You Know You're a Flight Attendant if.. [Archive]

Evita

15th Dec 2006, 02:45

>>YOU KNOW YOU'RE A FLIGHT ATTENDANT IF...
>>
>>1. You can eat a 4 course meal standing at the kitchen counter
>>2. You search for a button to flush the toilet
>>3. You look for the "crew line" at the grocery store
>>4. You can pack for a 2 week trip to Europe in 1 roll-aboard
>>5. All of your pens have different hotel names on them
>>6. You NEVER unpack
>>7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by
>>their faces
>>8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage will fit
>>in the overhead bin
>>9. You care about the local news in a city three states away
>>10. You can tie a neck scarf 36 ways
>>11. You know at least 25 uses for air sickness bags-none of which
>>pertain to vomit
>>12. You understand and actually use the 24-hour clock
>>13. You own 2 sets of uniforms: fat and thin
>>14. You don't think in "months"-you think in "bid packs"
>>15. You always point with two fingers
>>16. You get a little too excited by certain types of ice
>>17. You stand at the front door and politely say "Buh-bye, thanks,
>>have a nice day" when someone leaves your home
>>18. You can make a sentence using all of the following phrases: "At
>>this time, " "For your safety, " "Feel free, " and "As a reminder"
>>19. You know what's on the cover of the current issues of In Touch,
>>Star, and People magazines
>>20. You stop and inspect every fire extinguisher you pass, just to
>>make sure the "gauge is in the green"
>>21. Your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests and elbows
>>22. You wake up and have to look at the hotel stationery to figure
>>out where you are
>>23. You refer to cities by their airport codes
>>24. Every time the doorbell rings you look at the ceiling.
>>25. You actually understand every item on this list

flitegirl

15th Dec 2006, 05:34

You know you're passenger may very well be a flight attendant too.... when the meal tray comes back nearly as neat and flat as when it was handed out!!;)

sebby

15th Dec 2006, 08:45

Its all so true - especially 25!

Flitegirl - We always have paxing crew and its so true, apart from the techies :p

flitegirl

15th Dec 2006, 09:01

oh so true. Those tech crew trays do come back oh so messy don't they!!:eek:

sinala1

15th Dec 2006, 09:04

You wipe your hands on the curtains at home
After you've eaten your cold, dried out crew meal in the galley as fast as you can on descent on your 4th sector for the day :{ :E :} - then realised its not the galley but really your kitchen, you are not on descent, and your Lean Cuisine is dried out cause you have tried to re-heat it for the 3rd time running, but keep getting interrupted!

Airside London

15th Dec 2006, 11:05

Fantasctic ...The Ice example is very me , So So Sad :p

Thank you for the Laugh , Hope you got more :)

Evita

15th Dec 2006, 13:52

Gay Flight Attendant

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who
seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and
told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing
the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your
trays up, that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather
Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you
to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
"Well, sweet-cheeks, In my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, Bitch!!"

Airside London

15th Dec 2006, 17:46

Lol.......I like it , Thats a good one :ok:

sebby

16th Dec 2006, 00:33

Thats a funny one, ive heard it a few times but the funniest situation I heard it in was when we were in the crew bus on the way to our hotel and the driver told it to us and that it had happened on his flight recently. We laughed hard obviously.... AT HIM!!

:O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O

OldBoiler

16th Dec 2006, 11:00

You know you're a "Jetstar" flight attendant.....when you brush crumbs off your lounge and then kick them underneath during the tv advertisment break. Cause thats how quick our turnarounds are!:D (but maybe only JQ FA's will get this one!)

Cabindevil

16th Dec 2006, 14:25

airbusthreetwenty

17th Dec 2006, 06:58

bmibaby.com

20th Dec 2006, 19:14

Not for laughs, just purely being neurotic, but I've become far more safety obsessed since becoming crew. When I go on holiday for example, on finding my seat I look for the nearest set of exits both in front and behind of me, shoosh family or friends near me during the safety demo and have a quick feel under my seat for a life jacket. I've also noticed I've begun getting "announcement tone" whenever giving people instructions, you know when you're voice fluctuates a lot and also finding reasons to get words like "at this time" and "may I remind you."

Maybe six years is enough! :O

vodkaholic

20th Dec 2006, 19:23

i've only been doing it 6 months and i'm exactly the same as you bmibaby.com ha ha! i really annoyed my brother on my recent flight to JFK lol. at first he found it interesting, asking me why they do that and what are they doing now. but when i didnt shut up about things they weren't doing or were doing wrong i think he got a little fed up hehe! :p

ShesGreatintheGalley

21st Dec 2006, 00:43

oooh i remember when this kind of thing went around a while ago.. check out some more funny responses here:
http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=142838

You know your a flight attendant if:

* You carry a personal first aid kit around with you and have tablets and remedies for every conceivable ailment in your handbag

* When someone asks you what a city is like you immediatly talk about how bad/good the hotel is (and forget about the actual city)

* Your hotel taste becomes fussier. What may seem as 5* luxury to someone else becomes to you a filthy cess pit full of ants, dirty carpet and "that rude waiter in the restaurant on the 4th floor"

* You refuse to let anyone sit in your car without a seatbelt on/ you harness your dogs into the back seat with a seatbelt.

* Your wine collection is 50% mini size bottles from the aircraft and hotels.

* You dont buy soap at the supermarket anymore... and your entire family has bathrooms full of hotel ammenity kits.

* Every second thought when booking something is "airline discount?"

* You cant eat slowly even if you try

* When you hear chimes in a shopping centre/restaurant/public place you immediatly look up...

highflyin

21st Dec 2006, 08:47

You know your a flight attendant if:

1. You are completely indifferent to customer service
2. You teat passenger like they are fee-loaders, not paying guests
3. Fail to look at someone when you talk to them
4. You are only doing the job for the free holiday / flights
5. you can do that false smile nonsense
6. you steal all the decent magazines intended for the pax
7. say there are no veggies meals cus you can't be bothered to look
8. get your own back on a difficult pax
9. wear too much cheap perfume
10. are probably quite a nice person when not flying

Sorry to be so harsh poeple - but you know some of this is true. I have met many extreamely nice flight attendants, but a few really bring down the many.

BMED LHR

21st Dec 2006, 10:31

Baa Humbug !!! :ugh:

And we don't wear cheap perfume as duty free is very cheap or we just open the boxes :oh: ,

Also we love giving out all the veggie meals as it means more meal's (Chicken/Beef) for us .

Merry christmas !

sinala1

21st Dec 2006, 14:06

Well highflyin arent you just a ray of sunshine and yuletide cheer!!! :hmm:

You know you are a flight attendant when you hear people slag off your job/colleagues etc etc on a regular basis! :}

apaddyinuk

21st Dec 2006, 14:30

You put the radio onto static so you can sleep thinking your on crew rest!!!

MarcJF

23rd Dec 2006, 18:07

Not for laughs, just purely being neurotic, but I've become far more safety obsessed since becoming crew. When I go on holiday for example, on finding my seat I look for the nearest set of exits both in front and behind of me, shoosh family or friends near me during the safety demo and have a quick feel under my seat for a life jacket.

Apologies for the slight thread drift, but this comment reminded me of something that happened to me recently. I'd just landed at Plymouth from Gatwick on way to Newquay. Some pax disembarked whilst we remained, the crew checked overhead bins and seat backs etc looking for any nasties being left behind. Nobody checked the life jackets - (a) to see if they were still there or (b) to make sure nothing that shouldn't be there was left behind. is this standard on a loco quick turnaround?

Flying Farmer

23rd Dec 2006, 18:57

Firstly those passengers would have passed through security at LGW so what exactly might they leave behind??

Secondly last time I operated that flight, last night to be exact, we didn't fly over water. Anyway I will guarantee any of our CC will have sussed anyone trying to pinch a life jacket.

Happy xmas :ok:

bmibaby.com

23rd Dec 2006, 21:30

is this standard on a loco quick turnaround?

There is no real difference between a legacy airline or a low-cost airline turnaround, besides the fact a low-cost airline will get crews to not only arrange the cabin (ie check seatbelts are crossed, all seats have magazines and safety cards etc) but also to pass through the cabin with a gash bag to clear up any rubbish, or "the nasties" you mentioned. I'm unaware of the routing you mentioned, however if it is an overland flight, perhaps the SOPs at that airline do not require checking lifejackets. It's a common misconception that low-cost airlines scrimp on safety, this isn't the case.

highflyin, I'm sorry to read such negative, and frankly hurtful, comments you have about cabin crew.

ScottyDoo

26th Dec 2006, 13:13

highflyin, I'm sorry to read such negative, and frankly hurtful, comments you have about cabin crew.

Why???? They're all true!! Maybe not all true about all crew but there's definitely enough out there to make the accuracy of statements like that easily recognisable!!!

Why get yourself so worked up when you know it's true.... :p

Also:

Those tech crew trays do come back oh so messy don't they!Of course they do, it's your job to clean them up, not ours!!! What did you expect???????? :confused: :eek:

Maybe if you learned not to call them "tech crew", you might find some consideration coming your way!!

bmibaby.com

26th Dec 2006, 13:24

I'm sorry, but the comments which were made in a cabin crew forum, for predominantly members of cabin crew to have a light-hearted look at our jobs, were totally unacceptable in my view towards people in our profession.

In any customer-facing job, you will always find the odd dragon who has lost all love for their job and clearly no longer likes to deal with their customers, however I'd certainly say this statement doesn't qualify to encompass all crew.

ScottyDoo

26th Dec 2006, 13:30

I'm sorry, but the comments which were made in a cabin crew forum, for predominantly members of cabin crew to have a light-hearted look at our jobs, were totally unacceptable in my view towards people in our profession.Huh??? it was made by CC about CC.... and it's true and it's even funny.... lighten up!!

In any customer-facing job, you will always find the odd dragon who has lost all love for their job and clearly no longer likes to deal with their customers, however I'd certainly say this statement doesn't qualify to encompass all crew.Yeah I think that's what I said... :ugh:

Virginia

26th Dec 2006, 16:09

hiflyin isn't cabin crew:

http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=159003

Moi thinks some people are a bit jealous. I'd be interested to know where hiflyin works.

koru_kid

27th Dec 2006, 01:33

i've only been doing it 6 months ... but when i didnt shut up about things they .... were doing wrong
Ah yes.. the 21 year old expert flight attendant with 6 months experience.. I remember when I was new and thought I knew it all too :rolleyes:

flitegirl

27th Dec 2006, 03:55

quote from ScottyDoo..."Of course they do, it's your job to clean them up, not ours!!! What did you expect???????? :confused: :eek:
Maybe if you learned not to call them "tech crew", you might find some consideration coming your way!!"

Actually Scotty, at my airline it's not my job to clean up other crew's rubbish however I do - and do it without complaining. I was merely having a light hearted joke with sebby. We actually have a great working relationship between crew, and a high level of respect between cabin and technical crew.
And FYI, in this country, the terms "Pilot", "tech crew" and "flight crew" are all used interchangeably and are all a respectful term of reference. Our pilots even refer to themselves as "techies".

vodkaholic

27th Dec 2006, 12:00

Ah yes.. the 21 year old expert flight attendant with 6 months experience.. I remember when I was new and thought I knew it all too :rolleyes:

ahhh yes the person who has been doing this job WAY too long and has an attitude towards anybody who actually still loves the job! envy is an evil emotion to have sometimes aint it people.

and as you SHOULD know if you work as cabin crew, you learn a hell of a lot during training, about why certain procedures are there and a lot about safety that flying as a passenger, you do not realise. so yeh i do know it all!!!!!

Getoutofmygalley

27th Dec 2006, 12:18

Vodkaholic I agree you do learn one hell of a lot during training, but the training only teaches you SOP's. It is working on line that gives you the real training.

When I did my original new entrant training almost 3 years ago I aced all of my exams, but the exams do not prepare you for a full plane load of passengers on a short flight between LGW and AMS.

After almost 3 years of flying I would not ever claim that I know everything so I do hope your "I do know it all" comment is rather tongue in cheek. In this business you never stop learning and that should be remembered by every cabin crew member and I am sure that most pilots would agree with me.

vodkaholic

27th Dec 2006, 12:50

of course i do not know it all lol. i didn't mean this literally, just as i did not claim to know it all in my original post. and you're right, being online does make you learn SO much more than training. no amount of training can prepare you for what you can face on that aeroplane, 36,000ft in the sky with nobody else to rely on but yourself.
i just think that it is rude and unnaceptable that posters like koru-kid should speak to other posters in this tone. we are all here for the same reason, and that is not to be abused.

Airside London

27th Dec 2006, 15:29

MMM...
But's it's ok for you to do that to other Member's Hey !!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Airside London http://www.pprune.org/forums/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3026069#post3026069)
Based at London Gatwick, you will be flying on long-haul routes and it's envisaged that you will be undertaking between five and six trips per month. Most of these will be three-day trips to the east coast of North America. As there route network expands, roster patters will change over time to encompass new destinations and trips of up to five days.

And this is your remark to me !

lol, well i read that on their website but i wanted 2 know the exact routes. thanks superboy!! think i'd get a bit bored just flying to new york 5 times a month to start with lol.

What's the big Joke .

vodkaholic

27th Dec 2006, 16:18

i dont understand how that is abusing you??

i did ask for the exact routes...maybe ur post wasnt in response to mine, but people make mistakes! and its very easy to do on forums when you arent speaking face to face to people.

flitegirl

27th Dec 2006, 20:56

anyway.... this thread was started for some fun. Not to have arguments.

sebby

27th Dec 2006, 21:09

I agree flitegirl, but just back on the old "its our job to clean up after the tech crew".. well as a matter of fact company policy states that all paxing crew should be responsible for themselves and should actually be served last and be as descreet as possible including meal requests. So if im spending 6 minutes at 7ABC rearranging a meal tray because there is a mountain of rubbish im hardly being descreet nor am I giving the paying customers the attention they deserve.

Of course this was lighthearted, as flitegirl said, and im lucky enough to work for a company where all crew are equal and the Pilots treat us like with the respect we deserve and as a result they receive it back. But there is always one.... (in the forum at least).. :}

air doris

28th Dec 2006, 06:47

I thought this was going to be a fun thread, it started off that way. I have heard all the jokes but still love them!!!! Thanks for the laughs!!

Airside London

28th Dec 2006, 12:56

Yes ... I do Apologise ,
Let's have more laughs :ok:

wannabeingoal

28th Dec 2006, 15:16

My God,
I see from YKYAFAI that if I stand in the kitchen to eat I must be
"cc". I should be so lucky! My wife makes me sit down to eat, use a knife AND fork, somtimes even a spoon. God help me if I use the curtains to wipe "something" on!
Did LOL tho.

wannabeingoal

28th Dec 2006, 15:27

Just read back thru recent posts and seems like a new thread could be started over how F/D want to / should be / are served.
Are we their nursemaids or do their spouses at home do that?
:confused:

757manipulator

28th Dec 2006, 16:36

wannabeingoal, thats two threads where you have had a pop at F/D:=
What exactly is your problem? perhaps you'd like to swap places, and whilst your at it...put yourself through 3 or 4 years of financial hardship/training..to get that first elusive F/D job.
A crew should be a team..it shouldn't be staffed by whinging cabin crew who look on with thinly disguised contempt.

You should check your shoulders, the chip seems to be growing on both:hmm:

sebby

28th Dec 2006, 20:30

Yer.. definitely agree there. Some tech crew can be difficult at times but in all honesty they have a very serious and important job. One they have worked bloody hard for and I respect that completely. Just remember wannabeingoal that they cant actually come out and make their food or coffee so why shouldnt they be able to make some requests for specific modification so they can enjoy their service. I certainly wouldnt want to serve someone with something they didnt want or that wasnt to their liking.

We have all been light hearted in here, possibly the same way light hearted jokes could be made about cabin crew.. but certainly with no disrespect to the flight crew. You may have taken that one a bit too far.... maybe when you do start flying (unless you do) you will understand.

sebby

28th Dec 2006, 20:33

Gee Wannabeingoal.. ive just read the thread you've started which was closed. Thats just rude and disrespectful. :=

wannabeingoal

29th Dec 2006, 00:14

My wife's F/D so maybe I'm just biased

sebby

29th Dec 2006, 06:40

Shes a lucky women :}

cckat

30th Dec 2006, 06:12

I sent this to my family and friends who all laughed because, although I don't fly any more, I still point like an FA, can eat whilst running from shower to car, hate the thought of staying in a hotel, and can't see a mess in the kitchen without freaking out about the time it will take to clean it!

As for the pilot's I only ever had one or two that didn't get what we did, and when they were paxing, forget it, they didn't want the passengers to know who they were, because they wanted to relax on the flight as well, so, for the most part they'd ask to not be served at all!

threestable

3rd Jan 2007, 01:07

Less of the bun fight and more laughs please... and before anyone goes off on one, this applies to fdeck, cc, whoever. Happy 2007!:ok:
Working in the Aviation Industry:
1. We work in weird shifts...
Like prostitutes
2. They pay you to make the client happy...
Like a prostitute
3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny...
Like a prostitute
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams...
Like a prostitute
5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you...
Like a prostitute
6. When you have to meet the client you always have to be perfectly groomed....
Like a prostitute
7. But when you go back home it seems like you are coming back from hell...
Like a prostitute
8. The client always wants to pay less but expects incredible things from you...
Like a prostitute
9. When people ask you about your job, you have difficulties to explain it...
Like a prostitute
10. Everyday when you wake up, you say: "I'M NOT GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE DOING THIS".....
Like a prostitute
REMARKS
The only difference is the prostitutes can take Christmas and New Year's Eve off and they actually DO make a lot of Money!!!
If you know someone in the aviation industry please share this with them so they don't feel bad anymore....
Like a prostitute!
;) ;)