Your most interesting Check Ride Critique

[SASless]

In a previous life I got interviewed by telephone for a job in Alaska flying Hughes 500D's. Amongst the questions were references to sling loading, longlining, time in the Hughes, bush time and time over water, and mountain time.

Being a veteran Chinook pilot, flown Huey's, Iran, mountains, and the North Sea as well as bush flying in many countries and continents....I was quickly accepted. Last question was time in the Hughes....which I replied 300 hours in the Army on the OH-6A but it was a very long time ago.

Upon arrival at Merrill Field in Anchorage, some very very, very, quick differences training on the "D" model and off we go for the checkride.

We did the hover work, hovering auto's, slopes, pinnacles,confined areas, engine off landings and some sling work.

CP opined the ride was quite satisfactory and asked how I liked the "D" model compared to the OH-6A (...."C" model basically).

I said I quite liked the machine....fast...agile...fun to fly but I did find the controls a bit stiff.

CP smiled and said...."Yes I guess....if you would have removed the frictions you would have found it much more responsive and a lot lighter on the controls."

A slight smile from me....."Frictions?"

Then he asked...."Just how many hours do you have on the Hughes?"

My response....."How long did we fly?":E

I spent two very good years flying there in Alaska on the Hughes.

Ah.....the good old days....when Alaska was really fun flying.


Who can top that?

[22clipper]

I once lifted an R44 up with the cyclic friction still on. Fortunately I was by myself so there was no one else to share the experience which I'd rate as one of the 3 scariest things I've done as a PIC.

My self critique, after I got past the "you bloody idiot" phase, was that I'd finished flying for the day & had been asked to shift the machine 50m just as I was leaving. Regretably I'd removed my 'flying persona' along with the luggage, wife & kids & forgot to put it back on when I climbed in for a task that seemed trivial.

Inexcusable I know but there it is. The grim fact is that nothin' to do with choppers, including wheeling them out of the hangar, is trivial & these days I try to stay permanently 'switched on' when I'm around 'em. The dam things are like junkyard dogs, always waiting for that fleeting moment of inattention on your part to jump up bite you on the bum!

[Grainger]

First rule of aviation design:

"If you design it so that it can be installed backwards, sooner or later someone will."

[ShyTorque]

Not a checkride, but a similar story to SASless's.

Quite some years ago, I was a new member of a flying club, at the UK's smallest licensed airfield. One particular pilot had asked me a few times to go flying with him, so one day I did, in a Beagle Husky (a high wing taildragger monoplane, used for banner towing).

He took off and gave me control. The intercom didn't work, so comms weren't easy. Not being at all familiar with that type, I had no idea about speeds etc but we poled around for about twenty minutes, did steep turns etc and a stall then went back to the circuit. He told me to carry on and fly the (crosswind) landing, so I did. On finals he shouted to me that "the heel brakes are a bit tricky and needed a very hard push, so watch out with this crosswind".

The brakes were completely ineffective, so much so that I thought I felt the floor mountings bend. Anyway, we slowed to a (fast) taxying speed within the confines of the airfield, but only just.

I turned off the grass strip and began to taxi in. I commented that the brakes weren't any good at all. He looked at me and suddenly said "Oh $hit! I have control - I've just realised - there are no brake pedals on your side of the cockpit, only heel rests!"

I had been trying to push the heel rests through the floor!

We shut down. As we climbed out he complimented me on the crosswind landing and asked me how many hours total I had on taildraggers. I told him "about twenty five minutes by now, I should think..."

He looked at me..... :ooh: :uhoh: :eek:

His verbal reply was completely unprintable but I got free rides in a Chipmunk and a Steen Skybolt shortly afterwards. ;)

[movin' up]

"I always try to start with a positive, however........."

[Dis-Mystery of Lift]

My total brain fart came after a long afternoon Test Flying/Track and Balance of a Long Ranger.After the last flight the Gingerbeer said he would do one last leak check at flight Idle.I'm sitting there for a few minutes then the Hamster Fell of the treadmill....and I think to myself well I'm all done here, do my before take off checks and lift off into the hover......Then I almost have a heart attack when the guy tapes on my window holding on for dear life.:eek: So now I make sure all dribbling Ballast is removed before flight.:E


Quite a few beers payed for after that.:ok:

[Bat-Off]

So you're the one who took this picture!

http://img144.imageshack.us/img144/2932/planevkidup6.jpg

[[email protected]]

A quote from the 'Dark Destroyer' (some will know who he is)
"Did we land or were we shot down?"

[verticalhold]

A certain Aberdeen based manager of flight training, sadly now retired writing up the report. "Now, just how do I politely say club footed d:mad: head."

[topendtorque]

Interesting thread, as is day in life of- etc – shy’s story reminds me of one similar.

The scene is two company pilots are doing night rating in F/W twin. Nearest civilised airport is quite aways away. Whateryer you doing they say to me why don’tchya come for a run? Orright, I says, thinking these turkeys want me to get night rated too so I can work even longer hours, no way.

Check driver jumps in and away we go. They all take it in turns to have a go, turn the lights on by radio etc riveting stuff.
On the way home check driver is in the proper place and one bright spark says, “Why don’t you have a go, like me, fly home and land there with the flares?”

Bloody bored here so I says, ‘yep.’ Bright spark jumps out of driver’s seat, I jump in - a baron – and away we go.

Something twigged with check driver on descent he says, “You have flown these before eh?”
‘Yep’, I say. Didn’t ask solo did he.
Waffled just a bit on finals, he again says same thing, I says, ‘yep’.

Landed, smoothest one of the night if I do say so, which was surprising as just after touchdown, check man frightens hell out of me and everyone else as all the time I / we’ve been thinking he will take over if I stuff it, when he says, “**** my pedals are folded,” just as he goes to check the brakes.

Of course from the back everyone has been saying yep he’s right, no worries.

Then the penny drops, and check-man asks the right questions, night rated? Nup, baron endorsed? Nup, twin rated? Nup, but I’ll shout the first round if yer like.

A much more frightening scenario was one day when a R22 check pilot turned up with our first R22 and the idea was to check me out in autos. Yep no worries, what’s the drill, it’s bloody hot outside today, bugger all wind.

“Let’s see” says he as he looks at the flight manual, “52 knots all the way down, that’s how to do em.”
I says, ‘are you sure, sounds a bit slow to me?’

Third time down and I’m working overtime and not a happy chappy at all, he’s all talk no do, waving his bloody arms about talking about some bloody moll in kings cross, just then he decides to take over at about thirty feet, totally committed we are and he says, “bloody hell look at this,” at the top of his voice and waves around his collective stick that had just been hanging there, not hooked in properly.

Some time later after he had left I did just a tad more research and went somewhere quieter, cooler and windier by myself to try out some higher airspeeds, bastard.

[thecontroller]

no critique. but i couldnt get the heli started on my CFI checkride. i couldnt figure out the automatic clutch engagement! (CB300i)

i still can't to this day.

[Barndweller]

Said by IRE after a mate of mines Initial Instrument rating... "He was doing really well until he put his harness on"

[Pete O'Tewbe]

"I understand his father was a market gardener. This is not surprising as his flying is somewhat agricultural".

[170']

Went out with the Chief Pilot for a Bambi bucket certification in a new country. We’d sold them the helicopter a couple of years ago…and they needed a driver for 3 months!

As we flashed the second engine up. We got an actual fire to go to…

So away we go…fat, dumb and happy! Grab some water out of a nearby tank, and hit the fire line.

Make the first run in and attack the left flank of the fire…. I’m out to impress, so line up nicely, get on speed/height, and at the right moment. Hit the tit and launch the water at the fire…

Yes, It was a nice run in, and got the timing perfect…Unfortunately when the water hit the fire…


It was still in the bucket!

These guys’s had switched the bucket switch from the collective to the cyclic. And now.Both the bucket switch and the pickle switch were on the same stick. Plus they re-wired the original collective switch as another pickle switch (jettison)

Now I’d flown this exact ship on 2 fire seasons, and old habits die-hard…

I didn’t know what to say to the guy…what can you say? ……Sorry?..:sad:

170'

[topendtorque]

"He was doing really well until he put his harness on"

and a common expression by many a rodeo announcer as yet another young flash hatted hopeful bites the dust,

"yep he was doin real well until some clown opened the gate!"

[SASless]

Actually heard...."Young Man, the only time you were ahead of the aircraft today was when you pulled the pitot tube cover off during the preflight!"

[Aser]

170' you must be talking about Spain... I heard the same from others...

[Barndweller]

On a similar note to SAS's "young man theme"
Was staying in a hotel where a BA crew with a very old and crusty captain were staying.
In the bar I got chatting to the girls who introduced me to the captain as a helicopter pilot - He looked me up and down with distain then said...
"young man - the only time when ones wings should go around is when i hang my uniform jacket on a rotating bar stool!"
Speechless

[Regain]

While still in the mob, shutting down after initial NVG FHT, I mention to very senior QHI that the goggles were not the best I'd used and the view was quite grainy. After laughing for what seemed like an eternity he told me they would have performed much better if I'd taken the outer lens covers off!
I passed the FHT.
For those wondering, the lens covers had a tiny hole centre for daytime viewing. Obviously big enough for my (then) young eyes.

[SASless]

170'.

Don't feel bad at all about that....was told of a very similar event by one of my young pilots getting ready for Fire season....first practice drop out of the dip and away goes the bucket. The new bucket....not the oldest, most worn, leaky bucket. In time the bucket was recovered from the place it had hid itself in and was almost salvageable.

As he was explaining to me how it all happened....similar thing...different switch set-up to what he was used to....he plainly was wondering what his new boss was going to say.

After he finished....I asked him if he had learned anything from the occurrence. He listed several good learning points and smiled at him and said I was glad. He smiled a bit when I said by him learning something then all that company money he had spent had not been a pure waste. Since I was yet to get my practice in I felt it was the right thing to do in dealing with it as I did. I could just have easily done the same thing.

I did solicit a blood oath from him promising death and/or dismemberment if he ever used a new bucket to practice with.

[170']

Aser...
el otro país en el peninsular :eek: ;)
170

Sasless...Murphy's law in my case...Brand new bucket, one of the first with the pump...:( ...ps...still waiting for your a day in the life of ? (possible topics!);)

[qwagga1]

Something out of the past when I started the aviation carreer. I started my flying training on the North American Harvard many moons ago. A tail dragger for those that might be unfamilair with the aircraft. On the first landing session I can remeber the main wheels thouching and then.........Dust. Basically a "ground loop" at high speed.....to the right. The CFI then proceeded with a extremely long de-brief on the landing and the dangers of a ground loop, followed by lets do the next one.

A long taxi to the threshold followed by the take-off, 300' Vital actions, circuit and final approach........ Okay now just relax and as the tail lower to the ground remember a bit more left rudder required to stop the swing.

Main wheels on the ground ........Dust. This time ground loop to the left.

Once again a long and good de brief on the landing followed by a patient instucter saying something to the extent of "Okay relax that was a bit too much left pedal." Same thing happend for the next take-off, Downwind and final approach.

Then lolw and behold..... Main wheels touched...... And guess what ???Dust!!!! Quickly followed by a soft and almost crying voice from the back over the intercom.

"Why Me,.......Why Meeee???"

This was followed by: "Lets go back and try again later."

[SASless]

170',

The good news is a lot of guys know your name that might not otherwise...if you are going to drop a clanger....drop a huge one! Think of all the beer that has gone down with some laughter as that story gets told! A few more and you might become a legend in your own time!:ok:

[moosp]

Apart from the obvious ones from the military days such as ,"I would not recommend breeding from this pilot," and "This candidate has ability, but we have yet to establish in which profession...", the old military culture, of SRA has not transfered very much to the civil world. Check reports from civil flying have become more anodyne as the threat of litigation circled. Shame.

Oh, SRA? Sarcasm, ridicule and abuse. Fine techniques for training!!!

One addressed to me when I had made an appalling approach and execrable landing by my then check captain, in a soft Devon accent, "We learned a lot from that didn't we."

He is retired now, alive despite my best efforts. I have always tried to emulate his calm demeanor now that I am on his side of the fence.

[ShyTorque]

Ah, firebucketing!

A friend and ex-colleague of mine was training manager and captain of a Blackhawk lifting a 6000lb firebucket for a firefighting demo. His "co" was a trainee who had a few problems at times, shall we say.

"Co" was given control to fill up the bucket from the hover over a large freshwater reservoir. Having filled the heavy bucket, the aircraft / load combination developed a vertical bounce, a known phenomenon where the pilot himself begins to resonate (!) and he can make the problem much worse by inadvertently "bouncing" the collective. If uncorrected (by simply removing the left hand and applying collective friction) the aircraft can rapidly suffer serious structural damage....

Anyway, the visiting VIP dignitaries were assembled on the airfield 5 miles away and the very large bonfire of wood, old tyres, used oil etc was lit and now burning well......

Meanwhile, the captain had tried to take control, the "co" had frozen on the controls and wouldn't let go! The aircraft was beginning to bounce very severely and the captain in desperation shouted "Let Go!!"....meaning the controls...

"Co", thoroughly confused by now, released the load instead and it immediately went to the bottom of the 100 foot deep reservoir! :p

The "practice" fire on the airfield took 36 hours to put out! :ok:

[yellowbird135]

Picture this, a pretty common airfield layout with four taxiways perpendicular to the one runway, and one long parallel taxiway. For us helicopters three big squares to play around with without bothering the planks. After completing an approach to the first square, the instructor told me to do a max pwr climb out and do an auto in the third square from 700'. What he actually meant was to do this after a normal circuit and then aim for the third square. Green as I was I, obviously, bottomed the collective upon 700' figuring I could just make it before the end of the third square. I bet my instructor lost all fysical contact with his seat and I saw arms and legs all over the cabin. He regained his cool immediately replying: You try to save some on landing fees, or what?
During our subsequent sessions he was very specific in his instructions.
I wonder why :confused:

cheers YB

[Flying Bull]

Hi,
I have another story.
Having flown Sea Lynx for the navy, I had some time off, studying and working. I got the chance to get airborne again :-) after six years without any flying. Meant to do all the theory-tests again - and do some flying on a new helicopter for me, the Bo 105, to get a licence back.
So the instructor wanted to have a look, I lifted of after six years beeing earthbound and did some flying to get a feel and a look around the area.
The instructor relaxed and was quite happy, seemed, that I had not to much forgotten about helicopterflying ;-)
So I hoverd into dispersal and then I landed the Bo, as I was used to land the Sea Lynx. It was a drill, thought and learned and done so many times, on ships and on tarmac.
I smacked the bird on the ground, just with a firm lowering of the collective (This was done with the Lynx to prevent dynamic rollover with the ships deck moving - and even on tarmac, so you won't mix up when on sea).
Unfortunately, the Bo has skids - no dampers - a very loud bang and an instructor turning into white within parts of a second, where the result.
Upps, sorry, no Lynx......
The Bo took the punischment without damage and by now, I'm back into smooth landings with skids ;-)
Greetings "Flying Bull"

[Hiro Protagonist]

YB...That's hilarous. Really laughed out loud on that.

[bladepitch]

hi guys

twelve years ago during training. im in the 22 with the CFI and we are out doing a check ride. i was about five hours off my PPL test and i was feelin pretty good about my techniques. we did everthing, autos, slopes landings, jammed pedals, hover autos. you name it.
all went sweet and i was thinking " that will show the CFI that im ready for my test". so we depart the CTAF and head home to the GAAP about a 15 minute flight.

ive got rolling on runway heading after doing the pre take off Ts and Ps and head off on our merry way. fast forward 15 minutes and we are coming round on base and about to line up when i go through my pre landing checks and to my shock the fuel tanks were showing empty. i look across at him with the look of " sh#t we got no fuel" (not to mention the Ts and Ps were out as well). followed by me saying this very phrase. hes looked at me and said " you think so?" " how long has it been like that ! " we ll ive just died inside, knowing very well i didnt have an answer for him.

turns out he had dropped his hand down on departing the CTAF and secret squirrel style pulled the bloody circuit breaker.

best lesson i ever had on doing a proper scan.

[2leftskids]

I remember coming back from a session with he senior instructor just prior to my commercial flight test. We shut the aircraft down and walked in together in silence to have a coffee. All was quiet and we headed back in to the classroom for a debrief.

The instuctor walked to the white board and without saying anything wrote 3 words... Aviate, Navigate, Communicate. Then he turned to me and casually said " Now I'll write them up in the order you do them"

[Hiro Protagonist]

From the other seat here...

Once, giving a stage check to a student about to go up for his private... The flight had gone ok, not outstanding, but probably acceptable with the exception of autos which we hadn't done yet. Returning to our base, cruising at about 1,300' agl, I waited till a straight-in auto woud land us square into a wide river, and an extended glide would take us into a stand of trees, but a 180 (into the wind no less) would have lined us up on an open field..."engine failure" <chop>...

Entry is good... glide and rpm control established well, and at that point the student reached saturation, we continued toward the water. I tried to snap him out of it with,
"Do you like to swim?"...

"huh?"...

"Do you like to swim? Are you good at it?"...

"huh?"...

"I have the controls."...

It's amazing what nerves will do to you.

[FlightOops]

My CPL(H) test flight was going well - some of the best flying I'd done so far, however as the day had already been long the Examiner had nodded off next to me and was not able to appreciate my "smoothness and accuracy".

Fantastic, I thought, no chance of a diversion now - i'll just keep quiet and hopefully get around this test without too much interference - it's in the bag !

On approaching a CTAF I delayed the start of my call as long as I dared knowing that it would wake the still dozing examiner ...

"[click] (at which point examiner wakes) ... All stations CTAF this is helicopter XXX, blah blah ...[click]"

Beautiful call: all the correct info in the correct order ...

"Err, helicopter XXX this is XXXX (large Class D airfield approx. 20 miles South) are you SURE that call was for US ??" - BUGGER !!

Needless to say a quick discussion about correct selection of frequency; with a similarly quick counter about falling asleep on such an important flight and the CPL was in the bag.

Not as amusing as dropping your fire bucket into the drink but still makes me laugh and a message to all pilots about to undergo test-stress that you can make the odd mistake and still nail it !

FO.

[Hoveronly]

ON my FHT before wings parade, the CFI would fly with the best and worst student (or so im told). Yup, he chose to fly with me??

"Lets start off with a basic circuit" he says. No probs but half way round I found it increasingly difficult to keep within the circuit ground markers. After we landed he told me that it was the most interesting circuit he had ever flown. UNfortunately I had got the wind direction 180deg off and flew a parralelogram romboid thingy!

Still passed though :hmm: