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View Full Version : How do you know when you've been here too long ?


kluge
22nd May 2006, 02:11
When the footprints on the toilet seat are your own.

....continue

VR-HFX
22nd May 2006, 05:06
When your age is greater than your seniority number.

Flap 5
22nd May 2006, 09:28
... when you realise that Cathay and / or Dragonair aren't the best thing since sliced bread and the pollution really is getting quite bad. :}

... and, oh yes, when you are fed up of banging your head against a brick wall! :ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

sizematters
22nd May 2006, 09:57
when you have nothing better to do than reply to silly threads like this one.........................(Flap 5.......Do they really have sliced bread now ??? these leaps of technology are amazing!!!)

Night Watch
22nd May 2006, 13:19
When the sight of an 80 year old woman pushing a load of garbage up Aberdeen St in the Mid-levels doesn't warrant a second glance.

cpdude
22nd May 2006, 16:06
... when you realise that Cathay and / or Dragonair aren't the best thing since sliced bread and the pollution really is getting quite bad. :}
... and, oh yes, when you are fed up of banging your head against a brick wall! :ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

Was that "Flap" or "Flaps"?:}

water check
22nd May 2006, 21:45
When you just can't stand hearing your FO call you 'dude' one more time...or looking at his ridiculous sunglasses....or finishing programming the FMC and all the sandwiches are alreading in the FO's stomach....or hearing them whine about the new 'hurdles' they have to climb....or (well, you get the idea....!).

jtr
23rd May 2006, 00:49
Hear hear water check.
Wasn't like that in our day old bean.
toodle pip.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v703/walnaze/beatdeadhorse.gif

OK 3 wire
23rd May 2006, 03:14
You consider buying some meat for a BBQ at the wet markets, the constant pumping of the accelerator pedal doesn't bother you & being on the bus in winter with the aircon cranked up to full cold seems normal.

P.S.

It's just hazy & not pollution.

Flap 5
23rd May 2006, 08:53
Was that "Flap" or "Flaps"?:}

... when pedantic s*ds correct your calls! :ugh:

Elroy Jettson
23rd May 2006, 09:10
You squat down while you wait for the crew bus...

inop
23rd May 2006, 17:29
... when you propose to your domestic helper

19weeler
23rd May 2006, 21:05
Yes, well some deserve to spend their retirement years living in Manila.
Right "Gonzo"? You #$%&ing Loser!!

water check
23rd May 2006, 23:42
...19 Weener.....I've been reading some of your posts. I think you need to take a few weeks of for stress leave...and down a few valium. Oooohhh, what an angry little ant you are... :=

19weeler
23rd May 2006, 23:58
...water dick.... you've read ALL 3 of my posts and come up with that diagnosis - you must be quite a doctor!
The truth always hurts! Doesn't it?

7FF
24th May 2006, 00:48
When the pile of s8it in one hand out weighs the pile of gold in the other.

vikena
25th May 2006, 00:25
Water check,

clearly a management banker. How long a string of misery is your ex mod buddy downstairs .

You may be able to recover some dignity but not that banker.

moosp
25th May 2006, 13:44
Stolen from a China email:

You know you have been in China too long when;
01). The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.
02). You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.
03). You stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to plan your day.
04). It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.
05). It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting.
06). You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply "Up To You".
07). You no longer wonder how someone who earns US$ 400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes.
08). You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue.
09). You accept without question the mechanic's analysis that the car is "Broken" and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it "Fixed".
10). You find that it saves time to stand and retrieve your hand luggage while the plane is on final approach.
11). You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your trousers, or you have your suits made with terrycloth pockets.
12). A T-Bone steak with rice sounds just fine.
13). You believe everything you read in the local newspaper.
14). You regard traffic signals, stop signs, and copy watch peddlers with equal disdain.
15). You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.
16). When listening to the pilot prove he cannot speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the air traffic controller.
17). You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.
18). You have more knick-knacks than your grandmother.
19). You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.
20). You laugh at all of the above because you've been there!

Speed Weasel
31st May 2006, 02:13
When you are not surprised there's a public holiday every week!

