military Jargon updated

[top_cover]

From the a recent RAF publication



our intent in collocating ***** and *****, is to produce an organisation that will improve the effectiveness and efficiency of the RAF's contribution to the Defence Vision.

We will do this by building structures and mechanisms which facilitate cross-command planning and alignment as well as delivering shared services to both commands, all this underpinned by coherent end to end process ownership


WHAT?:sad:

[movadinkampa747]

What they said was very important for you to understand as you must realise that building structures and mechanisms gathers cross-command planning and alignment and likewise cross-command planning and alignment screams into building structures and mechanisms.:)
So you see if building structures and mechanisms suffixes cross-command planning and alignment then it goes to follow that the invisible domestic staggers below cross-command planning and alignment.:ugh: Come on its easy!!!!!!!

Ah but now I hear you say how does all this fit with the defence vision? Well it is simple. The doctrine briefs the method so, and this is important, effectiveness and efficiency revenges Defence Vision. Finally effectiveness and efficiency pencils Defence Vision with the algorithm and leaves us asking; why won't effectiveness and efficiency suspect after the aerial trilogy? Absolutely no idea on that one:sad:

[top_cover]

So are you saying that the mechanism is end to end across the command planning to produce an organisation with a plan to build a structure that you can look inside to see a defence vision so that we are effective in alignment??

I think i get it now :sad:

[Flame Out]

That looks like a total quality mission statement if i ever saw one. we're all doomed, doomed I say.

[The Helpful Stacker]

That looks like a total quality mission statement if i ever saw one. we're all doomed, doomed I say.

There are people in positions of authority within JHC (especially at Odious it seems) who speak in 'management speak' like that all day.

A visit to 'Tesco' is almost certain to end in a full house for all you bullsh!t bingo fans.:rolleyes:

[movadinkampa747]

Tsk tsk Helpful.
You must realise that one of the single most important developments in the RAF today is the continued evolution of capability-based planning and aquisition combined with cross-command planning and alignment. With strong imputs from the RAF and MOD the RAF's contribution to the Defence Vision are key elements in the capability-based approach to achieve coherence across the spectrum that is NATO and the British Armed Forces.
The central figure in focussing these algorithms within the RAF is the importance of its involvement in virtually all phases of building structures and mechanisms that will promugate this coherence and achieve a set of coherent Capabilities across the whole of the RAF.

Tescos is a very different fish indeed. All they are interested in is being the leading supermarket and making lots of cash.

[wg13_dummy]

Sounds like David Brent is writing this stuff.


Don't you just love the 'Corporate image' our Armed Forces have today?

[The Helpful Stacker]

Tsk tsk Helpful.
You must realise that one of the single most important developments in the RAF today is the continued evolution of capability-based planning and aquisition combined with cross-command planning and alignment. With strong imputs from the RAF and MOD the RAF's contribution to the Defence Vision are key elements in the capability-based approach to achieve coherence across the spectrum that is NATO and the British Armed Forces.
The central figure in focussing these algorithms within the RAF is the importance of its involvement in virtually all phases of building structures and mechanisms that will promugate this coherence and achieve a set of coherent Capabilities across the whole of the RAF.

Tescos is a very different fish indeed. All they are interested in is being the leading supermarket and making lots of cash.

Not sure if this is a 'wah' but you do know Tesco's is the nickname for a building at Odious full of people who speak just like you just did and appear to have a primary task of producing paperwork?

BTW, "house"! I managed two lines on my card from that little speech.;)

[movadinkampa747]

As a shareholder I do have an interest in what happens at Tesco. Tesco’s philosophy is a huge leap over the customer oriented parameters under which most other big retailers such as Sainsbury or Morrisons operate.
Tesco are constantly synchronising and marginalising their sector rivals to a point where they are almost nil as a potentially competitive market factor. They therefore dominate, in a total way, all the High streets and out of town shopping areas.
Their loyal customers and employees are a cohesive force, working to give the best profits year on year to the shareholders. While Tesco are continually setting their profits to a standard way above their competitors their loyal employees all continually eschew the "rules of retail war" in a most Enron/Ken Lay-like way; all while selling what really amounts to endless tons of cheap food and electrical crap to their thier target market: Yummy mummies, aged 22 to 34; as psychological testing has shown this age sector to be the most vulnerable to "feeding the need" and thereby enhancing shareholder (My stock) value.:ok:

[spekesoftly]

My initial reaction was that it had been written by Sir Nigel Hawthorne (Yes Minister), until I remembered he's no longer with us.

I left the mob nearly 30 years ago - brevity and clarity must have followed suit! :rolleyes:

[Ali Barber]

I think it just means the buildings will have windows so people can see out.

[Roland Pulfrew]

BTW, "house"! I managed two lines on my card from that little speech.;)

Damn!! All I was waiting for was overarching or underpinning for me to shout house.

Anyone else hear the report on Monday's Today programme about management speak? Apparently the font of management speak, IIP, has done a survey where they found that 62% of staff think that management speak is a load of rubbish and adds no value. They believe that management should get on with leading and managing and stop the management bolleaux.:ok:

I am shocked that the figure is as low as 62%. Now if only the heirachy would listen!!

[Gainesy]

From what I can figure out, the initial post appears to be about bricklaying.
What a complete load of balls.:(

[Archimedes]

From the a recent RAF publication
our intent in collocating ***** and *****, is to produce an organisation that will improve the effectiveness and efficiency of the RAF's contribution to the Defence Vision.
We will do this by building structures and mechanisms which facilitate cross-command planning and alignment as well as delivering shared services to both commands, all this underpinned by coherent end to end process ownership
WHAT?:sad:


Translation: We're moving the chief clerk's desk nearer to the JPA terminal. :confused:

I notice that Mike's link appears to show that there's a Haynes Owner's Workshop Manual on Cancer. What next? A special edition of the British Medical Journal on the Ford Mondeo?

[Flame Out]

Right, another go at getting a table into the thread, if there is a technical way of doing it can you let me know. Simple words please.

Having had some degree of exposure to the yuck speak mob over the years in civilian life, I can only feel sorry for you all, bull :mad:, you've never seen the like of, the quicker they're gone the better. Nonetheless, you can have some fun with them as there sense of humour quotient is very low. If you're ever short of the necessary phrase, the one that's just on the tip of the tongue, or you looking to impress the non-productive; have ago with this, it works all the time, just choose one word from each column, in any order and bingo you'll be speaking crap just like the best of them:ok:

1...........................2...........................3
strategic..............cost based.............core competancy
interactive............logistical................alliance
responsive............discretionary..........re-engineering
recprocal..............empowering...........values
customer-oriented...visionary..............benchmark
functional..............partnering.............paradigm

[charliegolf]

I am old, but I remember when Ithought

"This vehicle may not be placed in forward or rearward motion until all passenger restraint devices are operational" US Jeepy Thing, c1983

was bollox for "Belt Up". Jimmy Saville, '70s.

Respec' for the new depth of BS attained.

CG

[movadinkampa747]

What next? A special edition of the British Medical Journal on the Ford Mondeo?

The engine is an essential structural and functional element of the motion system in the Mondeo and constitutes the largest piece of metal system in the organism. It contributes to motion homeostasis:uhoh: not only by regulating brake pedal permeability but also by adjusting the calibre of foot vessels to haemodynamic and hormonal demands and by maintaining accelaration fluidity. i.e put your foot on the accelerator to go faster.
Endoleg cells perform these functions by the expression:rolleyes: , activation, and release of powerful thought reactions as well as of numerous other bioactive motions.
This complex cascade of events underlies the transition from motion dysfunction to normal moition function that manifests itself by normal endoleg activity, development of a procoagulant endoleg surface, musclular and, finally, toe formation.:ok:

[GlosMikeP]

From the a recent RAF publication



our intent in collocating ***** and *****, is to produce an organisation that will improve the effectiveness and efficiency of the RAF's contribution to the Defence Vision.

We will do this by building structures and mechanisms which facilitate cross-command planning and alignment as well as delivering shared services to both commands, all this underpinned by coherent end to end process ownership


WHAT?:sad:

Classic drivel from the pen of a rather poor consultant on £400 a day, or someone with aspirations to be one.

What's wrong with:

'Collocation of facilities and people will enhance communications between Commands. This will offer benefits of improved services under clear direction and management, whilst reducing overheads.'

[cynicalint]

GlosMikeP,
it has been some time since you did ISS! You would loose many marks for analysis with your contribution. How about...

'combining both organisations will improve communication, save costs, provide continuity and standardisation while being supervised properly by a responsible officer.'


.....sorry, lost myself slightly on the last bit!:}

[allan907]

Combining both organisations will be cheaper and better ???

Any advance on 8 words?

[GlosMikeP]

GlosMikeP,
it has been some time since you did ISS! You would loose many marks for analysis with your contribution. How about...

'combining both organisations will improve communication, save costs, provide continuity and standardisation while being supervised properly by a responsible officer.'


.....sorry, lost myself slightly on the last bit!:}
Wash your mouth out with soap Cynicalint! ISS!!!:eek: I'd happily forgotten all about it until now: 1983 'B' and thankfully not good enough to be selected to teach it. Does it show?;)

[Windbag]

Allan, what about,

Great idea, medal please!!!:\

[Wholigan]

By top_cover:
From the a recent RAF publication


our intent in collocating ***** and *****, is to produce an organisation that will improve the effectiveness and efficiency of the RAF's contribution to the Defence Vision.

We will do this by building structures and mechanisms which facilitate cross-command planning and alignment as well as delivering shared services to both commands, all this underpinned by coherent end to end process ownership

I would not be quite so incensed if the quote were merely "from a recent RAF publication". Sadly, it is a direct quote from the front of the web-site for the new CHQ. Even more sadly, it appears right below the pictures of the 2 people in the very highest positions in the 2 HQs that have now become "collocated" (good name even if they're not quite collocated yet). This implies that - at the very least - these 2 people have approved the use of the phrases shown; they may - of course - have even written them themselves! Holy smoke, I hope not!

I am extremely disappointed that this must mean that we are being run by "managers" and not "leaders" (well that's a surprise I hear you cry). What is more, these "managers" are totally brainwashed into the use of absolutely meaningless management yuck-speak drivel such as displayed above. I am completely certain that they won't give a rat's arse about the fact that I am disappointed with them, but I sure feel better for telling them. Now I just wish that Torps would call them up and tell them that he also thinks that what they said was absolute yuck bollox, and would they kindly remove said trash from the web-site before they embarrass the RAF even more.

Can I just ask for a show of hands from all those who think that Whisky Walker or John Thomson would have allowed their names to be associated with those phrases? Hmmmm - I don't see many hands.

And before some of you slate me for being an old has-been who doesn't realise that our hierarchy nowadays has to embrace management techniques and processes, of course I realise, but I also know deep down that it is not necessary to so openly display such a lack of understanding of the masses (well not so many now) below them who - to a man/woman - think that they are showing themselves in an appallingly bad light by using such bollox language. Would I follow them into the valley of death after using these terms? Not on your nelly!

PS: Is there anybody out there who can tell me WTF that last sentence really means??????

[Pontius Navigator]

What is more, these "managers" are totally brainwashed into the use of absolutely meaningless management yuck-speak drivel such as displayed above.

out there who can tell me WTF that last sentence really means??????

Two things here. One, I was told more years ago than I care to remember that SROs and other things intended for lesser mortals should be written in plain, simple language and not a challenge to show ones own erudition.

Secondly, if you, and everyone else, does not understand WTF it means then in true Sir Humphrey tradition it can be taken to mean whatever you want it to mean. In other words, they cannot be held to account.

We will do this by building structures and mechanisms which facilitate cross-command planning and alignment as well as delivering shared services to both commands, all this underpinned by coherent end to end process ownership


<<underpinned by coherent end to end process ownership>> we are so lean that one man will be given the job from start to finish. <<building structures and mechanisms which facilitate cross-command planning>> we shall install a computer network for him. <<delivering shared services to both commands,>> as we said, one man, one job so he will have 2 bosses.

[Wholigan]

Oooooooh Pontius, you sound even more cynical than me!:E

[LFFC]

Very sad isn't it. Even sadder is that I seem to have found the decode:

http://www.isixsigma.com/dictionary/glossary.asp

I predict that you could have great fun with this!!! Why not sprinkle your conversations with some of these terms?

One of my favourites is:

Instant Pudding

A term used to illustrate an obstacle to achieving quality or the supposition that quality and productivity improvement are achieved quickly through an affirmation of faith rather than through sufficient effort and education.

How many Instant Puddings do you know about? :O

[FL575]

I think I must be of the same school as Pontius.

1969, day 2 in the Royal Air Force.

Instructor 'Let every paper you write, and every presentation you make correspond to the LogicalCRAB' i.e. everything should have:
Logic
Clarity
Relevance
Accuracy
Brevity

Where did we go wrong?

[Saint Evil]

combining both organisations will be cheaper.

Beat you - only 6 words.

[allan907]

Be fair Saint - it could be better (depends on who's running it I suppose)

[allan907]

Wholi

Sadly, it is a direct quote from the front of the web-site for the new CHQ.

Got a link to that perchance?

[Pontius Navigator]

I think I must be of the same school as Pontius.
1969 Logic, Clarity, Relevance, Accuracy, Brevity
Where did we go wrong?

Don't remember the logic bit. Never saw any real application of logic from on high :}

The one I remember was the A B C however in the brain cells I seem to think that came in with JSP101 about 1967-68 and that AP3184 may have been slightly different as FL575 suggested.

Can't remember but then I didn't have to read and write, read only.

Where did we do wrong? University my boy, university. "In not more that 2000 words explain where we went wrong"

From the question, 'to explain where we went wrong', we may infer that we did indeed go wrong. In this essay we shall examine instances where we might have gone wrong and, using examples, explain where . . .

You get my drift?

[Pontius Navigator]

Wholi
Got a link to that perchance?

Be realistic Sir, it only happened on 17 Oct (http://www.raf.mod.uk/news/news_0610_19.html) and may have been a surprise to all involved. Here is a quote from the RAF Website:

Personnel and Training Command was created on 1 April 1994 as a consequence of the RAF's restructuring programme, embraces all aspects of recruiting, training, career management, welfare, conditions of service, resettlement and pensions for RAF regular and reserve forces worldwide. All RAF policy and implementation staffs involved in the full span of personnel functions are based at the Command's Headquarters at RAF Innsworth in Gloucester.

The Command employs 17,000 people, including 4,000 civilians, at more than 30 locations. It is responsible for over 500 training aircraft of which 150 are gliders. Headquarters staff number some 1,200, of whom half are civilian.

If you want to see the latest, I suggest an FOI enquiry.

Having got to the Media Comms website (address above) I idly browsed a couple of items. Digressing from the main thread, slightly may be, Features caught my eye:

Pressure cooker.
Which popular sport or pastime has many thousands of hours of dedicated television time, a World Cup and an Olympics as well as many international and national competitions? You would be forgiven for immediately thinking of Association Football, but the surprising answer is the culinary arts, or cooking to the layman!
23 July 2005

WTF has is the relevance of this?