"Its either me, or your Pilot Training"

[Oveur]

Hello fellow wannabes and pilots alike,

I've been accepted into the Jet Pilot Programme for the 43 air school today. Its supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life as I've always dreamt of being a pilot since I was a child. All my friends and family couldnt be any happier for me.

But, my girlfriend of 3 years is not happy about the prospect of me being away training for nearly a year in total.

So I've got an ultimatum which you've probably worked out from the title.

Anyone else had to manage a situation like this? If so, advice is greatly required.

[Wing_man]

How old are you may I ask?

[Oveur]

You may. I'm 28

[jb2_86_uk]

girls will come and go, but this is a career for life.

go for the air training! plenty of air stewardesses at 35,000ft :)

JB

[TwoTone-7]

Question is; how old is she. :}

[Tomasz]

Hey sorry to hear about your situation. In my opinion I think you should do do the training program its been a dream of yours for a long time, you will be kicking yourself for the rest of your life if you don't take the chance, its a risk you have to take. As a girlfriend she should be supportive, yes it is hard being in a long distance relationship but if two people want to be together the distance won't be a problem. I know I have been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for 7 years I lived in Canada she lived in Poland, I moved to Poland last year and we are still together. If you decide to go for it, remember to call a lot, e-mail. Its all based on thrust. Hope you make the right decision

[100hours]

Hi Oveur

Sorry to hear about your situation. It's not something i would not even wish on my worst enemy !

It is important that your girlfriend/wife supports (or at least tolerates) your decision to fly for a living. If she cannot support you being away for the training - will she be able to cope when you are a full-time pilot - away from home for long periods ... ?

I cannot tell you what to do, though - YOU have to decide. But being accepted at 43 is an amazing opportunity. I for one would sacrifise a lot for that !

[cats_five]

Hello fellow wannabes and pilots alike,

I've been accepted into the Jet Pilot Programme for the 43 air school today. Its supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life as I've always dreamt of being a pilot since I was a child. All my friends and family couldnt be any happier for me.

But, my girlfriend of 3 years is not happy about the prospect of me being away training for nearly a year in total.

So I've got an ultimatum which you've probably worked out from the title.

Anyone else had to manage a situation like this? If so, advice is greatly required.

I'm inclined to suggest that she is being manipulative and you can do without a girlfriend that does that sort of thing. Surely it's not out of the blue that you were applying, and that that would mean being apart for a year? And it's not a year of 365 days none-stop - you would be able to see her from time to time? Also, if all goes well and you get your licence, the next thing will be working using it - surely that will involve you being away a lot as well?

[chris-squire]

Heidi Hi,

I was in the same boat in October....

I've also been with my girlfriend 3 years, passed the CCAT Assessment day and after the selling spiel from the Integrated team up at Cranfield I went away and thought, bugger it, I have to go integrated and I'll be moving up to Cranfield for a over a year!

Went home and spoke to the mrs.....the words heavy led balloon come to mind! After weeks of rowing about it she gave me the same ultimatum and I said that if she really wanted to be with me then she was going to have to accept that this is what I am going to do. If she couldn't then it's a great shame but hey ho. This shocked her back into line and I would suggest you try the same mate! In the end I came round to the thought that if I didn't do this because of her I would resent her for the rest of my life and we would end up breaking up anyway so better now than later!

I suspect that if you've been with her for 3 years its pretty serious and it would take alot more than that to split you up. Im training Modular at Cabair BOH now but that had nothing to do with the mrs and everythig to do with the repayments at the end!

Im off to Canada in March for 3 months and thats going to be hard on both of us but its short term pain for long termgain and I personally made the decision to let nothing stop me from getting to that RHS. Selfish attitude to have? Maybe but there are times in life when you have to put yourself 1st!

Hope this helps but PM me if not.

CS :ok:

[soundlover]

Hi,
in my opinion (as already nearly all of us have already said) is that you have to follow your heart.... flight of that girl....

You have to establish which life you will consider colorless without either of the two options :ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh:

Good look (I would directly say.... FLIGHT:):):):):):):))

[HomerJay]

Bin her.

If she's complaining now then just wait until you start your training. It's a full time commitment and she has to be in on it.

If you 'pick her' then you will just become bitter towards her later on for missing out on a dream you had while she goes off on a career direction of her choice.

You never know she might be bluffing and will come crawling back if she realises your not going to back down (this never works for me)

[CAT3C AUTOLAND]

There are a lot of factors that come into her response I am sure, however, if she loves you, surely she would support you, it is not as it is forever is it?

Its also interesting that you have been together for while and she must have known your amibition. Reminds me of my situation. I have been with my girlfriend for 8 years now, and I remember sitting her down when we got together and putting my cards on the table about my amibition in life to become a pilot. And I can say, she has been so supportive, to which I am thankful for.

I guess another thing that needs to be considered, is how will she react when you new roster is published, and you only have 10 days in one month at home? It may be worth sitting down and discussing it and addressing what you both want from life?

Anyway, only my 2 pence worth, hope you can work things out.