Elroy Jettson
31st May 2006, 06:53
You decide to go with both the waving cat, and the nodding dog for the dash board of your merc.

hei yu
31st May 2006, 12:16
When all the gweilos look the same !

throw a dyce
31st May 2006, 21:57
When you realise that you get ride-on mowers that go faster than DB golf carts (even on grass).
When you realise that you can get 8 brand new Ducati 999,or 3 brand new Rav4's,or 1 brand new Porsche 911,for the price of a DB GOLF CART:D

sinkingship
1st Jun 2006, 02:50
When waiting 2 minutes for the bus or MTR is too long, it should be here NOW!.

Elroy Jettson
1st Jun 2006, 03:28
When you sniff up and hock a big throat oyster mid sentence, while you sneer at the gwailos who blow their nose on to some sort of fabric and decide they will keep it in their pocket for later. :yuk:

http://logo.cafepress.com/nocache/6/1809158.744916.jpg

hog tied
2nd Jun 2006, 02:49
The first day of groundschool.

828a
2nd Jun 2006, 08:22
All,
It would seem there are some unhappy individuals in Cathey Pacific these days. Such comments as posted here would never have surfaced in days gone by when wresling with dragons was not part of the pleasure of living in Hongkong. One can't but wonder why the discontented don't simply write out their resignations and go back to the drab monotonous suburbia from whence they came. They dont do it because they know only too well what it is like back there.
828a.

Flap 5
2nd Jun 2006, 09:45
All,
It would seem there are some unhappy individuals in Cathey Pacific these days. Such comments as posted here would never have surfaced in days gone by when wresling with dragons was not part of the pleasure of living in Hongkong. One can't but wonder why the discontented don't simply write out their resignations and go back to the drab monotonous suburbia from whence they came. They dont do it because they know only too well what it is like back there.
828a.

Well I did it and I know many others who did as well. I don't live in 'drab suburbia' - an 'A' scale salary for a number of years has allowed me a pretty good standard of living. Go on! It just needs you to make a decision!

Flap 5
2nd Jun 2006, 09:47
When you sniff up and hock a big throat oyster mid sentence, while you sneer at the gwailos who blow their nose on to some sort of fabric and decide they will keep it in their pocket for later. :yuk:
http://logo.cafepress.com/nocache/6/1809158.744916.jpg

Yeah I thought of something like that but I've been back in civilization for a while now and couldn't bring myself to post it! :yuk: :yuk: :yuk:

Elroy Jettson
2nd Jun 2006, 10:47
Sorry 828a, this was all just a bit of fun for us, you know, just poking a bit of fun wot? No offence intended. :)

To even the score, may I present....

You know you have been living in London too long when...

1. You don't even bother looking out of the window when you get up in
the morning to check what the day is like. You know it is overcast.

2. You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and
Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Sunday day is also entirely
reasonable.

3. You can't remember what 'customer service' means.

4. After a big night out you find yourself looking for a Curry house
and not a 24-hour McDonalds.

5. You start to accept queuing as a way of life.

6. More than three hours sunlight on summer days seems excessive.

7. You always call soccer 'football' ... and you have a team ... and
it's not Manchester United.

8. You don't think twice about buying a packaged sandwich.

9. A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and
stripping off practically down to your underwear.

10. You expect men to actually cut, comb and style their hair (using
hair products). And to wear decent clothes. Jeans and a T-shirt are no
longer socially acceptable.

11. You think 40 quid for a haircut is quite reasonable.

12. You finish every sentence with 'Cheers' or "In'it", and start
every conversation with Hiya or Ya'right.

13. You only just realize you have lost your sunglasses - you left
them in Greece 2 summers ago.

14. You start thinking English cuisine isn't all that bad after all, I
mean, it's hard to beat a full English breakfast.

15. You are on to your 6th umbrella and your second overcoat.

16. You buy a disposable baby BBQ from Argos.

17. You realize your sunscreen is the stuff you originally brought
from home with you.

18. A day at the beach means wearing the warmest clothes you own while
standing on golf ball-size pebbles and the thought of swimming doesn't
even enter your head.

19. You actually say, "Sor'ed" or "its all gone a bit pear shaped".

20. Wearing a suit in a pub is relatively normal attire.

21. You have given up complaining about the Victorian-like banking
services offered in the UK.

22. You have given up explaining why you are half an hour late to work
as no-one notices or even cares. In fact - you may even join the
one-hour gossip session around the coffee machine before booting up your
computer.

23. Coming to work with a hangover is entirely accepted and indeed
expected at least once a week .

HotDog
2nd Jun 2006, 10:58
That's more like it Elroy.:ok:

click
2nd Jun 2006, 20:42
You know you've been too long in the Czech Republic when:
1) Doing 100mph in a parking lot is normal
2) It's always hot, no matter the season (no air conditioning and at the slightest hint of inclement weather, the thermostat gets cranked up to its maximum)
3) You derive sadistic pleasure in cutting in front of a babushka about to weigh her rotting veggies at the Tesco counter
4) You think it's normal to have a couple of slivovitz before heading off to work and then have a couple of beers with your lunch
5) You forget to shower for a week and nobody notices
6) You buy 'papuce'.....slippers for the house and force all visitors to wear them
7) You automatically bribe the policeman without noticing how much the fine was
8) You always say 'world famous' in front of any Czech manufactured product
9) You leave your trash in the common hallway to throw out the next day so your apartment looks clean
10) You go to the hospital that someone knows someone who knows someone who works there instead of to the best hospital for the given ailment

828a
3rd Jun 2006, 05:01
Flaps 5;
All expatriates arrive in the East for the first time as Griffins. Some settle in and allow their lives to be enriched while others remain Griffins till the day they leave. Considering you pulled out early I suspect you are one of the latter which hardly qualifies you to make suggestions to others.
828a.

Flying Bagel
3rd Jun 2006, 05:40
Now now, let's not get all hot and bothered 828. This forum is full of dull threads of people snickering at each other for no reason but to let off steam. A thread like this once in a while is quite nice. Nothing bad aboot a little fun.

You know you've been in HK too long when...

- Walking your dog means hiring a domestic helper.
- You try to get an elevator, you have to keep pressing the button until it arrives.
- Living on the 30th floor is deemed to be too low.
- The cab driver looks back at you and says, "you not go wan chai tonight?"

kluge
3rd Jun 2006, 08:00
Looks like we have eggs and bannanas for tea.

Aiiiiyaaaa cheesing gweilo

828a
3rd Jun 2006, 08:07
Flying Bagel;
At least your contribution is not person reflective and in any case my beef is not with you [absit invidia] it is with Flaps 5 so how about we let him speak up for himself.
828a.

kluge
3rd Jun 2006, 08:19
Moeesee 828a - may I suggest sticking to the thread sir, even contribute a witticism, or else forever risk castigation as a banana.

Or you could set up a new thread ?

kluge
3rd Jun 2006, 08:25
My apologies 828a - I meant egg NOT banana.

828a
3rd Jun 2006, 09:26
kluge;
Please dont apologize, it is not necessary. I've been wondering when you would show up and now that you are here I'm looking forward with much anticipation to all that you will have to say.
828a.

Elroy Jettson
3rd Jun 2006, 10:01
Geez! In an effort to lighten up the mood in here (again), and to even the ledger,:rolleyes:

Sorry about the length! (Not something I have to apologise about too often!) :} :} :}

You know you have been in Australia too long when....

You understand the expression "the bigger the hat, the smaller the farm".

The shorter the nickname you give to someone, the more you like them.

You know it's not a genuine Australian saying unless it involves a paddock, a lizard, or a rat.


You think a flash sports car driven by a middle-aged man should not incite envy - as in America - but hilarity.


It's not a picnic without a bull-ant climbing up your arse.


You refer to your best friend as "a total bastard", while your worst enemy is "a bit of a bastard".


Whether it?s the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no event which cannot be improved by the addition of a sausage sizzle or a barbecue.


You expect all hamburgers must contain beetroot.


You think it's better to be down on your luck than up yourself.


You interpret the phrase ?we?ve got a great lifestyle? as meaning everyone in the family drinks too much.


If the bloke next to you is swearing like a wharfie, he?s probably a media billionaire. Or possibly a wharfie.


You understand there isn't a single food which cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.


People with red hair should always be nicknamed ?Blue?, just as short people should be labelled ?Lofty?.


On the beach, you hide your keys and wallet by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out. Australia has some really stupid thieves, (or really stinky sandshoes).


Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the milk crate.


You can't work out why all the best heroes are losers.


You think the Alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbeque tongs from the hands of the host, and blithely begins turning the snags.


You don't think it's summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.


You like the beer served so cold it makes your ears hurt.


You think a thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of footwear. Thus a group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs is no longer as exciting as you might once have hoped.


A gum leaf, crushed in the hand, is the best smell ever.


Historians believe that the widespread use of the word ?mate? can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or ?mateship?. Alternatively, we may all be just really hopeless with names.


You hope to choose a partner who is attractive not only to yourself, but also to neighbourhood mosquitoes.


If it can?t be fixed using panty-hose and fencing wire, it?s not worth fixing.


All parties, in however grand and well-prepared a house, will be held, cramped and noisy, in the kitchen.


The most popular and widely praised family in the street is the one that just happens to have the swimming pool.


A swallowed fly, while disgusting, must be greeted with the plucky comment: "Um, protein".


We invented everything in the world worth inventing, but then sold the copyright to the Yanks.


You think that smearing toast with a spread that?s black and salty, and which has the appearance of axle-grease, is a good way to start the day.


You think that every older Australian has a bulldust theory involving ants, a Kookaburra laughing and the likelihood of rain, and every theory is the direct opposite of the last one you heard.


If invited to a party, you take cheap red wine, but then spend all night drinking the host?s beer. Don?t worry, he will have catered for it.


If there?s any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you?d think yourself an idiot not to go.


Every surname, brand-name and motor-car spare part must be shortened to the point of incomprehension, as in the phrase: "If I hadn't stuffed the diff I'd have taken Blacky to Maccas."


You realise the Aeroguard is far, far worse than the flies.


Despite the Geography you think of Australia as being somewhat out of place within the Asia-Pacific region; surrounded by unstable ex-colonial nations who regard you as racist, imperialist, and unfairly wealthy. You regard extreme anti-Australians such as Mahatir Mohammed very irritating.


You regard New Zealanders as basically our naive country cousins, who talk funny and for some bizarre reason, think that they invented pavlova. They are to be pitied and laughed at. They have no hope of gaining the upper hand in the endless sporting rivalry between our two nations.


You think Americans are loud and supremely ignorant of Australia (all they know about us they gained from Mick Dundee); British and Europeans in general are more quiet but pretentious and cowardly.


You've ever mimicked Alf Stewart from the TV show Home and Away's broad, Australian accent, eg. "push off, ya flamin' drongo!"


You've ever had an argument with a friend over whether Ford or Holden makes the better car!


You've done the "hot sand dance" at the beach while running from the ocean back to your towel.


You start using words like "reckon" and call people "mate".


You stop greeting people with "hello" and go straight to the "how ya doin' ?"


You've seriously considered running down to the shops in a pair of Ugg Boots.


You own a pair of ugg boots.


You've been to a day-nighter cricket match and screamed out incomprehensibly until your throat went raw.


You know the national anthem by heart, sing it at every opportunity (sporting events in particular) but don't know what "girt" means.


You have a story that somehow revolves around excess consumption of alcohol and a mate named "Davo" or "Bruce".


You've risked attending an outdoor music festival on the hottest day of the year.


You've tried to hang off a clothesline while pretending you can fly.


You've had a visit to the emergency room after hanging off the clothesline pretending you can fly.


You don't know what's in a meat pie, and you don't care.


You pronounce Australia as "Stralya".


You call soccer soccer, not football.You've ever sucked your coffee through a Tim Tam (for those who don't know, a variety of chocolate biscuit, one allegedly "better than sex").


You realise that lifeguards are the only people who can get away with wearing Speedos.


You pledge allegiance to Vegemite over Promite.


You understand the value of public holidays.Your weekends are spent barracking for your favourite sports team.


