Ribald comments on CR's

[FrogPrince]

Having seen a paper version of this in the office today I have cobbled together a few less than PC comments for PPRuNe that you hope wouldn't appear on your CR.
ON YOUR CR ?
This officer has delusions of adequacy.
As a failure, this soldier is a great success.
This soldier has reached rock bottom since his last CR. Now he has started digging.
This sailor would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
This officer should request a refund from his university.
This soldier is so dense, light bends around him
If you give this soldier a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; this officer only gargled.
If you stand close enough to this sailor, you can hear the ocean.
In the pinball game of life, this airman's flippers are further apart than most.
It takes this man 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
This soldier works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
When this officer opens her mouth it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.
This signaller's antenna doesn't pick up terrestrial channels.
A LOOSE SCREW, MAYBE ?
A brick shy of a full hod.
A few beads short in the rosary.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
A photographic memory - with the lens cover glued on.
A room temperature IQ.
A Titanic intellect ... in a world full of icebergs.
All Preparation, no H.
An ace short of a full deck.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
An intellect rivalled only by garden tools.
As bright as Alaska in December.
As smart as fishbait.
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
Has two brains; one is AWOL and the other is out looking for it.
Fell out of the stupid tree and then hit every branch on the way down.
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
A neuron short of a synapse.
Somewhere some cow's udder is missing a tit.
Which village is missing its idiot?
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's expired.
CHALLENGED ?
Body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch.
Got into the shallow end of the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
His family tree obviously doesn't fork.
I would not allow this soldier to breed.

[TimL]

CR comment:

This officer is unlikely ever to set the Thames on fire, but if he were to find it so he would do his best to put it out.

[Farmer 1]

If any soldier ever follows this officer, it would be only out of curiosity.

This officer is tall.

[KPax]

Taken from recent court case involving Army Cpl. Her OC wrote on her annual appraisal.'I would rather sit sipping ######### round Michael Barrymores pool than promote this girl'. She took offence and sued.

[engineer(retard)]

This Wren has been tried in every position on the ship and has always been found satisfatory by her crewmates.

[bayete]

This student has the:
directional awareness of a bat with is ears cut off.
situational awareness of a worm in a washing machine.

[NutherA2]

Once upon a time..............

A CO included in one of his officer's reports

"I have never seen this officer sober"; this was referred back to the CO by higher authority as being too damning and he was required to amend the entry. He did so by deleting the "never".:p

[Clockwork Mouse]

The age old, but true, CR by a cavalry CO:

I would not breed from this officer.

And from a RAF flying CO:

This pilot should not be authorised to fly below 250 feet.

And:

This officer sets himself low personal standards which he consistently fails to achieve.

And:

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

[BEagle]

Some idiot once wrote about a hooting, roaring confirmed singly who was always in the poo:

"Bloggs is one of nature's confirmed bachelors"

Being the sort of poorly educated, common oik who often ends up getting promoted in the RAF, what the idiot didn't realise was this was a Victorian euphemism and was tantamount to writing:

"Bloggs is a poof"

NB - This was before Pink Wednesday and could have had severe repercussions in those days!

[OverTq]

"At the beginning of the course, Flt Sgt **** was a brash, arrogant bully. At the end of the course he was two weeks older"

[Maple 01]

Being the sort of poorly educated, common oik who often ends up getting promoted in the RAF

How well you know me!

[ORAC]

Flt Lt .... has the appearance of a sicilian organ grinder, and the morals of his monkey.

Flt Lt .... performs his duties to his own satisfaction.

[Wyler]

SAC Bloggs is a fine tradesman with considerable potential for development, if only he would stop attacking RAF Policemen.

I did not know one end of a horse from another, until I met Fg Off ********, WRAF.

Cpl *****, WRAF, is a fitting replacement for the Station Bike.

Flt Lt ******'s insubordination occasionally borders on humour.

[Glass Half Empty]

He flies his aerobatics by numbers, unfortunately he cannot count!

[LunchMonitor]

"When this captain calls for the starting checks, he begins a chain of events over which he has no control whatsoever!"

[Confucius]

"When this captain calls for the starting checks, he begins a chain of events over which he has no control whatsoever!"

I think I've flown with that one.

[ColdWarWimp]

This man has all the attributes of a dog - except loyalty.


Given an extended course of instruction this officer could possibly learn to ride a bicycle.


If ordered to catch a train this man would probably be found at a bus station looking puzzled.

[SirToppamHat]

He would make an excellent ADC ... if only he were tall and slim!

Can't think who!

STH

[Farmer 1]

This officer goes through life pushing doors marked "Pull".

[ORAC]

(ACR on RAFP Cpl) This man is holding back the career of a perfectly good dog.

[PTR 175]

I once wrote " J/T W****s is always the first airman to the carpark at cease work"

To my amazement It got through the system no problem.

[Beeayeate]

P/Off Bloggs should not be allowed to fly below 250 feet.

.

[endplay]

During the height of the cold war at Bruggen I described a "socially active" JNCO as an "active socialist". Got all the way to the staish before it was picked up.

[Strictly Jungly]

AB Bloggs sees, and uses, the Royal Navy as a method of transporting his genitals from one port to another...............no doubt a good run ashore though!!

[AlanM]

SAC bloggs arrived at this unit under a cloud - and it hasn't stopped raining since.

[adr]

Bloggs has a deep personal commitment to the principle of the conservation of effort.

adr

[A2QFI]

"My wife tells me this officer dances well"

[ORAC]

Drinks socially = drinks like a fish.
A social couple = she drinks like a fish too.
Drinks wisely = buys me drinks as well....

Has a deep theoretical knowledge = can´t do it.
Has a wealth of previous experience = can´t do it.
Would be suited for a staff position = can´t do it.

Possesses an encyclopaedic knowledge of = smartarse.

[tablet_eraser]

1st RO: "SAC XXX is a gregarious and proactive individual. As a member of the Stn Charities Cttee, he recently raised funds to buy an electric chair for a local OAP."
2nd RO: "I feel I should point out that the electric chair referred to by the 1st RO is in fact intended to enable the gentleman to move around, and is not an instrument of execution. To the best of my knowledge, SAC XXX has no homicidal tendencies."

"Fg Off XXX is a tall, blond, handsome and charming officer, every mother's dream of an ideal son-in-law. The problem is, he often fails to differentiate between mothers and daughters."

1st RO: "Cpl XXX's social ineptitude and lack of participation in team events provides him with ideal qualities for a future career as a Trappist monk."
2nd RO: "I am pleased to note an overall improvemen in XXX's performance in this reporting period."

And one from a colleague:

1st RO: "I think it is a great shame that XXX has decided to end his life and career in the Royal Air Force."
2nd RO: "As far as I am aware, XXX only intends to end his career in the RAF. I do not believe he is suicidal."

[BANANASBANANAS]

The only person to drink more alcohol in the OM bar than this officer is his wife!

[soddim]

If this officer went to war and was shot down he would make life hell for the commandant of his POW camp. What I dislike is that he is practising on me.

[maxburner]

''........ has an intellectual six pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to keep it all together....''

[Washington_Irving]

"The boy flies like he's trying to kill a snake in the cockpit."

[Art Field]

X says he is not fit to fly today, he could not clear his ears in the dips in the Fosse Way.

[cazatou]

"When this captain calls for the starting checks, he begins a chain of events over which he has no control whatsoever!"


I have trawled through my log books and narrowed it down to a list of 14!

[Wee Jock]

In the Guard Room log book at Cranwell:

SAC Bloggs was taken into custardy....

;)