View Full Version : Officers Mess Decorum
SASless
4th Sep 2005, 22:33
I have had the honour (I assume it to be an honour) of being invited to dine in an RAF Officers Mess for lunch in the near future.
Being a stranger to such places....are there any land mines scattered about I should be on the look out for? Any do's.....any don'ts?
I assume it is not opend sitting and one merely takes the empty chair right?:confused:
No need to be nervous. Whoever has invited you will look after you.
If you are nervous nonetheless, it might make things easier if you tell your host that this is your first time lunching in a Mess and you'd welcome hints on protocol.
adr
SASless
4th Sep 2005, 23:00
No wiping my hands on the table cloth and that kind of thing....?
Huron Topp
4th Sep 2005, 23:48
Better your hands than other parts.:E
brakedwell
5th Sep 2005, 06:55
What table cloth?
Set Me Free
5th Sep 2005, 07:28
I wouldnt worry, there are only a few relics around who keep the mess in the 1920's but if you look at the thread about VR(T) Officers in the Mess that will give you the heads up about do's and don'ts.
PlasticCabDriver
5th Sep 2005, 10:54
For some amusing replies try posting the same question on the ARRSE Officers forum:
ARRSE (http://www.arrse.co.uk/cpgn2/Forums/viewforum/f=22.html)
Cue lots of funnies about Crabs, Chavs and plastic shoes!
6foottanker
5th Sep 2005, 18:57
Just make sure that you don't drink too much before you go in, or else have a cunning plan of bladder relief up your sleeve/trouser leg.:E
SASless
5th Sep 2005, 20:15
Isn't that what the carpet is for?
Wholigan
5th Sep 2005, 20:20
Remember not to pick yer nose with the fork - the spoon is the correct implement.
Do not forget to place the bottle you use to relieve yourself back on the table for people to have another drink.
Remember to ask the PMC's permission to throw up in the dessert before doing so.
Everything else is very straightforward!
SASless
5th Sep 2005, 21:07
Shame there is no inter-service rivalry like in our mob. I went there and started a thread....and got some very professional hints...some of which would be of great value I think. None as good as Wholigan's however.
Simple things are what usually get you in trouble I guess.
Always_broken_in_wilts
5th Sep 2005, 21:29
Ensure you have a box of matches handy.......nearly always something that needs setting on fire:E
all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced
BEagle
5th Sep 2005, 21:34
Chap was asking about lunch, not dinner!
Unless he was confused by some FNM* referring to 'luncheon' as 'dinner' and 'dinner' as 'tea'? As in "Us 'as us burgers for 'us tea"......
* see LS&2SB if you don't know what a FNM is!
SASless
5th Sep 2005, 22:10
Beags,
You know just part of it...where I was raised we had dinner and supper and sometimes lunch and supper but never lunch and dinner. Although the Restaurant menu's had Dinner on them for supper. All very simple really. One just had to understand the nuance of the language.
Pontius Navigator
5th Sep 2005, 22:13
SASLess
posted 5th September 2005 20:15
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Isn't that what the carpet is for?
You are trolling. If you didn't know the protocol how do you know about the carpet?
SASless
5th Sep 2005, 23:28
Fort Sill, Oklahoma...circa 1970...Army announces "Early Out" program for now surplus Warrant Officer helicopter pilots with previous combat tours who wish to leave early....and then decides it takes two weeks to do the paperwork leaving lots of young high spirited rulebreakers with the knowledge that bad report cards mean nothing and a $300 fine for misconduct is no big deal.
Transition to the Officers Mess...mandatory membership required in violation of Army Regulations....coat and tie required after 1800 hours....except Friday at "Happy Hour" (no longer allowed by the modern PC Army...Happy Hour that is...) and you have a situation made for trouble.
The Mess built during the 20's-30's during the heyday of the "Old Army" and quite a pretty place really...had benches all around the perimeter of the main hall....and bar....with tables in front of the wall benches with fine deep pile carpet on the floor.
After twenty seven cans of Mr. Coor's finest (more like urine samples when compared to real beer...like Theakstons)....it was found to be expedient as both an efficency measure and guerilla warfare to take care of making room for more beer right there on the spot. The really naughty thing was changing tables all night long....in that the objective was to make at least one rev of the room before going home. With 19 of us involved.....it took on some sort of military logistics exercise...getting the right people into the correct position in time to bring fire on target so to speak.
I should be ashamed....I know it....but somehow....heheheheheh!
:E
Fancy septic WOFFs raising the tone in the O's Mess.
Never happen in Betty Windsor's fleet of foot!
BlueEagle
6th Sep 2005, 12:42
"Officers Mess Decorum "
Is this possible?, an oxymoron perhaps? Never happened in my day!