[fabiensf]

any chance of dragging her along? I'm planning to move to the UK to do my training after I finish my degree and my girlfriend will be tagging along.

[EchoMike]

Sounds harsh and cold, but consider letting her go . . . she's more interested in herself than in you, and sounds like she doesn't want to budge from her comfort zone - or want you to, either.

Scenario from my own past: Get rid of your business and get a job working for someone or I will leave . . . so I did . . . accepted a 75% cut in income so she could be comfortable with a much smaller but regular weekly paycheck . . . a few months later, she left anyway . . . then I got to start up my business again and make a decent living (again).

Relationships come and go, your pilot's license is for life. If she's given to ultimatums, you're likely better off without her. Men usually take about six months to get over a relationship, women take about a year.

If you cave on this, which is something that really means a lot for you and your future, what's next? Do you really want to wind up like Mr. Bouquet on "Keeping Up Appearances"?

See if she's willing to demonstrate any flexibility, reach some kind of a compromise arrangement, but if she says "airplanes or me", she's history.

/end marital advice mode

Best Regards,

Echo Mike

[moggiee]

Short answer:

"don't let the door hit your bum on your way out"!..

Seriously, if someone can't support you in your career choice then maybe they're not the person for you.

[dartagnan]

can you post a pic of her?

[captain_rossco]

Show her the door as she walks slowly, kicking cans down the street, yell "Toodle-f***ing-pip you selfish (insert expletive here)".
I've got 4 words for you, Air Stewardesses Air stewardesses.

In the words of Gordon Ramsey (or in the style of)

Girl, Out, flying career, in, money, in, air stewardesses, on, start cycle again. Done.

Regards

CR

[Canada Goose]

I pretty much agree with all of the above. If you really think there is something special between you then try and bring her around. If not, then consider a parting of the ways. I could say much more but I won't, except to leave you with this thought .........

How will you feel if you don't take up this opportunity and then in 6, 9, 12, or 24 months time, she turns around out of the blue and finishes with you !?

Good luck and don't look back in anger !!

[greekboy]

hi there

tough one to be in, however i was placed in a similar situation when one of my previous babes told me to stop jumping out of aircraft(been doing it since i was sixteen) or else.... i kept jumping and the following week i joined a flying school and started doing my ppl too:) ... few more threats came about and eventually she posted her keys through my letter box.
now doing my atpl theory(almost done) and have a new woman who supports me 100% and far sexier:ok:.

DONT GIVE UP YOUR DREAM. YOU WILL BE SORRY.

G LUCK

[kwachon]

Just got to like Tomasz's final comment, :E:E:E

Its all based on thrust. Hope you make the right decision

[MIKECR]

She either supports you or she doesnt. Hit her with that one

[Oveur]

Guys,

I appreciate all the good advice here. You're all a great help and I'm glad I'm not the only one to go through this. You're all dead right about being supported 100%. And right now I've go no support at all from her.

Its a fair point that I would resent her if I chose her over piloting. She really needs to see things in a different light. It shouldnt be a girl vs career competition. There has to be a way of having both.

I'm meeting her in an hour for "talks" so I'll let you all know how it goes.

(btw ROFL @ rosco's air stewardesses line)

[bluepeely]

God i wish i could land that kinda gig or afford integrated so i could move away from the missus and maybe return one day to an empty house and an atpl.....you dont know how lucky you are being shown a way out.
Im off feeling sorry for myself :ouch:

[Yahweh]

Plenty of fish in the sea mate. RHS, now that's another story :}

[AlphaMale]

Drop her for flying every time!

My misses of 7.5 years is supportive (in fact pushing me) to do my flight training. I said I'd either do it locally within 100 miles or I'd go to Florida for 18 months. No prizes which she thought was the better option but she said she'd support me either way.

Good luck buddy.

[Leezyjet]

Ditch the bitch.

If you make this sacrifice for her, you will resent her and regret it for the rest of your life, and who knows in the future she might just F:mad: Off and leave you anyway.

You will have a blast down in SA, it will be one of the best years of your life and you don't want it being ruined by some selfish cow back home who is making you feel guilty with every phone call and email.

There are plenty more chicks out there, especially in the airline industry and a few of the guys from the UK that were at my club in Port Elizabeth actually ended up meeting local girls and stayed down there !!.

If you are into this girl, tell her you ARE going and she either deals with it, or you will see her in 12 months if/when you get back.

If she is hot, give her my number and I'll look after her whilst your away - no strings either !!.

:E :ok::\ :}

[Culio]

Go for the training hehe.

Seriously, girls will come and go, but chances like the one you have been given do not happen daily.

[StanSayz]

Dont EVER allow a girl to define you, unless she is that proverbial "one", and if she were...

you wouldnt be on here asking a bunch of strangers for advice... ;)

go see the world as PIC from FL360

(The bitterness comes from being a promising young footballer once, before I had "distractions" :p)

[smith]

Think Dartangion hit the nail on the head, post a pic and we will be able to give you better advice, we could even organise a poll among the wannabe's!!!!

All joking aside, women have totally messed up my flying training. I originally wanted to go to FTE and I came home one night to the g/f in tears, and being told to "just F*** off to Jerez then". Needless to say I went modular at the local flying school, still at it due to the wx here. Then, yes you guessed it I come home and she says she met somone else!!!!! biatche!

Next up met another lass and moved in with her, she told me that moving in meant moving in so I wasn't allowed to even stay one night in my own apartment even if I was on the lash and out with the boys. So no chance of going away to do training. Eventually I ditched her as she was too clingy.

At this point I was single, no ties and enjoying my flying more than ever. Had booked to do my IR away from home. Guess what? I meet a girl about 3 weeks before IR starts, She doesn't want me to go or at least come home at weekends. Had to make the obligatory 3 hour phone call every night when she blurts out that she was pregnant!!!! OMG, put IR on hold and came straight back. Turns out a false alarm. Eventually took me about 4 months to finish IR.

I am single now and intend to stay single for a long time now, just hanging about now waiting on the wx for the CPL and I'm done. If only I had went to FTE I would have been finished 2years ago. I don't resent the girls for it but myself for letting them dictate to and manipulate me. Yes girls will come and go but the LHS is a more difficult nut to crack.

So oveur, from my experience I would change my route and have gone with my original plan of action, your g/f may be able to compromise. Remember to factor in the cost of phone calls from SA back to home and limit it to 10 mins every night. It cost me an absolute fortune in my 3 hour phone calls every night. Good luck.:=

[PyroTek]

Haha, To be honest, your Girl doesn't look like shes really wanting to spend her life with you if shes giving you such a hard choice.
(sorry if i was unnecessarily judgmental).
I am currently in a long distance relationship where my girlfriend lives in Sydney, and I in Brisbane, and Its hard to start with, but tends to get easier, but you can't keep an eye on her if she was to be unfaithful or anything, but then you ask yourself if she is the right girl if you have to ask those questions.

But anyway, can't you organise to take out a weekend every month or something to go see her for a bit?

I personally think that if a girlfriend gives you a choice between you and her dream, she probably isn't the right girl.

(Mine has a 'thing' for pilots :P, and I'm just training to be one :D)

[Slopey]

Yep - ditch her.

What happens if you split up anyway in 6 months/a year or so? No pilot licence, and no girl either.

If she's not going to support you, you're better off without her.

Remember - if it flies, floats or f**ks - you're better off renting it. :ok:

[Julian]

Turn the ultimatum back on her as sugggested here!

I was in the position a long time ago and unfortunately chose the girl and gave up something I loved at the time and wanted to follow to the commercial side(diving). I have regretted stopping ever since, have about £10k worth of gear lying around and she is now long gone!!!!

Luckily I now have someone very supportive who whenever I ask her something just tells me to get on with it :)

Dont give up or else you will be as p1ssed off as I was at the time and prob hate her for making you give up anyway!!!

J.

[bgc]

There's a psychological technique for getting your own way called anchoring. Suggest to your girlfriend something that appears to be a bigger commitment than flight training that she would absolutely never agree to like I'm going astronaut training in Azerbaijan for 5 years because thats my dream. Once she regects that say that you'll comprimise by just doing flight training for a year she'll be so glad you're not going away for 5 years that she'll agree to anything. It's got the thumbs up from Paul McKenna.:ok:

[chris-squire]

******* brilliant opportunity to turn the good old female line around on the enemy so sieze it. Sit her down and say....

If you love me you'll let me go for it!

Then watch her face and I bet you anything that somehow it'll be different!lol :ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

Like I said earlier, its very difficult but unless you have someone supportive behind you then it aint gonna work. I presonally agree with the notion of posting a pic and we shall decide whether shes worth it for you! :E

I've never known any woman to like guy that they have under the thumb! Sure they may like to brag that they have you there but in reality they dont find it attractive and actually want you to be your own man. Lay down the law and she'll soon come running! Good luck!!!

CS :ok:

[go-si]

Its the opportunity of a lifetime to do that, you will be kicking yourself forever if you don't give it a try.

If she point blankly refuses to co-operate and help find a modus vivendi for the two of you during the year then perhaps you should consider letting her go.


So go for it

[Adios]

The real reason behind her ultimatum could be insecurity and fear that you will play the field once you get two VOR stations away. I won't attempt to tell you how to crack that nut.

Smith's post reminds me of a nephew who went off to Uni while his GF was still finishing A-levels. She ended up pregnant (though allegedly on the pill) and he ditched his dreams to follow her halfway across the country. They never married. When the kid arrived, she left him at home to take care of the boy while she partied and screwed around. Now he moved back to his old neighborhood, she has the kid who is probably being dumped with relatives so she can party and he only sees his son 1-2 times a year. I just hope she goes so totally off the rails that he can get custody and hopefully before she messes the boy up beyond repair.

You can't win with an unsupportive and/or insecure woman, so I tend to think giving her the ultimatum and following through with the boot if she wavers is the most likely way to avoid enormous regret.

As for the phone bills, ever hear of Skype or video chat with MSN, AOl or an iMac?

[eahlund]

okej, now lets finish this pilot soapopera :}..
what happened?!

[gone till november]

A mate of mine was in exactly the same position a few years ago. He ditched her and is now an A320 skipper and beating off women with a ****ty stick.:E

You'll soon forget her when you've done your first solo, picking up your blue book, earning your green book, putting on your fanny magnet or setting cruise at FL360 etc etc etc etc.

My missus would be more annoyed with you than your possibly soon to be ex because she hates women like that who treat their men like wusses and are only interested in them selves and then let them away with it.

I told my wife from day one that i wanted to be a pilot and dont even think about trying to stop me.......in fact the opposite was true in that i wouldnt be flying now without her.

So in summary and without trying to be too flippant with your dilemma ditch her and book the first ticket you can to SA get your licence and get the life you want.

Good luck with your decision but i think you've made it already and just need to hear it from your piers

[Oveur]

Right I'm back from the talks. I put my foot firmly down on the subject. I told her I'm going ahead as planned and nothing would stop me now, so you have to support me 100% or 0%. No in between. I said I didnt want to listen a girl crying on the end of the phone when I'm balls deep in exams and studying.

We can always pick up where we left off when I come back. This year will be nothing but a memory in 20 years when we've raised a family together.

She piped down after that, so it looks like we've sorted things out.

I'm not posting a picture but believe me this girl is worth the effort. She's a beautiful 22 YO Italian.

So to all the men who've posted on this thread a big thanks :ok: All of the advice helped

[gone till november]

Oveur

Well done mate it seems like you can have your cake and eat it too.

You really wont regret it when your up there looking down rather than looking up feeling bitter.

Good luck with your ATPL's as they'll make this little spat seem like a nice day out.:ok::ok::ok:

[Tamar217]

I wonder how she'd feel about it if we gave her a link to this thread!

[Oveur]

Pretty good I'd imagine

Statement may not be accurate

[poss]

Well done Oveur :ok:

[smith]

I couldn't use skype, msn etc coz she was not online.

Italian, fiesty then?

Yes we all get tooshie struck sometimes but just remember, its only the size of a spaniel's ear but it has brought down governments, and will do so again, many times!!!!:{

[Adios]

She wasn't online? All the more reason to dump the cave woman then!

Actually, Skype has an option for working with land lines as well, but the three hour calls are the real issue, more so than what they cost!

[mikeyk01]

bit of a curve ball this one. I had similar problem with my missus. What it came down to was that she cared about us so much that she was so afraid that the situation would split us up. When it came down to it she really didn't want me to quit, in the longterm she reall wanted me to succeed and chase my dream it just didnt come across that way at the begining. She just needed some reassurance and also some support for her. Everyone has different circumstances, this is just another perspective.

[egbgstudent]

Good luck with your training mate, I know you will not regret it :D

[chris-squire]

Well done Oveur. You won't regret it and like a post above so rightly says, women do need some reassurance and support when it comes down to it so bear that in mind but at the same time don't let compassion turn into weakness! :E

Perhaps we should start somesort of forum for the WAG widows. They can all ahve a chat about their insecurities and face them together. Is this a good idea or asking for trouble? :ugh:

CS :ok:

[Oveur]

Having a WAG forum on here is the very definition of asking for trouble :=

[chris-squire]

Thought so. :)

[jb5000]

Oveur

I was in an identical situation to you, girlfriend of 3 years. I had a lame job and wanted something more.

I was on the CTC scheme and went to NZ for the best part of a year. Granted she cheated on me while I was away, which wasnt great and we then broke up but I'm now with the most amazing girl, flying planes and overwhelmingly happy. I shudder to think what would have happened if I hadn't gone.

If you don't do this flying course I'm going to come round to your house, pack your things, put you in a bag and force you to do it. I'm not joking. You will only regret it. Imagine if this girl leaves you 6 months down the line after you've sacrificed your dream? Not worth considering.

[PyroTek]

it seems like you can have your cake and eat it too.Are you sure it's cake he's eating?

And Glad to see you sorted it! :D
now good luck! and wish me luck that me and my girl will last long distance..

[chris-squire]

Yeah I hope me and my mrs survive the 3 months apart.

**** me its like an episode of Jeremy Kyle in here!

Im off to join the Loose Women at lunch time!

CS :ok:

[Oveur]

Job done lads. Lets move onto more pressing issues like Football (or soccer for the Americans) :ok:

[chris-squire]

Yes after all this mushy talk I feel like doing something manly....

I'm off to hunt something and make fire!

CS :)

[ecampbell]

Just thought i would put my two pence in, as a girl - you have to remember she gave the ultimatum once so there is nothing stopping her doing it again... I know you are only at the beginning - but say you get your dream LHS with the dream airline - whats to stop her turning round and doing the whole "its either me or the airline".....

Fair enough you have sorted it out already - but just remember, old arguments never fully go away with girls.....

/devils advocate mode......

