Check In Games

[bealine]

Watch for games played by check-in staff - some of them can be quite funny!

To ease the monotony of calling "NEXT PLEASE" to try to get the queues moving, we used to pick a topic (eg fish) and call out "Haddock!" "Cod!" etc. I only ever got caught once, by a frequent flyer - "What seat would you like?" I asked.

"I just want a nice PLAICE please!" he replied!

The latest game that's catching on at Gatwick is to choose a relatively obscure word from the English language, for example "eclectic", and to attempt to use this word at some point in every transaction while your colleague awards points according to how naturally the word was dropped into the interaction with the passenger!

Little things that ease the monotony - but they can be quite entertaining!!!

Anyone noticed any other games???

[sixmilehighclub]

The same happens on aircraft in some airlines. Cabin Crew and Flight deck Crew challenge eachother to get a word or number of words into announcements.

The best I ever heard was once flying as Cabin crew in 1998.

Captain: Well ladies and gents sorry for the delay in getting airborne. We're second in the queue. So once the little Fokker in front of us has gone, we'll be on our way.

Three guesses to the theme of the day.

Watch what the cabin crew say as you leave too. Lemon pie..... Black eye......

[Pax Agent]

when I check - in we alsways do this! It rele is hilarious!
Everything from saying how gorgeous someones minging tie is, then asking them where they got it.....or saying how they remind you of some celebrity they look nothing like....or the latest one is the twich!!! kinda having a nervous twich rele is great! then the usual dropping unusual words in etc etc but the stakes kinda get higher and higher! lol!

[Leodis]

One little game we've tried at check-in is to stamp all the passengers hands, nobody seems to realise. For the frequant flyer we just say it's a new procedure. It's just a bit like when you go on a night out to town and you have your hand stamped if you go to a night club.

You can carry the game on to boarding by doing a PA for "passengers travelling to destination, with the security stamp, please make your way to gate number. Usually the passengers that spot the joke are quite happy to go along with the joke.

[surely not]

So do you all work for the Handling Agnts or the airlines themselves?

[lexxity]

Bealine!!! Shsssshhhhh. It's a secret!

[tallulah1978]

When pax are disembarking and we have the task of saying 'thank-you, goodbye' 148 times we like to make a little more interesting sometimes - we try to say to the nxt person what the last pax said to you - so if the pax says 'thanks for the egg sandwhich' that's what you have to say to the next pax. Can get a little confusing when a pax asks where they can pick up their pushchair (especially when your senior is elbowing you in the ribs encouraging you!)

[PAXboy]

This is obviously the airline version of Meeting Bingo! You are given a word to get into the meeting and score points accordingly. If it's a monthly department meeting with the big boss, then you naturally score more points. If it is being attended by the BIG boss, then you can score Triple.

There is also Bull$hit Bingo! You hand out papers to willing participants that list the likely words (varying by company and the year) "Think out of the box" "Driving forward" "Building on success" and any of the other hundreds of words (I have my list somewhere and must look it out). Anyway, when you have ticked off all the words on your paper, you are required to shout out Bingo. :p

"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you any different."
Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

[Memetic]

A variant, played on the odd exhibition stand, is to try and weave the words of a song into a conversation.

Obvioulsy only when talking to tire kickers :-)

[sailing]

Ever see a film called Super Troopers?

[bealine]

........"Think out of the box" "Driving forward" "Building on success" and any of the other hundreds of words (I have my list somewhere and must look it out).

Now, PaxBoy, it would be very much appreciated if you could dig this list out! The next meeting of the "Short Haul Profitability Improvement Group" could well be hilarious!!!

I hope you've added words like "ROBUST", "PROACTIVE", "ABSOLUTELY" and phrases such as "WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY"!

Buzzwords - don't you just love 'em!

[Gonzo]

Buzzword Bingo

http://isd.usc.edu/~karl/Bingo/ (http://isd.usc.edu/%7Ekarl/Bingo/)

[Lost_luggage34]

And the accompanying phrases ..... :ugh:

'Run it up the flagpole'
'Chomp the carrot'
'Grasp the nettle'

ad infinitum

[PAXboy]

Thanks for the link Gonzo, that is a fabulous site. Given that so many folks now have laptops in the meeting (and on-line too) you could play the game repeatedly.
I have found my original (manual) version of the game and list some of the words here:
Synergy
Revisit
Result Driven
Mindset
Strategic Fit
Bandwidth
Empower Employees This actually means that you get more blame when it goes wrong
Client Focus[ed]
Gap Analysis
Out of the Loop
Think Outside the Box
Quality Driven
Benchmark
Leverage[d]
World Class
Total Quality
Partner Needs
Tailor Made
At The End of The Day
Go The Extra Mile
Core Business
The Big Picture
No Blame
On the Radar
Lessons Learned

Testimonials from satisfied players:
“I had only been in the meeting for five minutes when I won.” Jack W. – Boston
“My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically.” David D. – Florida
“What a gas. Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win.” Bill R. – New York City
“The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box.” Ben G. Denver
“The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed ‘Bingo’ for the third time in two hours.” Kathleen L. – Atlanta
“I feel that the game has enhanced the overall quality of meetings, per se, on a quid pro basis.” M – L.A.
----------------------------------
After all of that, there seems no point in adding my usual tag line from Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. :hmm:

[Pax Vobiscum]

For translating mgt BS, I can heartily recommend IS Survivor (http://www.issurvivor.com), Bob Lewis's web site (registration required, but well worth it). A few examples:

ManagementSpeak: We've kind of opened a can of worms.
Translation: It's a 55-gallon drum of live, angry, rattlesnakes. You get to put the lid back on.

ManagementSpeak: Keep me honest here.
Translation: I have no idea if what I'm saying is right.

ManagementSpeak: I take full responsibility.
Translation: There's no way I'm going to get fired over this.

ManagementSpeak: I don't see any problem with that.
Translation: That won't affect my bonus adversely.

ManagementSpeak: You are responsible for operationalizing this process, so your task list must be actionable.
Translation: It would be nice if at least one of us would be able to tell when you're finished.

ManagementSpeak: We need to hold people accountable.
Translation: We need a ready supply of scapegoats.

... and so ad infinitum

[striparella]

What i do is exploit the fact that passengers don't actually listen to a word you say.

Little things like saying "Ok you're bags have been checked through to Bagdad", "You've got a toilet seat allocated to you", "There's no gate number yet so take your pick from one on the TV monitors", "Yes it's a 747 today with only 3 engines"....that kinda thing.

It's all in the delivery. Making it sound natural.

And when i'm reallllllly bored i slip i a few lewd comments between normal sentances and no-one notices

[bealine]

Go on, striparella, give us a few lewd comments.........:ok:

[lexxity]

Striparella you've reminded me of the time I was boarding a flight to ORD and along come an elderly couple. For clarity you need to know that we offer a bottle of water to passengers as they board and the line we use is "help yourself to a bottle from the rack".

Anyway, Mr and Mrs elderly american toddle upto my collegue and she pulls the boarding cards and says the above line.

Mr EA: (Who was a bit deaf bless him) WHAT DID SHE SAY?
Mrs EA: (Who had to shout load so he would hear) WERE FLYING OVER I RAQ DEAR!

Well we just about wet ourselves laughing, as did the many pax behind. :p :p :p

[knobbygb]

Guess the same applies wherever you've got a group of bored people doing a mundane job. Just done a stint on a supermarket checkout to earn some extra dosh and me and a friend spent most of last Easter holiday hand-keying boxes of 6 eggs rather than 'beeping' the barcode, then explaining to the customer that we were ever so sorry it was taking longer than usual, but our company was making us manually put all eggs through the computer under the 'easter eggs' code to prove we were out-selling sainsburys on easter eggs! It was particularly satisfying when someone'd say "Oh, I know - my neighbour told me about that yesterday - terrible, isn't it!". Also with eggs we were supposed to open the boxes to check none were broken and I'd often explain that I was just checking whether it was a pack of 6 or 12! Sounds really stupid and inane when you write it down, but I guess that what makes it funny at the time. The customers all think you're stupid low-lives to be doing that job, so may as well pretend to live up to the image!
I think the ability to keep a straight face in these situations, or even to get a bit 'upset' when challenged is a great life skill!

[PAXboy]

BEALINENow, PaxBoy, it would be very much appreciated if you could dig this list out! The next meeting of the "Short Haul Profitability Improvement Group" could well be hilarious!!! I could not but respond to such a cry for help and I have used my Saturday afternoon to good effect. Dredged from the archive is this item that I found in 2003 and this relates to 1968. The BUZZ WORD Generator was printed on small credit-card sized cards by Honeywell Computers of the USA (remember them?) and my father kept his until he retired. My father was in Personnel Management and hated the idea of Human Resources and was very much a non-bull$hit man. Later, Honeywell produced the BUZZ PHRASE Generator and I have that too. So these always remind me of my late father.

Reproduced from Newsweek (May 6, 1968) and copyright owned by Newsweek, Inc.
Isn't it interesting how little things have changed in 30 years! A then-63 year old U.S. Public Health Service official named Philip Broughton hit upon a sure-fire method of converting frustrations into fulfilment (jargonwise). Euphemistically called the Systematic Buzz Phrase Projector, Broughton's system employs a lexicon of 30 carefully chosen "buzzwords:"

The procedure is simple. Think of any three-digit number, then select the corresponding buzzword from each column. For instance, number 2-5-7 produces "systematised logistical projection," a phrase that can be dropped into virtually any report with that ring of decisive, knowledgeable authority. "No one will have the slightest idea of what you're talking about," said Broughton, "but the important thing is that they're not about to admit it."
So whether you want some responsive organisational flexibility or some functional management options this is the chart for you. Happy report writing!

The forum software has no provison for coloums and does not allow multiple spaces to create them, so I have had to list vertically. I suggest that you copy and paste them into a WORD 'table' and then add the copyright notices from Newsweek and the the name of the original author, Philip Broughton and his purple prose.

Column 1
integrated
total
systematised
parallel
functional
responsive
optional
synchronised
compatible
balanced

Column 2
management
organisational
monitored
reciprocal
digital
logistical
transitional
incremental
third-generation
policy

Column 3
options
Flexibility
Capability
Mobility
Programming
Concept
time-phase
Projection
Hardware
contingency

____________________________________
Ahh Mr Vonnegut how right you were ...

"I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you any different."
Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

[striparella]

Go on, striparella, give us a few lewd comments.........:ok:

LOL...I'll just give you a tame example of how it'd work at the start of shift..... and as you can imagine it gets more lewd the longer you're at check in....;)

"There's no gate number yet so you've enough time to get sucked off, just watch the tv monitors for your flight number and make sure you are at the gate no later than two thirty. Thank you have a great flight"

[Leezyjet]

When I was a mere check-in agent many moons ago, myself and one of my colleagues would often enter a comment into the system next to a funny name or just any old random name prior to check-in opening (always making sure we only put the entry so it came up on our screens and didn't print out on the flight report or go to the outstation - and that we would take it out again once it had been read !!).

Neither of us would know who would get what pax, so when Mr and Mrs Dick checked in, and the screen flashes up with "wonder if it's a big one" or something along those lines. We would then have to try and keep a straight face whilst going through motions without laughing.

The amount of times I had tears rolling down my face whilst asking the security questions or just laughed out loud right in the pax's face when all they had said was "hello" - The pax must have thought I was nuts !!!. Most of the time they just seemed to join in and laugh along with us - probably thought we were just happy jolly people - if only they knew :E

:\

[sixmilehighclub]

We used to challenge eachother on disembarkation to come up with phrases for the 'hard of hearing'.

Some of my favourites:

(for person with toupe or wig)
Crew: "Fake Hair"
PAx: "Sorry?"
Crew: "I said, take care!"

(for the woman who looked like she was sucking a lemon)
Crew: "Hope you get laid!"
Pax: "Pardon?"
Crew: "I said, enjoy your stay"

(for the guy looking like a chav or criminal)
Crew: "Commited a crime?"
Pax: "what?"
Crew: "I said, have a great time"

(to the young lad)
Crew: "Is that a boner?"
Pax: "Huh?"
Crew: "Welcome home!"

(general goodbyes....)
"Lemon Pie" (for someone who has annoyed you)
"black eye" (for someone who has really annoyed you)
"don't cry" (for grown adult who has thrown a tantrum)
"popeye" (for a muscular guy)
"skyhigh" (for someone who is a little intoxicated)

(for the scantily dressed woman)
Crew: "Hope you find your clothes?"
Pax?: "Huh?"
Crew: "Have you got far to go??"

I once served drinks and snacks on board to a woman who despite having a menu of pictures in front of her kept asking if we had this or that or something else. The picture clearly shows a can of coke or some peanuts, etc...and she was holding up the traffic in the ailse!! On finally serving her Vodka & tonic, I asked "have you got eyes, you lemon?" She looked aghast and replied "I beg your pardon?!". I just looked blank and confused (as always) and replied back smiling " I asked if you wanted ice and lemon madam??!"

On pushing the duty free trolleys through the cabin when the audience is half asleep.... " Watches, chocolates, cosmetics, jewellery, washing machines, fragrances, adult toys, childrens toys...." I swear no-one ever noticed.

THen therers the announcement asking all games including Gamestations and Playboys to be turned off for take off.

Then there was the tale of the guy who was queuing up to check in. He had been waiting about 5 minutes and was very impatient. He would take 2 steps forward, and drop his bag down uttering some comments like "this is rediculous", 2 more steps and "this is outrageous", two more steps and " I can't believe this" a few more steps "This is daft"....etc. Anyway, he gets to check in and says to the girl, "this queueing system is propostorous, we're being treated like animals!!". She doesnt bite, serves him, and as he walks off, the guy on the desk next to her says (in sheep like voice) N-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ext!!!!

;)

[MyData]

Striparella

"There's no gate number yet so you've enough time to get sucked off, just watch the tv monitors for your flight number and make sure you are at the gate no later than two thirty. Thank you have a great flight"

That's close to the bone := What did you reply with when asked "Sorry, what did you say?" Or are PAX oblivious or so stunned that they walk away thinking they are getting old, and did they really just hear what they thought they did? :ok:

[striparella]

Striparella
That's close to the bone := What did you reply with when asked "Sorry, what did you say?" Or are PAX oblivious or so stunned that they walk away thinking they are getting old, and did they really just hear what they thought they did? :ok:


Lol.....The reply is ALWAYS......

"What gate number"
"I said there's no gate number yet"
"No gate number?"
"No, you have to check the tv screens in the departures lounge"
"Oh right"

[MyData]

Lol.....The reply is ALWAYS......

"What gate number"
"I said there's no gate number yet"
"No gate number?"
"No, you have to check the tv screens in the departures lounge"
"Oh right"


Lol - so I was right. They go away thinking that they heard something that can't possibly have been said, but they are sure they heard it, but you kept the straight face in response. It must be fun when there is a pair or more who go off muttering "Did you just hear what I thought we heard, or was I hearing things?" "I'm not sure dear, I think I heard him/her say something different but my hearing must be going..."

C'mon then strip. Up the ante - what do you do after the 100th PAX :E

[PAXboy]

Hmm, upon the next checkin, one needs to have the mobile phone selected to 'video record' ...:E

[bealine]

........Reminds me of the Railway Porter at Exeter St Davids years ago who used to greet passengers with "'How's Your Bum?"

When challenged, he would reply "Nice Bit Of Sun!"


........or the BEA steward who used to ask "Tickle Yer Arse With a Feather, Madam?"

....and when asked to repeat would respond "Particularly Nice Weather We're Having!"

[bealine]

Wow, striparella! That is really close to the boner!!! If that is a mild version, I'd love to know what you get up to when you're really wicked!!!

I mean calling out in the queues for "Any passengers for Nipples and Hangover" (Naples and Hannover) we think is pretty witty, or to tell an Italian to "put his bollocks on the scales" is quite daring, but to suggest a sucking off is breaking the boundaries and takes check-in to a new level!!!

Keep It Up!!! (I know I shall :ok: )