Pianos

[MadsDad]

From todays Guardian diary:-

This popped up on the MoD's Freedom of Information website in response to a query. "You asked how many pianos have been destroyed by fire or so called 'high spirits' at each RAF station since January 2000 ... I can confirm that we do not hold any information that indicates that pianos have been destroyed by fire or so called 'high spirits' ... That said, I am aware from anecdotal evidence that this activity does occur on occasion. However, I can reassure you that any pianos which may have been destroyed in this manner would have been paid for privately."

(Last weekend a friends son got married, the bride being in the RAF and the groom in the Army. On the evening before the wedding they had a barbecue in the local pub for the guests who were staying overnight. I did mention to the grooms father that it must have been a quiet do since no-one had set fire to the pub piano).

[Stuff]

The correct method of procuring a "burner" is to phone round the local auction houses to find out who has had a piano gathering dust for the last few months. Those with broken rest planks are a favourite as nobody would ever buy one because it will never be able to be tuned again. Auction houses are usually more than happy for you to come and collect these for nothing as they take up valuable floor space in their viewing room and nobody wants it to look like you can't shift stock.

In answer to the FOI request I can start them off with 2 from our grad night at Valley. :)

How is that purpose built piano burning with the natty 19(F) Sqn painted slabs area holding up these days guys? :ok:

[WeeMan18]

Sounds like someone was sniffing round for a gutter rag exclusive. 'Evil aircrew in drunken orgy of destruction torch vintage Steinway and you, the public, foot the bill'

The 'dull' truth is that they're always scrap pianos that are privately purchased... if indeed such a practice occurs, and I couldn't possibly comment.

Shall I post the photos or shalln't I?

[Lower Hangar]

This puts me in mind of an episode in 76/77 when 809 were departing from RAF Honington to embark Ark Royal (old one !) en route to Roosie Roads or wherever. The ship was due to sail Monday am to embark the CAG pm in the Channel. Some of the 809 aircrew decided it would be a good wheeze to take the RAF Officers Mess piano to sea and shoot it off the cat - which they duly did and I've got a photo ( somewhere ) of said piano on the bow cat c/w bridle and FDO with flag raised ready to launch. The piano had been smuggled out of the mess up past the swimming pool and into D Hanger ( RNU) where 809 lorrycons were positioned to go to the ship with ground crew on the Sunday. So the aircraft duly embarked on Monday to the ship leaving D Hangar strangely empty except for RNU & FIR Buccs. The RAF police later that day followed the trail of scrape marks ( imagine 4 small brass wheels on tarmac and concrete) up the road and into the hangar where they mysteriously stopped..... just where the lorrycons had been the day before.... a look of puzzlement does not describe their faces !!!!!!!!!!

[Gainesy]

Always thought that burning bagpipes would be a better idea.:)

[Hummingfrog]

If somebody wants a piano in the ISK - Lossie area I may have one - small upright - perfectly formed but past its best. No cost to public purse but you would have to collect.

HF

[shawtarce]

The Os Mess at an sh base in Oxfordshire had 2, one old and kn****ed for burning, one good for…. well playing I suppose. Unfortunately we burnt the wrong one, and got a pretty hefty bill in the process. It was a great night at a very sad time.
My thoughts go out to everybody on 33, who are going through it all again.

[MostlyHarmless]

Best plan is to find a Piano salesroom that do some kind of trade-in deal. They're always more than happy to have the old clankers taken out of circulation.



...apparently. :E

[threeputt]

Bruggen in the early 90's. Not one, burnable, upright piano within a 400km radius of the Officers Mess......they had all been torched, during some fantastic happy hours, in the late 80's......great sport! :ok:

3P

[eagle 86]

Queen's Jubillee '77 - Wardroom Yeovilton - not only was it burnt on the croquet lawns but immediately prior to the conflagration it had been pushed around the quadrangle by a Mini until it was no longer mobile (the piano that is!). I think some Stovies were involved.
GAGS
E86

[Roland Pulfrew]

Then there was this piano. Honest, there was a piano! Anyone know whether the grass survived?



http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x133/RolandPulfrew/Various009.jpg

[groveaviation]

We bought a burner in Alaska many years ago (off a nice old lady who was pleased it was going to a good home), but didn't have the heart to torch it as it was in good nick, so we presented it to the O'Club.

10 years later we were back and it was just about fit for purpose. Next day the USAF tried to charge us $2000 for what they described as an O'Club heirloom. We asked them where they got it from, then told them. The silence was beautiful.

[BEagle]

Roly, I have to say that the antics surrounding that particular event blighted an otherwise excellent night.

The blokes had to prepare the site to H&S requirements, then the Defence Fire Service had to be on hand before, after almost boring us all to death, finally the kiddies destroyed that old car.

Not a great idea so soon after the self-igniting Airport Arabs - bloody silly really.....

I poked off soon afterwards.

[Sven Sixtoo]

Then there was the 1985? Great Lossiemouth Bombing Competition.
Somebody got the Mess to buy a new piano.
Obvious suggestion - let's have a party and burn the old one. Staish said no, let's put it on Tain Range and blow it to bits.
The competition was announced and published and everybody started practising (remember this predates laser aiming systems, and anything within 40 ft was considered a DH).
A set of rules was written, which included such gems as:
(x) nobody may fly more than 2 types (Lossie at the time hosted 5 Types and 3 additional Marks)
(x+1) except the Station Commander.
Came the day, and 202 Sqn underslung the piano onto Tain. The padre was installed in the tower as a neutral and honest referee. Opening shot - 202 went round and dropped a dummy, which missed. Padre's comments unprintable as the "body" fell to earth.
EVERYBODY who could fly found some sort of a weapons system to throw at the piano. The Staish had a go in a Bucc, and missed. He came back in a Jag, and missed with the bombs. Then said "no-one else is allowed to do this", and strafed firing out in one pass - and missed. The video shows the shells either side of the piano. Someone on the Hunters, in honour of all the times they'd pigs'd the switches, got clearance to dispose of a couple of jugs at the piano. They turned up, pigs'd the switches yet again and left them 6 0'clock at 4000.
The Shackletons had a go with a load of 1.75 flares, and missed. The Rapier Sqn were defeated by the rule that said min height 100 ft min spd 100 kts. They did ask 202 if it was possible to undersling a live FU - the technical answer is yes, but someone realised the limits of common sense.
Then 202 turned up, with the advantages of radar height hold, a doppler groundspeed computer, a drift indicator and a chinagraph line on the windscreen. One carefully timed boot later out the door and the piano was a fetching shade of yellow from a 5-gallon drum half full of Aunty Betty's finest canary acrylic.
Nobody else scored a DH, though the whole process, which lasted about 6 weeks, did wonders for wpn accuracy across all the sqns. After the event, the still-intact but conspicuous piano was spirited off against the next occasion that Lossie needed a serious morale raiser (has anyone seen it it since?). The trophy (a small model piano with a projectile sticking in it) can still be inspected at D Flt 202 Sqn.
If anyone has the video (which was seriously mates in confidence at the time) I would love to see a copy.
Sven
Mad scientist to D Flt 202 (Bomber!) Sqn

[TorqueOfTheDevil]

Not all SK bombing attempts have been so glorious...

Falklands, rocks, lake, canoeists, anyone?

[XFTroop]

Burning Pianos!!! You hooligan Oiks!
Secret Airbase Lynamshire, early 70's.
OMess bar piano expertly dismantled to small enough pieces to stuff thro' slot in Mess post box.
Bit vague on occasion, but recall, even more vaguely that Staish was involved!
Ho-Hum, those were the days!!
XFT

[Terry McCassey]

Women are a bit like pianos . . . . when they're not upright, they're grand !

[6Z3]

...and when you roll 'em over you can take 'em steinways:E

[MadsDad]

I do note that the adverts for this thread include several companies that could, given sufficient persuasion, sponsor some parties.

Although I suspect it is doubtful whether Steinway would contribute anything. Yamaha might though.

[Green Flash]

MadsDad
Make it an International Competition, £???'s entry fee per Sqn, large fine for biggest miss, open to all comers, auction the first slot, ALL TAKINGS TO RAFA/RAFBF/Army/Navy :ok: or whoever. Could raise some serious dosh. Tain or the Wash??

[Wensleydale]

Another Lossie piano story from '83 or '84. After a prolonged fund raising effort, the Theatre Club received additional SIF funding (about £5K) to buy a new piano suitable for our fine musical productions on the proviso that the old piano, which had been valued at £1,500, was given to the Officers' Mess. Needless to say, a very nice piano was torched by one of the Bucc Sqns within a couple of weeks. Shortly afterwards, the Theatre Club secretary received a phone call from the Mess Ents member who also happened to be on the same Bucc Sqn. Could the secretary open up the Theatre Club for him as the Officers' Mess needed a piano for a forthcoming Burns Night (sic) and his Wing Commander told him that the Theatre Club had one? He went on to say that there was no problem about transportation as he had already organised a 4 Tonner to take said piano to the Mess.

He was most put out by the refusal - especially when told the values of both the new piano and of the instrument that had been torched just a couple of weeks before. I believe that in the end, the mess hired an instrument with an enormous insurance premium.

[Number2]

There was always 29(F)s leaving bash in the mid 80s at Coningsby - awesome, unforgettable night. The Mail on Sunday were a pain the following Saturday sniffing around for their greasy rag when I happened to be the SDO!!

Those were the days!

[Dan Winterland]

When CFS was at Scampton, naturally, the Piano was a burner. The Course that did it was subsequently informed that it was a priceless heirloom presented by Guy Gibson's widow and they had better make good very soon. So a very nice expensive repalcement was purchased at great personal expense.

Naturally, three courses later...........

[Green Flash]

Right, Mrs Flash has released the target. If anyone wants to organise a weapons comp, I have a upright piano of indeterminate vintage and serviceability that has DMPI written all over it. (Well it hasn't, yet, but I can get busy with a spray can). Anyway, it's avbl for any Mil aviation charity fund raising effort. Inner Moray Firth, free to a good home (on the Tain range), user collects. It might get in the back of a Landrover, definately a van or LDV. Please PM me if interested.

[XV208 SNOOPY]

Been involved in a number of events, where we have scrounged the local area for a burner for the Mess. Then at the appointed hour set fire to it. All good fun.

But.

Can any one shed any light as to why and how this custom came about? Yes I know our brown and dark blue brethren will claim we light blue have not been around long enough for tradition, we only have bad habits, but it is a serious question. Did the RAF "invent" this, or adapt it from the Army, Royal Navy or from else where?

[Roland Pulfrew]

Didn't RAF Lossiemouth used to have a competition on Tain Range in the late 80s? IIRC the target (Piano) was placed on Tain Range and the Lossie sqns took it in turns to destroy the target. Jags and Buccaneers attacked with practice bombs, the Shackleton attacked with smoke and flame floats (?) all unsuccessfully (why oh why oh why did they take the nose guns from the Shack?).

I believe the winners were the Sea King crew who lowered the crewman on the winch armed with an axe and a Zippo.:D

[Green Flash]

Roland

See Svens post at #14 (nice post Sven!:ok:).

[XV277]

But.
Can any one shed any light as to why and how this custom came about? Yes I know our brown and dark blue brethren will claim we light blue have not been around long enough for tradition, we only have bad habits, but it is a serious question. Did the RAF "invent" this, or adapt it from the Army, Royal Navy or from else where?

Well I did find this:

http://www.vanceairscoop.com/print.php?story_id=1689&PHPSESSID=c8826514b631dedfdee36d7560359751

Through the Power of Google, but how true....

[Warmtoast]

Pianos? How tame.

In my days we overturned aircraft and possibly removed the wings too. But in retrospect I think it was probably an instructional airframe of some sort.
See here:
http://groups.msn.com/TonyHawesRAFService195163/rafseletar1956.msnw?action=ShowPhoto&PhotoID=101

Tony

[Willy Miller]

For greater Oooomph try placing a few catering sized tins of NAAFI beans inside the piano first, stand well back. (Advise RAF Police to stand well back when they arrive..................)