You know you're in Latin America when........

[FlyingOW]

In keeping with similar threads in the African and Middle East forums, decided to start one for L.A. I'll get the ball rolling:

The runways/taxiways have potholes in them

90% of airport terminals don't have jetways

There is no radar coverage, cause the local terrorists blew them up

Weather observations are made by looking out the window

Basic Indoc/Ground school to line flying takes 12 months roughly

200 hr/19 yr olds get FO on big fleet cause of who their relatives are

Dubious ICAO level "6"ers cant handle basic RT on arrival to any english speaking destinations

You have to go and pump/pay for your own fuel when using alternates

Combined age of entire cabin crew is equal to that of a single FA at AA or UA etc

You are told to "colaborar" on your days off

When "exenciones" from local regs are standard

When 20 odd people report sick on xmas or new years etc

Saludos and "happy landings"

[Panama Jack]

You hear animal sounds on the frequency (Costa Rica).

You hear "piropos" on the frequency between male pilots and female controllers (or vice-versa).

Cabin crew greet the flight-deck crew in the morning at the hotel with a kiss on the cheek and a cheerful "¡Buenos días capi!"

Passengers checking-in in Miami to fly home show up with a steamer-trunk size bag as carry-on. Check-on baggage includes a washer and dryer, new stereo system, and two large boxes full of miscellaneous.

Famous local pilots have nicknames such as "el Loco", "el Gordo", or "el traga moscas", etc.

You think of the FAA as progressive, highly efficient, charitable and overall- a model to follow.

The Director of the local Aeronáutica Civil is in jail.

The guy who flies the Cessna 152 shows up at the airport wearing white pilot shirt, blue tie, blue pants, polished black shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, pilot hat and Epaulettes with 4-bars of gold or silver braid.

[alemaobaiano]

The guy who flies the Cessna 152 shows up at the airport wearing white pilot shirt, blue tie, blue pants, polished black shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, pilot hat and Epaulettes with 4-bars of gold or silver braid.

Cruel.....but so true :D

TTFN

[supermoix]

Ok, here's my shot:

When you hear/make a PAN or MAYDAY call on 121.5 and the controller says "Standby"

You know all your crewmembers by first name 99% of the time

When:
- ...You wish you earn more money than your neigbor thinks you earn.
- ...When your wife thinks you have 3 or 4 girlfriends within the airline, not just one.
- ...when you fought with management to have a single room for each crewmember for rest on layovers, but the crew ends up sleeping in just half of them.

When ATC descend you to 4,000ft AGL at the FAF for the ILS and they expect you to comply with the glideslope.

When clearance delivery spends three nanoseconds to transmit a long clearance (mexico) and expects you to read it back in two nanoseconds more.

lots of ICAO level 6 crewmembers (in the land of the blind, the one eyed is king).

When landing in a short short runway doesn't even raise you an eyebrow.

When going first time to a new short runway you ask "Has someone already been there in this type of aircraft"? is part of the briefing.

You can really fly a visual approach in any transport category airplane.

The girls in the back know without asking how do you like your coffee.

Whatever happens in the company christmas party is the only thing that carries a conversation all year long... until the next christmas party of course.

when you hear everybody chatting and saying hello and talking politics in the app/ctr frequency and the controller also participates. (Venezuela).

When you see the same airline operating side by side a 2008 A320 and a 1966 F-27

[chock2chock]

Thats funny:}

... I especially like the 'piropos' one....

[mlindb]

...when your boss thinks you should worship him -while making peanuts- for the experience you are gaining.

[FlyingOW]

Priceless gents, all sooooo true, cracked me up all morning! I particualrly liked the one about the Miami pax and their "carry-ons", what a beauty!

Other nicknames include "el loro", "el negro", "el chato", "el orejon", "el pelado" and "el cabezon"

A few more,

When you call "Sta. Maria, Sta Maria Radio, LAN Peru 706, on ......." and they say "who?/ aircraft calling?" And you have to call back saying LIMA PAPA ECHO 7 0 6.

