US Army interactive recruiting

[monkeybumhead]

Came across this wonderful link via an e-goat/arrse combo. If you want a laugh at the US Armys expense then follow the link, use an assumed alter-ego and ask some outlandish questions.

http://www.goarmy.com/ChatWithStar.do?tutorial=true

Below is just one fine example of us taking the pi$$ out of them.

Poo Head: Praise the lord!! Do you love Jesus?

SGT STAR: That's a question for an Internet dating service, not goarmy. Next question, please!

Poo Head: Err- so Jesus is a sex pest?

SGT STAR: Displayed below are answers that I believe are related to your question.

Here's more:
• Height and Weight Standards
• Can Females Join


Poo Head: Ok, so can I sacrifice chickens, as a confirmed Jedi Knight?

SGT STAR: If you rely on the training you receive in the Army, you will be prepared for any situation.

Poo Head: Shall we pray together?

SGT STAR: Displayed below are answers that I believe are related to your question.

Here's more:
• Buddy Program
• Enlisted vs. Officer
• Army Team Crossover

Poo Head: Are you saved?

SGT STAR: That is a good question, however, I am not positive that I understand what you are asking. Try rephrasing your question. I understand simple questions best.

Poo Head: Will you be accepted into our lord's house?

SGT STAR: To better help you with housing, I need to ask: Are you married or unmarried?

Here's more:

* Living Arrangements during AIT
* Married Housing, With Dependants
* Unmarried Housing

more >


Poo Head: What? - you live with him already?

SGT STAR: Army Posts offer a variety of facilities for Soldiers to do almost anything they want during their spare time. See this page for a list of possible facilities. >>

Here's more:

* Talk to Live Recruiter
* Recruiter Clarification
* Married Housing, No Dependants

more >


Poo Head: Anything they want? Can I felch hamsters?

SGT STAR: Single Soldiers are not permitted to have pets in their barracks rooms. Married Soldiers may be authorized to have pets in post housing, but they must follow post regulations pertaining to pets. The Army will not pay to transport animals to overseas locations, and you may not be able to bring your pet with you on some duty assignments, including deployments.

Here's more:

* Army Family, Veterinarian on Post
* Veterinary Corps, Why Join
* Veterinary Corps, Responsibilities

more >


Poo Head: I am saved!!

SGT STAR: Hmmm, I've been trained to ask for help when I'm not sure about an answer. If you would like, you can ask another question or I can connect you my supervisor via 'Ask Live Help.' Get Live Help

Poo Head: lord, praise our loins!

SGT STAR: Good question. I'm not sure how to answer that. Please try rewording your question. I understand simple questions best.

Poo Head: Let us slaughter the infidel together - here, join me

SGT STAR: The basic requirements for enlisting include: a U.S. citizen or permanent resident alien, have a high school diploma or equivalent, be 17 to 41 years old, healthy and in good physical condition, and in good moral standing. Some jobs may have additional requirements. You should contact your local Recruiter to see if you qualify. >>

Here's more:

* Enlistment: Work Visa
* Dental Corps, Advanced Programs
* Buddy Program

more >


Please standby while we connect you with a live recruiter...


Poo Head: KILL KILL KILL

SGT STAR: You should be aware that this chat log is being monitored. All threats are taken very seriously and will be investigated by the Army Criminal Investigation Division.

Recruiter Mr Henderson is connecting...

Mr Henderson: customer, thank you for selecting Go Army for your questions... what may I assist you with today?

Poo Head: Oohh Kenneth - you're the first real man who's responded to the British Army: you're live on 'we ain't got no steenkin virtual recruiters' What should we do to help you kill commies and ragheads?

Mr Henderson: customer, thank you acknowledging me, however in the US Army we do not kill "commies" and "ragheads". We fight a war against the opposition, regardless of race or ethnic backgrounds, to maintain the values of the American way of life.....

--= Chat Ended by Operator =--

[BEagle]

It didn't like the user name 'Bin Laden'.....

[monkeybumhead]

Have you tried G. W. Bush?

[Roadster280]

Have I got this right? You have asked some dull questions of an artificial intelligence machine geared towards military induction, and are crowing at the fact that it didn't give you an answer you liked? Added to that, after speaking to a human, you asked about slotting commies and ragheads, and expected a different reply to the one you received? What did you expect? - "YESSIR, slaughtering commies and ragheads is covered in week 5 of the syllabus"?

FFS :ugh:

[Two's in]

It's in week 4 now Roadster, because of the accelerated deployment scheduling.

[mbga9pgf]

Have I got this right? You have asked some dull questions of an artificial intelligence machine geared towards military induction, and are crowing at the fact that it didn't give you an answer you liked? Added to that, after speaking to a human, you asked about slotting commies and ragheads, and expected a different reply to the one you received? What did you expect? - "YESSIR, slaughtering commies and ragheads is covered in week 5 of the syllabus"?
FFS :ugh:


I tried "Did Bill Clinton have sexual relations with that woman?" Obviously, as the opposition are in power at the moment, Sgt Star redirected me for a job with americas finest!

[monkeybumhead]

Have I got this right? You have asked some dull questions of an artificial intelligence machine geared towards military induction, and are crowing at the fact that it didn't give you an answer you liked? Added to that, after speaking to a human, you asked about slotting commies and ragheads, and expected a different reply to the one you received? What did you expect? - "YESSIR, slaughtering commies and ragheads is covered in week 5 of the syllabus"?
FFS :ugh:

You are missing my point here. All I did was extract the first post from e-goat and stuck it to my post. Try having a sense of humor and asking daft questions like "Can I have a big mac and fries?" or other such nonsense. Hell you can even ask about our beloved british defense forces and see the reply you get. It's just a bit of fun and even Beags has cottoned on to that and joined in.
Now take your teddies and park them firmly on the ground, they're of no use to you in orbit around your miserable funless viod of a world.

[Roadster280]

If baiting a machine is your idea of fun, then crack on old chap. In my day it was chasing women in fast cars and drunken japery. How times change!

Oh well.

[monkeybumhead]

If baiting a machine is your idea of fun, then crack on old chap. In my day it was chasing women in fast cars and drunken japery. How times change!
Oh well.

It's a wee bit hard chasing women in fast cars and partaking in drunken japery during works time. For starters I can't run fast enough to keep up with the fast cars the women are driving. As for being drunk on the job, I'm not at MPA anymore. Japery is frowned upon as it may result in either an outbrake of morale or accusations of bullying.
Give the machine baiting a go, you never know you may just break out into a smile. It's all done in harmless fun however it is better with sound.

[MajorMadMax]

Try this (http://www.virtualbartender.beer.com/VB1/) instead, she'll even pour you a pint!
Cheers! M2