Hello Chaps,

I'm writing a joke catorgarisation form for one of my friends to be included in a speech about him, if anybody has anything particularly cutting or funny that they think might go, please post here.

Cheers!

Two I've honestly had on my flying reports (not recently)

"JTIDS, sometimes you have the touch of a Gorilla."

and

"If you put enough monkeys in enough Bulldogs one of them will do the perfect Barrel Roll. That is the only way I can explain your aerobatics today."

Push stick forwards...noise increases, and houses get bigger...
Pull stick back, noise decreases, and houses get smaller...
Until silence reigns, then houses get bigger, and bad smell pervades the cockpit.....
watp,iktch

"Tucano is manufactured by Shorts, NOT Massey-Ferguson. Kid gloves, NOT Farmer Giles' gauntlets!"

Just one of many I recall from BFT days!

F*cking Ponza? F*cking E cat!

VR,

That STILL makes me chortle everytime I hear it! Has to be said in a broad northern accent for full effect, though!

in the words of a well broadcasted chap from a certain sattelite based aviation channel, and courtesy of channel 4....

"Make love to the sky, do not shag it!"

X handles the aircraft as he would his pony in the last chukka of a polo match.

Sets himself a low standard which he consistently fails to achieve.

The only reason this man gets airborne is due to the fact the ground has enough sense and good taste to eject him.

Banking Bloggs. Thought of a career in it?

Dagenham, you are like a lighthouse in the desert.....very bright but F**K all use

an old favourite......

This man would be out of his depth in a puddle.

or


This man is a prime example of why all engineers think pilots are utterly useless at real work.


or


Aircraft are designed to be flown with grace and precision, not clubbed about the sky by a ham fisted ape.

This man is known to his peers as Strobe, usually dim with flashes of brilliance.

Flt LT X uses Her Majesty's aircraft to transport his genitals from one overseas sexual liaison to another.

Flt. Lieut. Y is in many ways a model Officer; it is therefore with some regret that I report that he does not appear to be a working model.

P/O X conducts himself to his entire satisfaction.

Two army related ones, both of which did not help a career

1. I would hesitate to breed from this officer

and

2 My wife tells me this officer dances well

He/She stalks the Runway using every available piece of cover.

"His brother officers call him 'Thrush' because he is an irritating c*nt"

Spoken about an accident-prone individual .. "This bloke is the type who could damage himself with a rubber sword ...."

"When Aircrew Cadet X arrived at AAITC he was a loud, brash and coarse individual. In the six weeks he has been here the only thing that has changed is his age"

Fortunately, not written about oneself... :ok:

"When he says he has control, he lies!"

"His pre-flight brief was poor - although it was undoubtedly the best part of the flight"

"His attempts at AAR demonstrated an eagerness of technique second only to that exhibited by a nuclear submariner making love to his girl friend after six months under the polar ice cap!"

"After 4 of his landings, even the runway began to complain"

The student entered the runway, applied full power, released the brakes...
And so began a series of events over which he had very little control.

"If Flying Officer Bloggs was ever to end up in a prisoner of war camp, he would make life hell for the commandant. However, I object to him practising on me in the meantime."

"Flying Officer Bloggs has the wit and comic timing that any comedian would be proud of. Sadly, being a comedian is not a pre-requisite for a co-pilot."

"Flying Officer Bloggs pumps the throttles on the Hercules like a demented Lascar seaman pumping the bilges of a leaking ship rounding Cape Horn in a Force 9 gale."