You have a toilet dolly.


Your Mum or Nan made it.


You've played beach cricket with a tennis ball and a bat fashioned out of a fence post.


You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok, and have told a mate in tough times that "She'll be right, mate".


You use the phrase, "no worries" at least once a day.


You constantly shorten words to "brekkie", "arvo" and "barbie", as well as all names...


You've adopted a local bar as yours.


You know the oath of mateship can never be limited by geographical distance.


You measure a journey in beer, not kilometres or time. (That's a 3 beer trip mate).

kluge
3rd Jun 2006, 11:04
Top job Elroy

Kitsune
4th Jun 2006, 08:55
You know you've been in Hong Kong too long when:

Hydrogen Sulphide smells like home.....

Elroy Jettson
4th Jun 2006, 09:05
Haha, now we're back on track! :ok:

You feel the South China Morning Post is being way to critical of the government! :=

OLBA18
4th Jun 2006, 09:21
You know you've been in Hong Kong too long when back at home you :

- you reply with "cannot"

- you daydream at the check out and then realise that YOU have to pack the shopping into bags

- you curse when you find the dishwasher unemptied and the washing still in the washing bin unwashed

- you find yourself complaining that the public transport isn't as good

- you find you can't sleep because your bedroom is not airconditioned to 18 degrees C.

You've really been in Hong Kong too long when on the flight back:

- you ask for the South China Morning Post

- and get disappointed when there's not one available

- you find a mild smuggness at refusing the landing card forms

- when you come out of the doors at HKIA and find the 30 degrees C and humidity quite acceptable and pleasant for the time of year.

Kitsune
4th Jun 2006, 09:22
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=hong+kong

You think that a 'helper' who earns 3,500 dollars a month and supports 10 of her family back home with it really should contribute 400 dollars of her wages so the Tai Pans don't have to pay too much tax.....

Flap10
4th Jun 2006, 12:54
All,
It would seem there are some unhappy individuals in Cathey Pacific these days. Such comments as posted here would never have surfaced in days gone by when wresling with dragons was not part of the pleasure of living in Hongkong. One can't but wonder why the discontented don't simply write out their resignations and go back to the drab monotonous suburbia from whence they came. They dont do it because they know only too well what it is like back there.
828a.

When you no longer pay attention to arrogant loners like 828 that can’t even put a Cantonese sentence together, but yet pretends his life has been enriched in HKG because a few colleagues have decided to take pity and socialize with him.:D

hei yu
5th Jun 2006, 05:11
It also has an effect on your kids (mainly positive!)
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN EXPAT KID IN HONG KONG WHEN...
You can't answer the question, "Where are you from?".
You flew before you could walk.
You have a passport, but no driver's license.
You watch National Geographic specials and recognize someone.
You run into someone you know at every airport.
You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
Your life story uses the phrase "Then we went to..." five times.
You speak with authority on the quality of airline travel.
National Geographic (OR THE TRAVEL CHANNEL) makes you homesick.
You read the international section before the comics.
You live at school, work in the tropics, and go home for vacation.
You don't know where home is.
You sort your friends by continent.
Someone brings up the name of a team, and you get the sport wrong.
You know there is no such thing as an international language.
Your second major is in a foreign language you already speak.
You realize it really is a small world, after all.
You watch a movie set in a foreign country, and you know what the nationals are really saying into the camera.
Rain on a tile patio --or a corrugated metal roof--is one of the most wonderful sounds in the world.
You haggle with the checkout clerk for a lower price.
Your wardrobe can only handle two seasons: wet and dry.
Your high school memories include those days that school was cancelled due to the number eight being hoisted.
You have a name in at least two different languages, and it's not the same one.
You think VISA is a document stamped in your passport, and not a plastic card you carry in your wallet.
Your dorm room/apartment/living room looks a little like a museum with all the "exotic" things you have around.
You won't eat Uncle Ben's rice because it doesn't stick together.
Half of your phone calls are unintelligible to those around you.
You go to Pizza Hut or Wendy's and you wonder why there's no chili sauce (or chopsticks).
You know the geography of the rest of the world, but you don't know the geography of your own country.
You have best friends in 5 different countries.
You ask your roommate when the maid is coming to clean up your room
You're spoilt. You know it. You're VERY spoilt.

kluge
5th Jun 2006, 09:00
Hei yu

Well done, Doesn;t just apply to kids - especially when you've been here decade !

VR-HFX
5th Jun 2006, 12:43
When you can work out who 828a is by looking in your log book:mad:

moosp
13th Jun 2006, 02:30
When you can ask for a body massage with a happy ending in five Asian languages.

:E ;) :E

Dan Winterland
13th Jun 2006, 05:50
You ask for chopsticks with your crew meal - in turbulence!

Kitsune
13th Jun 2006, 06:01
You remember when you really did "Arrive in better shape".......:cool:

Beta Light
13th Jun 2006, 06:33
YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN WHEN:
>
> Ø You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when
> stopped
> by a traffic officer
>
> Ø You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement
>
> Ø You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car
>
> Ø You can count the national soccer team's scores with no fingers
>
> Ø To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750
>
> Ø Hijacking cars is a profession
>
> Ø You can pay your tuition fees by holding up a sign at a traffic
> light
>
> Ø The petrol in your tank may be worth more than your car
>
> Ø More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local
> election
>
> Ø People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty,
> Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given
>
> Ø "Now now" can mean anything from a minute to a month
>
> Ø You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to
> make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction
>
> Ø Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway
>
> Ø You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your
> car
> parked where you left it
>
> Ø A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes
>
> Ø The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines
> and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday
>
> Ø You paint your car's registration on the roof
>
> Ø You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a
> government hospital
>
> Ø You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one
>
> Ø Prisoners go on strike
>
> Ø You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks
> your
> car
>
> Ø You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once
>
> Ø Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate
> is
> too high
>
> Ø When 2 Afrikaans TV programmes are separated by a Xhosa
> announcement
> of the following Zulu program, and a Pedi ad
>
> Ø The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy
> they are
>
> Ø The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the program you just
> finished watching
>
> Ø You get cold easily. Anything below 20 degrees Celsius is Arctic
> weather
>
> Ø You call a bathing suit a "swimming costume"
>
> Ø You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any
>
> Ø You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have
> no
> idea what it means in any of them
>
> Ø You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Madela
>
> Ø You go to "braais" (barbecues) regularly, where you eat boerewors
> (long meaty sausage-type thing) and swim, sometimes simultaneously
>
> Ø You know that there's nothing to do in the Free State
>
> Ø You actually understand these jokes.

Kitsune
13th Jun 2006, 08:26
Isn't there some sort of forum for yaaaaarpies? :cool:

Slapshot
14th Jun 2006, 02:32
You've Lived In Alberta Too Long When ...

- Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor and combine crew on the highway;
- "Vacation" means driving through Banff or Jasper Park or going "back to school" shopping in Calgary;
- You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular;
- You measure distance in hours. Not minutes or kilometers;
- You've been to a tractor pull;
- South to you means Montana; Winnipeg is "back East"; B.C. is "the coast";
- You know who has to pay for the damage to your truck and the dead cow when you hit one;
- Your school classes were cancelled because of cold, but only when it was -40 or colder;
- You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day;
- You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better";
- You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with";
- You often reply "you bet!" or "hell yes!";
- You've gotten a "To Go" drink from the local bar;
- You install security lights on your house and barn and leave both unlocked;
- You know what "Cow Tipping", "Garden Raiding" and "Snipe Hunting" are;
- You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup;
- You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit;
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow;
- Driving in the winter is often simply a matter of staying between the fence posts;
- You think that washing your pickup is a waste of time and money;
- You have never owned a vehicle that did not have cracks in the windshield;
- You get claustrophobic when you're in a "big city" like Red Deer and their traffic is "just awful, you wouldn't believe it;
- You think sexy winter lingerie is a flannel nightie and tube socks;
- You know how many cords of wood it will take to get through the winter;
- You think that the opening of elk season should be a national holiday;
- You carry a roll of toilet paper in the glove box in case you have to stop and go by the road;
- Your radio antenna is an old clothes hanger or piece of baling wire;
- You find -20 degrees "a little chilly";
- You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Construction.

