Things you never hear.....

[DummyRun]

Overheard at the Deid'
VC10 crew- "wow this place is awesome, so glad we're out of Bahrain, felt a bit guilty about taking all the rates !!!"
C-130 crew-) " B*gger, wish we were back in BAS, the tents were great, as was the gene pool and the EFI and the mortars and the Camel's Toe"
Dry your eyes guys, and spare a thought for the rotary mates still at the dirty end of the RAF (JHFI).
Casting, casting, bait, plop;
How can you tell the difference between a Victor Charlie One Zero and a VC10 crew? The jet stops whining when you shut the engines down!....
Load moving...... and ECBA on.

[6foottanker]

Yeh. Thanks for coming......

[Skunkerama]

"Look, those lads have been out on patrol to the south of Newtonhamilton for 8 hours already, it'd be cruel and unprofessional to not pick them up in our warm and cosy Puma. Otherwise they would have to yomp home and wouldn't get back till silly o'clock".

[Chicken Leg]

Things you never hear

'Those Crabs are a good bunch, you never hear them wingeing'

[airborne_artist]

"Well if the Junglies won't do the task, we'd better call the RAF - they are so much more flexible than those Fly Navy types"

A Blair "That's the last time Noo Liabour sends any of the Armed Forces off hunting WMDs/Taleban/errant dictators/following GW's crazy ideas. From now on it's the Royal Tournament for me if I want to see my troops in action."

[vecvechookattack]

Things you never hear?





My wife's got a lovely ar$e

[ZH875]

Things you never hear?

My wife's got a lovely ar$eCourse she has, you are her husband....:)

[Pilot Pacifier]

Look, a formation of Chinooks! :}

[The Helpful Stacker]

Look, a formation of Chinooks! :}

The fleet seems spread so thin these days that you'd struggle to get two within the same country let alone next to each other.:rolleyes:

[mlc]

Two over Worcestershire on tuesday! :p

[In Tor Wot]

I wonder which one is the harrier pilot?


AT has arrived and will be departing on time


I'm so glad I did that operational fitness test before coming out to Al Udeid - I feel soooo ready for filling all those sandbags . . . . .


Yes sir, I'd love to hear about your ideas for a new synergistic, over-arching and underpinning management policy

[BEagle]

"Hi, I'm Tony Blair. I heard that you'd been injured in Iraq/Afghanistan, so I've come to let you know how much we* value your dedication and commitment. Anything I can do for you or your family? Do make sure to let my people know and we'll do whatever it takes!"












* That's me and my lover, gorgeous Georgey B. Oooh, how I love him. "Lick, licky botty - oh please, Georgey-poos, pretty please, do let me and I'll send all my last remaining military people to wherever you want...."

[What Limits]

The RAF are glad that the Army Air Corps got the Apache.

[Pilot Pacifier]

A formation of THREE Chinooks then :ok:

[airborne_artist]

From any *-ranked RAF officer: "that f##kin' JPA is an unmitigated disaster. If I have to hang on the phone for a minute longer while they sort my pay out I'm going to shoot the c##k-s##ker who decided to procure it"

[Jobza Guddun]

1. "Strewth, the masses were correct, LEAN really IS a crock of sh1t."
2. "Good job we're on capped actuals."
3. "This JPA thingy is the mutts nuts."
4. "You can have as many as you like, help yourself."

[vecvechookattack]

[quote=BEagle;2818782]"Hi, I'm Tony Blair. I heard that you'd been injured in Iraq/Afghanistan, so I've come to let you know how much we* value your dedication and commitment. Anything I can do for you or your family? Do make sure to let my people know and we'll do whatever it takes!"

Thats because TB is not the head of state. GB is the head of state. Sadly, our Head of state has also failed to visit any of her injured or dying servicemen....shows how much she cares. Lets get rid of the lot of them and vote for our head of state.

[Roland Pulfrew]

.... and vote for our head of state.

Proof, if proof were ever needed, that VVHA is mad!! Thank God (if I can say that anymore, or should I include Allah, Buddah et al) that we do not vote for our head of state. Can you imagine Trust-Me Tone or Gordon Brooon as head of state? :yuk: :yuk: :yuk:

[vecvechookattack]

Or you can have a man who:


enjoys killing or torturing animals (often seen as a sign of trouble by real mental health professionals)
dumped Diana so he could marry Camilla Parker Bowles
talks to plants
and of course there is Michael Fawcett......Charles as King ??? we'd be the laughing stock of the Commonwealth.