(dont take any notice if the post isnt welcome):ok:

[WISH2FLY]

12/18 months isn't a long time when compared to the rest of your life! :ok:

Follow your dreams!

[mustflywillfly]

Smith:

its only the size of a spaniel's ear

There's no smoke without fire eh Keith?


Cryptic I know..... Prize to the first person who works my reply out!!!

[Oveur]

Just thought i would put my two pence in, as a girl - you have to remember she gave the ultimatum once so there is nothing stopping her doing it again... I know you are only at the beginning - but say you get your dream LHS with the dream airline - whats to stop her turning round and doing the whole "its either me or the airline".....

Fair enough you have sorted it out already - but just remember, old arguments never fully go away with girls.....

/devils advocate mode......

(dont take any notice if the post isnt welcome):ok:


Now there is a refreshing bit of sense. Always good to hear a girls point of view. Thanks :ok:

[gone till november]

Oveur

Job done lads. Lets move onto more pressing issues like Football (or soccer for the Americans)

Mate if your gonna get on this game then you need to include a few other pressing issues.....like BEER...BEER, stewardessess and oh eeeerr BEER plus in there somewhere BEER:E

ecampbell

but just remember, old arguments never fully go away with girls......

What is it with you women and the above......its scary. My missus still brings up stuff i forgot in about 3 seconds from 20 years ago.

Mustfly

its only the size of a spaniel's ear

I thought it was the female velcro patch. Maybe im not looking at the right porn sites;)

Pyro Tek

Are you sure it's cake he's eating?

Your worse than mustflywillfly;):cool:;)

[ecampbell]

What is it with you women and the above......its scary. My missus still brings up stuff i forgot in about 3 seconds from 20 years ago.Its a quality girls never seem to understand either - we tend to use it as backup for ammunition in arguments.....They know you have forgotten it but they will remind you forever....:rolleyes: Things come round from years back and I think its all to do with insecurities... :ugh:

I, personally, cannot understand girls that do this as I tend to be one of those girls who sits and thinks about it - talks rationally about it and then forgets about it!! Luckily my boyfriend and i have the same attitude towards my plans for becoming a pilot (deal with it all as it comes and never plan too much in advance!!) so all is gravy in my camp.

Now there is a refreshing bit of sense. Always good to hear a girls point of view. Thanks :ok:Oveur i am glad that you think so, I thought the discussion needed female input - I would be devastated if my boyfriend turned round and said that to me - however, I would have to say (in the words of Nick Frost and Simon Pegg) Jog Off!

Oh, and i forgot to congratulate you for getting accepted onto the JPP.....:ok:

[boogie-nicey]

Dear oh dear, this kind of ultimatum is uncalled for. Not only is this path of action short sighted by your girlfriend but also selfish in it's nature. We would all like to have the convienences and guarantees of life but alas the further up the career mountain you wish to climb the more tired your legs are going to become along with an increased risk. Perhaps you're girlfiend can't handle this which is a pity especially after 3 years, there should be more lattitude to a relationship. I would understand these comments from someone you've just met but with water under the bridge she should be far more supportive.

There are numerous careers other than aviation where extensive travel would be required and/or longer working hours. How would your girlfriend handle that, this is the day and age of the mobile/flexible workforce ... something she has to address. If it's a decision between her and the training then go for the training becauise as someone has already alluded to earlier on this is a career for life and girls simply come and go. Would you like to definately give up the career option and against her probability of staying with you? Not an equal nor fair deal I suspect. As a qualified pilot you'll have your training, possibly a good job flying around and thus a good base to settle down in life. Alternatively with your girlfriend you'll have to start all over again in another industry of her choosing and you'll constantly long to be skywards. One day when things aren't so rosey anymore between you and the missus you'll argue then split and go on to blame her for having wasted your time and opportunity whilst still ending up where you are today but with a few years wasted and perhaps stuck in a dull pointless job in some office working for David Brent.

The choice is always yours thus think about your future which is guaranteed to be with you rather than your girlfriend. Jobs are hard to come by in this day and age and even more so for the foreseeable future, taking the prized job as a pilot you'd be foolish to turn it down especially as a semi sponsored student or whatever they call it these days.... :ok:

BTW the above works in both directions so it's no different if you're a hard working lass with a boyfriend/husband who's a drag :ok:

[chris-squire]

eCampbell & Oveur - It is very pleasing to hear some common sense out of a couple of women who obviously understand the industry a damn sight better than all of our lovely WAGS put together! Now, how much would you charge per hour to impart some of this common sense onto them or are most of the women that we are all talking about irrational monsters that cannot be tamed??? :E

CS :ok:

[MIKECR]

Yup, mines is most certainly irrational!:}

[chris-squire]

hahaha, mine too apart from at X-Mas, Valentine's day and near her Birthday. Wonder why .....:hmm:

[ecampbell]

Now, how much would you charge per hour to impart some of this common sense onto them or are most of the women that we are all talking about irrational monsters that cannot be tamed??? :E

Believe me, I would love- LOVE- to make some women see sense, but I think to understand someones ambitions/dreams, you have to have some yourself (no offence to anyone there).... especially in this industry....the ones that dont understand the passion (and im talking about flying here) will never understand it fully!! (you have to make those girls see that its better than their shoes, hair makeup etc. - all the stereotypes!!)

Oh, and i wouldnt charge, it is - after all - common sense :)

[Oveur]

you have to make those girls see that its better than their shoes, hair makeup etc


Good idea, but I tried that long ago when comparing my love of football and it didnt work :ugh:

[ecampbell]

Good idea, but I tried that long ago when comparing my love of football and it didnt work :ugh:

Girls dont respond that well to football comparisons!!! Find something she loves and compare to that - it might work!!

[redsnail]

The essence of the relationship thing is communication. I'm married to a pilot and I go away for 6 day tours. (Just like Gone Till November)

While flying training is pretty intense and takes up a lot of time, you must also remember that you do need down time and you'll need to give her some quality time too. Send emails/letters while you're away.

Get a diary and make sure you remember significant events like birthdays etc.
A woman can tolerate most things but forgetting birthdays etc is not good. (I realise that my hubby's not really good at things like that so I remind him. Sure, it's cheating but it works. :D

Girlfriends and wives also need to appreciate that blokes need bloke time. Deny them this and they'll get really crabby and resentful. Blokes need to do stuff that involves beer, round leather balls, or oval looking balls, things with engines and noise.

[Captain_djaffar]

i replied her 'IT'S PILOT!!!' all 3 times she asked me to choose between her and pilot.:E

she agreed after a 2 hours discussion (damn god it seemed 2 days:\) and till today she is very supportive.:O:O:O

(and now sometimes i love to use the fake 'oh darling i can stop my aviation career for you':hmm:.... knowing that she would thrust to me " NO its your dream so it's OURS my love!!!"):E:E:E:E:E:E

[isi3000]

Follow your dream and don't let anyone hold you back. She should be supporting you! (also did you try comparing to clothes because they're at the top of any girl's list...)

[smith]

an old arabian proverb:- "once you drop the chalice, no matter how well you glue it back together, the cracks will still be underneath."

In my opinion she has dropped her chalice, she is always going to be insecure. If you take an interest in anything that slightly diverts your attention away from your femme, they don't like it, .......well in my experience anyway. Remember telling a gf I was going to watch a footy match on a Saturday. She never said anything but you could tell she wasn't happy. I fear that ms oveur is telling you everything is fine when in fact she's hurt that a year apart doesn't phase you but is everything to her.

The ideal girl is the one that says "go to the pub honey" and actually means it, not just says it, and its not thrown in your face three years later. If Carlsberg made girlfriends............

[Adios]

Ecampbell,

If it's common sense, why is there so little of it around?

Case closed. Charge 'em!

[Leezyjet]

The ideal girl is the one that says "go to the pub honey" and actually means it, not just says it, and its not thrown in your face three years later. If Carlsberg made girlfriends............

Thankfully I have one of those !!!. If I want to go away with my mates or on a boys night out, I just tell her I'm going, and vice versa. No arguments, no moods, no getting sh!tty, it's great - keep telling her if she doesn't like it, she can always find someone else - and after almost 11 years she is still here.

You have to get them housed trained when the relationship is still young. Get things laid out right at the start, then they know where they stand from the beginning.

:ok:

[supramkiv]

Just want to throw my 2 cents in...

Bit of insecurity and nerves are natural for a girl who's dating a guy who enters the industry, but ultimatums? WTF???????

Had the same scenario. A girlfriend who put on a supportive face all the way through the training but deep down was always sniping and bitching, and (luckily for me) dumped me 10 days before I started for a jet operater in RHS...

And now the happiest guy alive, flying jets for a living, seeing different country's every day, earning reasonably good money and never short of a date (or 2... or 3...).

Never accept the fact you are flying as an excuse for manipualtive, jealous or controlling behaviour from a girl you are dating, it as a complete recipe for disaster, find a great girl who loves you and loves what you do!

[chris-squire]

Lola83, eCampbell & Oveur - Were you guys in a previous life or are you the next Carlsberg advert waiting to happen???

What many women don't understand is that the more they try to control and smother their fella the more likely he is to bugger off with a trolley dolley!

Nightmare!!!

CS :)

[gone till november]

Chris

What many women don't understand is that the more they try to control and smother their fella the more likely he is to bugger off with a trolley dolley!

I have seen many a mate or should i say ex-mate get pussy whipped by a woman with quite clearly bigger balls than they have and totally controlled. To the point where they cant even go for a pint with the lads in a boozer a the end of thier road.:ugh::mad::ugh::confused:

The "modern metro sexual man " is doing it's best to be a woman but subservient with it.

Redsnail is what more women should be like where she wants a man to be a man and wouldnt have any respect for some of the spineless jelly fishes that mistakenly call themselves men.

I remember once i was going out on a lads weekend and my bank account wasnt talking to me so the missus said here's my credit card, foxtrot oscar and DONT come back without a hang over.....thats why weve been togeher for 19 years and even though we've lived in different countries for our respective jobs for years our relationship is stronger than ever. But i suppose i just got lucky.

Viva la femme's like lola, ecampbell and redsnail:ok:

ps redsnail how was your sarny....was it scooby doo sized?

[cats_five]

Gotta ask Smith, how come ever girl you take up with is clingy? Does something about them attract you initially? There are plenty of non-clingy women out there.

[cats_five]

Gosh. A awful lot of this comes over as very teenage, very misogynist. There is very little here about empathy or relationships as partnerships. Sadly much of it sadly reads like a war where the two participants are trying to beat each other to a pulp.

[redsnail]

GTN,

It was enormous. If it was catering, the jet would list to one side!! :ooh:

[gone till november]

Lola

Where the hell have they come from? I blame Beckham and his silly little wife


I think its the other way round. Though she looks like an orange pencil with a bad haircut and bubble wrap for tits....she has very cleverly turned Becks into a skirt wearing spineless wuss who just happens to be great at footy:ugh::ugh::ugh: and all for her own gain as we all know she could sing to put a dog turd on the dinner table.

No your not an anomaly you sound perfect, girly at home and one of the lads down the boozer. Good luck to you and i hope you go far in this game:ok:

Cats Five

Gosh. A awful lot of this comes over as very teenage, very misogynist. There is very little here about empathy or relationships as partnerships. Sadly much of it sadly reads like a war where the two participants are trying to beat each other to a pulp.

Are you for real? We're talking flying here not agony aunt soppy rubbish. The man needed advice and he got it without all the frilly touchy feely ****e. Real answers instead of compromises.

Redsnail

I hope you saved me some as im withering away here.

[redsnail]

GTN,

Strewth!! Can't have that. Good thing Silverjet has a generous baggage allowance. Home tomorrow... :ok: :E

[Oveur]

gone til november: Your missus sounds ace. Well done on bagging such an understanding woman :D

Mine would be like "dont drink too much as you're no good to me with a hangover"

Of course I always take her advice ;)

[risalat_rabbani]

Hello mate, all I can do here is just mirror what all these guys before me said. I do maths tution to get money together and with a little bit of family help I fund my modular trainnings and I get only thursday nights off as a result of that tution, hence you can just imagine, for me to achive my dream it is going to take more than the average time. So I say count yourself lucky you got in, once in a life time oppertunity, you get your qualification it will stay with you for the rest of your life. Where your bird may just fly away from your arms someday, no garentee there with her.

[smith]

Gotta ask Smith, how come ever girl you take up with is clingy? Does something about them attract you initially? There are plenty of non-clingy women out there.

A combination of charm and good looks!! per chance?

I have just worked out that the last three or four girlfriends I have had, their father's have walked out when they were kids. They are not schemer's, quite posh and educated actually. I have put two and two together and think that they feel that they can't have another man walk out and try and get their claws in. I think I must be attracted to weak women, from now my chat up lines will consist of "are your folks still together?".

The movie "About Last Night" is a classic, when Rob Lowe says " You chicks, you get your claws in and strangle the life out of us fellah's, and when we see the light and cut and run, you call us jerks, when its really you (girls) that are the jerks". (something along those lines).:D

[Shauna]

Im moving from ireland to england in october to attend cabair (all being well in my assessment) and i have told my boyfriend about it, he seemed a little miffed at first but said nothing about it....think he thought it was a fad.

We are going out 2 and a half years, we dont live together but we will eventually.

I put it to him that i am doing the course wether he is with me or not. I hadnt mentioned it and neither had he until recently. I brought it up about a month ago and said are you going to miss me when i go away for 13 months...he said who said i wasnt coming with you.

:D

She will be chancing her luck with you but if you tell her you are gong no matter what....i guarantee you she will change her tune.

[chris-squire]

Well despite my earlier somewhat confident comments regarding getting the mrs in check I now have a problem....mine sat down earlier and blurted out how the new girl in her office has a bf who's a pilot and he's always chatting up some bird somewhere so that must be what im gona do. Benn over this so many times and starting to get pretty pissed with it! :ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh:

Oh and thats in addition to the dent that was put in my car by some dozy bint in a fiesta on the way to work this morning!great start to a weekend! :(

[ecampbell]

Chris-Squire - I hope the weekend gets better!!

Oh, and about the Carlsberg advert, I think the guys way of looking at things is better most of the time, in fact all of it!! Although as lola said - the girls that are like us still like the odd girly thing once in a while! :ok:

"once you drop the chalice, no matter how well you glue it back together, the cracks will still be underneath."

I also agree with smith completely.....you guys would do well to remember that proverb. Although i think it works both ways! :oh:

[smith]

Chris squire,

My ex was always going on about "once I qualify I'll be going of with hosties yada, yada, yada". It really did my tattie in. When someone goes on about not wanting to do something, it ends up making you do it!!!!

[KandiFloss]

Come on guys ... you have to bear in mind our worries, it seems as though you get a kick out of making us stress. It's such a cliche the Pilot/Air Hostess thing.

As for the previously posted Sun article all I can say is ... that's the Sun for you ... what a load of crap! I can only just imagine what classy and intellectual Pilot/Air Hostess stories the 'Sport/'News of the World' would come up with.

But as for the original post I don't think that anyone should ever give anyone an ultimatum (unless something serious like alcohol/drugs) if there ever comes a point in a relationship that this is happening the relationship doesn't have much distance to go.

Now from a girl's point of view/experience:
My better(?) half is in the industry and we've been together for almost 8 years. When we first got together he was instructing, but has slowly got to where he wants to be in the RHS of a jet. When he told me that he had been offered a job with an ex-freight company I went through the stress of 'Oh no, now that he's got a 'proper' job i'll lose him'. Looking back I shouldn't have had so little confidence in myself. Then when he got a job for a well known airline, I had the 'Oh no he's going to be working with air hostesses' stress. He has been pretty understanding but there have been times in the past that he's got annoyed with me due to my 'stresses'.

However, the most upsetting thing that he once said to me (when discussing possibilities for flight training schools for me) was, "I don't want to be married to a pilot" :{ It's not only females who give men ultimatums.

[LegallyBlonde]

"Those who mind, don't matter, and those who matter, don't mind"

It's a strange thing but many women married to airline captains, medical specialists - anyone with strange working arrangements and substantial income to compensate- are never backward in coming forward to collect the rewards but spend the rest of their time whining more than the turbines in a 400.

Kick her to the kerb mate ;)


(PS I am a female :) )

[Charlie Foxtrot India]

It works both ways....wind the clock back 25 years and my fiance of three years says "It's college or me". As I was off to agricultural college, where the ratio of boys to girls was 10:1 he said he couldn't handle me being surrounded by all those young farmers looking for a wife like me. :confused: Plus I was going to be more highly qualified than him in our field (scuse pun) and that did something to his pride.

I chose college but it took years of recriminations to break free. His ploy to make me jealous backfired when the female he chose announced she was pregnant - she was even more manipulative than him, he'd met his match.

Result, his life has been a series of disasterous marriages to more manipulative women and dead end jobs, and now he realises that all he had to do was trust me... We are still great friends, but it's too late now, I'm happily married for the last ten years to someone who doesn't do emotional blackmail. (and who is away for weeks on end with a non flying job)

Moral of the story, you can't force it, if one partner has to resort to ultimatums the relationship is already doomed. And if it's a good relationship, time apart is not a problem, in fact it makes time together all the more special.

Got no time for clingy, manipulative women or the weak "men" who give in to them.:yuk:

[gone till november]

Oveur

Your right i've got the best. How many blokes with other halves do you know that will fully knowing that you have a penchant for women with big tits will point them out for you when your out driving.

Or happily let you go to a stewardess party on your own or even expect you as a man to look at a bit of porn, leer at other women or tell you to go out on the piss with your mates even though your knackered. Or even meeting up with an old girlfriend whos's now a mate and not even raise an eyebrow.

The reason that it works for us (both ways) is TRUST......and marrying the right woman who is slightly old fashioned in her views about the male/female roles in a relationship.

Pilot chick

I had the 'Oh no he's going to be working with air hostesses' stress. He has been pretty understanding but there have been times in the past that he's got annoyed with me due to my 'stresses'.


Works both ways as i have mates who are not connected with aviation and their other halves are cabin crew and they can have as bad a reputation as pilots.

However, the most upsetting thing that he once said to me (when discussing possibilities for flight training schools for me) was, "I don't want to be married to a pilot" It's not only females who give men ultimatums.

He's let the side down and i hope you get to where you want.

[bfisk]

If she's not willing to be happy for you, then she's not worth spending any more time on. It's in these situations people show their true self.

[KandiFloss]

Gone till November ... thanks for your encouragement on the flying front! I know that women can be tarts just like men. BTW ... you seem to have a very tolerant other half!

[expedite08]

If you have something special dont throw it away! Do the training alongside it. Too many people throw all they have at this game and then end up in the poo big time! debt, no life, nothing! Flying is a mugs game and its only going to get worse! We all do it as we love it but dont let it rule you. Take it one step at a time and dont throw ANYTHING away in pursuit of it!

[cats_five]

<snip>
Cats Five

Are you for real? We're talking flying here not agony aunt soppy rubbish. The man needed advice and he got it without all the frilly touchy feely ****e. Real answers instead of compromises.

Redsnail

I hope you saved me some as im withering away here.

But relationships are all about compromise. If one or both partners can't do it (either they simply can't do it at all which how a lot of the posters here sound, or they don't try, or they decide the benefits aren't worth the cost) the relationship is almost certainly doomed. And he did ask an Agony Aunt type question... Put it another way, if he asked a flying question in an Agony Aunt forum, would it be reasonable of me to (attempt to) give a flying answer?

[zlocko2002]

stopped flying because of his wife, after couple of years they get divorced...
he is back in cockpit now happier than ever