When ICAO Level 6ers proudly (with chest puffed out) call Miami App "This is LPE511, B763ER, descending through FL xxxx to FL xxxx, with information xxx, xxx miles south of xxxxx" and MIA ATC responds "roger"

When the dispatcher says "Capi there is a little extra on board"

When the FE (back in the day) says " yupp, 35 feet screen height" on a 12,000 ft runway and you cross the FIR still in climb for FL 280

When your fuel burn is "close" to the zero degradation FPL numbers

When the local airport ramp is a "mock" mojave desert for seized/confiscated aircraft suspected in drugs trafficking

When crew members/ suitcases/ carry-ons get searched everytime you arrive in the US

When the motto is "lo que pasa en el tubo se queda en el tubo"

When allowing your FOs to address you on a first name basis is considered good CRM

When you are told "no me digas capitan.............dime comandante"

Keep' em coming.............

[mlindb]

...when the crew collects money for fuel in order to get the airplane back to the base.

...when salaries start to be delayed every month.

...when rumor has it that the company is going to be bought by some large group (nothing less than Lufthansa, Singapore Airlines or Emirates).

...when some routes are cancelled and some airplanes are returned to lessors.

...when the employees have to start loking for a new job.

[mlindb]

...when the company´s designated "safety officer" (a civil aviation requirement) is known to violate every rule and SOP.

[FlyingOW]

Ahh yes the beauty of LA ops:

When you are not allowed to use taxi-light in day ops (to save bulbs)

When you are towed an extra 20 cm after shutdown to hide bald spots

When you fly with 12 DMI (post it notes) and FAA inspector says "You got TWELVE?" as in disbelief upon ramp check

When they swap instrumentation around to lift a DMI

When they ask you to report it at next destination

When service bulletins aren't complied with cause they're too dam expensive

When planes go in for a C Check and dont come back to the fleet

When you have to put your name on "disposable" cup cause there aint enough for water, tea, coffee, etc during the whole flight

When you have to request clearance upon entering the aircraft for sequencing

When you are told to maintain max. speed UFN to then only be told to reduce to min. approach speed due to preceding or departing traffic:ugh:

When you get a resolution and ATC informs you of no known traffic in area

When you get food poisoning/rotavirus/ Hep A at the crew hotel while on layover

When your daily viaticos (per diems) don't cover lunch when in Europe on layover

When the chief FA decides if you get the UPG to business/first

When every flight back from EU or US has 3-5 "inadmitidos" due false visa/paperwork

[ClimbSequence]

When a porter becomes your marshaller to park the airplane

When you delay your takeoff till the donkeys/horses/dogs/etc cross the runway

When you have to land past half the runway to avoid interfiering with the "street football match" at the threshold

When you are told to do several 360 degree turns instead to have a holding pattern assigned

When the passengers arrive to the airport 5 minutes prior to the schedule time of departure

When the F/A comes to the cockpit and tells you they've got 50 meals and 100 pax on board

When HIL items last 3 to 4 months because the part have not arrived

When the tower "owes" you the wind and temp on the field because the instruments have broke down

When schedulling promises you not to call you again on your day off, but you are the only one available today

When you are about to taxi and you listen the dispatcher on the company
frequency asking if you can return to the ramp to pick up a late checked passenger

When an ATC controller request your intentions because your destination airport have suffered an electrical blackout

When you listen an AA, UA, DL, CO, BA, AF, KL etc... asking to say again please 3 or 4 times

When the jump seat have been sold

When an AM radios antenna is used in lieu of a OM or MM

When a NOTAM have been active for over 20 years

When you see some pilots going to the ramp because the restroom is too far away

:} :E :ok:

[mlindb]

...when you have to beg for the refueler to come to the airplane because you commited the biggest sin of all. Ask for fuel for an unscheduled flight at 02:00AM! Finally he shows, one hour later, his expression indicating rage and hate. It works the same for state or pivate owned companies.

[mlindb]

...when the state owned airline is "sold" without the buyer paying a single dollar.

[Panama Jack]

Your Company is short on personnel, but refuses to advertise on the Company website or internet

[mlindb]

...or they have an excess of personnel but still hire more. Later, it is found that one of the new entrants is one of the manager´s girlfriends.

[Economics101]

when LAN flights are the only ones on the arrival and departure screens showing "on time". (and no, I have no vested interest, but I definitely experienced it recently in EZE and AEP)

[mlindb]

...when engines parts are replaced with parts bought in a car shop. General aviation only (at least I would like to think so).

[pablo2973]

either that ,or doesn´t show up at all which is even worse.


-only the altimeter works.
-your navigation relays on road maps.
- the word "overweight" ,has been erased from your aeronautical knowledge and A/C limitations.
-airplanes ,fly with 5º of bank because of an old " incident ".

[joe grind]

Required to file a full std ICAO written flight plan to do a once-around-the-patch maintenance flight at an arpt that has maybe 10 movements a day(Colombia).

Instructed by atc to hold short for a 206 on 10 mile final.

[rcl7700]

- You are #2 for the approach in a jet while being 10 miles ahead and 200kts faster than a turboprop aircraft, on the same airway, that belongs to a better liked airline than yours.

- On a 2 hour flight you talk to 2 center frequencies

- You would be very happy to end up with a FA

rcl

[obgraham]

--when they can't start unloading the baggage until they stand down from the fire truck.

[PA38-Pilot]

When you are a big jet, and the ATC sends a small turboprop less than 3 miles ahead, and expect that you will maintain the separation...

[tbavprof]

When you are a big jet, and the ATC sends a small turboprop less than 3 miles ahead, and expect that you will maintain the separation...

It's the same for the little guys...I got turned onto a 3 mile final in a C152 with a B73 crossing the outer marker for the same runway. :\ Wound up having to ask for the parallel in Spanish, as the controller didn't see much of a conflict (at least in English).

Got a beer from the US 73 crew for that one.:ok:

[PositiveRate876]

When planes go in for a C Check and dont come back to the fleet

:D Good one!

[FlyingOW]

When you turn up at 9pm (as per invite) at friends house for a BBQ and find the host stilll out and then having to make small talk with their parents...........it took me some time to get used to turning up late on purpose!

When going on a date with a lovely lady includes an akward introduction to the entire family (parents, granny and gandpa, dog, cat etc) upon picking her up from her house.

When people don't move out of parents' place until they get married.

When the guy in the far left lane wants to turn right at the very last minute.

When the use of a hand out the window instead of using your indicators is the norm.

When a red light at night means nothing, might as well be green cause they are not stopping!

When the combis/minibuses are called "asesinas".

When a local native thinks the crew rest compartment is a loo!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek:

When Sundays are reserved for family instead of getting hammered at the local pub.

When on said day you go out for lunch and require a table for 20:ok:.

When you can have a live-in maid and a nanny, watch-man/porter and can hire a chauffeur to drive your car instead of taking a cab:D.

Saludos,

OW

[mustang06]

where a 200 hours wonder (also called "avionetero") is a copilot in Boeing737NG or Airbus 320, or where to be part of the team you must know somebody inside.......... (not to funny I know, but it's true)

[Panama Jack]

- When a 35-hour student pilot flying a Cessna 152 loses an engine, makes a text-book forced landing in a field without damaging the airplane. . . and quickly is surrounded by plenty of law enforcement people with heavy guns who assume it is a drug smuggling flight.

- When you go to your favorite little backcountry dirt stip . . . only to find out on short final that it has been "trenched" by the Federales.

[joe grind]

When your dgac flt ops inspector is a guy you fired for not only being a lousy pilot,but también muy perezoso.

[777RamAirTurbine]

Alright, my shot at this:
You know you’re flying in S. America when:

- Most of your approaches have a “committed to land” Altitude
- Your routes and airports have High Altitude engine out procedures
- There is a huge difference in “Radar Contact” and “under Radar surveillance”
- ATC asks you to confirm your Aircraft registration (for billing information)
- ATC requests you to reduce speed but increase your sink rate
- Center Control tells you to maintain maximum forward velocity during your descend but approach asks you to slow to final approach speed 26 miles out.
- Even Instructor Pilots waste 3800ft of runway floating just to land as smooth as possible so that the passengers clap.
- You’ve been to all these interesting places but were too tired to go to see the attractions.
- The FO helps out the Captains on their Check ride and still gets a nasty critique.
- The FO in a wide body aircraft looks so young, the FA’s call him “THE UM”!
All the best...:D

[None]

I hear Amazonica say "under radar surveillance" all the time. It sounds like you know what the difference is. Can you tell us?

I have always assumed they probably only have skin paints or some lower technology secondary radar capability. I do not count on radar surveillance being as good as radar contact.

[777RamAirTurbine]

Hi None
This is kinda out of the thread, but here is what the P/C Glosary of the AIM has to say:
RADAR CONTACT-
a. Used by ATC to inform an aircraft that it is identified on the radar display and radar flight following will be provided until radar identification is terminated. Radar service may also be provided within the limits of necessity and capability. When a pilot is informed of "radar contact," he/she automatically discontinues reporting over compulsory reporting points.
b. The term used to inform the controller that the aircraft is identified and approval is granted for the aircraft to enter the receiving controllers airspace.

