Lighter side of aviation - quotes to consider.

[Eastern2217]

The lighter side of aviation. Here are some quotes i've found. Consider these,

The length of debate about a flight maneuver is always inversely proportional to the complexity of maneuver. Thus, if the flight maneuver is simple enough, debate approaches infinity.

— Robert Livingston, 'Flying The Aeronca

And let's get one thing straight. There's a big difference between a pilot and an aviator. One is a technician; the other is an artist in love with flight.

— E. B. Jeppesen

My first shock came when I touched the rudder. The thing tried to bite its own tail. The next surprise I got was when I landed; she stalled at a hundred and ten miles an hour.

— Jimmy Haizlip, commenting on his only flight in the Gee Bee.

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I am 80,000 feet and Climbing.

— sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location on Kadena AB Okinawa.

Better to hit the far fence at ten knots than the close fence at VRef.

— Captain Rick Davies, Chief Pilot, Royal Flying Doctor Service of Australia (Queensland Section),


Victa Driver.

[ravan]

"Never quit on your Aeroplane. Fly it all the way to the ground."
- Ernest K. Gann

[Hottie]

"Straighten up and fly right..."

Hmmm... was there a mountain ahead ???
:eek:

If lines from a particular movie can be referenced, then I guess the list of Aviation quotes is 'long and distinguished'...(sick)

'Happy Landings' :)

[currawong]

"I've been doing this for fifteen years and I still don't own a pot to pi$$ in"

From the film "Air America".

Seems pretty accurate....

[KRUSTY 34]

"Watch this!"

Methinks the two most dangerous words in aviation?

[P|_azbot]

N C D


___________________________

ATC know what this is but unfortunately the new No Cloud Detected abbreviation confses the matter.

[Pinky the pilot]

Or according to some Aviation related tome I once read.....
The three most well used phrases in Aviation
(1) 'Why is it doing that?'

(2) 'Where are we?'

(3) 'S**t'

You only live twice. Once when
you're born. Once when
you've looked death in the face.

[Eastern2217]

Some more I've found;

- "Lady, you want me to answer you if this old airplane is safe to fly? Just how in the world do you think it got to be this old?

- "If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly-ins?"

- "Somebody said that carrier pilots were the best in the world, and they must be or there wouldn't be any of them left alive."
- Ernie Pyle

- "Truly superior pilots are those who use their superior judgment to avoid those situations where they might have to use their superior skills."

- "A checkride ought to be like a skirt, short enough to be interesting but still be long enough to cover everything."

- "Renting airplanes is like renting sex: It's difficult to arrange on short notice on Saturday, the fun things always cost more, and someone's always looking at their watch."

Victa Driver

[Pass-A-Frozo]

If it floats, fly's or f***s , rent it.

Three things you'll wish you had when something goes wrong:

"The altitude above you, the runway behind you, and the fuel in the tanker"

[barit1]

Airplanes fly according to natural laws of physics.

Helos fly only because they are so ugly, the Earth repells them.

[lazyeye]

From one of my previous Check Captains.....
'Set the Grunt, **nt'

[triadic]

The two most used phrases on a multi-crew flight deck:


1) "Was that for us?"

2) "She's new, isn't she?"

:) :)

[TopTup]

First lessons learnt for those entering the realms of 2 crew ops:

1. How do you like your coffee, Captain?

2. Nice landing Captain!

3. I think the ugly one likes me, Captain.


Amend all Phase One's to begin with:
1. "F@CK!" What was / is that?
2. I didn't touch it! Did you touch it?


You're never too drunk if you can lay on the floor and not hold on. - Dean Martin

A friend will always bail you out of the lock up. A mate will be sitting beside you saying "Damn that was fun!"

[topdrop]

Your landing time is a combination of speed and distance. You give me the speed or I'll give you the distance :}

[Fragnasty]

The only time an aircraft has too much fuel on board is when it's on fire.

- Sir Charles Kingsford Smith

[tipsy2]

CASA pilyaks take note

"The relationship between Lift & Weight, Thrust & Drag and their management, is the only aviation law that matters. The rest is legal fluff."

tipsy:ok:

[Dogimed]

There are airmen and there are pilots: the first being part bird whose view from aloft is normal and comfortable, a creature whose brain and muscles frequently originate movements which suggest flight; and then there are pilots who regardless of their airborne time remain earth-loving bipeds forever. When these latter unfortunates, because of one urge or another, actually make an ascension, they neither anticipate nor relish the event and they drive their machines with the same graceless labor they inflict upon the family vehicle.

-- Ernest K. Gann

[Jet_A_Knight]

Time to spare - go by air.

[Farcome]

Here's one for next Friday's pub session

If room commences to spin...

1. Apply full opposite eyeball

2. Ease head forward until rotation ceases

3. Centralise glass and refill.

[Howard Hughes]

There are airmen and there are pilots: the first being part bird whose view from aloft is normal and comfortable, a creature whose brain and muscles frequently originate movements which suggest flight; and then there are pilots who regardless of their airborne time remain earth-loving bipeds forever. When these latter unfortunates, because of one urge or another, actually make an ascension, they neither anticipate nor relish the event and they drive their machines with the same graceless labor they inflict upon the family vehicle.

-- Ernest K. Gann
I love it!!:ok:

[Atlas Shrugged]

F:mad:k that was close....

- Ted Harrison

[Captain Nomad]

One of my all time favourite quotes from Yoda's 'practical lessons in command decision making':

"Do or do not, there is no try!" :cool:

[flopter]

Some essentials for flying a plane 101..
When the cows get bigger in the window - pull up.
When all you see is blue or white - push forward.
If it gets very noisy - you're going too fast.
If it gets very quiet - start the motor again.
Landing is easy - find the big round ball under you and try not to hit it too hard.
Flying is easy (see rule above)
If passengers are screaming turn ADF on to an am rock station at full volume.
Aerobatics is easy - find the horizon, keep it away from the window for as long as possible - watch out for large cows.
:p

[flaming_moe]

An oldy but a goody :}

P = The problem logged by the pilot.
S = The solution logged by the mechanic.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in "altitude-hold" mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: Transponder inoperative.
S: Transponder always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: The T/C ball seemed stuck in the middle during my last turn.
S: Congratulations! You've just made your first coordinated turn.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Aircraft 2,400 lbs over max weight
S: Aircraft put on diet of 91 octane

[Oktas8]

From the Ten Commandments for Safe Flying

Ignoreth not thy checklists, for many are the switches, gauges and
other demons awaiting to take cruel vengeance upon thee.

Thou shalt not trespass into the thunderstorm lest the tempest
rend thy wings from thy chariot and cast thee naked into the firmament.

Put not thy trust in weather prophets, for when the truth is not in them
they shall not accompany thee among thy ancestors.

Oft thou shalt confirm thy airspeed on finals, lest the earth rise up and smite thee.

[Desert Flower]

Not necessarily a quote, but this is a good one!

A Lockheed C-130 Hercules was en route to a mission when a cocky pilot in
a F-16 fighter flew up next to him.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "Watch this!" He went into barrel
roll, followed by a steep climb, then finished with a sonic boom when he
reached the speed of sound.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought.
The C-130 pilot responded "That was impressive, but watch this."
The Hercules droned along for about 15 minutes then the pilot came back on
and said "What did you think about that?"
The fighter pilot asked, "What the hell did you do? I didn't see anything."
The Hercules pilot responded "I got up, stretched my legs, went to the back, poured a cup of coffee and visited the toilet. Try to beat that in that
tin can of yours!"

DF.

[Aerodynamisist]

( Carrier pilot quote "Flaring to land is like squatting to pee !)


First Officer: "You know, I never slept with my wife until I married her. How about you?"

Captain : "I don't know, what was her maiden name?"

[Capt. On Heat]

For the controllers from the start of Pushing Tin:

"You can land a million planes safely, but you have one little mid air and you never hear the end of it!"

[Dry_Twotter]

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."
- Batman costume warning label, Wal-Mart, 1995

[Split Flap]

Forget all that stuff about lift, weight, thrust and drag. Aeroplanes fly because of money.

[1279shp]

'Golden Leg Spreaders' - A Pilots wings

[Farmer 1]

"I assure you, sir, we have a perfect safety record. We've never left a passenger up there yet."

[zepthiir]

The propeller isnt actually there for thrust, it is just a big fan to keep the pilot cool. Just watch him start to sweat when it stops :E

[b747heavy]

Never fly the 'A' Model of anything...:}

[BalusKaptan]

Always rememberthe FE who swore;-

They are called FUEL TANKS for a very good reason!

[Mere Mortal]

Desert Flower
Heard a similar story to your C130/F16 post.
Once upon a time......an F4 pilot was in formation with B52 over Vietnam.
The F4 Knucklehead perform a barrel roll from one of the bombers wingtip to the other. After which he said, "Bet you can't beat that!". The B52 skipper replied, "OK, try this!".
Several minutes of straight and level went by when the F4 crew said "Well, we're waiting". The B52 pilot smuggly replied, "We shut down 2 engines 10 minutes ago, TOP THAT".
Cheers MM

[Daniel Beurich]

Aircraft usually kill you quickly, women take their time.
Aircraft can be turned on with a flick of a switch
Aircraft dont get mad if you do a Touch and Go
Aircraft dont object to a preflight inspection
Aircraft come with a manual to explain their operation
Aircraft have strict weight and balance limitations
Aircraft dont come with In-Laws
Aircraft dont care about how many other aircraft youve flown before
Aircraft and Pilots both arrive at the same time
Aircraft dont get mad if you look at other aircraft
Aircraft dont mind if you buy aircraft magazines
Aircraft expect to be tied down
Aircraft dont comment on your piloting skills

However, they both have one thing in common; When either of them gets quiet, Its definatly not a good sign!!!

^One of my favourites from "Laughter on the Wing" := :8

[AusFlygal]

Two guys were sitting in a bar getting really drunk. After a while, as it got boring, the first guy looks at the second and says, "Hey, you want to go up for a ride in my airplane?"

The second guy says, "Wow, you have an airplane? Let's go!"
So they get some more beer and go for a tour around the city in the plane. Eventually they also get bored with this, so they decide to land. The drunk pilot starts circling around looking for a place to land and notices an airstrip near by. He says, "Let's land here. It looks like it's as good a place as any."

So he circles around and goes in for the landing, but at the last minute, he swerves and pulls back up. "Crap!" he says, "That is the SHORTEST runway I have ever seen! How is anyone supposed to land on it?" But since it's the only runway nearby, he decides to try again, with the same result.

Getting pretty irritated, the pilot says to his friend, "Alright, I'm going to try ONE more time, and if I can't land it, we're just going to crash and hope we don't die." So they end up crashing and miraculously, neither is hurt.
When they crawl out of the wreckage, the first guy swears and gesticulates wildly at the runway. "I'm gonna find whoever designed this crazy runway and wring his neck! He must be a total moron! No one could land on anything that short!"

The second guy looks around and says "Yeah, but look how wide it is!"
:D

[AusFlygal]

Aviation Dictionary
Airspeed: Speed of an airplane. Deduct 25% when listening to a Navy pilot.

Bank: The folks who hold the lien on most pilots' cars.

Dead Reckoning: You reckon correctly, or you are.

Engine Failure: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with air.

Glide Distance: Half the distance from the airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.

Hydroplane: An airplane designed to land on a 20,000 foot long wet runway.

IFR: A method of flying by needle and ripcord.

Lean Mixture: Nonalcoholic beer

Nanosecond: Time delay built into the stall warning system.

Parasitic Drag: A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.

Range: Usually about 30 miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks fill with air.

Rich Mixture: What you order at the other guy's promotion party.

Roger: Used when you're not sure what else to say.

Service Ceiling: Altitude at which cabin crews can serve drinks.

Spoilers: Civil Aviation Safety Authority

Stall - Technique used to explain to the bank why you car payment is late.



The thing is, helicopters are different from planes. An airplane by it's nature wants to fly, and if not interfered with too strongly by unusual events or by a deliberately incompetent pilot, it will fly. A helicopter does not want to fly. It is maintained in the air by a variety of forces and controls working in opposition to each other, and if there is any disturbance in this delicate balance the helicopter stops flying; immediately and disastrously. There is no such thing as a gliding helicopter.
This is why being a helicopter pilot is so different from being an airplane pilot, and why in generality, airplane pilots are open, clear-eyed, buoyant extroverts and helicopter pilots are brooding introspective anticipators of trouble. They know if something bad has not happened it is about to.
— Harry Reasoner, 1971.
:)

[Kickatinalong]

Don't know if it's true BUT:
Female student at Bankstown asked for an intersexual departure,
The tower came back with in a flash:
The Full Length Is Available.
Kickatinalong:ok: :D

[ZK-NSN]

Q: Whats the difference between God and a Pilot?
A: God does'nt think he's a Pilot.

[Abu Bebo]

The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines. Henry J. Tillman (http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Henry_J._Tillman/)

[barit1]

Hardly famous sayings, but told to me by an early line pilot (Ford Trimotors):

Q. What did pilots do to break the monotony when only air mail, no pax on board?

A. See who could do the most consecutive snap rolls.


Q. What was the first important breakthrough in commercial air travel?

A. The airsickness rate dropped below 75%.

(Although this guy was known for a wry sense in humor, he was dead serious while relating these...) :cool:

[milehighsociety]

US Air Force jock when commenting on whether or not helicopters or planes should be bought with the release of bigger spending budget--

"If the wings are moving faster than the fuselage, it would most likely be a helicopter, and therefore unsafe."

[rmcdonal]

The only thing more unstable then a Helicopter is it's pilot. :}

[the wizard of auz]

I'd hate to see an epitaph on a fighter pilot's tombstone that says, "I told you I needed training." . . . How do you train for the most dangerous game in the world by being as safe as possible? When you don't let a guy train because it's dangerous, you're saying, "Go fight those lions with your bare hands in that arena, because we can't teach you to learn how to use a spear. If we do, you might cut your finger while you're learning." And that's just about the same as murder.

-- Colonel 'Boots' Boothby, USAF