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View Full Version : The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Charter Pax/Customers.


yourmilehighness
9th Jan 2008, 04:56
Hi,For those who are/have flown for an African charter company taxiing the safari crowd around the skies of Nam/Bots/SA, I would like to know the stories of your very best and worst customers. Anything and everything, alas the title - the good, the bad, and the ugly.Please feel free to comment about your experiences with your very best and your very worst charter customers . This should be very interesting reading. I look forward to it.YMHPS If there already is a thread on this, could someone please direct me to it.

Springbok614
9th Jan 2008, 07:15
had a charter all the way down from one country to another with couple of stops inbetween... two stops 30min apart... stop at the first stop and ask if everyone ok and need a toilet.... everyone says no.... 10min to landing at the second stop, approaching in bad weather, and the one passenger come up to the cockpit and says he needs a toilet now! i reckon he must just puke in a bag or wizz in a bottle.... nope, nr3! having to focus a bit on the approach now rather... he dissapears to the back and the next thing i thought of looking back to see whats up, but rather just smelled that everything is not in order! spend more than a hour on the ground cleaning the floor, roof and seats..... mildly irritated! and approaching in bad weather with that stink... no fun!

Contract Dog
9th Jan 2008, 11:44
I once had a charter in a C206 out of Maun into the Delta. I picked up my pax in the terminal and walked them out onto the apron and figured out they had just got married and were on their honeymoon. The guy was one of the most arrogant Americans I have ever met and every time his new bride asked me a question about the trip/flight/delta/plane, he butted in and gave his new bride his (very wrong) version of things. By the time we got to the plane I was annoyed but didnt show it yet. I then got out my map and started with the briefing, again I was interupted and told exactly how it was all going to happen and all about the flight, again this fool had no clue what he was on about but I guess he was trying to impress his wife so I let him finish his briefing and then gave them the proper one. A little annoyed, but still not showing it (scared to loose out on a tip) I loaded them up and took off. Then the questions started, every 10 seconds I got a tap on the shoulder asking the most random things, still wanting a tip, I made the effort, I shouted the answer to both of them over the droaning of the old 6 cylinder conty up front. Then to my amusement, he rehashed word for word to her what I had just said to them both in such a matter of fact way that it was if he was telling her something he had spent some serious time researching himself. I called the camp to tell them my estimates and heard on the radio that there was a rhino on the way from the strip to the camp, usually I would let the guests know but could not be bothered with this clown so I left it. on landing and passing 1/3 of the way down the strip a warthog bolted out of a ditch and ran across in front of me, I jammed on brakes and pulled the mixture in case I hit him and as the prop was still winding down the little bastard passed in front of us, tail in the air like a car areial, missing the prop by a few inches. Mr "know-it-all" in the back shat himself and yelped to his wife in a broad american accent "oh my god, look at that rhinosarus!!!!" Knowing that they were about to to see the real deal and he was about to look a complete fool in front of his new bride I sniggered to myself and with a dead pan look, said to him "I know! its one of the biggest I have ever seen!" I restarted and taxied to the end of the strip and dropped them off. I never got that tip but have always amused myself thinking about the look on his face when they saw the real rhino on the way into the camp.

TermightJim
9th Jan 2008, 13:54
Cleaning out the aircraft and on the last sweep finding a Bonaqua water bottle filled with reprocessed water is not cool. Spillage is a no go especially when its still warm.

Jumbalia
15th Jan 2008, 18:30
Not exactly in Nam or Bots but In southern Sudan my Captain sat in one of the pax seats while the aircraft was being refuelled only to discover, much to his discontent and disgust, that the slightly damp sensation on the back of his pants was warm Sudanese piss. The refulling guys must have pissed themselves too, but with laughter at this captain swearing his head off, pouring water all over his ass..

Good times.

flyhardmo
16th Jan 2008, 01:51
The worst are the americans tourists (not all but most). You know they are clueless when your welcoming everybody on board about to start the briefing from the cockpit and some idiot asks 'are you the pilot' :ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

I got them back though. One morning whilst flying a charter in a C-404 over lake natron i was a bit gassy from last nights curry and decided to ease the pressure. The smell was horrendous so i quickly pointed out the window and said thats lake natron, its a sulphur lake. You can smell the sulpher from here, to which everyone in the aircraft took a big whiff and said yeah you can. :E

Had another bloke take a pee in a small water bottle kneeling between the pilots seats. It was also on the 404 so he was in full view of everyone. He tried to hand over the bottle but i suggested it was best he held on to it.

B Sousa
17th Jan 2008, 02:37
Puke bags for the Helicopter. I tell them they are take away bags, you use them, you take them away. In my years I have had folks do it all. Every leakage possible without going into detail.
You think Americans are Arrogant, wait till you get a plane load of French Canadians. Most of the time they refuse to speak English. French cant stand them either as they are not French. At least the Americans usually tip......

rabidpangolin
17th Jan 2008, 05:43
Hi

Some real cool questions I've been asked:

"Are you from Chiefs Island or from the mainland?"

"How many eggs does a hippo lay?"

Lady stepping off Airbots in Maun:" Where's the ocean?"

"Who is the president of Africa?"

Gentleman, after climbing into R/H front seat on the 210:" Is this a twin-engined aircraft?" My answer:" You are very observant."

German tourist after picking them up in Vic Falls, landing in Kasane for customs, flying an hour west into the Delta, on base for Kwara he sees a veld-fire:" Is dat Vic Falls?":D

Cheers

Rabid

dnk
17th Jan 2008, 07:55
The following took place flying a Donkey around the Delta.

Woman (not paying attention, and irritated at pilots insistence that she know how to operate door): Why do I need to know how to open the door? I dont need to open it!
Pilot: You will if we are on fire.
Woman: (starts paying attention)

Scenic Pax: Whats the In-Flight movie?
Pilot: Its a new release, its called "Shut Up And Look Out The Window"

flyhardmo
17th Jan 2008, 23:46
Scenic Pax: Whats the In-Flight movie?

My answer to that was "Tanzania's worst aviation disasters". That usually shut em up :E

timasin
19th Jan 2008, 05:27
As I was touching down at a strip in the Kariba area in a 206 with the stall warning sounding all I heard from the not so clever yank in the back to his wife was "jeez luv this plane even has a hooter to chase off the animals".

airmuster
19th Jan 2008, 05:46
After a little bit of dog baiting, had my pax bring up yesterdays dinner.

RESULT Onion rings all over the panel...... and no suitable field in sight.:yuk:

Solid Rust Twotter
19th Jan 2008, 07:04
As I was touching down at a strip in the Kariba area in a 206 with the stall warning sounding all I heard from the not so clever yank in the back to his wife was "jeez luv this plane even has a hooter to chase off the animals".

...Or perhaps he just had a slightly more developed sense of humour than your own...:}

kiross
19th Jan 2008, 08:21
Got asked by a mechanical engineer on a B200 " How are the wheels driven?"

Solid Rust Twotter
19th Jan 2008, 08:59
..." How are the wheels driven?"...


Conveyor belt...?:E

desertnomad
19th Jan 2008, 18:17
While flying a 210 over the highest shifting sand dunes in the world aka the Namib, a german 'Frau' asked, " are all these dunes man made?! " No reply............

arrow208
19th Jan 2008, 19:32
Yank climbing into a 210......."is this a Spitfire"

Joining the coastline on a clear day with water to the horizon..... “is this the ocean”

Freight rules :ok:

A

Sardyn
20th Jan 2008, 05:20
Yanks once asked me:" does Impala hunt in packs?"

yourmilehighness
21st Jan 2008, 03:06
These are all very interesting and entertaining.Keep 'em comin'!!Thanks.YMH

Commander 690
22nd Jan 2008, 10:10
Not by Pax Rather a customs official... What are the roads like up there and how do you know which turn to take....

690

RobinB
24th Jan 2008, 10:26
Yanks once asked me:" does Impala hunt in packs?"

Only after they sign up for SAAF No2 Squadron :O

Charliesjc
14th Feb 2008, 13:53
Yank climbs into the right seat of the BE58 I was flying out of Lusaka and says, "Do you use both engines at the same time.?"