Cripple 7
25th Jun 2006, 01:29
...you have paid enough accumulated rent to buy a moderate-sized North American or European town.

...most conversations with your friends involve mobile phones or mutual funds.

...none of the sea-front buildings existed when you first arrived.

...the shoreline itself shifted by half a mile.

...all your friends are now living in London, New York, Singapore or Paris.

...you can't put a proper sentence together in your native language.

...you got really excited when Starbucks opened their first outlet in Hong Kong.

...when at the movies, you take bets on the number of phones that go off during the film.

...the funniest jokes you know all revolve around your stockbroker.

...you have developed an acquired taste for mooncakes.

...in a crowd or a queue, you've learned to stay away from frail-looking old ladies carrying umbrellas.

...you've seriously considered taking up golf.

...you have a Mont Blanc or Cartier pen clipped to your shirt pocket.

...you have stopped noticing the grotesquely deformed leper on the Exchange Square flyover.

...you think a sexual pervert is a man who prefers women to money.

...your building's security guard is 4 times older than the building itself.

...you have become a shameless name-dropper.

...you feel a compulsion to take exams.

...all you need in life is Louis Vuitton.

...you think 165 decibels is a normal noise level for lunchtime conversation.

...you think it's OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window.

...thanks to karaoke, you know who has the most singing talent in your building. Not that this is a great achievement.

...you believe that pressing the lift button 63 times in rapid succession will make it move faster.

...among your friends, the ultimate status symbol is a lawn-mower.

...you know it is useless to protest when the lady at the supermarket check-out wraps one toothbrush in 6 plastic bags.

...you will never ever EVER buy Miracle Foot Repair.

...you've learned to recognise Andy Lau, Leon Lai, Aaron Kwok and Jacky Cheung.

...you aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.

...you are of the opinion that pink bathroom tiles can make any building or public garden beautiful.

...your colleagues eat sun-dried cuttlefish coated in sugar and you don't bat an eyelid.

...you've actually purchased a canto-pop CD.

...you've actually played it several times.

...you don't think that queuing in the rain in a diesel-choked Kowloon back street to buy a HK$6 Hello Kitty plastic doll at a McDonald's store is strange behaviour.

...you believe Li Ka-shing is a saint.

...you test your seafood for mercury, hepatitis B and cholera.

...you have attended at least 4 weddings and a funeral in a language you don't understand at all.

...a lady with a PhD in Nuclear Physics, and who is fluent in 7 languages irons your socks for a pittance -- but she is from the Philippines so it's all right.

...all the clothes you own are either tailor-made or come from Giordano.

...you are not at all surprised to see your tap water run dark brown.

...drilling on the walls in the wee hours in the morning is considered acceptable behavior.

...it's Friday, it must be Typhoon 3 day.

...it's Saturday, it must be Typhoon 8 day.

...you tell your parents their house back in your home country has bad feng shui.

...you get offended when people admire your chopsticks skills.

...you've compiled a 3-page list of odd English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.

...you know to bring a coat, a scarf and gloves to fight hypothermia in supermarkets, buses, ferries and cinemas.

...your collection of business cards has outgrown your flat.

...you are convinced that the only thing that moves more slowly than continental drift is a Causeway Bay crowd on a Saturday afternoon.

...you are not surprised to see 85-year old ladies pushing mountains of rubbish up the streets of the financial district.

...you bulldoze your way into lifts and MTR trains before other passengers have a chance to alight.

...when someone smiles at you for no particular reason, you know she is a flight attendant.

...you know for a fact that leather shoes can grow leaves during the wet season.

...the word "wildlife" refers to the family of cockroaches that dwells in your kitchen drawer.

...the word "Aiiyeeaaahh" punctuates your speech to convey surprise, pleasure, pain or anger.

...you speak enough Cantonese to make your colleagues laugh their heads off (attempts with anyone else still only draw blank stares).

...you are no longer surprised to find footprints on the edge of public toilet bowls.

...you believe you are really tall when you are really only 5'8".

...you read this list and understood everything!