A couple of primary school kids just knocked on the door selling raffle tickets. It reminded me of a time when I was at school and also sold raffle trickets. Don't know why I should think of it, but as I remeber after collecting all the money, I failed to take it to school. Now it was only about ten bucks and it was a long time ago, but I need to know, am I going to hell?:O

While you are at it, what have you done thats sending you straight to hell?:ooh:

Cheers, HH.:ok:

What's Hell? I'm unfamiliar with the concept.

You must be single...;)

...Just like this bloke.....

The following is an actual question given on a McGill University chemistry mid-term Exam paper:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.


Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyles Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that most people and their souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyles Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities.

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.


So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Celine LeBlanc during my Freshman year - that "it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you" - and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic.



The student got the only A!

Been there I think? I got divorced?

Good news and bad news here,Howard. The bad news is that the answer to your first question is clearly yes, you are going to hell. God has a very long memory, and it was before computers so you can't hope for his hard drive to fail.

The good news comes if you are Catholic. Since we Catholics were lucky enough to be born into the one religion that has a direct line to God, we have two escape clauses. There are tens of thousands of rapists, murderers, paedophiles and murderous tyrants named O'Reilly, Hanrahan, Murphy and the like in heaven this very minute! How?

A trip to confession every week is all that is required initially. If you keep going to the same priest you can even get a standard confession filled in (the usual, Father, torture, murder, drug runing, tax avoidance.....) Nobody wants to make a travesty of our religion so the catch is you have to be there to claim the exemption.

But that's not the end of the story, oh no. What happens if you get shot on a Wednesday and you've committed fifteen mortal sins since your last confession? Hey, we've thought of that too! Yes, all you have to do is repent on your death bed, how simple is that? With your last gasp, you just have to say "sorry God, I didn't mean it" and lo and behold, straight to the pearly gates!

So drink up, rape pillage and plunder, run rackets, (hey, there's not many Wilsons in the Mafia), but make sure you convert to Catholicism.

And no, I haven't figured out the sub-clause for what happens if your head gets blown off and you haven't got time to repent. But I'm sure it's in there somewhere. It's a bit like having your marriage annulled if you're a celebrity. Get yourself a good lawyer.

The world's religions are rarely in complete agreement with eachother about any subject. However, one thing they all have in common is they all seem to agree and know for a fact that I'm going straight to hell. :{

I therefore take comfort in the fact that I'm bridging the gaps between religions. :ok:

Ah, Binoculars, the subclause for receiving absolution when you've had you head blown off (or whatever) is in the fine print relating to a priest administering the last rites post mortem.

The only reason I know this is because my current wife (yep, been married before) was brought up Catholic.

She is, however, recovering.

What? Another two "Hail Mary's"?

Aha! The old "absolution post mortem" trick! How could I have forgotten that?

Well, that just about wraps that one up. Any other tricky moral conundrums?

Catholicism has its advantages Binos, but there are a lot of disadvantages. Masturbation and fornication being sins for example - just think of all the guilt!

One could try Hinduism instead, and come back for another try. Hell, we're probably all on one of several consecutive re-runs right now. ;)

I only wish to walk along the paths and look up at the boughs which the crow can only see from abvove.

You can go to hell for masturbation?!! Has anyone got a pair
of boxing gloves I can borrow? :eek: