Jaw dropper

[levo]

Hi Having a chat with a mech the other day and he tells me about a R44 that landed and the owner asked him if the heli had a problem becouse evrey time he filled it with fuel he noticed that the tail rotor was low to the ground . the mech looked at him and realised that the pilot was quite small and proceded to ask him about the weight and balance, it ended up the mech showing him how to work out the weight and balance and that he needed to ad weight . my reply your JOKING no its true .who did this guy learn to fly with and where did he take his exames .
Do you know of any other Jaw droppers .:uhoh:

[perfrej]

How about a guy with mostly plank experience, gets a PPL(H) on the 300, and after a few years is found fiddling with the mixture thingy during flight, leaning out a bit like in a plank... Bad!

When I was trained on the 300, the mixture lever HAD to be in the pushed in position at all times, or hell would descend on you like Thor's hammer!

[SASless]

Another good one was the Bristow S-61 crew that flew a round trip from Aberdeen to a rig....and returned with the Tail Rotor Gust lock still installed.:uhoh:

The latest known incident is supposed to have happened in the Gulf of Mexico just recently....hmmmmm?

[Oogle]

Or the one where a B47 runs out of fuel and does a perfect auto to the ground.

Wanting to get the aircraft on the other side of the fence, puts fuel in, starts up and hover taxis over the fence only to catch the skid on the fence and write-off the aircraft.

D'oooooohh! :O

[ShyTorque]

Or the AAC Gazelle pilot at St. Angelo in '91 who started his aircraft with the rotorhead/main gearbox covers still on. With his observer (not very observant) standing just outside the rotor disc with a fire extinguisher. They both looked at us all waving and giving them the "CUT, CUT" hand signal, and ignored us. The lashings, complete with metal buckles, came loose and began swinging around the aircraft with the blades. We then hid behind the rocket fence as we were in danger of getting our heads taken off, too. The observer realised what was happening as the entire cover got ripped off, became briefly entangled with the blades and got thrown fifty yards or so past his head. The pilot shut down, had a brief look at the rotor head, shrugged his shoulders, started up and departed. :\

[SASless]

A Ferry pilot showed up to fetch an FH-1100 for a customer. A mechanic/engineer noticing a delay in the start, wandered over and inquired if anything was wrong. The Ferry Pilot mumbled something about the start switch....at which time it became obivious to the Engineer the pilot knew naught about FH-1100's. He confirmed that....told the Pilot how to start the machine....and walked over to a hangar to watch the departure.

I last saw him peeking around the corner at me....but once I got it running...the rest was a piece of cake.:E

[bladepitch]

back in 94 a private pilot taking his first ever passengers of his flying career got in a H300 ( all his training was in a 22) and took off for a flight down sydney harbour all went well for 30 mins, then all the gauges went dead bar the tacs . stressing out a bit , he turned around and headed back to the airport , all the correct radio failure procedures and landing procedures were done and he landed safely back at the GAAP. just as he touched down the CFI opened the door and reached to the bottom of the panel and turned the ALT to ON !. then went back inside the hanger with out saying a word.
amazing! all the gauges were back on!

i was so worried about giving my pax a good ride i forgot to turn the F*&%ing alternator switch on.

BP lol

SAS. great way to tell it

[paco]

There was a chap who told his engineer that he didn't like the look of two bolts on the tail rotor assembly of his Enstrom, so he turned them both round and cut one of them short to look better.

Phil

[topendtorque]

a whole host of these i'll wager and we all have chiefies to look after us, otherwise we would be stuffed, right!

The first I had was when a not very bright ginger beer who had noticed what he thought was a loose bolt in the T'R Gbox housing. The spanner he produced turned it into a bolt with a stripped thread in the casting.

So- he just finds a longer bolt and nut and tightens it up throught the cast housing with a heap of washers on it.
Now chiefy finds out at ten that night and panics, and drives all night to the location. He's buggered when he gets there so he sends a station employee, not a bright one- out to the refuel spot with a sign that says - XYZ down and a big arrow on it pointing down. nothing else.

i can tell you i was somewhat mystified as I had just landed at the fuel in XYZ and could confirm that it was very much up so far as I was concerned. Of course we were in the middle of a massive job and things were quite hectic to say the least.

Called up my partner who comes over and after some questioning in the local pidgen dialect we find out the source of the sign.

one hour later and a new Gbox and we work over time to just pull off the job by dark.

funny thing - we never saw the culprit ever again, chiefy had steam coming out of his ears though.

[verticalhold]

After an appallingly bad night out having just finished all the exams and tests for my CPL I took off in a 300 to burn off the last few hours I had to fly for license issue. I knew my flying was rough due to the near fatal hangover I was suffering. Landed on the field to think and then undid the control frictions.

Straight back to the hangar and straight back to bed. Never touched tequilla since:eek:

Took off from a rig and flew back to base in a S61. Usual grot weather. I had checked the fuel samples and the caps. Complained to ops about a strange vibe whilst on the way home. Met in dispersal by an engineer who immediately started to coil up the hundred feet of earthing cable still attached to the tail wheel. Interviewed without coffee or sit down for that one. P2 Still laughs:O

[Agaricus bisporus]

An appallingly bad stude from the sand pit was nearly at the end of his 100hr course at a top UK flight school. He was finally (but only just) capable of a simple solo X country, immediately after a dual check, of course... This guy was BAD!

He just disappeared. Panic soon set in, given his flying abilities, and a search mission was sent to fly the route to look for him. He was eventually found, with his helo intact, picnicking at the side of a lake where one of his pals was having an afternoon's waterskiing. Apparently he was too dim to realize that his failure to return would be noticed!

And from the plank side, a very experienced ex US Navy pilot with lots of civil time (inc helo) once scoffed at me for weighing cargo. He said, "What the **** are you wasting time on that for, just put it in until the tail scrapes, then take a bit out! If you can shut the door it will fly!"

He was regularly overloading an 8000lb aeroplane by 5-600lbs...

Or the CHIEF INSTRUCTOR of a UK airline now defunct who told a new FO not to bother with the SID as cleared, but just go direct to ABC, and flew right through the XYZ hold that the SID was there to avoid...There are plenty more about that particular imbecile.

[rotorspin]

with my newly printed PPL(H) took my parents on our first trip in my 44...

Sat there turning over the engine but it didn't fire into life...

Told parents to go and grab a coffee whilst I pretended to tinker with things (checking fuel lines etc - but not really knowing what I was looking for!) Parents by now very worried at the sound of a non functioning, non firing engine! :uhoh:

Finally re-reading the checklist..........MIXTURE RICH.... I hadn't pushed it in............................... :{ , push it in and it fires into life....

[thecontroller]

i dont think there is anyone who hasnt made that mistake in a robinson

i knew a student who flew a long cross country in an r22 with the empty oil bottle sticking out where the dipstick should have been

[Darren999]

Controller.

As a new CFI I too found myself on a x country with student to find apon landing the aforementioned oil can hanging out the dip stick hole!, and a boom covered in oil!!!! One learn't to check that before strapping in :{

To add even more embaressment, I think I'm going to get it now... but on a very busy day teaching, was asked to fly a a photo flight, passenger was strapped in, I clamly jump in the 47, start up the engine, and wonder why the blades are not turning!!! engine off quick! jump out.... untie blades, jump back in, with very red face, and a very weak explanation to the passenger..... Never again :eek:

[Ioan]

Last leg of PPL qualifying XC, I've just taken off from the 2nd airfield, heading home, and key the mike for FIS with London Info. No response. Multiple clicking later, I try the other PTT switch - It works. Yay! So I change headsets in mid air, and continue home only using the other PTT switch to make all radio calls.
Finally land, bit stressed, tired, but over the moon. Decide that since it's a perfect summers day I might as well fly some more! So refuel, get the OK, and jump back in, still thinking about how well I handled my first 'comms failure'. Try to start... winding... winding. Ahhh! Mixture's out! A few people are now outside watching me, and this is beginning to look a bit embarassing. Get it going anyway, get to the mag checks, flip the key one way then the other - fine - flip it to the second notch - engine coughs - loudly! I try it again - same happens. Suddenly dawns on me - engines don't run when you switch the ignition off. I'd turned it one too many notches.

Shut down, get out, go in, and drink coffee. Bit red faced, but god only knows what I'd have done next if I'd gone flying. Mistakes I've sure learnt from though!

[thecontroller]

tale i heard from the school i used to work for:

student spinning up, getting ready for a solo flight. he somehow has his headset plugged into the wrong socket, so he can hear the tower etc, but they cant hear him.

so.. he beckons an FI over who is walking out to another heli. the FI stands on the skid, and leans in to see what the problem is...

the student starts to try to explain the problem when the heli suddenly lurches off the ground, the FI leaps off and dives for cover, the heli spins around, the FI (lying on the pad) sees the tailboom go over his head twice...

the heli digs a skid in the grass and comes to a rest, upright.

FI dusts himself down, student changes underwear....

(i think the collective wasnt full down)

[Freewheel]

Many moons ago in R22 days I settled into the cockpit after stopping for a leak during a nav on a very chilly day. I pulled lots of carby heat and watching for the needle to come up before sitting up and realising I was off the ground. I reached for the lever and couldn't get my hand on it (the lever) while elevating much more rapidly so I concentrated on not going any further backwards before I worked out that I had my sleeve caught on the governer switch. A quick movement had me descending to a surpringly benign touchdown (either that or brain overload was coming into play) as another trip to the loo was in order.

Ever since when I've had to wear long sleeves they've been neat fitting or velcro'd up so they bunched near the thumb.

[Rotorbiggles]

Landed on a mountain helipad in a 44 for a loo break and a look around. Even took a couple of photos to show what a great pilot i was...

Got back in went to start up... pre start checks complete, master on turn key......nothing... Checked the master was on tried again.. got out checked under the hood, tapped the starter.. got back in.. read the manual.. started pondering the long long walk down...

released rotor brake.. and amazingly it started first time... funny that...

[topendtorque]

into self assassination i see.

this happened a while ago.

a certain character who was nursing a fairly throbbing head, parades before the hanger urn before daylight, like everyone else, fires up and heads off. all automatic. no gps those days.

about fifteen minutes out he got to thinking - now where the f'n ,,,,da dee da.

so, what next? climb up a bit, call up the hanger and with as much studied nonchalance as one can muster under such circumstance, enquires into the days schedule of twenty odd machines.

dutifully the radio girl starts reading, then there is a palpable pause - followed by - you've forgotten haven't you?
I swear at least five clicks sounded simultaneously followed by the word - CARTON!!

[bladepitch]

i remember an instructor mate of mine telling me this cracker.

the FI told a student ( who was none to bright) to preflight the helicopter thoroughly and check all compartments
he went out to do a lesson on low level quick stops and down wind approaches.
The lesson went ok but my mate sat in the pilot room after getting back and wondering why the helicopter was very very sluggish and needed max power to recover from doing all the manouvers when both he and student were light and carring a light fuel load.

the next student walked in, went out and did a preflight on the same chopper, walked back in with both the FI and dopey student sitting there and asked if he should take out the 70 kg of dumbell weights under the pilot seat used for on a solo 2 lessons earlier. :*

cheers BP

[996]

Or the AAC Gazelle pilot at St. Angelo in '91 who started his aircraft with the rotorhead/main gearbox covers still on. With his observer (not very observant) standing just outside the rotor disc with a fire extinguisher. They both looked at us all waving and giving them the "CUT, CUT" hand signal, and ignored us. The lashings, complete with metal buckles, came loose and began swinging around the aircraft with the blades. We then hid behind the rocket fence as we were in danger of getting our heads taken off, too. The observer realised what was happening as the entire cover got ripped off, became briefly entangled with the blades and got thrown fifty yards or so past his head. The pilot shut down, had a brief look at the rotor head, shrugged his shoulders, started up and departed. :\

[a] Gazelle Head cover is fastened to each blade root by a strip of velcro. There is no metal buckle fitted.
[b] There is no such thing as a Gazelle main gearbox cover - it is shrouded by a fairing.
[c] The Gazell at that time did not carry an Observer - two pilots [Ac Commander, LHS and Pilot ,RHS. It was not a procedure or policy for the 'observer' to stand outside the cabin with a fire extinguisher.

Nice strory if you had got half the detail correct. However, starting with a headcover on did take place on more than one occasion.

[ShyTorque]

[a] Gazelle Head cover is fastened to each blade root by a strip of velcro. There is no metal buckle fitted.
[b] There is no such thing as a Gazelle main gearbox cover - it is shrouded by a fairing.
[c] The Gazell at that time did not carry an Observer - two pilots [Ac Commander, LHS and Pilot ,RHS. It was not a procedure or policy for the 'observer' to stand outside the cabin with a fire extinguisher.
Nice strory if you had got half the detail correct. However, starting with a headcover on did take place on more than one occasion.

Shame the crew in question wasn't as sharp as yourself. You might be correct about the buckles, it might have been a velcro pad, as it was a long time ago and we didn't go looking for part numbers afterwards. The rotor rpm was well up and increasing at the time it was pointed out to us by the guard in the sangar, who had frantically been shouting at the dull crew outside the disc. :D

Observer, pilot or whoever, he was definitely outside and certainly dull to fail to notice the aircraft was being started with covers on, especially as he was in great danger of personal injury as the item in question whirled past his face with increasing speed. He certainly woke up a little when it flew off past him.

You said it happened a number of times. I take it those pilots didn't do walk-rounds first thing in the morning...and sometimes weren't sharp enough to realise that if you put on a cover last thing the previous night it might still be there the following morning? Or realise that some critical damage might have been done and perhaps ought to get it inspected by an engineer? :hmm:

[206 jock]

How about the owner of A Certain Southern UK Helo company who had his lackies drag his squirrel out of the hangar for him to go flying. When told it was ready, strode purposefully out to his steed and pressed the starter (or whatever you do in squirrels).

Strange noise alerted him to something not being right...turns out the air intake blanks had been sucked into the engine. Ouch!

[bugdevheli]

A friend of mine let a friend of his borrow his xxxx copter (name omitted to protect the innocent) he watched him depart and noticed something fall from beneath the engine. Legging it across the field, he recovered the offending object. He immediately called the pilot on his mobile. The passenger answered. "Ask that bloody pratt if all the gauges read out ok". "Yes" was the reply. Well tell the ****head ive got the alternator belt in my right hand.