[SirToppamHat]

VVHA Said:Sadly, our Head of state has also failed to visit any of her injured or dying servicemen....shows how much she cares.
A little unfair I think. Doesn't Her Majesty just do as she's told? I would suggest a good deal of the responsibility for her programme of activity rests with No 10.

STH

[vecvechookattack]

Not sure that No 10 runs the Queens diary but ya never know. Besides. I'm just a Naval officer and unlike the Army / RAF, the RN doesn't swear allegience to the Crown...

[The Helpful Stacker]

Not sure that No 10 runs the Queens diary but ya never know. Besides. I'm just a Naval officer and unlike the Army / RAF the RN doesn't swear allegience to the Crown...

Swearing an oath to the Admiralty, always the mark of a nefarious character.;)

[GOLF_BRAVO_ZULU]

Sadly, our Head of state has also failed to visit any of her injured or dying servicemen....shows how much she cares. Lets get rid of the lot of them and vote for our head of state.

Her Majesty is no spring chicken and, quite rightly, delegates certain demanding tasks to her 2IC. Accordingly, the Prince of Wales has met bereaved servicemans' parents (for which he drew criticism!) and visited injured servicemen. Anyway, well done on a well constructed wind-up.

[Saxon]

"......yer know, I got a really nice letter from my bank manager the other day.....":hmm:

[ORAC]

Besides. I'm just a Naval officer and unlike the Army / RAF the RN doesn't swear allegience to the Crown... Them sword draggers allus were a funny lot.....

[sixbarrelldiplomat]

1. Let's spend more time on Ocean.
2. We don't need those Eurofighters really, let's cancel them and buy some Rotary/AT that we really need.
3. Thank god CHF are here.
4. I'd like to join the RN please.
5. JPA is great.
6. Life in the military is much better now.
7. A Chinook isn't really what we need for the task....Have you got a Merlin.

[Strictly Jungly]

Swearing an oath to the Admiralty, always the mark of a nefarious character.;)


As if you would know (un)helpful..............anyway here's one for you posted earlier;

4. "You can have as many as you like, help yourself."


Yeah Right!

[Wader2]

"Yes, that's right, it will be a 24-ship formation."

"We won't be late."

"We've got stacks of fuel left but we'll land for an early stack."

"Hi, we kept a few pints for you."

[SET 18]

Sorry, but I can't accept the EIIR bashing. Didn't her son go to war? Proper war. Shot at and everything.

Aren't two of her grandsons preparing to serve too?

How many politicians for whom we "vote" can say that? Really, how many?

No, I can't think of any either.

I don't think anyone who is actually serving (as I am) has anything but real affection for the Monarch..certainly very few think that she has anything but real compassion for and interest in us.

[cpmafia]

Well done co that was an excellent landing!

What the RAF needs is less aircrew and more blunties.

[peppermint_jam]

1. "Friday is a no-fly day lads!"
2. "Don't worry, we won't need the spare!"
3. "I don't care what anyone says, we down tools at 2am!"

[PerArdua]

1. What another OOA commitment, not a problem I have more people than I need.

2. I am so glad EDS get all the government IT projects, they are so professional.

3. Of course I love you (said by a Harrier mate!)

PA

[airborne_artist]

No thanks love, I'm married

[buoy15]

OASC
"We are pretty short of pilots and MT drivers at the moment - which would you prefer?"

[Talking Radalt]

"No I insist, it was my decision to divert here so you sit in the crew bus and call your wife to tell her you won't be home tonight, and I'll put the ropes and covers on, it is raining after all."
"RIAT? Nah, Bin before, you go"
"Welcome to HMS Ocean, what can we do to help you?"
"Only the two hours of PIF at the end of a four hour task?"
"You're right, an old ammo tin probably is crash-worthy"
"No that's ok, we prefer sleeping on the aircraft anyway"
and the stonker.....
"Of course C-Flt will do duty crew this weekend" :E

[Comp Charlie]

From Shift Co-Ord/ Flight Commander:

"Cheers for all your efforts today guys, here's 100 quid to put behind the bar. Have a drink on us..."

CC

[c17age]

"No we're not just making up jobs for the airships"

[seven4mankind]

1. I'm so looking forward to my PME.

and later...

