Big Brother House next time you're down. Then maybe we can enjoy ourselves for a change.:ok:
GOLF_BRAVO_ZULU
27th Nov 2008, 18:56
Pontious. I suspect that it may be your first visit down South. I don't know how long you're down for but this may be useful for your return home:
From:
Headquarters
Falkland Islands Psychiatry Unit
MPA, BFPO 655
Dear
REHABILITATION OF PERSONNEL RETURNING FROM THE FALKLAND ISLANDS
Introduction
It is a great pleasure to advise you that your husband/partner is close to completing his tour in the Falkland Islands and will shortly be returning home. We would like to inform you of the most recent psychiatric reports concerning Service and Civilian personnel, who will have changed in many ways, as a result of their experience in the South Atlantic Theatre of Operations.
You must understand that he has undergone a very harrowing experience for the last 6 months and will have lost 50% of his sanity level (assuming there was sanity on arrival). As you will no doubt find his behaviour to be a little odd, we have compiled some notes to assist you in the rehabilitation of your loved one during the difficult first few weeks.
Arrival
On first meeting him you will be well advised to gain his confidence. Offer something that you know he has a fondness for. It is stressed that on no account should he be offered a beverage in any kind of bottle or metal container. If upon arrival at the front door he appears to be looking for a bucket of water to clean his muddy boots, advise that the footwear is clean and can be kept on when proceeding indoors. If you normally have soft toy animals about the house, it may be advisable to hide them (particularly penguins).
Out And About
When out for a walk you may find that he walks with his head down and only in vehicle tracks. Provide assurance that the mines have all been cleared and that the area has been declared safe by the Royal Engineers EOD Team. Before the walk help to pack bags with spare clothing, sleeping bag and waterproofs, but explain that there is now no mandatory requirement to carry these items.
If you go to the beach in summer, it may be some time before he is comfortable without his bag of warm and waterproof clothes and his factor 55 sun cream. If you notice him pushing thin wires at shallow angles in to the sand, under no circumstances make any loud noises or sudden movement. Lead him gently away and talk to him calmly about how few mines there actually are in places like Weston Super Mare. Under no circumstances should you take him to Minehead.
Should you notice that he drives everywhere in second gear, puts hazard warning lights on to reverse into parking slots and slows down to drive around manholes, it is because he does not realise that the vehicle has reversing lights, 3rd , 4th and 5th gears, and thinks that they are potholes. Be patient and share his delight at driving in excess of 40 miles per hour. Constantly reassure him that it is safe to touch the brakes. He may show constant concern that the engine has stopped if there is no evidence of loud metallic noises or clouds of smoke. Don’t worry if he is a passenger in a hatchback or estate and attempts to climb into the back and sit sideways, this is due to months of travelling in Landrovers and 4 tonne trucks. Be patient with him at petrol stations: explain calmly but firmly that he doesn’t need a key; and if he had one there’s no where to put it.
You may find that just before going for a walk he will raid the pantry and place vast quantities of food in a box that has been labelled "Bimble." Assure your partner that you are prepared to make him a meal when he returns even if he is two minutes late. On no account should you try to take away his "Bimble Box," as this could bring about a violent reaction.
When in public drinking and eating places, discourage him from haranguing other patrons who he may have noticed wearing "trainers".
He may seem frightened, surprised or overjoyed to see the following objects. Please calm him down and explain what they are:
Double Decker Bus - Train - Tarmac Roads - Trees - Fresh Milk - Traffic Lights - Night-clubs - Roundabouts - Dogs - Live TV - Shops - Chinese/Indian Takeaway - McDonalds.
Domestic Habits
In the morning he may stand patiently at the bottom of the drive muttering things like "The duty driver is late as usual," or "I suppose the Landrover is knackered again." You should explain that the car in the garage is for personal use. He may faint but should quickly recover.
During the day he will persistently ask when the Tristar is due and how much mail is on it. To pacify him say that it has not been cancelled and there is 400lbs of mail on it. He will thus leave you in peace thinking that a letter is on the way.
Explain that it is normal to place dirty clothes in the laundry basket; and that it is not a good idea to place them in a carrier bag outside the front door.
If he paces up and down the kitchen in the morning, whistling and muttering, he is probably waiting for someone to fry him an egg.
It will be well worth the time and patience to re educate him on the use of the pop up toaster. It will take time to forget the belt fed incinerator he has been used to.
The Media
Television may seem a bit strange at first. You may find him playing with the video recorder muttering phrases like, "What videos have we got?" or "Anything I haven’t seen yet?" Do not worry, he will soon discover that programmes are transmitted on 5 channels. Try to avoid wildlife programmes, Home and Away or any documentary on the Falkland Islands.
Expect confusion at reading newspapers and Teletext reports that are not at least 3 days old. Make him persist as up to date information will speed up the return to normality. Do not be alarmed if after watching the 6 o’clock evening news he shouts, "Just time for one more at the bar." This is due to the fact that for the last 6 months the news has been broadcast at 10 o’clock.
After Effects
Keep him out of the way when the postman arrives, there may be an uncontrollable urge to embrace him. When he gets upset because there is no mail, explain that this is the place where the mail came from. If any of the following things occur do not call for the psychiatrist but remember where he has been for the past six months:
- Rings the Post Office to see if there is any mail.
Throws a fit if there isn’t.
Peels all the oranges to find one that is not bad in the middle, then cheers loudly.
Goes bananas at the sight of a green/yellow banana and tries to hide it up his jumper.
Goes to the local Police Station to ask for a minefield map.
Tries hitching a lift from any passing Landrover or Helicopter.
Shouts, "Shed on," at 5 o’clock on a Friday.
Looks at aircraft and talks about "Gozzomie Birds."
Listens to evening news for local airline passenger lists.
When in the supermarket, will stop everything and shout "quiet!" on hearing a staff announcement.
Telephones the local radio station asking them to repeat something he may have missed.
Abuses bar staff when charged more than 50p for a large "spicey and coke".
On Tuesdays and Fridays he may show an obsessive interest in things called "TAFs" and "Black-top States" . When in doubt just say, with confidence, that it’s "good".
Conversation
The following Falkland Islands Forces Vocabulary will help you converse with your loved one during the early stages of rehabilitation:
Pit - (Bed); Chuff Chart - (Calendar where dates are knocked off); Benny - (Local with woolly hat); Still-- (see Benny); Bimble - (A stroll); Bimble Box - (Packed lunch); Tab - (a brisk stroll); Bluey - (Letter with nice words on it); Fat Albert - (Hercules); Gozzomie - (Going home); ISO - (Large storage container); Compo - (Anything in a tin); Fresh - (Not in a tin); R&R - (4/6 days rest from your work mates); Slab - (Carton of 24 beer tins); Timmy - (Passenger carrying Tristar); Tommy - (Freight carrying Tristar); Tammy - (Freight/Passenger carrying Tristar); Asi - (A warm place with palm trees); Happy Hour - (Bar 1700 to 1800 where drinks prices don’t change but they give you food you don’t need); Gro-bag - (Any aircrew in working uniform); "Q" - (any vehicle parked illegally); Hangar Queen - (1312 Flt’s tanker; and most Timmys); Black-top State - (A guide to the likelihood of a Timmy arriving or departing); TAF - (The forecast weather. See Black-top State); JOC - (Pronounced Jay Oh See. Prefix to any barely intelligible public announcement); Rations - (Food controlled by the Military); Victuals - (Food controlled by the Navy).
Conclusion
Finally remember that beneath his rugged exterior beats the heart of gold, which you should treasure to the best of your ability. You will be able to rehabilitate the shell that was once the man you knew. The answer, as with teaching a child, is plenty of patience and tender loving care. If things get out of hand, speak to his superior officer and request a treat of a further 6 month tour to the Falkland Islands. The shock of this should speed the recovery process considerably.
J T Strangelove
Surgeon Commander RN
OC FIPU
Pontious
28th Nov 2008, 00:53
GBZ
Absolutely brilliant but me thinks thou hast spent too much time in the Falkies!
:ok:
whowhenwhy
28th Nov 2008, 07:59
I remember posting one of those to the wife of a mate. Bless her, she also thought that gullible had been removed from the dictionary....:E I kid ye not.
Logistics Loader
5th Dec 2008, 19:46
I remember that from my very 1st tour in 1983...
Priceless !!
Does anyone still have a copy of the Brevity Codes ??
i remember
101 was Epic Effing Epic
134 Eff Off you red nosed See u next Tues
there was a great list of them...
great banter when on radios talking to i/b Chinook crews on underslung tasking...