What about some new aviation sayings.

[Whirlybird]

We all know that the good landing is one you walk away from, that you'd better fill your bag of experience before your bag of luck runs out, that if in doubt you should keep your altitude because no-one has ever collided with the sky, etc etc. But does anyone have any new aviation sayings? Let's all think of some. I'll start with one I use quite often...

EVERYTHING IN AVIATION TAKES TWICE AS LONG AND COSTS THREE TIMES AS MUCH AS YOU EVER WOULD HAVE BELIEVED POSSIBLE.

Any more? I always need fillers for the BWPA newsletter - I'm the editor - so I might use some of these if I like them...you have been warned.

[runway09]

Ok here is a few...

''It's better to have a 100kt plane and a 130kt brain rather than a 100kt brain and a 130kt plane''

"It is better to be on the ground wishing you were in the air, then be in the air wishing you are on the ground"

''Takeoffs are optional...Landings are Mandatory''

[mike172]

Man, they're all so cheesy! Reminds me of "There is no I in team" - makes me cringe every time.

[Hireandhire]

"don't pick your nose in turbulence"

"no, it WAS a genuine weather diversion. Really"

"do you give discounted landing fees for PFA members?"

"There WERE 12 bogrolls in the Ladies but they were stolen by campers" (true quote from Caernarvon)

Irregular verbs in our Group:
My landings are perfect
Your landings are a bit bumpy
His landings are controlled groundloops

"it's always been a 90kt aircraft but it's got the wrong prop on at the moment" (this for three years)

"it's the pilot who is Instrument Rated, not the aircraft....."

"I've got a free landing fee for there - that's where we'll go!"

regards
HnH

[dublinpilot]

It's better to have loved and lost, than to have paid for it with money that you could have spent on flying!

[maxdrypower]

The only time you have too much fuel is when your on fire

[RudeNot2]

He who ate the last bacon butty won't make it out of the field!

[eharding]

There Was An Old Man From Belgrano
Who deemed Mode-S worth a punt.
But he's now despondent
Cos no-one's transpondent
What a Silly Old Belgrano.....

..and damn me, can't think of a suitable rhyme.

[Mike Cross]

The aircraft cannot fly unless the weight of paperwork exceeds its MAUW.

[Human Factor]

"There is no I in team"

No, but if you screw around with it enough, there's a "ME". :E

[FougaMagister]

"Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain did not get to five minutes earlier".

"Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself".

And this one, from Marcel Dassault: "If an airplane looks right, it will fly well" :ok:

[windriver]

The three most useless things in aviation

1. Fuel in the bowser
2. Runway behind you
3. A letter of thanks from the management

[VFE]

You've never truly been lost until you've been lost at mach 2.

VFE.

[rats404]

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time. - Unknown

The only way to make a small fortune in aviation is to start with a large one...

[Chilli Monster]

Show me a pilot operating with no spare mental capacity and I'll show you a PPL(H)

(Sorry, it just seems that way)

"Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain did not get to five minutes earlier".

Without a doubt my all time favourite - though I prefer ten minutes :)

[Whirlybird]

Hireandhire, dublinpilot, Rudenot2, Mike Cross, windriver, VFE, Chilli Monster, :) :D :) :D

But hey guys, some of these others are OLD!!!! OK, maybe I've just been in aviation too long. :( If you like them or they're new to you, fair enough.

But keep 'em coming anyway. :ok:

[Them thar hills]

"Never fly anything that hasn't had the paint worn off the rudder pedals."
(this can't apply to Flying Fleas !)

[Fuji Abound]

On why we should fly:

Your decision, fly with the eagles, or scratch with the chickens.



Why we shouldnt fly helicopters:

A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to become random in motion.



What every instructor should tell his student the day he qualifies:

Please remember, you now start out with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.



.. .. .. and finally, why not to rent:


Renting airplanes is like renting sex: It's difficult to arrange on short notice on Saturday, the fun things always cost more, and someone's always looking at their watch.

[Pitts2112]

Definition of a helicopter (told to me by a CAA guy):

A helicopter is a loose collection of 10,000 metal parts all fatigueing themselves at different rates around an oil leak.

Pitts2112

[kevmusic]

How d'you expect those things fly properly when the wings go backwards half the time?! :}

[Kaptain Kremen]

Gravity - it's the LAW!

Flying - it's a priviledge, so do it properly!

[High Wing Drifter]

Driving is one of the safest things done by the most dangerous people.
Flying is one of the most dangerous things done by the safest people.
The <insert type depending on who needs to be insulted> is truely the Mondeo/Farrari/Trabant (delete as appropriate) of the sky.

Newton or Bernoulli? One liked to watch things crashing to the ground and one liked vacuums. Immutable explanations of both flight and aviation humour.

[QNH 1013]

Hi Whirly,

"If god had wanted man to fly - he would have given him more money"

"I can remember a time when sex was safe, and flying was dangerous. Now it seems its the other way around"

and, especially for you:

"Hellicopters don't actually fly; they are just so ugly, the ground repels them"

sorry, QNH 1013

[Gertrude the Wombat]

EVERYTHING IN AVIATION TAKES TWICE AS LONG AND COSTS THREE TIMES AS MUCH AS YOU EVER WOULD HAVE BELIEVED POSSIBLE.

Sorry, that's not new, it's just the Fourth Law of Thermodynamics: "Everything takes longer and costs more".

[stickandrudderman]

Let's not forget the three F rule!!
You'll have to PM me if you want to know;)

[High Wing Drifter]

I've thought of another:

Landing a greaser is like a straight golf shot, endless attempts that result in frustrated winces punctuated by individual, and soon to be elusive, moments of effortless success.

Hmmm, can't seem to find the right words :\

[VFE]

One I always tell my students (it's an original by yours truly too!):

"If you should turn up at the airfield and nobody else is flying because of the weather, it's probably best if you don't either"

VFE.

[Chukkablade]

Always remember, if it floats, fcuks or flies, its cheaper to rent it than to buy it:}

[Dr Jekyll]

The only way to become a millionare through aviation is to start off a billionare.

[aluminium persuader]

Only computers crash. Pilots just have undesireable air-ground interfaces.

There's no "f" in team either!

[Pitts2112]

A retread of an oldie, based on a mate's incident last summer:

A Good takeoff is one you can fly away from.
A Great takeoff is one where you can use the airoplane again afterwards.

He failed on BOTH counts!

Pitts2112
Maybe you had to be there...

[javelin]

Take not thine altitude in vain, lest the ground arise and smite thee.

Us Pilot Ben

Lots of years ago :ok:

[Them thar hills]

Never fly the "A" model of anything !
:)

[Them thar hills]

A superior pilot is one who uses his superior judgement to avoid situations which may require the use of his superior skills :bored:

[AdmlAckbar]

Better a lucky pilot than a skilful one….

[Pilot DAR]

The chance of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival

Good judgment comes from experience – experience comes from poor judgment.

There’s a lot of money in aviation, I know, because I put it there… [Roy Moore]

Regulation is for the guidance of wise men, and the obedience of fools [Douglas Bader]

The altitude above you is as much use as the runway behind you

Luck favours the prepared [Steven Leacock]

Credit given where known....

[kookabat]

How much money does flying take?


ALL OF IT!!

[onetrack]

Best bumper sticker I've seen in recent times .. "Dead Pilots Society - practising random acts of good airmanship .. "

[larssnowpharter]

A couple of things I used to tell my studes:

Bernoulli is what makes an airplane fly but remember………………it’s just a theory.

NEVER stop flying the ‘plane.

[SkyHawk-N]

Let's not forget the three F rule!!
You'll have to PM me if you want to know ;)

Is that an abbreviated version of the FIVE F rule? :}

[Penguina]

There's one from Red Dwarf I've always liked: 'If God had intended people to fly, he wouldn't have invented Spanish Air Traffic Control.'

And one from a wel-known ppruner that I quite agree with: 'Flying and alcohol CAN go well together, you just have to put them in the right order.'

Or howzabout: 'The duration of the weather dithering is directly proportional to the length of the TAF.'

[Pitts2112]

I heard from Chris, our radio man at Popham:

Easy TAF Decode:

1. TAF is one line - everybody goes
2. TAF is two lines - you go if you have an IMC
3. TAF is three lines - nobody goes

And 9 times out of 10, it's spot on!

Pitts2112

[Evilbob]

Another Red Dwarf extract, appropriate to those who decide give their life story everytime they press the PTT.

If you're going to talk :mad:, expect pain.

[Genghis the Engineer]

Four most useless things in aviation. Altitude above you, runway behind you, fuel on the ground, and the aircraft manufacturer's after-sales service. (Used to be heard quite often about a certain microlight manufacturer)

The inexperienced pilot pushes on in adverse conditions, when the more experienced pilot turns back - to join the most experienced pilot who never took off in the first place. (Can't remember who told me this, but it's very true!)

When the mass of paper is equal to the mass of the aircraft, the aircraft will then be permitted to fly. (Told to me when I started as a student apprentice at the Royal Aircraft Establishment)

If God had not meant man to fly, he'd have given us roots! (Anon.)

G

[xraf]

Gravity never gives up!:ok:

[mazzy1026]

"Learning to fly is hard - the ground is harder"

"Weight and balance also applies to humans"

:p

[troddenmasses]

Man, they're all so cheesy! Reminds me of "There is no I in team" - makes me cringe every time.

