Are Nimrods safe?

[mark mcgivern]

Daily Record today:

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/tm_headline=scandal-of-raf-nimrod-kept-in-air-by-a-teapot%26method=full%26objectid=18203437%26siteid=66633-name_page.html

SCANDAL OF RAF NIMROD KEPT IN AIR BY A TEAPOT
Air crew claim every flight is hit by major problem

THE crew of an RAF Nimrod had to use a TEAPOT to repair their ageing plane in mid-air.
The airmen jammed the pot into an eight-inch hole left in the fuselage when a hatch door failed to close properly.
Without the emergency repair, the crew would have had no air pressure inside the jet.
A whistleblower last night said the problem summed up the pitiful state of our Nimrods. He claimed: "The fleet is a shambles. Every flight has major problems."
The source, a senior RAF officer, said the teapot incident took place after the Nimrod took off from Cornwall. He added: "The aircraft had to limp home at 8000ft with the teapot over an eight-inch hole in the fuselage because the pressure doors couldn't close - again."
The officer also told how some Nimrods are flying with instruments held on with sticky tape.
And he revealed that Nimrod crews have reported four major fuel leaks since the crash that killed 14 servicemen in Afghanistan in September.
A broken pipe during refuelling is suspected of causing the crash, but crews have just been told to resume refuelling in mid-air.
Moray MSP Angus Robertson, whose constituency includes the Nimrod base at RAF Kinloss, vowed to raise the officer's concerns in the Commons.
The commanding officer at Kinloss, Group Captain Jerry Kessell, confirmed the teapot incident but said the crew were never in any danger. He said cabin pressure was only needed to "make things more comfortable and heat up the plane".

[skysunclouds]

Eye opening. I have a strong connection to the Nimrod community through Family/Freinds. I have been aware of allot of the current problems and accidents/crashes in the last 10-11 years.

I heard.....and please don't quote me on this, so I will stand corrected if I am wrong, that a couple of weeks ago the Kinloss Squadrons were breifly grounded due to Air to Air Refuelling problems.

All I can say is the crews etc are of very high calibre but they are operating old equipment which has to take its toll by now. Perhaps it is time for the MOD to start purchasing new kit. I am not RAF so maybe the old stuff works best, I don't know.

[enginesuck]

It is an obvious flight safety question, not that a teapot was used but how were the crew supposed to get a brew ???:}

[Wader2]

bye .

[Saintsman]

Just as well they had the teapot otherwise the crew would have all been sucked out.....:hmm:

[ORAC]

The USN no doubt have a $50k Beverage Calorific Enhancement Device for the same purpose......

[Wader2]

ORAC, they wouldn't need one, they don't drink tea.

[ORAC]

Tea, maybe not, but I was greatly impressed by the size of the coffee pots on the E3A....

[White Noise]

Teapot !! whats wrong with the old saucepan and a bit of wet blue roll !!:}

[NoseGunner]

Doh.

Just noticed that the original poster is the article author! I am getting slow in my old age :( .

At least its honest fishing!

[hobie]

talking about teapots reminds me of a story telling of a famous Australian Aviator who lost an engine (3 eng. a/c) on a oceanic crossing ...... sometime later no. 2 started loosing oil at an alarming rate ..... his engineer filled a flask with oil - climbed out numerous times to the engine and topped up the oil resevoir ...... some eleven hours later the aircraft landed safely .....

I suppose the motto of the story being .... if you don't take a teapot then a flask is a must ..... :)

ps. a true story I assure you ..... the guy was knighted for his Aviation exploits as I recall ......

[Ordynants]

Just as well they had the teapot otherwise the crew would have all been sucked out.....:hmm:
Trust me, no danger of any nimrod crew disappearing through an 8-inch gap...pass the doughnuts and stick my pie in the oven:ok:

[r supwoods]

smaller holes .. try soaking your copy of The Sun and stuffing than in the hole ... :bored:

[Hugh S]

"...an eight-inch hole left in the fuselage".
If the holes weren't in the fuselage, the bl**dy sonobuoys would have an interesting time getting into the sea!
"...Without the emergency repair, the crew would have had no air pressure inside the jet.".
Just like the lack of air pressure you get when you depressurise at low level anyway.
The boys at The Record must be really desperate for a story:D . Enginesuck hit the nail on the head - the real problem will have been making a round of drinks without the teapot. Doesn't have the same headline though - Nimrod crew fly without a teapot!

[Mr Point]

SCANDAL OF RAF NIMROD KEPT IN AIR BY A TEAPOT
...I remember when it only used to take a chicken curry and dairy cream sponge! :}

[Mr Point]

...Without the emergency repair the crew would have had no air pressure inside the jet....
Is this "emergency repair" in the FRCs:

Immediate actions
Tea pot ..... Placed over hole in fuselage

Subsequent actions
Make brew....... :ugh:

[dodgysootie]

Anyone fancy a doughnut!!

[Flight Detent]

Why are they stuffing around, go directly to the only real solution, they have to buy a couple of squadrons of P3Cs and carry on with a proven product!

Cheers, FD:ok:

[Charlie Luncher]

FD
I think you'll find (:8 ) the P3C or AP3C does not have a teapot but a coffee percolator that never percolates, so not a real solution. Don't get me started on the smallest room on board either:* .

Personally I would have used a navigator and kept the brews going, did someone say DCS?:O

Charlie sends

[Pontius Navigator]

the real problem will have been making a round of drinks without the teapot. Doesn't have the same headline though - Nimrod crew fly without a teapot!

We didn't make the news for "Shackleton crew diverts to get tea cup".

True story.

Duty galley rat failed to check if there were any cups on board. Emergency fix was to wash a baked bean can after breakfast to revive the pilot, J*hn *l**s IIRC, followed by a PD to Leuchars. The real fun had been conveying the message through ATC but they came up trumps and delivered our salvation in the Rover.

Mind you, best cuppa "in-flight", same pilot J E, lying on the grass outside the hangar at Bitteswell listening to th ebirds twittering. I wasn't deaf in those days. Ever the hours hog, the skipper claimed all the time on the ground as flight time even though the aircraft was shut down and no one on board.

[callsign Metman]

"Without the emergency repair, the crew would have had no air pressure inside the jet."


WHAT??
You mean that they'd flying in a vacuum?

[reddeathdrinker]

At least the crew had a teapot. Last time I tried to demand a teapot from stores to fix a Nimrod, they were inability...

[snowball1]

Couldn't a LAC or one of those new wheel bashers be kept on a nimrod, incase of further problems, just use them to plug the hole,(they are more effective at filling all types of holes,since you can bend them to shape!) then rest of crew can carry on sipping their tea, thus ensuring morale is kept to a maximum. Think I will put it as a GEMS idea.

[Tonkenna]

The Now Show on Radio 4 have just summed this up briliantly... cx out the repeat tomorrow or the pod cast... its fab!!!!!

Tonks

[Yeller_Gait]

Couldn't catch the comedians name, but he is sufficiently perceptive that he could have been Nimrod crew in an earlier life. Excellent

Y_G

[Tonkenna]

Mitch Ben was the chap... "Never fly without a teapot"....

Tonks:D

[Archimedes]

If it helps...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/comedy/nowshow.shtm

To get access to the various listen again features.

[anti col]

Knowing the high competence of the crews I’m positive that they would only have used the lid from the teapot therefore leaving the pot free for refreshments that would be required after such an “emergency”….

The teapot, blue roll, and aluminium tape where would we be without it…….

[My T Hunter]

Possibly the most accurate reporting I've ever heard about the kipper fleet!!

[splitbrain]

Couldn't a LAC or one of those new wheel bashers be kept on a nimrod, incase of further problems, just use them to plug the hole,(they are more effective at filling all types of holes,since you can bend them to shape!) then rest of crew can carry on sipping their tea, thus ensuring morale is kept to a maximum. Think I will put it as a GEMS idea.

Not really necessary. The inflated egos of all the crew onboard should provide enough pressure to overcome any leak.;)

[AC Ovee]

Listen here, you grovelling little splitbrain groundy, don't underestimate us aircrew. Our egos are inflated well beyond than that needed to pressurize a Nimrod. Thats why it is fitted with 2 outward relief valves on the hull. One is clearly not enough..... :cool:

(PS, no offence, just banter)

[Hoop Stress]

Never mind non-stories. Stop AAR now before recent history repeats itself and we loose another crew... Find the problem, fix it, then resume. Don't bodge it, think about it, bodge it, think again, scratch head, bodge it, say it will be ok.

YOU know I'm right...The ball is in your court and with your conscience.

[Snow Dog]

HS,

I take it you are neither a bodger nor a scatcher. Do you have all the answers or are you just looking for a (non) story?

[andgo]

Maybe HS dosent have all the answers, but based on the number of reccuring incidents neither do the people who persist with aar on the rod.
PS this answer is non aar related :ugh:

[moggiee]

"Without the emergency repair, the crew would have had no air pressure inside the jet."
WHAT??
You mean that they'd flying in a vacuum?
The only vacuum here is between the lazy, incompetent journo's ears!

[Vage Rot]

Inflated Egos???

Surely we would simply use a few minutes flying pay to fill the hole rather than risk our precious egos!!