Career cock-ups

[Melchett01]

Having witnessed a number of amusing cock-ups at work in the past week, including Ops / MT not managing to get the snow & ice plan into action this morning (I don't think they had enough warning of snow this week - apart from the forecasts since last Friday) being one, I was just wondering if anyone had any amusing tales of complete and utter howlers that resulted in a lot of axminster shuffling coupled with barely stifled howls of laughter from the crewroom that will make the dull down days go that little bit quicker.

And here's your starter for 10:

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1288/553/400/1983_blair.jpg

[ShyTorque]

It's not Blair's fault.

A big boy made him say it. :rolleyes:

[matkat]

When I was in the mob(many moons ago!) FLMs were being phased out and this guy I knew opted for a fitter course he went for A Tech E thinking the "E" was for engines when in fact it was for electrics needless to say he failed and eventually went on the correct course A Tech P as in propulsion.:}

[diginagain]

What's a 'career'?:confused:

There was a lad who went through basic squaddie training with me, who, on arrival at Middle Wallop for groundcrew training enquired why the Army Catering Corps had so many helicopters?

[Mel Effluent]

Longmans dictionary defines 'career' as: 'to move forward quickly without control'. Not a bad description in my case!

[Radar Command T/O]

Longmans dictionary defines 'career' as: 'to move forward quickly without control'. Not a bad description in my case!

Or in the current RN's case:

"To remain immobile without control!"

[Wee Jock]

Following on from the snow and ice cock-ups, how about the JENGO who thought up the wizard idea of clearing snow off the pan with hosepipes at Leuchars, in January, before global warming had been invented and it really was cold in the winter. Then he wondered why everyone was doing Bambi impressions, complete with blurred legs. Best laugh I'd had in ages.

:D :D :D

[Safeware]

I believe that there was once an F3 JEngO who Lim'd a seat 'For Emergency use only'
Or is that another urban myth?
sw

[mustflywillfly]

Joining the RN !!!! Biggest mistake I ever made. If you want to join an organisation that couldn't care less about it's people and ensures that no matter how hard you work, you get nowhere, then the Navy is the way to go.

Oh and sending e-mails to a few close friends that then go global can also be a career cock up! E-mail is evil!

[blackace]

Not flight related but a great story and TRUE.

Several years ago I wrote the software that runs BMW's car plant in cowley. Ever since then they have been trying to head hunt me.

After many carrots were dangled in front of my face I decided to go for an Interview, it was just a formality. 10 days after the interview I was phoned by BMW's personnel department who told me that they were very sorry but that I had not got the job. Confused and slightly miffed I forgot all about it and never called them again.

About 6 weeks later I got a very irate phone call from the chief engineer at BMW asking where I was. Confused I told him I had no idea what he was talking about.

He said.

"Its your first day and you have not turned up for work, everyone is expecting you, your desk is ready where the hell are you".

Now really confused I again told him I had no idea what he was talking about, the last I had heard was that I had NOT got the job and nothing had happened since that phone call.

He didn't believe me, even questioning if this was some kind of joke, he told me.

"You signed the contract of employment sent to you, its here on my desk, I am looking at your signature, you went for the medical and passed, we even spent ages discussing your starting date by e-mail, now its your first day and your not here, what the hell are you playing at" ?

Trying to calm him down he eventually accepted that I had no idea what he was talking about and had done non of the things he had said, I told him about my last conversation with BMW when they informed me I didn't get the job.

Now he was beginning to believe me, he told me something has very wrong here and he is going to get to the bottom of it. He said he would call me back when he knows anything further.

Next day the phone rang and all became clear. Here is what had gone wrong.

On the day of my interview another person was also being interviewed for a canteen cleaners job, it turns out his name was exactly the same as mine. They got confused with the addresses and as he didn't get the job he applied for they phoned me up telling me I had failed. The cleaner got a contract of employment through the post worth £50,000 per year plus company car and bonuses.

He went for it, he did the medical, signed the contract, argued about his starting date the lot, only to get cold feet on his first day.

After discovering the mistake they apologised, said they still wanted me but since the first interview had been so long ago I would need to go through the whole process again.

Nearly 4 months after the initial interview and after attending 2 further interviews and a medical and keeping them guessing for nearly 3 weeks I eventually told them I did not want the job any more.

I dare not go anywhere near that place again, I would be executed for sure.

Another story of my mate who applied for a job in an electron microscopy lab when he knew absolutely nothing about the subject.

This is a classic interview line.

During the interview he was asked.

"what do you understand about the interaction of carbon and cobolt in a gas when excited by high level alpha radiation".

his answer...

"Nothing but I am willing to learn".

He did not get the job. :)

[Blakey875]

Many Moons ago at Brize Norton the SENGO 216 Sqn dictated that the Movers were no longer to operate the Tristar Pax Doors manually as they would probably cock up the checks and deploy the Emergency Slide. The only incident at Brize when the slide was accidentally deployed was by the self same SENGO!!

[peppermint_jam]

I believe that there was once an F3 JEngO who Lim'd a seat 'For Emergency use only'
Or is that another urban myth?
sw

Not too sure about that one, but there was a GR1/4 JEngO who was facing a crew out one morning because the APU wouldn't start, her solution "Can't we just LIM it for one flight only?"

Nice one Ma'am.

[wobble2plank]

How about the JATE ivory tower builder who penned the FLASH signal informing all aircrew that we to stupid to assess our own load lifting sites and that ALL load lifting and loadlifting sites were to be assessed and supervised only by a JATE qualified and appointed supervisor. Obviously looking for holiday destinations somewhere around the world.
This warmed our hearts as we were 250 miles out from South Georgia with 45 tonnes of dry stores for the army boys there, all to be load lifted as the ship couldn't get alongside and the stuff was too bulky for a boat transfer!
A quick signal back requesting that the JATE supervisor parachute in ASAP as our weather window was somewhat tight resulted in the original signal being very rapidly withdrawn.
Odd that? Isn't South Georgia in the holiday brochure yet? :E

[Safety_Helmut]

I believe that there was once an F3 JEngO who Lim'd a seat 'For Emergency use only'

Know this "F3 JEngO" well did you Safeware ?

S_H

[Wyler]

A certain well known poster on PPRUNE who, some years ago, was sent to RAF Newton to do his Ground Instructional Technique Course. Three days or so into the 2 week course he attended the Bridge evening in the Officers Mess. He was (is) a passionate Bridge player but also a passionate Lager drinker. The two do not always mix well and it was not long before he told the female at his table that she was a stupid b*tch and a disgrace to the game (or words to that effect).
He was thrown off the course, and the station, the very next day as, apparently, the CO's wife did not like being spoken to in that way. :O






(Feel free to correct me ORAC)



Sitting in the crewroom at Buchan in 1982, we were watching Ascot on the Tele. In walks the Boss and says that his wife was there and had anybody seen her.
A young Pilot Officer, later to become an F3 Nav, replied 'I don't know, what's the jockeys name'?

[ORAC]

He was thrown off the course, and the station, the very next day as, apparently, the CO's wife did not like being spoken to in that way. Not true. := :=

I upset them that night when I found that the points awarded on the night operated on an interesting system of rolling them forward to subsequent bridge nights. The interesting part being it made it impossible for students on courses to win, the advantage to permanent staff being overwhelming. Since they charged for the night and had prizes I made a few pointed remarks about fraud and theft which...err...somewhat annoyed them.

No, what got me thrown off was something else. They had been pounding into us that you should never ask a question where the answer could be yes or no, you had to elicit information from your students. So when it came to my assessed lesson - I taught them the Speechless/HEFOE code. They weren't amused. :( :(

I did go back and do the course again though - when I was acting OC Trng at Boulmer. So I am, officially, a qualified GIT. :rolleyes:

[SamCaine]

CO of an aviation unit in NI who told the unit that the next person to go 'international' in one of his aircraft would be out of the Province within 24 hrs.

Guess who the next person to go 'international' was? :E

[Wyler]

Sorry mate. I stand corrected. :O



Still think my version was better though. :E

[Safeware]

S_HKnow this "F3 JEngO" well did you Safeware ?

No, believe him to have been at Conz when I was a bit further north. Which is why it may be an urban myth.

sw

[airborne_artist]

Still think my version was better though.


"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story...." (A Blair, 2003)

[FJJP]

Rolled up to the line office to check through the 700 when the BEngO showed me a fuel sample just drained from the ac. Looked very nasty - highly contaminated.

'Not to worry', says BEngO, 'I'll sign the Lim Log for one flight only whilst we send the sample for analysis'.

Eh? BEngO was invited to get flying kit, 'cause he was coming with us, and he could advise the flight deck what to do when the engines failed immediately after take-off!

Bless him, he was only trying to be helpful, getting the mission in rather than cancel...

Turned out to be additives that had come out of solution - it wasn't really contaminated.

[ShyTorque]

Our new JENGO once arrived at Met brief with a 1 metre long copper stake and a roll of cable as visual aids for his first briefing to the aircrew. After main brief was complete, he took to the stage.

He explained that having read AP something or other, all aircraft must be bonded to earth, including when in the field. We would from now on be required to carry a copper stake and a roll of cable and earth the aircraft on every landing. :=

He then asked for questions. A certain QHI with a heavy Glaswegian accent said loudly: "Hey, JENGO! Does that stake come wi' a jar o' Vaseline"?

"Er, no, should it?" Replied our puzzled engineer.

"WELL, YE'D BETTER GO AN' GET YERSEL' ONE - COZ' I'M GONNA RAM THAT STAKE RIGHT UP YER A$$!"

Said the QHI, as politely as he could muster.

I don't ever recall taking an earthing stake flying with me.

[charliegolf]

I thought that was kenny mcl's role, the long string of p%%s!

Where is he anyway?

CG

[Hammer Head Too]

Great thread !!
ORAC, good job you didn't do the Technical Instructional Techniques as well!
Jengo at Deci on det mid 90's, live bombed up GR1, engine electrical "runaway" on start, very quick chap in the pointed end stop cocks it in time. Sooty called, advises crew out for mandatory elect/prop checks. Jengo bounds over, takes control and orders the prop SNCO to tell the aircrew to have another go!! (anybody working the Tonka knows this is breaking a big rule) Slightly bemused and rightly miffed crew tell both of them to pi$$ off and get out. Quite vocal meeting then happens with Sengo, Jengo, WO & Prop TM.... didn't go that well for said Jengo I have to report......
HH2

[Art Field]

Marham Field, early 70's, crew run through pre-start checks. "clear to start chief?", "yes sir", windy moany sound of Sapphires grinding into life, after start checks trundle on, chief a bit quiet. Look up to see speedy arrival of large, red painted truck covered in ladders and long tubes followed by another, very similar vehicle, burly men in funny suits jump out and rush about, "what's going on chief?", " Oh sorry sir, did I not tell you, your on fire". Crew out outs' very rapidly. Fortunately only a jet pipe fire but the end of that gentleman's career as a crew chief.

[Jobza Guddun]

PJ,

Please tell me that was one we both currently know......

JG