Worried about who to invade next? This should clear things up...

[Op Tastic]

Found this gem and considered it essential viewing, just in case you were wondering who to invade next. God help us all.
Happy that France has been re-located, though.

What do you think?

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2005/usa-invade-p1.php

[pr00ne]

OH Dear!

Oh dear dear dear dear dear.........................................

[Dave Martin]

Superb! By that account New Zealand should invade Australia.

Come on ya roo screwing scum, lets 'av ya!

[Archimedes]

Anyone read the news ticker at the bottom of the screen? Almost as good as the clip itself!

[GeeRam]

Reminds me of the time back in the seventies when my old man was on duty at Windsor Castle and a larger than life Texan in baby blue western suit complete with big hat and snake skin boots, went up to one of the PC's on duty and said in total seriousness, as a 747 climbed noisily out of LHR....

"Gee, this is fine place your Queen has here, but I sure don't understand why she had it built so close to London airport...."

[tarbaby]

We were going to invade Oz in 1958. Luckily about 48hrs before D-Day someone asked, "What will we do with it?"

[Always_broken_in_wilts]

Can't wait for the response from West Coast, SASless and the like.....richest coutry in the world and so well informed...god help us all:rolleyes:

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced

[movadinkampa747]

Like this one on the same site aswell

Warnings issued by the U.S. military to their own troops:

"Aim towards the enemy."
Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher.

"When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend."
US Marine Corps.

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
USAF Ammo Troop.

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
Infantry Journal.

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit."
Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
U.S. Air Force Manual.

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
Infantry Journal.

"Tracers work both ways."
US Army Ordnance.

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
Infantry Journal.

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
Anon.

"Do not draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
Your comrades.

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
USAF Ammo Troop.

[wishtobflying]

Those guys from CNNN are a crackup. They've been doing their show here in Australia for a few years now, it's basically a complete p1ss-take from start to finish. None of the networks will touch them, they're on the public broadcaster.

Americans are quite funny when it come to geography. I lived there as a kid and got asked more than once "was it a long drive for you from Australia?". :rolleyes:

Oh, and I'll be pleased to refer to Tasmania as South Korea from now on. :ok:

[Sunfish]

On a Claymore AP mine: "This side to enemy"

[SASless]

Gee guys, we cannot expect much from a race of people who tried to make saltwater tea.

I have often said the average American has the intellect about equal to that of a head of cabbage.:uhoh:

[ORAC]

Murphy´s Laws of Combat Operations (http://www.meyerweb.com/other/humor/mcom.html)

[Onan the Clumsy]

On a Claymore AP mine: "This side to enemy" Shouldn't it say "That side to enemy"? :confused:

[Ali Barber]

Follow this link to "The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the US Army". It's the funniest thing I've read in a long time!

http://www.skippyslist.com/skippylist.html

[Op Tastic]

I hear the Arctic Circle is flexing its muscles a little too much these days... they may be in line for a 'visit' from the US Fleet. Will they cotton-on that the summer is the best time to do this?

[Op Tastic]

Has anything changed since i first posted this?!

[VH-GRUMPY]

USAF avaiation safety poster from the 1980s -

'It is easy to avoid an accident - just point your aircaft at the ground and MISS!'

:suspect:

[Selfloading]

So the Kiwi's are going to invade Australia, Errrrrr what with :confused:

[brickhistory]

Too funny! And sad because it is so true....

Looks like we are in good company: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/2496427.stm

[Pontius Navigator]

"Less than 25% of French, Canadian, Italian, British and Americans could name four countries that officially acknowledged owning nuclear weapons. "

Er America, France, Russia and er . . .

The British spokesman said that although it was widely rumoured that there was a fourth nuclear power it was not Her Britannic Majesty's Government's policy to confirm or deny the presence or absence or posession of nuclear weapons.

[Confucius]

Like this one on the same site aswell
Warnings issued by the U.S. military to their own troops:
"Aim towards the enemy."
Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher.
"When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend."
US Marine Corps.
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
USAF Ammo Troop.
"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
Infantry Journal.
"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit."
Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
U.S. Air Force Manual.
"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
Infantry Journal.
"Tracers work both ways."
US Army Ordnance.
"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
Infantry Journal.
"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
Anon.
"Do not draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
Your comrades.
"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
USAF Ammo Troop.


Yeah, well, the bottled water carried on the E-3D has instructions on how to pour. Actually, if nothing else that list puts to bed the urban myth about spams having no sense of humour.

Seriously though, I was pretty worried about that first clip until it got to about 3/4 the way through, then finally someone said that the USA should invade france.

[brickhistory]

Again?! We keep giving it back to them..............

[Confucius]

The french really don't deserve to live there, it's quite nice really.

Mind you, you chaps across the pond have some catching up to do when it comes to hating the french, we Brits have done it for nigh on 1000 years!

[patrickal]

I keep hoping the French invade us, and we surrender. Then they are really screwed. :)

As far a the geography lessons go, I think it shows more of how the introduction of technology into classrooms has done nothing but entertain kids at best. It's always bothered me when we Americans show so poorly in overall academic ability, but I get no joy from seeing other countries travel down the same path. I worry for the future.....of all of us.

Patrick

[Confucius]

I keep hoping the French invade us, and we surrender. Then they are really screwed. :)
Patrick
If they did invade the army would only patrol the streets for 35 hours a week, and then go on strike because there weren't allowed to urinate in public.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wonder if the interviewer (in the clip) went to Mexico to ask where they thought The USA was. I'll bet quite a high proportion got it right...

Actually maybe they didn't, which is why they're still in Mexico...

[Ignition Override]

Agreed.
Much of our US 'educational system' is very lousy and our nation should be quite ashamed of much of it, instead of defensive. Many people, even parents, might have no idea what the alternatives could be, or whether more tax dollars are required. Unfortunately, our future generations of young people will reap the bitter harvest as more industries move overseas, not only mass production and assembly. There are many well-informed students, even in many public schools. I could not believe how so many dodos pointed to Australia and had no idea what countries they were talking about, or why a given nation could pose such a terrible threat. Author Luigi Barzini wrote excellent non-fiction books such as "The Italians", "The Europeans" and "Americans Are Alone In The World". That last title says something, all by itself, and we often do not realize it.

Many schools districts here are not held truly accountable, to a large extent, and a student living at a given address often has very serious difficulties trying to attend a different school, unless a private school can be afforded. Public television and other electronic entertainment which have shortened attention spans, along with little parental involvement, as stated by previous posts, is part of the problem. The highland natives in New Guinea who have no electricity might be much quicker learners because they have nothing to stare at for hours on end. Many attitudes in American society towards education, in general, are also to blame, although these are generalizations. Regarding the overall respect for education, we have made limited progress from a 'hands-on', frontier culture.

A very unusual recent television show here (via the satellite dish) on the ABC network's "20-20" with John Stossel, about school choices in Belgium was very interesting. It was surprising that despite teachers' unions (or the lack of them if with a government service in Belgium?), the schools there seem to be held responsible for a student's results, and a student can choose which type, whereby in much of the US public system, students are to be promoted/passed in almost all cases, and this can be because of socio-political reasons etc. If most students in a given school failed even in one grade/level, they and many others in their community might look dumb and lose face. Many parents are not too interested in their children becoming successful-the parents would then feel and look inferior. This might be an ethnic/cultural issue. It is better if I say no more about this delicate subject.

An interesting segment in the show featured a street demonstration by teachers in the N.Y. City public education. Just to see the very long and complex, multi-page procedure which deals with a problem teacher was mind-boggling. The DC-9 aircraft electrical or pneumatic systems are much easier to understand than the chart which described the "flow pattern" to deal with a problem teacher. And a NYC teacher found to be guilty of sexual misconduct (?) is herded into a special building where they are reportedly 'warehoused' and kept away from the kids, out of the public eye, if my memory is correct.:confused:
Enough.

One problem is that it is fun to limit my education and fly WW2 aircraft on my computer with the (Ubisoft) 'Sturmovik "Forgotten Battles" AEP'. Accurate performance and excellent graphics (even flight instruments for IMC). I.E. IL-2 Sturmovik, Hurricane, Spitfire, He-111, Me-109, Me/Bf-110, P-38, P-51, Yak, LAGC, Me-262, He-177, Komet etc.

[rudolf]

On a small twin turbo-prop american aircraft:

"do not get airborne with fuel pointer in yellow arc"

Said yellow arc basically was so small that there would have been enough fuel to start, taxi, get airborne and crash!

[rodthesod]

Is it really true that the original clip was an interview of the American MENSA society?

[BombayDuck]

on the Uran missile launcher on the INS Delhi:

This Way Up ------>

thankfully, theywere mounted the correct way...

[Il Duce]

I'll bet every single one of them voted for George Dubya!

[brickhistory]

Yep, we certainly have our problems, foremost is that pesky highest standard of living burden. Wonder why the exchange rate of UK citizens heading our way, among other areas, for permanent stays far exceeds the reverse?

Hmmm, wish I was smart enough to figure it out....oh, well, guess I'll waddle into my SUV (14mpg!) and go get some fast food.

"In 2004, just over two hundred thousand British citizens left the UK with the intention of settling permanently overseas. This was a seven per cent increase over 2003, and the highest number since records of this type were started in 1991."

(source: www.worldofproperty.co.uk, based on UK emigration data)

Carry on.

[ExRAFRadar]

Us Brits shouldnt get to high and mighty about the Spams lack of geography knowledge.

On a recent trip to the South Coast of Spain I asked my 14 year old God Daughter what continent was 'That way across the water' (pointing south)

"Don't know, Jamaica, whatever"

That was her exact answer. I just had to go get drunk.

[rodthesod]

"In 2004, just over two hundred thousand British citizens left the UK with the intention of settling permanently overseas. This was a seven per cent increase over 2003, and the highest number since records of this type were started in 1991."



Brickhistory, nothing personal, but in the spirit of the thread banter:

I'm one of the 'just over 200,000 brits who bought my dream house in the sun
I suspect that, if you were to ask the other 200,000 they'd probably tell you that high on their list of reasons for leaving was 'being led by a Prime Minister with his head so far up GWB's a**e' for far too long. And yes, as a nation we voted him in, but fortunately some of us were able to vote with our feet.
Do you know how many took up permanent residence in USA? I've spent a lot of time in your stunningly beautiful country (that you haven't quite concreted over yet) but 2 weeks of US television was my absolute limit - after that I was always screaming to go home.Before you say it, yes I should get out more, but it wasn't always possible with work schedules and the need to stay sober.

Best regards,

rts

[brickhistory]

rts,

No worries, just trying to chuck a little back in the other direction!

Banter good:} No sense of humo(u)r bad:{

[Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!]

brick you're biting a little there ;) a beter response would have been to suggest that the show may well have taped hours of conversations where people said things like "Why do you have Australia labeled as North Korea?". No matter how bad the knowledge, you could probably make the same film in any country, albeit that it might take longer to get the needed footage in some locations. :E

What's more frightening than the lack of knowledge, is the blank arrogance that's displayed, when people suggest where an invasion should take place because they think they've heard some bad things about the people living there.

IO's comments are interesting as well, but not having children, I really don't know what state the public schools are in. I know what I'm told, but I'm told that by the people who want the money the schools cuirrently get.

Perhaps, (and you have to remember I live in Texas :bored: ) one of the problems with public schools int he US is that the school boards are not run by people in the least knowledgable or interested in education. Instead they are slowly being taken over by sleeper cells of the religious right to make sure that whatever happens, no matter what the results are, that young impressionable minds are not exposed to evolution, sex education and other similar topics.

These people are indeed as destructive to the next generation as anything the looney left can produce and ironically stand a good chance of making a figurative "glass crater" out of their own country. :(

[SASless]

Gosh,

Religion, prayer, moral values, ethics, a sense of history, patriotism, Freedom, Truth, God, all terrible things to those who oppose such concepts.

Much better we teach first graders about homosexual marriage, third graders about sex, abolish prayer or any mention of religion or moral values to our chilleren. Ignore reading, writing, and arithmetic but focus upon the importance of Marx, drugs, and rock and roll. Get the wrong answer that is cool....but reward failure rather than harm some chilleren's self esteem by telling them they did not measure up.

You wonder why the average American's intellect is about equal to that of a head of cabbage?

[brickhistory]

Hey, I like cabbage...........

[Monty77]

Sasless,

Look around you. That's what's happening in the UK. You go to the States and you see more identification with your mother country than you do in the UK. The reason that a large proportion of US citizens can't be arsed to get a passport is because the have everything they need at home, thank you very much. And another thing: you just try walking around your local council estate asking the pikey, hood-wearing, knife-carrying thugs where Indonesia is and you will find they will indicate your throat with a blade and wonder where your wallet is. Bad English, I know, but in Brick's defence, it doesn't matter which country you are in, ignorance is rampant. It ain't just the spams by a long strech.

[Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!]

Religion - you've got tax free churches for that
prayer - you've got tax free churches for that
moral values - moral values also exist outside the religious environment
ethics - ethics also exist outside the religious environment
a sense of history - All the history?
patriotism - patriotism also exists outside the religious environment
Freedom - freedom also exists outside the religious environment
Truth - whose version of the truth?
God - you've got tax free churches for that

all terrible things to those who are forced to fund such concepts whether they agree with them or not.

Much better we teach first graders about homosexual marriage,the religious right seems to be talking about it more than anyone at the moment third graders about sexas opposed to letting them discover it on their own when it's too late? abolish prayer or any mention of religion or moral values to our chilldrenWhy not? leave prayer and religion to the churches where it belongs, and why do you think the religious right has a monopoly on moral values? Ignore reading, writing, and arithmetic but focus upon the importance of Marx, drugs, and rock and roll. ...or religion and prayer etc etc Get the wrong answer that is cool....but reward failure rather than harm some chilleren's self esteem by telling them they did not measure up.I'm not going to disagree with that, though Edison showed that you can learn from failure.

You wonder why the average American's intellect is about equal to that of a head of cabbage?It could be a natural consequence of success because success brings an easy life that makes people lazy

...or maybe it's because they're forced to be mindless religious zealots without the ability for individual thought.



are we on JetBlast yet? :}