Safety briefing funnies

[tezzer]

I flew back from Rome to HUY last week, via Amsterdam, and due to the bad weather over Europe, we were a little late, and all the SLF were grumpy.
During the safety briefing however, all grumpiness was dissipated by a comment from the cabin crew. On doing the lifejacket bit we had the usual pass the tapes around the waist, top up using the tubes but then departed from the norm, when it came to the whistle and light. What we got was "there is a light which will come on automatically on contact with water and a whistle which can be used to attract passing sailors".
The whole of the cabin exploded into laughter, and all thoughts of a late arrival back home on the last flight of the day were gone.

Anyone got anymore ?

[TightSlot]

Ok - I'll be a bit Victor Meldrew and then I'll shut up, I promise.

My PA's are nicely polished by now - the occasional laugh (more of a smile really) but low key and not frequent enough to irritate.

The one time I don't due humour is during the Safety Briefing: I train others to the same, and tell them off if they try. I just don't believe that the text of the Safety Brief is the right place - ever! Beforehand, by all means, set it up, get their attention: Afterwards, fine - but during, never.

OK - now I've rained on your parade (please accept my apologies) I'll shut up and let others get on with it - and there are many more gags, believe me.

P.S. - Who'll be the first to do the Paul Simon ways to leave your lover?

[Beausoleil]

I remember flying Independence Air in the US before it went under - they appeared to have had Chuck Berry (iirc) record the safety briefing. Most amusing - I was sorry to see them fail.

[howflytrg]

Ok Tightslot i'll go first.....................There are 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this aircraft so listen up. :p

[Middle Seat]

as SLF, and more frequent SLF than the average traveler, hearing the same "funnies" over and over and over gets irritating. I know, I know, its done allegedly to get pax to pay attention.
Nonetheless, if crew treat the safety announcement with silliness and humor, it gives me pause to think about how they consider that part of their job.
Yes, I know, the lav has two way mirrors,
Put your own mask on first, then assist children or those asking like children,
etc
etc
:yuk:

[SXB]

As a very frequent traveler I find it's extremely rare to hear the cabin crew making jokes while giving the safety briefing. In fact it's so rare that I can't actually remember the last time it happened. I can only conclude they are specifically told not to do so by their CSDs and Pursers, just like just like our own Mod says, and quite right too...

[tezzer]

As a very very frequent traveller, average 4 flights / week I posted this as a little light humour. Why do people have to rain on the parade. What a bunch of to:mad:ers.

[Luke0705]

I have rarely heard any crew Say a joke During the safety demo.

But even if they did it wouldnt bother me, It would attract peoples attention And also when the people laugh you would know they where listening And People still understand Thats the whistle Is to Attract People Nothe Just the passing sailor, People arent stupid.

:} Lukee

[TightSlot]

Sorry that you feel that strongly tezzer, especially after I made my apologies extravagantly clear, and left an opening for the thread to continue with further examples.

Still...

Whatever!

[Nobend]

Always thought the light was for attracting sharks :hmm:

[PAXboy]

Not a funny but a PA slip-up that might bring a smile to this thread ...

On EZY a few years ago when I was commuting every week for six months. It was LTN ~ EDI on a Sunday evening and we were last of the day.

Trundling over the bumps to the apron and the CC started the usual 'welcome' announcement. She must have been tired of shuttling back and forth all afternoon and it was now late. "EasyJet would like to welcome you to ... to ..."

We could all sense her fumbling through the tiredness to work out which field we had landed at. No good looking out of the window as it was now dark. With one voice the cabin shouted out to her, " ... Edinburgh!!"
:p

[NudgingSteel]

After landing at EDI some years back, the cheery female CC was doing the chat about "thanks for choosing to fly ***, special rates available on car hire" etc when she suddenly gave a little scream and the PA stopped - which aroused everybody's interest...
Some seconds later she came back on, saying "sorry about that ladies and gentlemen, one of my colleagues just put an ice cube down the back of my blouse"
Cheered pretty much the whole cabin up no end!

[Avman]

Yes, many of these funnies have become quite standard and boring now. They originally began with a PSA (of California) F/A many many years ago. On a recent Canadian North flight I was on, the F/A was coming around with hot meals (note: in Economy Class - on a 90 minute flight), she asked the guy in front if he wanted a meal. He looked at her, hesitated and then said 'no'. She smiled and said, "you sure now? I'm only serving it; I didn't cook it". Most probably not that original either (and she probably says it every flight), but it did make me laugh.

[All Ahead Full]

I will always remeber flying from JFK to Cancun many years ago, on an old 737, and rattling down the runway, just as we started to take off, I think it was the pilot, came across the PA, and shouted, 'here we go!'. Wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry, but we got there in one piece.
On the return flight, I remeber watching the captain paying for the fuel in cash before we departed.....forgotten the airline though.

[Self Loading Freight]

I wish Virgin would update its animated safety briefing (perhaps it has, haven't been on a Virgin for a few months). It's worn well, I guess, and has plenty of effective humour - and it's still less annoying than BA's bunch of pixellated nightclub denizens in aspirational sunglasses. But how long is it now, Captain?

Perhaps some smart geezer could use all that IFE cleverness for an interactive quiz, with a prize for the pax who shows the greatest spoddy knowledge of useful things to do when the wings fall off. The constant repetition of the same old mantra can't be the best way to keep us interested.

R

[WHBM]

Oh well - I once had the skipper on a US commuter run give us all a cheery welcome to Continental Express, which was slightly unfortunate as we were on American Eagle. The operator in question did franchise work for both companies.

[27mm]

Mate on internal flight within China - aircraft taxies out without safety brief - mate asks flight attendant why no brief - attendant replies very loudly "Safety Blief? You want Safety Blief? We clash, you die!"

[Big Harvey]

I've always found the safety cards with their picture of an apparently completely undamaged aircraft floating serenely on the surface, following a landing on water amusing.

What is the possibility of such a scenario ever happening? Except perhaps in the case of a light aircraft or helicopter, surely the forces involved in any landing on water would result in the aircraft being torn into several pieces? And wouldn't it sink pretty quickly, in any case?

[TopBunk]

The briefing for the ditching scenario is given to keep your (and the cabin crews) minds occupied with positive thoughts during the descent to the ocean. If we told you the truth that ditching on a dark night at 30W would 99.9% likely see everyone dead there would be panic and what little chance there is of survival would evaporate!

[computer jockey]

I've always found the safety cards with their picture of an apparently completely undamaged aircraft floating serenely on the surface, following a landing on water amusing.

This is why I always fly BA, not only does the safety card show the aircraft floating majestically on a mill-pond, the safety video shows that the top of the aircraft will magically pop open... How cool is that?

[Bangkokeasy]

Last time I flew with FR, I couldn't understand a word of the safety briefing. Not sure what language the CC were speaking, but it didn't sound like English. Could have been hilarious, but I haven't a clue what they were saying.