RADAR SURVEILLANCE- The radar observation of a given geographical area for the purpose of performing some radar function.

Surveillance seems to be just observation and might not include separation by the use of Radar. Also I always understood that if you are in Rdr contact you might receive vectoring services for separation, but I am not sure about that.

From a personal experience I do not trust Amazonic Ctr either, going even so far to use NAT Wake Trb. Procedures as an excuse to fly 1NM to the left of Center line all the time ( a. I just don't trust them after the GOL accident and b. I don't trust some of the operating techniques of some of the 3rd world operators down there as they might have faulty Mode C systems on board)

Hope that helps a bit...

[Check 6]

777, I hope that you are flying 1 mile to the RIGHT of centerline and that this was a typo.

:)

[777RamAirTurbine]

Yeah... Typo... thanks for correcting... :ok:
As I am on a layover in Quito I can blame it on oxygen deprivation! :rolleyes: haha!

[dedeita]

When the Instructor Pilot tells you to avoid all the SOP´S because he will show you how to flight the airplane
When you see all English level 6 speakers have only ham and eggs for breakfast

[dedeita]

When you see two pilots that are brothers being called "The Torpedo Brothers" because one is the Torpe and the other one is the Pedo
When you see a Captain being called "el chavo del 24" because he is 3 times more stupid than "el chavo del 8"
When you see a Captain being called "NEPTUNO" because he is El terror del Atlantico

[Panama Jack]

10 Reasons Why Latinos Can't Be Terrorists

1) 8:00am is too early for us to be up.
2) We are always late, we would have missed all 4 flights.
3) Pretty people on the plane distract us.
4) We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.
5) With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.
6) We talk with our hands, therefore we would have to put our weapons down.
7) We would ALL want to fly the plane.
8) We would argue and start a fight in the plane.
9) We can't keep a secret, we would have told everyone a week before doing it.
10) We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

[italianjon]

my personal favorite... when your pilot works out where he is by "identifying" the NDB by listening to the local radio station being broadcast which is piggy backed on the NDB's frequency...

[aquamon]

When entry paperwork takes 5 hours before you get clearance...

When you are asked a billion times if you have insurance, and you do.

When DGCA finds out that your wife is also a pilot, both licenses are then photocopied. :confused::confused::confused::confused:

When you forgot to lower your gear and have come to a complete stop, ATC yells to abort landing!!! and you do, lol! after damaging your propellers. Yes, I saw it with my own eyes!

When you are ferrying a small piston full of corrosion with no interior and the carry-thru spar is visible with a whole bunch of missing rivets, inspector tells you that you are grounded for no interior, nothing about the corrosion is noticed.

When you see outboard motor fuel containers being taken out...

While at the security gate you are given the strict routine when another vehicle just speeds right thru and the security guard doesn't even lift his head up to look or even appear to hear it....

When your pilot had only 1 Hr. of sleep and reeks of alcohol!!!

When airport is fogged out you hear heavies all around flying very low trying to get a visual on runway.

When your Chief Pilot tells you to abort landing because he wants to take-off!

When you crash because of water contamination (fuel) around the same time your wife is messing around with JOE GRIND, lol.

My personal favorite, of course:
When the "No-Smoking" sign actually means "designated smoking area".

When you see a CUBANA airplane, DUH!

When Ben Franklin is your only friend that seems to get things done!

[Silvio Pettirossi]

When you can not leave your plane alone at some airports because your fuel is going to be stolen...

When you are expected to take 6 adults, full fuel, a tractor clutch disk, 50kg of food and 80kg of other stuff up in a C210 and you now you are going to have a hard time getting other flights if you dont do so...

When ATC asks you to land on a the paralell taxiway to allow an airliner to land on the main runway at the same time becouse they messed up the sequence.....

When you know allmost all other pilots on frequency personaly....

When some pilots of the local airline lie about their position to be nr one for landig (no radar)...

When you dont know if your transponder is working becouse you never use it since there is no single radar in the whole country....

[PIPE RIDER]

When you ask How's visibility on short final? and the pilot who just landed tells you just go a few feet below minimums and you will see something....

[b377]

When the SUN IS SHINING, the food is great and the women are gorgeous !

A great break from the suffocating ways visitors are trying to get away from.


So there you are, that's when you know !

[enrique757]

haha,
"The director of DGAC is in Jail" , you must be talking about my country's director, Honduras. He actually was not to be found for a while, till he gave himself up.

[MIke SieRRa]

Ha ha.. This whole thread is hilarious!!! :D
It honestly makes me want to fly there to experience everything first hand.
Just out of curiosity, why did the director end up in jail?

[crjtestpilot]

Panama Jack, your 10 reasons are owesome !!

Had a laugh and a half reading all comments... Few more for the hat :

- You know your are in L.A. when you can catch the "futbol" game resutls on any ATC frequency (with a short comment on who played the best)
- Or when you can listen to the game on ADF !
- When the "mate" starts rolling right after Seat Belts signs come OFF !!

Keep 'em coming !

[152HEAVY]

When you can sell some of your stuff(motorcycle...) to a controller on ground frequency.

When pilots report a "dead dog on the runway"

[Bri85]

:} LOL- keep them coming


:)

[BlenderPilot]

When you realize that the same flight that you just made across Mexico City via the girlfriends house, in any city in the US or Europe would land you 50,000 noise complaints and a sanction from the local authority.

[aquamon]

"haha, "The director of DGAC is in Jail" , you must be talking about my country's director, Honduras. He actually was not to be found for a while, till he gave himself up." Affirmative!

[FlyingOW]

When 1 airline has more than 80% share in the domestic market!

When there are no monopolies and mergers commissions!

When 2 competing "local" companies have a gentlemanly agreement to not steal anymore pilots off each other and thus control salaries, and T&Cs.

Where you upgrade foreign FOs instead of the current FOs because its simply cheaper!

When yo do finally upgrade, they send you on an a no-frills, no-thrills, as cheap as posible initial rating in what turns out to be quite possibly the most important simulator of your professional career!

OW Out!

[Panama Jack]

The Regulator forecasts a major regulatory update (which will bring significant improvements) and then . . . . nothing. :ugh:

[aubrey770]

You make visual contact with an airliner that doesn't show up on the TCAS. I guess they are saving the transponder.

If flying with a Spanish speaking FO.....NEVER allow them to speak Spanish to ATC unless you are also fluent.

If there is a rule.....it was meant to be broken.

When you show up for a 2 o'clock meeting, don't expect anyone else to be there.

Don't do the dirty deed with the boss' secretary. Well....at least not on a regular basis.:rolleyes:

Lima probably produces enough FA's from their Academies to supply all the worlds airlines. I thought it would be fun to interview potential candidates for a potential opening in our department.:D

When the job is terminated, do not expect to be paid any monies owed.:*

NEVER NEVER work for Lebanese Mexicans.

A Beechjet can fly from Toluca to Houston non stop with 6 pax.

[downsouth]

" - When the "mate" starts rolling right after Seat Belts signs come OFF !!"

crjtestpilot seems like you've been flying in Argentina or Uruguay havent u?

I dont know about the rest of LA but you know you r in argentina also when told to hold for 30 minutes beeing nr 1 to land couse the controllers are on strike... when you are told to reduce your speed and make a few turns to give priority to "EL PLUNITA", when having to hold for 10 minutes overhead ushuaia VOR because some pilot is lying about his position and eta... :*

[singesavant]

When reporting that a lonesome dog is walking peacefully on the runway and placidly the tower answer that it doesn t matter as the wind is 15kts from 330.

who knows...

[foresight]

When you ask the tower if the runway is wet, they say it's raining so hard they cannot see.

[singesavant]

When you are 14 Nm out and asking port au prince tower if they are experiencing heavy rain in vicinity. They surely afirm no, but I still had to land my helo at about 9Nm away as vis was maybe 150 yards, ceiling 30yards and had so much water into my pitot static' system that no instrument was working anymore...

that was a heavy rain I am sure now! And maybe what they meant while saying no rain...

[Haminha]

Thank you guys for this, I have tears of laughing! I'm cabin crew, now in the Middle East, but made me remember when I used to fly to Latin America from Spain (by the way,we also kiss, twice, to every single member in the crew -even if we are 20- although usually don't say "capi")

And of course, I guess it comes with the manual how "el capi" wants the coffee :)

[Capi-V]

When you find out that the man charging the landing fee is the same man who owns the cattle you just did a couple of "go arounds" to chase off the runway, but then you forgive him because he gives you a hammock and a cool lemonade to rest and tells you all these wild aviation stories as you wait for the passengers to show up:)

[averdung]

NEVER NEVER work for Lebanese Mexicans. <--- Aubrey, ex-TAESA by any chance?