I pretended not to hear him.

GULF69
15th Feb 2008, 05:01
heard a few myself...

* What's the capital of Africa?
* Do you have motorbikes in South Africa?
* Do you play golf in South Africa?
* After landing in CPT, (very famous music artist) pax asked me to tell him bout CPT. i said sarcastically "well as you might have noticed, there are no cattle on the runway". His response was: "yea what's up with that?"
* After landing in CPT, my pax were staring at our (white) FBO handlers in awe. my colleague, who had had enough of them decided to pipe up and ask "did you expect everyone to be black?"...after a few seconds of silence the pax replied ..."well yea!"
* after landing in CPT: "where should we go to avoid the lions?" which doesnt make sense on so many levels...
* Whilst travelling in the States, i met a lady who asked me where i was from. i replied South Africa. She got this "i know exactly where it is" look and said: "oh yes, that's next to Morocco"
* Also in the States, someone asked me if i knew their friend who stays in Kenya...yes lady there are only 50 white people in Africa and we all know each other.

GULF69
15th Feb 2008, 06:35
i hope you were honest and told him "no"?!

chuks
15th Feb 2008, 07:26
I had a German tell me to meet him for drinks in Farmingdale, Long Island on Friday when I had just said that I was in Salem, Oregon on the previous Sunday. I had to explain that if I left on Monday morning I would just get there on Friday afternoon but yes, we Yanks are bit slow when it comes to the Dark Continent and geography in general.

I used to get questions about the wildlife in Lagos, elephants on the runway or something. What, you mean bush dogs? And my dear old grey-haired mother would read about trouble in Soweto and ask me if everything was okay next door in Lagos. I told her to check the map to see how far apart these two points were.

greenslopes
15th Feb 2008, 07:35
I once had a Charter to pick up a large Yank heading a drilling team who was about to be lynched by the locals. When I arrived he announced there was no way he was gettin on board as "there was no F/O and the contract requires two crew....or don't you know that", I responded that this aircraft was leaving in two minutes..with or without him. You guessed it he got onboard and proceeded to piss and moan about anything and everything. Unbeknowns to him I had slipped an Oxygen tube into the corner of my mouth and steadily climbed to 16000 Ft. Slept like a baby and stayed that way till POM.
Thank goodness for un-pressurised aircraft.

Juliet Sierra Papa
15th Feb 2008, 18:50
Greenslopes,

I don't think thats the kind of stunt you should be admitting to here or anywhere for that matter !

Leftpedal
16th Feb 2008, 09:06
Not quite pax but a mate of mine went to America and told someone there that he was from South Africa. The reply - "Where's that then?". (He pointed out to them that the clue is in the name, but they still looked blank). The he said (to someone else) that he was born in the UK. "Oh yeah, east coast right?". He also told everyone he met that he had a pet Elephant. Not one person doubted him. BTW if any future pax are reading this, the next time you get into a helicopter, don't forget to tell the pilot the one about the rotors being a fan because the pilot sweats when they stop turning. If I had a Zimbabwean dollar for every time I've heard that one I could buy a chicken......

chuks
16th Feb 2008, 10:46
Miami, my last place of steady work before Lagos, was just a laff riot. We always got:

Do you have to wind up the rubber bands to make it fly? (Beech Travel Air, Piper Aztec.)

Are you our stewardess? (Single pilot.)

Who is controlling the flight? (I am, you moron.)

They are watching us on radar, right? (Heading out into the middle of nowhere in the Bahamas?)

The airconditioning isn't working right. (Must have forgot to install one, I guess.)

Joo wan' some cocaine, mang? (Not all Colombian Mafia types are rude and selfish; some are willing to share.)

I have been lucky in Africa not to fly tourists, mostly, so that I have been left in peace with the dumb stuff. I can see that you guys in southern and central Africa might have a problem, yes.

Lammers
16th Feb 2008, 15:17
A guy once asked me, do you use both engines for take-off?

I replied, no but if the one fails we switch on the other one!

Wasn't to happy when he realized the sarcasm after take-off!:uhoh: