How do you know you're an Ascoteer?

[SVK]

A mate of mine recently commented on how I was a typical 'Ascoteer.' This got me thinking and in the spirit of a bit of New Year fun I am asking the question, "How do you know you're an Ascoteer?"
To start the ball rolling:
1. Some of your electrical items have two-pin plugs.
2. Your bathroom cabinet has the world's supply of a wide variety of anti-malarials.
3. There's a Weber in your back garden.
4. Not all your DVDs are Region 2...
5. ...Neither are all your DVD players.
6. Your copper jar is full of completely useless (if not restricted) coinage from a number of nations.
7. At least some of your tools in the shed came from Canadian Tyre.
8. There's Halloumi in the fridge.
9. Your stationery consists of Hotel notepads and pens. The more exotic, the better!
10. You now have a specific drawer called the "F**king Imprest/JPA Receipt Drawer!"
:)

[Baskitt Kase]

You never tip anyone at any time.:E
You have plenty of bodge tape and paracord in the garage.
It would take a team of muggers and bolt croppers to separate you from your luggage when on a family holiday - the hotel porter doesn't stand a chance!
You have an awful souvenir in the loft that you weren't sober enough to remember buying.
To sort the men from the boys: You've woken up midflight to find yourself the only one now awake!!:eek:

[Green Flash]

You know where to get the strongest coffee on the planet.

[The Gorilla]

Thirteen of you can't decide where to go for a beer/burger/lapdance so you shuffle around for hours until you find an Irish bar! :)

[Mike Oxmels]

You wear your desert flying suit and Telic medal with pride, even though the closest you got to the FLOT was Al Udeid.

[D-IFF_ident]

Mike's poor attempt at banter neither surprises you nor riles you.

[BEagle]

1. You check in, rather than dig in.
2. 10% Carlos (in Lajes), Chris-the-son-of-Chris (in Akrotiri), Jean-Luis (in Dakar) and various other 'agents' greet you like a long-lost friend, find you the best rooms available and consign the Untermensch (pongos, fast jet pukes and the like) elsewhere.
3. You actually look forward to going to $hitholes like Gander, because you have an 'Auntie' who lives there....:eek:
4. You haven't spent a night in a tent since Officer Training days.
5. You haven't had to buy shampoo or shower gel for years.
6. All the drink in your booze cabinet is export strength.
7. You NEVER go U/S anywhere where you might be required to stay (or rather, 'exist') on base.....

Please tell me it's still so?

[Spit the Dog]

Your son has no street cred in the swing park coz he rides a 'Huffy' mountain bike !

[Spit the Dog]

BEagle.."You haven't spent a night in a tent since Officer Training days."

Not so these days I'm afraid !

[BEagle]

Sorry, in that case you're not a real Ascoteer!

One simply doesn't do 'tents'....:eek:




Whatever those are....:hmm:

[charliegolf]

BEagle:

Whatever those are....

If you foresee it getting ripped, it's a portent! Boom Boom.

Timex, it's an extent.

Any more?

CG

Oh, oh, If your reminisce about them they're past-tentse

Hat, coat...

[Confucius]

Hmm, think my experiences tick all the boxes mentioned.

Result!

[BEagle]

The only 'tent' a proper Ascoteer knows about is the Hotel Intercontinental....

Presumably those awful working class desert $hitholes offer room service?

[Confucius]

****, I've paid (my own) real money to get out of a tent and stay in a hotel -THAT's ASCOTEERING!

[minigundiplomat]

From my experience of AT, the ability to put yourself first, and your customers second normally sets you apart.

[FFP]

(waits for tumbleweed to exit stage right....)

How cute. A timely and fatherly reminder of our responsibilities as Ascoteers :rolleyes:

Anyway, back to the fun......

1) You bore everyone at the local BBQ with "Brandy Sours never taste the same outside of Akrotiri"
2) You become the worldwide authority on the quality of every BX in the world, e.g " The BX at Lajes is OK, but the one at Travis is huge and has IPOD's for only $50"
3) You start every sentence down route with "Well, the last time I was here..."
4) You can say hello / goodbye / thank you in most languages and use it at every opportunity with foreign ATC

More to follow....

[minigundiplomat]

Hmmm,

May 2001, Tristar to Brisbane.

3 Hours at Muscat, stood in the sand at the edge of an unlit parling bay at 3am.

Night stop in Singapore, different hotel to the crew, no explanation of transport for the following day, no arrangements for meals, nil.

Tristar then has a tire blow at Sydney (GE openly admits it could have made it back) followed by 6 day wait whilst 150 pax sit in a barracks.

How many more examples do you want?

[minigundiplomat]

Hundreds. And Im sure your all great at heart, but a word of warning, the RAAF used to opearte helicopters, and operated along similar lines to the way our AT fleet do (or don't dependant on viewpoint) business. They don't opereate helicopters anymore...the Army do.

Much as I think your all a bunch of money grabbing slackers, I'd rather you were operating the AT Fleet than the RLC/AAC, so be good chaps and get a grip.

[FFP]

I'll have a go at some kind of defence for them (even if they are / were 3*'s)

Firstly, Did you have a PRO / Senior person who was designated your POC on the trip for starters ? How often did they speak to you all as passengers ?That will determine how much of the mushroom effect you experienced.

3 hrs in Muscat. I assume it was a quick turn before heading off east some more ? Or was there some issue that they needed everyone off the jet while they worked it ? Maybe they expected the stop to be shorter than it was and risked running out of crew duty if the pax went into the terminal ? Maybe there was no support to move everyone at 3 a.m for the refuel ? In every case, I doubt very much if the crew's intentions were to try and f**k you over for the sake of it.

Different hoel to the crew is normal / preferred. When things go wrong, having 90 pax at your door asking when the planes going to be fixed and how they are going to get back for their rugby tournament is beyond your job. Never helps to have a load of pax out all night and waking you up 4 hrs before wheels in the hotel after the final night out before departing. RAFLO's deal with all this or in their physical absence, the Co / Loadmaster pays for all the rooms / meals and all this is explained to the PRO who should brief every pax. Has happened like that on every trip I've broken down on.

Tire blows on landing. GE reckons it could take off and make it back ? You sure you were speaking to the GE ? I'd laugh him out of the flight deck if he came up ther spouting sh!t like that. You blow a tire on the M4 at Bristol. You keep driving to London ?

6 day wait. Bearing in mind the time changes, I guess that's how long it took to call back to Brize, get the wheel, decide how to send it, get it out there, CLEAR CUSTOMS (which can be the biggest pain in the ass of it all) and then fit it. Given the state of our air force, 6 days for a tire to Sydney doesn't sound to bad ...

150 pax sit in barracks. I'm getting the feeling it's the "sit in barracks" part that's annoying you here. I'll say only this.

When I'm sat down the back, landing at an airfield with poor vis / bad weather / tricky crosswinds and with a crew that have potential crossed multiple time zones with minimum time on the ground, I never want the cost of that pilots hotel room to be a factor. $60 saved on putting them in the barracks also is a false economy when we lose an aircraft / lives due to fatigue. So, IMO, put them up in the Ritz for all I care. As long as they are in the best possible condition to land that plane and keep my life going, I'm happy.

[minigundiplomat]

Some of what you say is flannel, though some good explanations of subjects I am already aware of.

The point is, I am fellow aircrew and find it hard to either rationalise or explain/defend an AT crews atitude from time to time. I share the same colour uniform, supposed ethos and values.

If I find it difficult (not always) , what about the Army/RN/Civvies you carry?

Either you are stuck in the heydays, or you have a comms snag between yourselves and the customer. Your gonna have to confront one.

Anyway, I hope you all have a happy new year, wherever you are!

MGD

[rudekid]

You know you're an Ascoteer when....

You realise that anyone and everyone can do your job much better than you, knows your GASOs and the intricacies of your ac performance to an above average standard and that having any type of AT ac or crew is an utter waste of time and money because you might as well get some CH47 crewman to fly the things on their day off. 'Cos that's what BA do, right?:hmm:

On the other hand, I realised I was an absolute cock when...

I started preaching to some harrier mates about medium level CAS and told some CH47 geezer how FDAD was much easier than they kept making out.

Anyway, back to the fun...

1. You pitch up at a civil airport and expect at least one of your crew to cause a scene at security because he's carrying a leatherman.

2. You know that any estimate of a GEs age should be reduced by at least 15 years to get anywhere near.

3. Anyone who tells you Gander is a good night stop is certainly a GE.

4. You've considered stealing your aircraft and flying to Brazil when it was full of drugs/money or maybe both!

5. Nothing the Royal Gurkha Rifles do in the back of the ac surprises you...

[minigundiplomat]

Rude Kid,

You know your an Ascoteer when your chopped from Valley or Shawbury.

MGD

PS: Sorry mate, busy for the next few days, you'll have to do your own job!

[FFP]

Some of what you say is flannel

Like what ? I'll happily defend what I wrote.

Of course things will go wrong. Of course AT guys will screw up just like any other category of pilots. Of course the expected level of service we all think we're entitled to fall short sometimes, even more so when the AT fleet is working beyond it's means.

The problem is that people expect British Airway / Virgin schedule keeping / results on a military budget. Which doesn't fit.

So my question to you is surely someone from the same colour uniform and shared ethos and values is also able to recognise these points and not make a blanket statement about all AT pilots ?

I'm sure the guys that have been Comp A'd from overseas will have a different story (as the letter and cards of thanks that arrive on my Sqn weekly seem to show)

[D-IFF_ident]

May 2001, Tristar to Brisbane.

So you were upset by something 6 YEARS ago - nothing more recent?
3 Hours at Muscat, stood in the sand at the edge of an unlit parling bay at 3am.

Did the crew make you do this or was it a result of policy as enforced by somebody else?

Night stop in Singapore, different hotel to the crew, no explanation of transport for the following day, no arrangements for meals, nil.
Now I do know that is policy - again not decided by the crew, but I believe by DTMA, and correctly enforced by movement staff.

Tristar then has a tire blow at Sydney (GE openly admits it could have made it back) followed by 6 day wait whilst 150 pax sit in a barracks.

Did the GE offer an opinion that the tyre might have been ok? Or did he explain the engineering reference detailing the tolerance of blown tyres, and associated braking systems and clearly show how the a/c was safe to operate? And... would you rather a jet that would "make it back", or one that is fully serviceable.

But you know you're an Ascoteer when you've learned to live with whingers like that.

And you have a piece of string as long as your attic door is wide.

[rudekid]

I'll keep biting.....

Rather be a chopped bus-driver than a never-tried-it bus conductor!;)

Note that your (sic) busy for the next few days, so will utilise the time to study up my big book of how to do other peoples jobs. That RTES stuff looks a right piece-of-piss...Maybe I can tell you a few things about it when you get back.

Or maybe I can tell you about being stranded by a CH47 on exercise once. I couldn't believe they didn't ring me directly to tell me they weren't coming to pick me up. Maybe they were looking for their aft pylon somewhere in the desert though.:E Still rubbish comms though!

[StopStart]

lol

Singapore??? Fook me, 12 years odd at Lyneham and I've only ever seen it once... deadheaded in and out...
Sydney???? Never been there..... I'm clearly doing something very wrong :confused:

Not biting mind - someone bearing a grudge about not getting a wake up call six years ago? Brilliant!

[tarbaby]

You know you are an Ascoteer when;

Chocks are always between 2300 an 0300 coming or going.
You never landed at Akrotiri in the afternoon
You are not allowed to fly beyond 30W because MOD has run out of money
Lyneham runs out of 6mil charts for across the US
When on Argosies (what's that?) you knew the name of every mountain on the north Cento route
On Hercs you asked, "What mountains?" on the north Cento route
On Argosies it took you 4 days (Malta night stop, Akrotiri night stop, Teheran night stop)
to get to Bahrain, and you looked in awe? at a Herc man because "We can do it non-stop!!
When a Co could handle an imprest, giving you enough to have a good time and still hand you a fiver as you left the aircraft at home.

[Truckkie]

You know you're an Ascoteer when....

Listening to some FJ and RW guys talk about their Afghan experiences and how great they all are, you remind them that you were there 5 years previously and couldn't remember seeing them anywhere!!!

On a lighter note:-

1. You know the routing from the UK to Akrotiri without an ERC.
2. As a smoker you can always arrange to have the only smoking suite in the 5* hotel.
3. You can make $10 of chips last long enough to drink your own body weight in Long Island Ice Teas.
4. You can find the only nightclub/w***ehouse in American Samoa.
5. You let purile banter go over your head because everbody else is jelous and you get a free ATPL!

:ok:

[EdSet100]

You know you are an ascoteer when you can remember the old days when the loadie did the DF draw on days trips to Europe. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're not a true ascoteer.

[SVK]

You know you're an Ascoteer when:

1. You can enter into a bit of mildly self-depreciating banter whilst all the time remembering its just in the name of fun.

2. You can ignore the willy waving, 'I've been in the desert longer than you', 'You guys annoy me because.....' diatribes and enjoy your first New Year off ops since 2003.

[cazatou]

You know you're an Ascoteer when:

You remember when it was Transport Command (and the AOC 38 Gp wore the medal he won on the Dams Raid).

[Pontius Navigator]

You know you're an Ascoteer when:

You know where Gateway House is but have never set foot inside.

[minigundiplomat]

Yeah whatever.

have a good new year.

MGD

[Two's in]

Most of you Ascot types know this, but there are two types of Army customer, and they will;

1. Get stuck somewhere on an AT Flight, convince the Responsible Officer that it makes sense for everyone to be in the same Hotel as the Aircrew, as anyone can be uncomfortable. Good time had by all.

2. Get stuck somewhere on an AT Flight, immediately lose any sense of command responsibility, spend hours in a transit lounge because that's what everyone else does, develop a burning hatred for anyone and anything that ever came out of Brize/Lyneham and spend the next 22 years whingeing about how crap the RAF are.

All it takes to be type 1 is balls and a sense of responsibility, all it takes to be type 2 are matching chips on each shoulder and a desire to drag everyting down to the lowest common denominator when it comes to comfort.

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

[Brain Potter]

'Fraid that goes for all types of "customers" - not just Army - including those that ought to know better. It is ironic that on this occasion the loudest moaning is coming from a part of the Air Force that the Army are often just as disparaging about, with many of the same accusations.

[minigundiplomat]

Im sorry Brain.

I won't voice my complaints in future, as I should obviously know better. I'll just await the day when the AAC/civvies take me to the Stan.

Rest assure if the day does arrive, you will all have jobs as personal shoppers. Might need to work on your customer services skills, as not everyone will realise that you know best 100% of the time.

What will we do with all those chopped from FJ/Rotary? I suppose Ops Support will always need people to sharpen pencils.

[ALM In Waiting]

Quote:
'Anyone who tells you Gander is a good night stop is certainly a GE.'

Or UKMAMS/ 1AMW...:}

[rudekid]

Tarbaby,

Please enlighten us, what's the Cento route?

You know you're an Ascoteer when...

1. You momentarily consider buying a ride-on lawn mower when on holiday with the wife. Then realise 20 kgs baggage allowance won't quite cut it.

2. You've force-fed at least 20 'white-box-fruit cakes' to a mates dog/co-pilot.

3. You know not to bother calling Ascot Ops when you need help...

[x10ge]

When your hole in the wall PIN number becomes redundant:D

[Truckkie]

When it's New Years Eve again and you are still in the same s**thole that you arrived in 6 years ago!

I look forward to when SH are flown by the Army and FJ are flown by the Playstation generation - you'll all still need to get where you're going and be re-supplyed and flown home!!!!

Happy New Year

[tarbaby]

Was it so long ago?
Central Treaty Organisation, originally Bagdad Pact, something else before that-was between Iraq, Iran, Turkey, Pakistan and UK. The route was the airway just south of the USSR (at the time) border, from Ankara, Elazig, Tatvan, Van, Zanjan, turn off at Rudeshur? for dirty dart into Tehran. Herc would carry on over Isfahan and Shiraz, Sharjah to Bahrain.

The route is most probably just a std airway now, but then was quite intersting in an Argosy. I recollect that Elazig was the only VOR, the NDBs had a very short range and the Russians meaconed with some. The performance? of the Argosy led to an intimate knowledge of the mountains. Climbing out of Teheran in the summer, trying to get above the inversion was by extravagent use of water meth and more than often, emergency power.

[StopStart]

Brain P
Happy New Year you dreadful splitter - hope the hosties strike doesn't cause you new boys too much grief. Rubbish....

MGD
You really need to get over yourself. Seriously.

[rudekid]

Tarbaby

Thanks for that, have heard from the (very!) old & bold that Tehran was a good nightstop! Chance would be a fine thing these days...

Always nice to hear about some of the old days....Though I could forego the Changi slip stories!

TVM.

You know you're an Ascoteer when you need to order a the 48 page passport, not the standard one...

[BANANASBANANAS]

You know you're an Ascoteer when you can sweet talk customs into accepting the customs dec at face value. Best example I ever saw was a VC10 Nav who was a keen gardener. He bought a rotovator in IAD and (quite accurately) declared it as an orthopaedic spade.

[BEagle]

Well done that man!

Something which our Nav Rad on Vulcans should have tried when he brought back a sit-on lawn mower in the bomb bay pannier...

When we got back to Sunny Scampton, Farquar-the-revenue charged him not only the duty, but also 'car tax' as it was a 'vehicle'.....

Fortunately he challenged the car tax issue and it was later repaid.

You know you're an Ascoteer when it feels strange to be at home for a complete weekend.

[Brain Potter]

You know you're a truckie when....

Crossing Dupont circle to meet the crew in a bar you have to fob off a nightfighter with the old "Sorry ma'am, I've only got twenty dollars" line.

But you know you're an Ascoteer when...

Much later and rather heavily refreshed, you are walking the female ALM back to the hotel when the same business-lady spots you shouts - "Hey, didn't I say that twenty bucks wouldn't buy ya much"

[BANANASBANANAS]

Ah The Dupont Circle. Do "we" still use the Dupont Plaza hotel and is "Rumours" Bar still going strong?

[Confucius]

Anyone who tells you Gander is a good night stop is certainly a GE.

When the alternative is Goose Bay...

Anyhoo, one night in Gander is great - best damn chicken wings in the world - , two nights is a nightmare; there's only so long/much one can spend in Canadian Tire.

[haltonapp]

I remember the ALM on 10 who moaned about doing day trips because he had to kiss the wife twice!
How can one forget the O dark hundred departure to get to AKR before it shut for the day, and the chaos of a delay out Masirah that meant you couldn't get through AKR before it shut for the weekend! Who remembers the door in the bar marked "tv room" in the mess at Masirah that when opened put you outside. My wife still reminds me of being rung at work by the squadron to enquire why I was not at work, and her reasonably polite response that they had called me out, and she would like to know where I was!
Does this make me a sad old ex Ascotteer?
Happy Days

[St Johns Wort]

You know that you are an 'Ascoteer' when your posts look as if a mover has composed them.

[Moe Syzlak]

You know that you are an 'Ascoteer' when you failed at least one thing in training-probably more.

[Pistol Called]

You know that you are an 'Ascoteer' when you think airline flying "might be a laugh"

[enicalyth]

http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c220/enicalyth/Reflections.jpg

Methinks Reflections has closed its doors awhile, if it this one. And anyway the tables were not that posh. Just the doilies over the sugar and milk... sorry cream...

[Sideshow Bob]

Why is it young upstarts like minigund**khead and Moe S**tlak think all Ascoteers have failed at something, most of us have just got too old and bold to do other things, we've been there done that and broke a few bits of our bodies along the way. Maybe when you grow up you'll learn a few things about the real world, before putting both feet in your mouth and showing your depth of knowledge. :p

[higgy]

You know your an Ascoteer when the Eng Ldr rings your wife to say husband has not made it back to Lyneham and asks her if she knew where I was!

And yes she did know.

( I was outside block 101 on my second Keo. Another leaky prop on yet another long Jural)

[minigundiplomat]

Why is it young upstarts like minigund**khead and Moe S**tlak think all Ascoteers have failed at something, most of us have just got too old and bold to do other things, we've been there done that and broke a few bits of our bodies along the way. Maybe when you grow up you'll learn a few things about the real world, before putting both feet in your mouth and showing your depth of knowledge. :p


Too old and bold? Your 2 years older than me mate.

Been there done that? Nimrods and Tristars? Yeah mate, youve been punching above your weight for a long time Freakshow Bob!

[glum]

Quote - Minigun:

'Been there done that? Nimrods and Tristars? Yeah mate, youve been punching above your weight for a long time Freakshow Bob!'

Please don't dis-respect the work of the truckie fleets - Nimrod and Hercules crews have all died in combat within the last two years. Just because it's not fast and pointy doesn't mean we're not there getting shot at.:cool:


You know you're an Ascoteer when the undercarriage 'up' selection puts you to sleep.:p

[pikeyeng]

:)minigundiplomat dude you want to chill out man and start sharing the love. You're obviously much better than us Ascoteer types, thats fine I've got no problem with that, but stop going on about it man. Peace out brother:ok:

I take it when your cab goes t*ts or you are running late then you are out with your pax offering around tea and sandwiches??

You know when you are a real Ascoteer when:
-you can have a weekend away with the missus on loyalty points
-you've had two new sets of wheels on your samsonite

[dagama]

You knew:) you were an Ascoteer:

when the Alexandria (not Egypt) Holiday Inn accepted a booking for Sunday (almost every) brunch in the name of Capt Charles Ascot.

when the wife wore a tee-shirt with the words 'Ascoteer's wife - hardest job in the RAF'.

when you were handed a cold tinnie on landing after a 26 hour flight.

when you saw two sunrises and a sunset during the same flight.

Happy days, and do you know - nobody grumbled!

[Warmtoast]

Remind me please, when (what year) was ASCOT officially adopted as an RAF callsign?

[minigundiplomat]

Ha Ha.

PikeyEng, will endeavour to stop winding you lot up and share the love dude.
(How do you get a surfboard onto the flight deck)

[BEagle]

You know you're an Ascoteer when you can order breakfast in any American hotel without being asked ANY questions!

Things to watch out for:

"Are you ready to order?"
"Is that regular orange juice?"
"Will that be all?"

So, a deep breath and then:

"Hello, I'm all ready to order. 2 eggs over medium, Canadian bacon, home fries, rye toast with regular butter, regular OJ, regular coffee, please. That's all - and separate cheques please. Thanks!"

So simple, you would think. But it takes an Ascoteer many trips to the US to develop the practical R to I skills needed to cope with American waitresses!

Although the 'Loadmaster alternative' is to blag the free coffee whilst waiting for wheels - and then stuff your face with in-flight rations at the aircraft whilst the front end are planning.....

[dagama]

ASCOT Callsigns were formed as an acronym of Air Support Command (ASC) and Operational and Training (OT) to manage the big AT Fleet that meandered its way to service the pink map in the late 60s and early 70s. Alas the pink world started shrinking in mid 70s but the legacy has lived on.

ASC was formed on 1 Aug 1967 to absorb the then Transport Command and certain elements of other ac that could be deployed overseas in a tactical air power effort.

The call-sign was the brain-wave of a corporal in HQ ASC at Upavon where they controlled the many different types of AT ac. He probably received £25 for this 'invention' but the copyright would have fetched him millions.

[TheWizard]

You know when you are an Ascoteer when:

You have done most of the above mentioned things, moved across to the other fleet, had a bloody good time but look forward to going back and doing it all again one day...soon...please....

From one who has experienced both sides of the fence (AT & SH), each has its own merits and downfalls. Same team fellas, same team.:E

On a lighter note:

A. Walked all the way back to Block 101 from Limassol
B. Been caught stealing the Stars and Stripes flag and held at gunpoint
c. Experimented with OM15 in the Co's coffee (allegedly)

[SVK]

You know you're an Ascoteer when you receive at least one phoncall per week that starts with' "So. What do you think you're doing this weekend?"

PS - Is it just me or do the kids in Gander have remarkable likenesses to GE's these days?:8

[billynospares]

Or when you have left the stars and stripes on the ground and made off with the golden arches mcdonalds flag that was flying above it !:ok:

[BEagle]

.....to present to one's navigator!

[Confucius]

You know your an Ascoteer when the Eng Ldr rings your wife to say husband has not made it back to Lyneham and asks her if she knew where I was!

And yes she did know.

( I was outside block 101 on my second Keo. Another leaky prop on yet another long Jural)


Or, as has happened with my missus and I:
"Your husband has been delayed and won't be back at Lyneham until tomorrow"
"That's odd, he walked through the door an hour ago"

...and an almost infinite number of variations thereof...

[SirPeterHardingsLovechild]

Its been a while, thread now locked. We had a few jealous contributors that thread as well.

Ascoteers Multiple Choice (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=91383&highlight=Ascoteers+Multiple+Choice)

[Impiger]

Oh BEagle

Did you want regular OJ with or without pulp and what about that coffee? with or without cream, low fat milk or sugar?

Clearly you need a re-famil on American breakfasts!;)

[Seldomfitforpurpose]

You know your a real and current Ascoteer when you think just WHAT is Beagle on about..............:rolleyes:

[Door Slider]

You know your on SH when:

A. You dont own a Samsonite
B. Hotels are things of dreams
C. You would consider re-mustering to Air Eng to get to the truckie fleet (if it was possible)
D. All of the above.

Had enough of SH and need a change, anyone fancy swapping, dont all rush at once! :) please please please

[woptb]

When you've watched a loadey patiently sort through EVERY lumpy box, removing the chocolate & when he finally looks up & spies you watching him simply says,"for my nipper".

[St Johns Wort]

WOPTB & BEagle,

Is one to assume that you two dont like Air Loadmasters much or are they just convenient targets for you really great bloke types?

[Seldomfitforpurpose]

Having read most of Beag's post's and realised what a real Cabin Crew chum he was I wish I had a quid for every time his cup was rimmed or special sauce was added to his food............I'd be worth a bloody fortune :ok:

[BEagle]

Do grow up.....

...and go and sit in the back.




.

[Good Mickey]

Beagle,

you will be very disappointed to know that the modern day WSOP Cmn (AKA...ALM) divides his time between freight bay and flight deck because times have changed, its called progress. However, some things will never change and that includes the ancient art of 'rimming'. It doesn't happen often, its normally reserved for those special characters...you know the type!!

GM

[St Johns Wort]

Ahhh BEagle, an unexpectedly speedy resort to the ultimate put down!

One lump or two?

[PlasticCabDriver]

Wortypops, play nice now, and don't let the nasty man upset you. Not at your time of life anyway.

[OmegaV6]

You know you're an Ascoteer when you can enter a gentle conversation, throw in a one-liner, and walk away leaving an raging argument :)

methinks there are several "true" Ascoteers about :)

[woptb]

Is one to assume that you two dont like Air Loadmasters much or are they just convenient targets for you really great bloke types?

Merely targets of opportunity!

[Seldomfitforpurpose]

I remember about 12 or 13 years ago, still SH at that time, filling in all those CRM forms and taking part in some of those very amusing debates etc and wondering what it was really all about...............it's all becoming so very clear now and thankfully times have changed :rolleyes:

[JamesA]

I was an Ascoteer when the RAF's Hercules were 'Made in Britain.'

It sounds as if you Áscoteers'are using the RAF's time as training to become 'Freight dogs' in real life. Then you will learn to tell of places you have visited by their 3 or 4 letter codes. Place names are so ordinaire.

AIDU
re your post#76
I had a colleague who used the pub visit as the means to overcome his jet lag upon return from Germany.

Stay safe guys, even the jealous wish I could drag SLF and boxes around the sky.

[St Johns Wort]

What Ho Plastic, I guess Im just too sensitive. Not like you to be ageist?

One egg or two? :O

[bwfg3]

On the subject of American breakfasts, I could never work out the egg cooking regime, so ordered scrambled every time. And how can they be home fries when they are not cooked at home??

You are definately an ascoteer once you have wrecked at least one hire car. (Mike Jenvey qualifies)

[c130jbloke]

When you have made the walk back from Limassol to BB100 - 102 and you have been allocated every room in said blocks.
.
.
.
.
.
BTW, not me as I got the bus full of cyp workers just past the main gate. Lost the chance on the bragging rights, but was really happy for the ride !

[minigundiplomat]

BTW, not me as I got the bus full of cyp workers just past the main gate. Lost the chance on the bragging rights, but was really happy for the ride !

He ended up with an ass like a wizards sleeve, but thats another story!

[c130jbloke]

He ended up with an ass like a wizards sleeve, but thats another story!
Naaahh, that's Beagle after taking a cuppa from one of his loadie fans :ooh::ooh:

[minigundiplomat]

LOL.....:}

[motley2]

What will we do with all those chopped from FJ/Rotary? I suppose Ops Support will always need people to sharpen pencils.


MGD

You really need to have a good look at yourself mate!!! If you need your pencil sharpening come and visit our section and let me enlighten you.

A**E

[South Bound]

You know you are an Ascoteer when you:

Have been gobsmacked at the numbers of returning soldiers on your TriStar seriously hurt during an exercise, thereby totally validating your decision to wear light blue.

Have quaranteened an aircraft for 2 days because of the Pterodactyl-sized bugs flying around inside after the pallets were left outside in Nairobi overnight (subsequently photocopying the blighters onto the jobcard as proof!!!).

Got bored of too many breakfasts in rotating restaurants.

Knew all the remote control combinations to make the pay-per-view channels in your swish hotel room free.

[teeteringhead]

removing the chocolate & when he finally looks up & spies you watching him simply says,"for my nipper".

But it's not just the Loadies who nick the rations....

...... puts me in mind of an SH crewroom long long ago, when a famous SH crewman (G***** B******) was "doing the rations". He went around the marrieds on the Sqn (one was a singly at the time) saying:

"To make things easier for you Sirs, just tell me what choccie bars your brats prefer, so that I can order them for you to nick!!"

And he was only a Sgt then (I said it was a long long time ago.....)

[brakedwell]

You have a cupboard full of "cheap" Changi umbrellas that actually cost an arm and a leg when the bill for Tiger Beer is taken into account

[Dunhovrin]

You can order a taxi in 17 different languages. All of which are Taxi just with different silly accents.

[Mr-Burns]

...... and you're a complete arse head :)

[charliegolf]

Teeters

And he was only a Sgt then (I said it was a long long time ago.....)

Wasn't GBH born an ugly grizzled bar steward, aged 50?

and...

removing the chocolate & when he finally looks up & spies you watching him simply says,"for my nipper

a pal once told me that, when a new (possibly on Brits) loadie himself, his gnarled mentor said, "Watch what I do...". At the TOD, he went and grabbed all the best goodies; but was sure to force something onto everone else's bag, "Go on Sir, for the nipper".

Then he says to the newbie, "Now we're all going down- they might do me, but they ain't gonna do a Sqn Ldr for a bottle of squash "

Priceless!

CG

[Seldomfitforpurpose]

GBH=Bully...........

[buoy15]

On reflection, you all knew you were an Ascoteer, when, over the years, you were "allowed" to flout the rules strictly imposed on the rest of the Services, which caused dissention, bad feeling and generally pissed off a lot of people - adding in part, to the inevitable and gradual erosion of the ethos of the RAF

Shame on all you shirt sleeve 'captains' whose only loyalty was to yourselves, where you abused and milked the system for hotels and allowances - you are a disgrace to your commissions
JPA might be a shambles now, but it may eventually right this wrong

Love Many, Trust a Few, Always paddle your own canoe!

[St Johns Wort]

Any first aiders out there?

Boy of 15 seems to be choking on his own bile.

[brakedwell]

On reflection I was a shirt sleeved Ascoteer because I wasn't issued with a flying suit. Cape leather gloves, yes. A big ticker and a pair of shades (for visits to Bermuda and Honolulu) together with a lightweight headset completed the ensemble when ASC was formed in 1967. Seven years later the transition to white shirts with four gold rings came naturally. :ok:

[StopStart]

On reflection, you all knew you were an Ascoteer, when, over the years, you were "allowed" to flout the rules strictly imposed on the rest of the Services, which caused dissention, bad feeling and generally pissed off a lot of people - adding in part, to the inevitable and gradual erosion of the ethos of the RAF

Shame on all you shirt sleeve 'captains' whose only loyalty was to yourselves, where you abused and milked the system for hotels and allowances - you are a disgrace to your commissions
JPA might be a shambles now, but it may eventually right this wrong

What a bizarre little rant. I take it someone stayed in a hotel once and you didn't? I guess that does explain the state of the RAF today.
There are some splendidly bitter little people out there :D what with Billy The Fish getting his wings for free and Ascot crews staying in hotels all we need now is a plague of locusts and all the portents for the end of the world will be there.

Meanwhile, back on planet earth......

[Good Mickey]

Boy 15,

not had your ration of 'rum, bum and baccy' today? Or is it that dammned scurvy again?

GM

[Good Mickey]

Love Many, Trust a Few, Always paddle your own canoe!

Isn't that what the Darwins said?

[buoy15]

Touched a few nerves and consciencies - Good!

Any more gripes from you ASCOT days 9 to 5 non-op sychophants?

[brakedwell]

Stopstart

I flew through a plague of locusts on an approach into Sharjah during the late fifties. Both engines (Alvis Leonides) seriously overheated and the oil temps went off the clock when the oil coolers clogged up with thick green gunge. Five minutes earlier and we would have not made the runway. It turned out to be very good training for a future Ascoteer

[mystic_meg]

Touched a few nerves and consciencies - Good!

Any more gripes from you ASCOT days 9 to 5 non-op sychophants?

...Yep, get yourself a speel chucker, you winker!

[buoy15]

Luvvin this!

Mickey

North American Indian proverb

[minigundiplomat]

Thanks buoy.

Thought it was just me!

[mystic_meg]

ah, another amoeba crawls out of the pond to join the fray....

[Yeller_Gait]

Not an Ascoteer by any means, but from memories of my years at ISK, it was more a case of us not getting what we were entitled to rather than others getting more than they were entitled to.

That is not to say that rules cannot be pushed to near breaking point as that is all part of the game, and a game most Ascoteers seemed to be good at.

Y_G

[StopStart]

Ah... the old pprune get out. Post something patently bollox then claim to be fishing when the rest of the world declare you to be something of a knobend :) Genius

http://www.portfolio.mvm.ed.ac.uk/studentwebs/session1/homepages/9812701/cock.jpg

Keep up the good work :D

[GGR]

Clearly, many of the posters in this thread have not looked back to the days of the ASCOT phenomenon that was AIR SUPPORT COMMAND,AKA, TRANSPORT COMMAND. Air Support Command Ops at RAF Upavon was my best ever posting as an AATC. I had too much to say at Shawbury as I then thought I knew the lot and scored the highest pass score of the class to be posted to Upavon, with no fxxxxxg a/c. I worked in ASCOC with some truly great old RAF types who even then dated back to Mosquito and before! John Ford, where are you now? Ops then catered for Hercules. VC10, Brittania, Andover, Comet, not to mention rthe 32 sqdn comms and TQF. We stuck pins in boards on a 24/365 basis to log all the comings and goings of a great fleet known to many as Air Elizabeth! Through thick and thin with many NATO exercises and lots of real drama, many will identify with this post. Many men served before the Tristar days who would be hurt and offended to be so defamed..........:=

[Bob Viking]

Far be it for me to admit that I agree, in part, with Buoy 15 but I believe some of you need to be a little careful with your 'holier than thou' put downs.
You know damn well that there were certain members of your fraternity getting away with more than their fair share (no I won't elaborate on this forum).
The world of Brize is not my domain and I have no intention of being drawn into a slanging match. However, I think sitting on a high horse and pretending that the only issue is the standard of hotels allocated to different people is counter-productive. You must accept that the behaviour of some (I'm certain it is not the majority) has not exactly endeared some of your brethren to the masses.
BV:=

[South Bound]

Yawn, there are people in every walk of life, in every camp, flying (or supporting) every type that push/cross boundaries and get away with it. The fact that we know it and have done little/nothing about it reflects on us as much as them.

I find it astounding that certain people feel the need to stamp on a bit of light-hearted fun in the way that they do. Perhaps they should go and start their own thread about how they have only ever stayed in tents and never claimed a day's rates and didn't even know certain allowances existed (and would not claim them even if they had known to save Auntie Betty a few quid to reinvest in equipment), and somehow that makes them all much better than the rest of us.

Yawn

SB

(Not nearly old enough to be a true Ascoteer, but had a brief foray once, which was most enjoyable).

[Bob Viking]

Southbound wrote:

"Yawn, there are people in every walk of life, in every camp, flying (or supporting) every type that push/cross boundaries and get away with it."

True enough, but we are not talking about other walks of life right now!

I would suggest that the way in which Ascoteers are viewed by, say, the British Army (arguably your biggest customer) should be of reasonably high importance though! Instead of laughing it off, maybe you should think about it a little more often!
BV:8

[BEagle]

buoy15 and BV, you are to a certain extent, quite correct.

The old STC Accounting Instructions were very specific and stated that the allocation of accommodation was not to be influenced by aircraft type, although there was a pecking order of who might have to share if there wasn't enough 'room at the inn'....

Nevertheless, we were quite surprised to receive an 'all stations, all stations' nastygram once from Cyprus. It seemed that a certain fleet had got into the habit of demanding off-base accommodation on each and every occasion, whereas the rule was that you went to Ops and asked where they were putting you up for the night - they had the Big Picture of all movements to and from theatre. Of course if you needed to sleep during the day before a night trip to a nasty zone, trying to sleep through yet another RAFAT practice or jet-powered-motor-glider launch was not terribly conducive to decent rest...

But the primadonnas who waltzed in, refused to stay in Block 101 and demanded off-base hotac do indeed deserve a kick in the goolies.

I only refused the offered accommodation once - and that was in Wales when the St Athan air show organisers had put us into a doss-house full of remand prisoners.....:hmm:

But there is also the fact that many fleets simply didn't know what they were entitled to - and their own accounts people didn't go out of their way to tell them. After my time on tiin triangles, I once sorted out the allowances for our F4 det in Gutersloh (aah!) - when we got back I dictated to the guys how to fill in their forms. They'd never seen them before and were astonished when they actually got a few quid back from accounts a week or so later....... Did they say thankyou? Guess.........:rolleyes:

[Mr-Burns]

How do you know you're an Ascoteer??

You claim to have PTSD after doing 3 approaches into BIAP while the rest of us spend 4 months at a time living there.

[D-IFF_ident]

When you think you know more about Ascoteering than those who do it for a living, but have never actually been one yourself. Apparently.

:D

[DummyRun]

'cos it were tuff, on tut SH force, we used to live in cardboard box in middle of tut tank track, wake up 'alf an hour before we went t' bed 'ave 'alf an 'andful of cold gravel for breakfast, lick Salisbury Plain clean with tongue etc, etc:rolleyes:

[philrigger]

;)

When I was on SH we were told that Rate 1's were a fixed wing disease!








'We knew how to whinge but we kept it in the NAAFI bar.'

[Seldomfitforpurpose]

As was I phil.............but then I came to the truckie fleet and found out it was something I was ENTITLED TO...........so who is wrong, Ascoteer's for claiming what is rightfully theirs or the FJ/SH world for believing their lords and masters when told you can't have it............:(

[Bob Viking]

I agree. Absolutely nothing wrong in claiming what is rightfully yours. It should be positively encouraged (it would be nice if there was still a man in the loop able to tell people what they are entitled to instead of: "computer says noooooo", but that's another issue!).
What irks people is taking the p1ss, for example bagging hotels when there is really no need, or even the more shady practices that have been known to occur!
Anyway I'll climb down from my soapbox for now because I don't want to give the impression that I don't like Ascoteers (I've even smiled at a few!). I just think that every now and then we all need to take a look at ourselves and admit that sometimes we aren't absolutely perfect.
Except me. Because I am!
BV:E

[brakedwell]

You know you have made it to Ascot's Peak when you spend five days in San Francisco's Fairmont Tower while the passengers (VIP's) rough it in the Holiday Inn! (Thanks to the US Navy)

[philrigger]

;)
SFFP

I didn't say I agreed with the statement. Apart from my time on 230 in 1970s/80s I spent many years travelling both in UK and overseas and whenever I could swing it - Hotels/Pubs it was.







'We knew how to whinge but we kept it in the NAAFI bar.'

[charliegolf]

SFFP,

GBH= puffed up windbag.

CG

[CharlieJuliet]

Anyone got a copy of the Ode to a VC10 which charted the route of a 10 from Brize to Singapore? AFAIK it was not very complimentary to the 10 crews. From memory it appeared in Air Clues around late 70's.

[BEagle]

So that'd make it pretty relevant in today's world then, wouldn't it....:hmm:??

[Seldomfitforpurpose]

Have to admit there is a common theme running through this thread which is probably why CharlieJuliet asked his question :(

[c130jbloke]

Any more gripes from you ASCOT days 9 to 5 non-op sychophants?

Would that be the 9pm to 5am sector then ?
.
.
.
.
No, sorry, I meant 9pm til 7am ! Forgot that AKT don't do 24H ops.

As for the HOTAC whinge, get over it darlings. When looked at as a business model, it actually makes common (and financial) sense when considering some of the routes operated by 2Gp. Furthermore, as for "rule breaking" - don't think so. Therefore - if you know better, give provable examples or shut the **** up :}

God I love these ASCOT bashing threads !!!!

[Bob Viking]

The HOTAC whinge was meant about those times when the pax are put one place and the crew another. Before you talk about crew duty and sleep and all that cr@p, you tell me why tanker crews are put up in Limassol hotels, when the single seat (non auot-pilot equipped) fast jet pilots, due to fly on the same trail, sleep in transit accommodation on base!! That's the kind of stuff that doesn't make friends!
I have absolutely no problem whatsoever with crews staying in hotels when it's all that's available and is required to ensure a good nights' rest (or night of p1ssing it up in the bar!).
As for the proof of rule breaking, I clearly stated earlier that I'm NOT going to mention it here because, by definition, it is not the sort of thing that I would really want to discuss on a public forum!
BV:ugh:

[South Bound]

Not a direct dig at BV, because I don't know what secrets he knows, but it does annoy me when accusations are thrown around of dodgy behaviour. If people have witnessed or have evidence of wrong-doing, then presumably they reported it and subsequently gave evidence at any disciplinary action. If they did not, then they are as guilty of perpetuating any untoward behaviour as those that have allegedly done whatever it is, but they are spineless too. Don't whinge on a public forum, report it to the Feds and let them sort it out.

[D-IFF_ident]

How can I put this so those of you who think you know everything about the AT/AAR fleet, but actually know very little about it can understand:

THE CREWS DO NOT BOOK THEIR OWN ACCOMMODATION

Any other questions?

:ugh:

[Seldomfitforpurpose]

Bob,
I have been on both sides of the fence and the answer to your question is quite simple. YOUR budget holder is responsible for paying for YOUR accommodation and if THEY choose not to fund Hotac for you, even though you are entitled to it you really can't blame the AT crews.

I could regale you with all sorts of tales with regards to my 10 years with SH where some chiseler who in his/her desperate attempts to get promoted simply tightened the purse strings but that would be bleating. The nice thing about the AT fleet is that there is some common sense out there, there is funding for what we are ENTITLED to and apart from the 2 sand pits life is pretty bearable when away.

The fact that the FJ/SH folk are treated so poorly is down to your OWN managers and you should not crticise the AT folk for having their sh1t in a sock so to speak.

[FFP]

when the single seat (non auot-pilot equipped) fast jet pilots, due to fly on the same trail, sleep in transit accommodation on base!! That's the kind of stuff that doesn't make friends!

There's some good reasons for that

1) I did a trail with Jag's through AKT. Boss wanted everyone on base to cut down the transport time to and from hotel to maximise crew rest (probably because they had long days of flying with no autopilot ;))

2) AKT Ops try to keep CREWS together so when take off times slip everyone's in one place, makes it easier for the co pilot who needs to pay for everyone's room on one government credit card, it's easier for Base Transport to pick them up in one run. Given that, is it easier to house 4 single seat guys on base or the larger crew the tanker usually has.The crew don't decide or get to choose to go downtown; it's Accom office through AKT Ops that decide that before you get in. We use to call AKT Ops at report time in Brize and see where we'd be staying (if they knew by then) Trust me, if there's room on base (and the cleaner's have been in) that's where you stay. I actually prefer on base for a short stop (Kebab down the strip, cheeky Brandy Sour) but that's neither here nor there.

Hope that helps !!

[c130jbloke]

I think replies 141 + 142 have covered it pretty well - well done guys. As stated in my last, (not just directly at BV ) put up or shut up.

[c130jbloke]

out of interest, what happens if your imprest is nicked by some scally who doesn't realise what it is, then sets it on fire only to leave the charred remains for said holder to find smouldering away?

Give up, what does happen ?

[Bob Viking]

Nicely explained, points taken.
Shutting up now!
I don't think you guys should stop getting nice hotels, but it'd be nice if we could all work to the same rules!
Still felt good to get it all off my chest though.
As for stories of rule breaking, we'll leave that for the bar, as they say!
BV;)

[BEagle]

FFP - well put!

Many is the time that a cheeky jug of sour, then a kebab on the strip was what I was looking forward to during a quick AKR trail rotation.

But instead it was a bus ride to the Episskopiana, then sodding awful dinner in the hotel - or a 20 min walk down the hill... You can keep that - and the early morning trip back to Akronelli!

But the most embarassing Hotac incident I recall was when a bunch of smelly trash-haulers still in their 15 hours-across-the-pond flying suits (or however long it those things to stagger across from Lyneham) turned up at the hotel we were staying in at Washington. The hotel staff invited them to take their slabs of UK beer and poly bag full of snaffled in-flights elesewhere.....

I can see BV and buoy15's points more and more clearly now....

[Seldomfitforpurpose]

"But the most embarassing Hotac incident I recall was when a bunch of smelly trash-haulers still in their 15 hours-across-the-pond flying suits (or however long it those things to stagger across from Lyneham) turned up at the hotel we were staying in at Washington."

Despite my previous reservations the money spent on the CRM training package was an outstanding investment.......thank god the folk it was specifically designed to get rid off are now long gone and reduced to continually posting on Prune.

With 5 years service to do I really hope life outside the military has more to offer than 10k + posts on here :rolleyes:

[Farfrompuken]

You know you're a true Ascoteer when you can look at BEagle's last post and laugh in the knowledge that he's about as out of touch with reality as it gets.

Things have changed, old man. You'd not recognise modern ASCOT ops. Time you crawled away into your retirement home again and bore the visitors about the good old days of the shineys.

[BEagle]

A few raw nerves?

I'm not sure what relevance you perceive between the poor behaviour in front of the public exhibited by that bunch of scruffs and crew resource management.

[brakedwell]

There always was a pecking order! :cool::cool:

[ScufferEng]

A true ascoteer will have some ACC, CC, CTM etc in the freezer but possibly no ATM:}

[minigundiplomat]

The AT fleet will always have it's detractors, all fleets do. I attempted to point out that the AT fleet could be better in how it interfaces with it's customers and recieved a barrage of abuse for having the audacity to do so.
Some posters on here have agreed, some have supported the AT fleet. I just want to point out that 90% of the work done by the AT fleet is hard, thankless work, which goes without a hitch because of flexibility and people going the extra yard.
However to just claim that you are without fault shows a lack of flexibility, and leads me to suspect you are in the 10% bracket.
The SH force drops clangers, makes mistakes and lets people down from time to time. This may be our own fault, or due to circumstances beyond our control.
However, the needs of the troops we support are very dear to us. I was merely pointing out that the AT force does not always give that impression.
That may be a perception, and probably is, but it requires a little effort to change.
Whether you do make that effort does not affect me directly, but I would hate to see the AT fleet 'forced' to make changes that could have been made from within.

MGD

[pikeyeng]

:ok: MGD good to see you sharing the love dude!! buoy 15 chill winston i used to be kipper fleet ( I assume from your nautical title you are the same ) and before 9/11 we used to stay hotac all over the shop the fact that now your role has changed and you don't do nice dets anymore ain't 2Gps fault. I remeber Rum Punch 3 weeks, 5 trips a pocket full of dosh all down the road from Miami. Happy days. All I will say is we all have a job to do just because ours is different, sometimes better than yours some times worse that's life, if you don't like it get a posting down here I love it. Remember keep the faith brothers!! peace out:)