Sometimes, my mouth starts moving before my brain has engaged. When somebody in a meeting said "There is no I in team", I managed "No, but there is a 'U' in c..t"

Everybody apart from the person giving the incredibly boring presentation fell about - he has never spoken to me since. Result.

[Fuji Abound]

and maybe finally for Whirly


If helicopters are safe, how come there are no vintage helicopter fly ins?

[Norfolk Newbie]

"There is no I in team", I managed "No, but there is a 'U' in c..t"

Inspired!

I wish I'd thought of it; then had the balls to actually say it while being lectured by American business consultants...

[gingernut]

Good tip for the last question on the "Met" exam (the one with the chart)

It's either the longest answer, or "c", if "c" is the longest answer, your quids in.:)

[OpenCirrus619]

This one cured me of flying too slowly, in a glider, off (practice) mid-level launch failures:

Speed is life
Height is life insurance

OC619

[airborne_artist]

If God had meant the Army to fly, he'd have painted the sky khaki.

[Frelon]

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

[javelin]

and maybe finally for Whirly


If helicopters are safe, how come there are no vintage helicopter fly ins?

Should have been at Bagby on Monday - plenty of fling wing oldies there :E

[Mad Girl]

Norfolk newbie said

Quote:
"There is no I in team", I managed "No, but there is a 'U' in c..t"
Inspired!

I wish I'd thought of it; then had the balls to actually say it while being lectured by American business consultants...


Been there.....Read the book, Got the T-shirt......Hope I don't have to do it anymore!!!!! :}

[White Bear]

There are 3 simple rules for consistently good landings.
Unfortunately no one knows all 3.


Regards,
White Bear.

[Ultralights]

Helicopters dont fly, they just beat the air into Submission!

[jamestkirk]

"look at the sock or you're an absolute cock".

I tell my students this due the high number of aircraft i have seen departing the edge of the runway on t/o and landing in crosswinds

[DeeCee]

How about;

Always try to land at ground level

Never use second hand vaseline....

[ShyTorque]

In collisions between the earth and aircraft; the earth always wins.

Never fly anything that might involve the use of your a£$e for an undercarriage.

[bigfoot01]

Here's one I sometimes find myself saying. Somebody is lampooned (sp?) for not knowing something rather obscure from air law or the PPL sylubus

'Ah-ha' - there's something else I'd forgotten I knew!

:}

[ERIK C]

"I spend 95% of my money on flying, women and beer - not necessarily in that order. The other 5% I waisted!" :O

[Droopystop]

In answer to all you helicopter bashers....

Why land then stop when you can stop then land.

I never understood the fascination for deliberately hitting the ground at 60kts.

And in answer to concerned friends and relatives before seeing their loved one go off for a trial lesson (which they probably paid for): 'Of course it's safe, I've got steak for tea and I'm not missing that.'

[Penguina]

Good one, Droopy, I'll try it out.

Why do people always question their relative's safety when they see I'm going to be the pilot? :O

[ericferret]

To fly a piston helicopter you need money
To fly a single turbine helicopter you need loads of money.
To fly a twin turbine helicopter you need someone elses money.



Based on years of observation

[ericferret]

If the damn thing didn't vibrate so much, she would have given up ages ago.
Heard soto voce from a well known helicopter instructor.

[High Wing Drifter]

Just recalled a sometime fellow p-prooner's view of the Handley-Page Herald when commenting its unsurpassed cockpit ergonimics.

"If it wasn't too sharp or too hot to touch, it didn't work!"

Edit: Opps, slight typo.

[Pitts2112]

And a similar one heard from a former Hunter mechanic about anything you needed to work on:

"You could see it or you could touch it, but you could never do both!"

Pitts2112

[RodgerF]

If you are short of fuel the headwind is always stronger than forecast

[Ultralights]

another helicopter bashing one...


how many birds do you see with wings that go around in circles?

[Fergus Kavanagh]

Always fly in the middle of the sky.
Most of the problems happen near the edges.

[Bravo73]

another helicopter bashing one...


how many birds do you see with wings that go around in circles?


Er, how many birds do you see with wings which are stiff like planks of wood? :E

[BEagle]

Hmm, that was one of mine but misquoted....

I was describing that gravity defying thing called a Chinook. What I actually said was:

"How many birds have you seen with wings that go round in circles over their heads? Not many, I reckon. But birds with another set of wings which go round in circles over their ar$es.......?"

[smith]

After a greased landing instructor says "landed like a butterfly with sore feet."

Flying is the 2nd greatest pleasure known to man. Landing is the first!!!

Its not Bernoulli's theory or the lift equation that keeps an aircraft in the air ................ the only thing that keeps an aircraft in the air is MONEY$$$$$!

For single engine night flying "night flying is for bats and twats"!!!!

[FougaMagister]

"Never trust an aircraft that was built before you were born" I was told by the Wing's Flight Safety Officer while in the Air Force (not the RAF).

We then strapped ourselves into a plane that had been built... the year I was born! :p

[Ascend Charlie]

Helicopters are the most fun you can have with your clothes on.


If you can't hover, you're queer.

Helicopter pilots: get it up faster
do it in a roundabout way
can go down vertically

An aeroplane gets you to the place where you get into the helicopter to do the job.

[Whirlybird]

And of course....

To fly is human, to hover...divine!

[Crash one]

Glider pilots do it quietly & stay up longer.

Become an organ donor, fly low & slow.

MD to Production manager "John, you are the condom on the dick of progress"

[RodgerF]

Micawber's law of Performance Planning

"Landing Distance required 750 yards, Landing Distance available 800 yards, Result happiness"

"Landing Distance required 750 yards, Landing Distance available 700 yards, Result misery"

[Kolibear]

Er, how many birds do you see with wings which are stiff like planks of wood?

Fulmars, Albatrosses, soaring Buzzards, etc etc.

And Hummingbirds beat their wings in a figure of eight, they have reverse pitch wings.

[Bravo73]

"Albatrosses"? Wings very bendy so "stiff like planks of wood?" Nope!

http://www.ibrrc.org/images/albatross_laysan.jpg

"Buzzards"? Wings very bendy so "stiff like planks of wood?" Nope!

http://www.everythingexmoor.org.uk/images/buzzard.jpg


"Fulmars"? Wings very bendy so "stiff like planks of wood?" Nope!

http://www.cortesisland.com/tideline/articles/articles_579/Fulmar_-_light_phase.jpg


Or did you mean this type of 'Fulmar'? ;)

http://www.jaapteeuwen.com/ww2aircraft/pictures/jpg/fairey%20fulmar.jpg


:p

[dublinpilot]

Nothing happens quickly enough in aviation, unless things are going wrong. :rolleyes:

[Whiskey Kilo Wanderer]

The five forces acting on an aircraft are:

Lift, Weight, Drag Thrust & Money –
Never seen one that would fly without the latter…

[OpenCirrus619]

A new one on me ..... and one to make some think:

"The dirt is full of people who wanted bragging rights"

OC619

P.S. Acknowledgements to the gentleman on another forum who uses this as their signature.

[ShyTorque]

Hi G-EMMA, but never forget that men don't multi-task. They do one job properly.

[Bertie Thruster]

Fly to get paid or pay to get flied.

[Whirlybird]

It takes 45 hours to learn how to fly but a lifetime to learn WHEN to fly

My favourite, thanks for posting it. I originally ran into it on a wall in an office at Thruxton, but it rarely seems to get quoted. It should!

[Whirlygig]

Fly to get paid or pay to get flied.

or how about ... Ply to get laid?

Cheers

Whirls

[IO540]

It takes 45 hours to learn how to fly but a lifetime to learn WHEN to fly

That's just another excuse for the lack of decent ground school in the PPL. Teaching a bit about weather and how to get it from (mostly non CAA approved) weather websites is no rocket science.

[Genghis the Engineer]

Can't agree with you there IO540, I think that the when to fly issue is very much an issue of lifelong learning, and dependent upon a whole lot more than Met.

Of-course, PPL instruction should cover the basics as thoroughly as possible. But, for example, I went to a lecture last week by Grady Wilson - one of the most experienced Test Pilots in the world; he was unfortunate enough to be PiC of a prototype V22 Osprey that destroyed itself 1:50 (that is, 1 minute and 50 seconds) into its first flight, which fortunately he and his co-pilot survived with only a few bruises. He freely admitted the complexities of the pre-flight preparation, and that in the middle of that that he should have just decided not to fly at-all. Or to quote him directly...

Grady should have gone for a beer.

Or in other words, this 5000+ hour war veteran and test pilot, should have just walked away from the aircraft and not contemplated flying at-all that day. (But if he could get it wrong, so can any of us, and PPL training only ain't always enough!).

G

[Whirlybird]

Genghis, good post. :ok:

It takes 45 hours to learn how to fly but a lifetime to learn WHEN to fly

WHEN to fly depends on so many things. The state of the aircraft, your own state of health and state of mind. Your own capabilities and limitations, and whether it is a good idea to do that day, in that aircraft, with those students/passengers, what you are planning to do. Your own gut feelings - I remember flying back early to my home airfield just before an unforecast massive thunderstorm hit the area. When I mentioned to the school owner that I didn't know why, but I'd just KNOWN I had to get back in a hurry, his reply was: "Trust those feelings. They might save your life some day". There are just so many factors that need to be considered.

Oh, and one of them is indeed the weather forecast of course.