2. I'm grounded. But that's cool... best to be safe.

[snapper41]

This JPA is a crock of s**t; get whoever is responsible in here now!

[Mighty Norman]

Charlie Luncher saying 'no, no, just the one donut will do me thanks'

OC ISK saying 'You rascally Rabbit'

:=

[snapper41]

'Certainly Sir; I can help you with that. It's entirely our mistake, and you will get a full refund, plus interest, within 2 days'

[PICKS135]

No your right, I'm wrong - Mrs Picks135

[Rev I. Tin]

Your right what?

[Maple 01]

Things are much better now than when I was in.........

[QFIhawkman]

Your right what?

Just to clarify Rev.... Mrs Picks is always right.

Have I just bitten?

I'll get my leather jacket.

[Rev I. Tin]

he he he:}

[FrogPrince]

Thanks, Int. That was a really good brief.

And your well prepared and timely target pack will really help me to accomplish my mission.

[Wader2]

"Going tomorrow? Advance of allowances? No problem, take this chit to the cashier. I know they will open up for you."

"No, you can come in to SHQ in a flying suit over lunchtime, doors always open."

"Can't get here until after 5 on Friday? No sweat, we'll keep Akrotiri open until you get here."

[Talking Radalt]

"It's been ages since we deployed last"

[safe single]

Desert flying suit? Of course we have them in stock, how many would you like?

[Talking Radalt]

"You tell us when there's a gap in your schedule and we'll arrange your PME accordingly"

"Yer know you're right, why would it need re-zeroing when it's only been sat in the armoury for the last six weeks?"

"Oh go on, post me to Merlins, pleeeeeeease?"

[PlasticCabDriver]

"Caution, this water heater heats water until its hot"

[Maple 01]

Does anyone want these kitkats? The E-3 guys haven't touched their flying rats again.....

[Zoom]

'Wow, this new aircraft is even better than manufacturers promised, and so much cheaper too.'

'We would like to thank the other 2 Services for their full support in this operation.'

'No, we don't have secondary duties on this squadron.'

'Found them! The WMD! They're over here!!'

'OK Gordon, you take over. I've made enough of a hash of things these last 9 years.'

[Twopack]

''That K v J thread is just fascinating''

[airborne_artist]

"I've read and understood every post on the Sea jet thread, and I'm still sane"

[Maple 01]

I don't care about squadron/wing/station/group policy, you're worth a spec rec and that's what you shall have

I believe you've met your 3rd RO

The new boss is very happy with the way the section works and doesn’t want to change anything

[GOLF_BRAVO_ZULU]

Sorry; you're already doing this and, really, you know best.

[ihoharv]

both Barbara & Jenna are about to enlist.."

[Talking Radalt]

Actually you're right, they're not all like it, it's not meant to do that, it probably is something serious and it's way out of limits.

[Wayitup]

Carry on for another term Tony...you're doing a great job.:yuk: :yuk: :yuk:
CDS to BLiar...'Of course we're bloody overstretched'

[Zoom]

CDS to Blair: 'I don't care about a seat in the House of Lords - get the Armed Forces what they need or I'm out!!'

Blair to anyone who can be *rsed to listen: 'Good headlines today, guys.'

[alexmac]

The yanks have hit the right target......:ugh:

[FrogPrince]

My, wasn't that consultant good ?

He took the time to understand what we do, got to the nub of the problem, identified a way forwards, wrote up his findings in a clear and concise way and even under-charged us on his expenses.

[Twopack]

''I do wish the RAF would try harder to be like a large civilian organisation that has a small sideline in aviation''

[GOLF_BRAVO_ZULU]

OK. Giz a clue?

[The Helpful Stacker]

"Lets have an informal station parade this year".

[reddeathdrinker]

"Yes Sir, the F700 has no Lims, no ADF's, and the jet is fully servicable."

[Maple 01]

We've evaluated your section for the manning plot, and you're right, you need more manpower

[Tombstone]

No no, not a four months tour in Kandahar. I said four months touring Canada! Oh, before you go, do you have enough rates or would you like some more?

[Tombstone]

JPA Helpline... not at all sir... ok, that's it sorted thanks to my professional training & the money will be in your bank before you can say thankyou.

[airborne_artist]

Tombstone "'course I'll run round b@ll@ck naked like I said I would. Bring your cameras, and make sure the video gets on YouTube."

[Always_broken_in_wilts]

From the Nav,

I'm in the gally anyone like a brew:E

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced