French Losers

[Letsby Avenue]

Losers.....Need I say any more. Can't wait for Le Croc's arrival at G8. First Trafalgar and now this, couldn't make it up.

[Ali Barber]

Couldn't really care less that we won it, but I'm really glad the French lost it!

[SALAD DODGER]

Awesome news.

Chirac is going to have to sample some British served 'Humble Pie'

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Victory never tasted so good. What do you think about our cooking now?


So how many houses in the Olympic Village can Red Ken buy for the price of a Typhoon!......

[teeteringhead]

And how appropriate that the celebrations as we speak are taking place in Trafalgar Square :ok:

[ZH875]

The Blues beat the Reds again.

Lets face it, the French are just a nation of LOSERS.

[c-bert]

Um, aren't we red?

[Skylark4]

Do you think we could get Wembley Stadium finished in time?

Mike W

[Engineer]

If I had not had me two fingers chopped off at Agincourt they would be up in the air. :{

Well done roast beef and cornish pasties all round :ok:

Condolences to the gallant losers oh and the French :O

[c130jbloke]

And we have some time to train up the chefs too !!!!


Do doubt as to where the Reds will be on the opening day.

C130JB

[Lafyar Cokov]

Do doubt as to where the Reds will be on the opening day.

errrr......... disbanded by then!!!!

[LFFC]

Skylark4

Just remember the old saying:

"He who throws rocks at pallets may have to head away the rebound!"

:p

Regards

LFFC

[ZH875]

Um, aren't we red?

from an earlier topic:
"I draw your attention to the facts that we did NOT fight the French at the Battle of Trafalgar but the "Reds" (not sure how the old Warsaw Pact countries will take to that, they too may get upset) at "an early 19th-century sea battle”. "

So I assumed that we are 'Blue'

Does it really matter what colour we are, as the garlic munching, Frogs legs chewing, snail eating, battle losing Frenchies LOST AGAIN.?

[Pilot Pacifier]

Shame the G8 summit isn't happening aboard HMS Victory :D That would have really rubbed it into their long noses in it!!!

[ZH875]

I have found a few French Victories:

1958, 1960, 1962, 1969 & 1977.

But the Eurovision Song Contest was never a great thing to shout about!.

[Good Mickey]

I think I'll celebrate tonight with the time honoured pie and mushy peas washed down with lashings of Guiness. The only down side is that Bliar and his cronies, in their usual opportunistic way, will exploit political gain from this great news.

Up yours Chirac.......

GM

[Cyclic Hotline]

Famous quotes of our time.

Chirac said during the city's final presentation to the IOC. "You can put your trust and faith in France, you can trust the French, you can trust us."

[PPRuNeUser0172]

What goes around.....

Stick your rebate
Stick your farmers subsidies
Stick your derogatory remarks a la British Cuisine

Hope he has a great time in Scotland;) :mad: :mad:

[6foottanker]

I guess even the Reds realise what's in store for them, they're wazzing over the capital like it's opening day! Suppose they think it's best to get in the flypasts now before they go for good....

[teeteringhead]

... but they'll have to stay to at least 2012 now ;)

[LFFC]

I think Chirac is a complete star!

Let's see - the IOC vote was 54 for UK against 50 for France. So that means that only 2 members of the IOC could have reversed the outcome.

There are 2 Finnish members of the IOC.

"The only thing that they [the British] have ever done for European agriculture is ‘mad cow’ disease. You cannot trust people who have such bad cuisine. It is the country with the worst food after Finland." M Chirac

[Airdrop Charlie]

As the chief garlic munching surrender monkey arrives at Gleneagles, hopefully to be welcomed with a slice of battered Haggis and a glass of Iron Bru, President Tony must be rubbing his hands with glee as he prepares to announce the abolition of the common agricultural policy to use the money to invest in Africa. Coup de Grace??

[salzkorn]

I might sound a little 'naive'... but I was far from thinking that you "Rosbeef", as we call you here, hated the French THAT MUCH...

I thought all this was history, could only come out of narrow minds...

I guess I was wrong, and I don't know if all of you represent the British people at large, but if so, I'm deeply disappointed about her Majesty's nation...

So much CLICHES, RACISM and HATRED in your words...

I almost regret having applied at the university to study English, parallel to my job as an ATCO...
or let's hope it will help me understand..

PS : I didn't care about who would win the Olympic Games, as long as it wasn't Paris, because I didn't want this in my town.... too much mess...

[lasernigel]

ZH875's comments remind me of this snippet I found on France's record so far.....

A cursory review of French military history reveals the following: 1 - Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. 2 - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. 5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but still manages to get invaded. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. 6 - War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. 7 - The Dutch War - Tied. Dutch farmers and tulip growers are tougher than they look. 8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. 9 - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. 10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; “France only wins when America does most of the fighting." 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. 12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British footwear designer. 13 - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. For the first, but certainly not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunken frat boy to France’s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. 14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Winds up a tie for les francaise. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, the American fascination with personal hygiene (a fascination totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by American soldiers, thus precluding any improvement in the French bloodline. 15 - World War II - A decisive defeat even by French standards. Hitler and the German Youth spend Christmas time sleeping soundly through the winter, then arouse themselves to conquer France in six weeks. Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French command staff retreats to Algeria to institute a crash language program to teach French privates how to say "I surrender" in German and French generals to say "We surrender" in German. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song and some small portion of the German work ethic. De Gaulle of it all... 16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the scrimmage", or "the exhibition game" where the varsity squad is kept on the sideline to see how the second string will play) - Lost. French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans, catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. 17 - Algerian rebellion - Lost. First time an Arab army has beaten a Western army since the Crusades, and produces the first rule of modern Islamic warfare: "We can always beat the French." A nice phrase, but it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of warfare for the Italians, Russians, Prussians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, Native Americans and capitalists. 18 - War on Terrorism - Lost. Incensed at not being included in the original "Axis of Evil," France refuses to participate. When it becomes clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks at his cards and immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard Schroeder. For good measure, he also surrenders to five million illegal immigrants from Algeria. The moral of the story is - give thanks to God on high that the French are not helping us!

[The Desert Ferret]

Pity the French ensemble don't travel by train via WATERLOO station.

(Shameful gloating DF - down boy)

[Max Contingency]

Salzkorn -- You are most welcome to the forum. Please understand that 'french baiting' has been a national hobby for over 400 years now and we in the military do like our traditions! ;) ;) ;) :ok:

[ZH875]

but I was far from thinking that you "Rosbeef", as we call you here, hated the French THAT MUCH...We don't, we hate you MORE THAN THAT!.

Time to brick up our end of the tunnel and connect it to the Olympic Village Sewerage System. At least the Frenchies cannot do the same!!

[Bre901]

I don't give a fig about the Olympics. You'll have the crowds.

And the taxes :E :E

[airborne_artist]

Glad to see the Reds over London less than 20 mins after the annoucement - where were they loitering, and what was plan B?

[The Desert Ferret]

Pity the French ensemble don't travel by train via WATERLOO station.

(Shameful gloating DF - down boy)

[salzkorn]

ZH875 -> wow... I'm impressed... such an intelligent man...

now, really : "je ne parle pas aux cons, ça les instruit"

I don't feel angry, I don't feel sad, I just feel sorry for you...

Max Contingency -> thanks, but that won't help

[Pilgrim101]

AA

Depends, were they tooled up ? If so, probably a retaliatory strike on the Elysee ! :}

How'd the jump go ?

[Wycombe]

Salzkorn,

Perhaps you should consider the behaviour demonstrated by the farmers of your Country towards ours over recent years. Then maybe you will begin to understand while some of us "rosbifs" will take great delight in this.

Never mind though, no doubt M. Chirac will try to tell you that you didn't loose really!

[ZH875]

I don't give a fig about the Olympics. You'll have the crowds.

And the taxes :E :E

And like the France of old, we will be invaded by foreigners.

Salzkorn, I am sorry but I am only fluent in Two languages, namely English and the International Language, so no good spouting the frogs legs lingo to me, as I haven't a scooby what you're on about.

Anyway, the French didn't lose, they came second.

[Gainesy]

You lose anything Goldstar?:)

[Chaffers]

A few more to complete LaserNigel's list...

Norse invasions, 841-911.
After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years.

Mexico, 1863-1864.
France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

Panama jungles 1881-1890.
No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

Napoleonic Wars.
Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions.

Haiti, 1791-1804.
French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

India, 1673-1813.
British were far more charming then French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine...). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830.
Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S.
French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations.

Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s.
Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day.

French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair):

1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French.
When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. God will know His own." Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children.

St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572.
Once again, French-on-French slaughter.

Third Crusade.
Philip Augustus of France throws hissy-fit, leaves Crusade for Richard the Lion Heart to finish.

Seventh Crusade.
St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. Resoundingly crushed.

[Eighth] Crusade.
St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. See Seventh Crusade.

Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses.


Seven year War 1756-1763
Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some Brits. War also saw France kicked out of Canada (Wolfe at Quebec) and India (Clive at Plassey).

[ZH875]

The French won the Football World Cup in 1998, but as it was held in France, it should be classed as a 'Home' Victory.

[BillHicksRules]

LFFC,

"Let's see - the IOC vote was 54 for UK against 50 for France. So that means that only 2 members of the IOC could have reversed the outcome"

Nope. Then it would have been 52-52.

Cheers

BHR

[Cyclic Hotline]

Maybe you need to search harder on the Internet?

Google search "Famous French Victories" (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/victories.html)

[LFFC]

Yeah - but look who would have had the casting vote....... :D

[tony draper]

They will probably have a revolution now, thats what they usually do when things don't go well forrem, that way whatever side wins they can claim a French Victory.

:rolleyes:

[BEagle]

Well I say "Vive la France!"....

British food is indeed utter cr@p compared to French!

So we'll have the gurning Bliar and his slimy cohorts congratulating themselves on bringing people who run, jump or throw things to London in 2012.

I just hoped that the overpriced $hithole of a capital is adequate enough to impress all the visitors.

[BillHicksRules]

LFFC,

Who would have had the casting vote?

Cheers

BHR

[SPIT]

Personally I could not give a toss but I am so glad the French didn't get it. As for me I am going to make sure I am away from all the fuss. For all they say GB STILL WONT win many medals ???
MISERABLE AINT I.:( :zzz:

[althenick]

I hate to say this but I think Chirac said those nasty things on purpose ... I mean can anyone see the advantages? All I can see is shed loads of money being spent in a place that doesn't really need it for two weeks worth of fannying around. It's crowded enough already in the smoke now imagine it during the olympics.

[ZH875]

Just watch Uncle Ken stretch the Congestion Chargeing Zone to maximise income during the games.

Just wonder how many visitors to the games will not leave and just disappear, never to be seen again.

[X-QUORK]

BEagle,

"I just hoped that the overpriced $hithole of a capital is adequate enough to impress all the visitors."

You're confused old chap, Paris LOST and London won. Hope that helps to clear it up for you.:ok:

[gravity victim]

Blair must be the luckiest politician alive. Just watch as Iraq now fades into the background, buried under a mountain of dying African babies and Olympic razzmatazz. :yuk:

[oldbeefer]

BEagle.

I lived in France for three years (out in the sticks) and can assure you that much of french 'cuisine' leaves a lot to be desired! Yes, I have had some good meals (not great, good) in French restaurants and in French homes, but I've also some total c~~p. In the UK I've also nearly eaten c~~p, but usually at less money than in the French provinces. France is a great country - shame about the French!

[propulike]

Blair flew to Singapore and back in a 48hr slog, in the middle of which he met and shook hands with every member of the IOC, knowing on his return he's hosting the G8 summit.

Well done him. That's what a PM should be able to do - and he did. Rubbing Chirac's nose in the proverbial while he did it is just a small added bonus.... :p

As far as the budget goes, it's about time we spent some money on sporting venues and our Capital - well done London!!

[Jordan D]

If it was tied, Dr Rogge (a Belgium) would not have had the casting vote. It would have been decided by the Executive Board of the IOC - a 16 member panel, on which Dr Rogge sits but does not vote ... i.e. 15 members, so a decision would have been made.

Oh and here's something .... Paris tried for 1992 and lost. They tried for 2008 and lost. They tried for 2012 and lost. To use a para-phrase of Mr G W Bush ... "The French don't have a word for deja vu"

Jordan

[Letsby Avenue]

ah.. Now you know what all that guff about saving dying africans was about? I wonder how many votes they all had between them? Unfortunately they don't know Bliar as well as we do - Thanks for your vote old boy, now do me a personal favour and get stuffed...:}

[cazatou]

BEagle,

You are, once again, the beacon in the wilderness of ill-informed xenophobic paranoia.

Let us not forget the Free French Squadrons who fought with the RAF in the Dark days before the USA entered the War.

Let us also remember General LeClerc who, having fought his way up from Lake Chad to join Montgomery at Alam Halfa, when asked what he required to bring Units up to combat strength replied "Deux Camion, Trois Mittraleuse".


Sorry Fellows.

That's 2 Trucks and 3 Machine Guns. Oh,and they held their positions until the 8th Army had finished its consolidation.

Oh, finally.

It was the French Commando's who took the left flank and assaulted the town of Ouistraheim on D-Day.

[Safety_Helmut]

Just watched it all on the 10 o clock News.

The silence in Paris when the announcement was made, aaah, wonderful !

Oh how I would love to be there when Chirac meets Bliar :E

Safety_Helmut

[Vankem Spankfaart]

Ok, Blair ain't my cup of tea but just imagine how difficult was it for him to keep a straight face when he "welcomed" Chirac to Gleneagles.....

....I'll bet he could have won an Oscar nomination.

- V

[Safety_Helmut]

Tony keeping a straight face ? How on earth would Cherie manage it then ?

Safety_Helmut

[Zoom]

Don't worry, salzkorn, we don't really hate you. We're all nice, polite and respectful and we wouldn't dare say any of this to your face.

Would we, boys?????

[passpartout]

Can't believe I'm going to write this....

Slightly disappointed at the touches of xenophobia expressed dans les postes above. Sometimes I think that we have more in common with the French mil than the US mil, having worked extensively with both.

Anyway, trust Chirac will be served BEEF WELLINGTON on his arrival?!

[Self Loading Freight]

Meanwhile, back in Londres... I was delighted to see the Dead Sparrows spurt le Tricolor across the city. They left the smoke on as they departed the scene of the crime to the north-west of my gaff, doing as fine a fly-past of my Holloway balcony as I imagine they bestow to Buck House.

I didn't wave. My white gloves were in the wash.

But, as somebody asked, what were they doing beforehand? Where were they hanging around waiting for the word, and what would they have done had Paris got the nod? Were Patrouille De France loitering above the Louvre, or the Thunderbirds pootling over Poughkeepsie?

Whatever, it was a very splendid gesture. Somebody had their brain switched on - and it'll be a bold bod in the MOD who signs their death warrant before 2012.

R

(PS - the Beeb decided that the spectacle was more edifying than a live interview with the Minister for the Olympics.
Watch for the cuts. (http://tinyurl.com/dpgvn))

[reynoldsno1]

salzkorn
RACISM
you can't get away with that one, I'm afraid .... none of the banter here can be construed as racist by any stretch of the imagination - nationalistic, mais oui, jingoistic, peut-etre - racist? mais non....

[APO Dried Plum]

Personnally I don't particularly understand our nation's hatred of the French. They get a lot of things right. Take Eurofighter/Rafale. Rather than fannying around trying to appease our Euro allies and coming out with a massive compromise, over budget and late, they just cracked on and created what they wanted. We should learn from them.
Plum
ps Check out the French ladies. ......lovely.

[Bob Viking]

For those that have never seen this little trick, type in 'french victories' into google and select the very first link and you'll find a great little spoof google search page.
God I love the French.
Ok, I can't back that up!
BV

[aluminium persuader]

SLF - I was the air trafficker who had the pleasure of informing the Reds that we had won the bid and the flypast was a "go". You're right, they had spent some time lurking over East Anglia, slowly moving south, and were over Colchester at the time I passed the message.

That's my little claim to fame, anyway. Oh, and I've played piano with the Nolan Sisters, but that's a different story!

:D

[ZH875]

from Here (http://uk.sports.yahoo.com/050707/2/c554.html)

French cry foul over London's 2012 bid tactics
Thu 07 Jul, 3:12 PM

PARIS (Reuters) - French politicians, media and sports officials cried foul on Thursday over London's snatching of the 2012 Olympic Games from Paris, suggesting underhand tactics may have played a part.

Many congratulated London on its surprise victory. Others said they were convinced Paris's bid was better. Some said London had gone beyond the bounds of fair play.

"An injustice has been done to us by the IOC (International Olympic Committee) members. It's an affront to France," said Francis Luyce, head of France's swimming federation.

Paris bid chief Bertrand Delanoe, the city's mayor, questioned the tactics that helped London win Wednesday's vote in Singapore by the IOC.
"I am simply not sure that we (London and Paris) behaved in the same way as regards the rules of the competitition," he told Le Figaro newspaper.

"Our bid was excellent. Our state of mind was really appropriate to sport and the Olympic spirit. Other things brought London victory but I am not sure they are to do with sport."
London won the final vote at Wednesday's IOC session by 54 votes to 50.

"London, the miraculous survivor, led by the charismatic Sebastian Coe, knew how to work every tactic from aggressive marketing to pure rabble-rousing, promising a better a future to the underprivileged youth of the world," sports daily L'Equipe said.

"They overstepped the mark."

The popular Le Parisien newspaper said the Paris team had paid the price for trying to be irreproachable in its tactics.
"For two years London infringed the rules...but each time the IOC forgave the English," it said.

SECRET SERVICES AT PLAY?

Le Parisien said there had been rumours circulating that Britain had employed its secret services in some way to help the bid before reassuring readers there was no proof of this.
"I am incredulous because the French bid was without doubt better," said Bernard Ansalem, head of the French athletics federation.

Trying to explain Paris's third failed Oluympic bid in 20 years, many blamed France's inferior lobbying skills and declining political influence in the IOC and the wider world.
France lost out because of a strong U.S., British and Spanish alliance built around the group of nations who backed the U.S.-led war in Iraq, some suggested.

The dynamism of Prime Minister Tony Blair and London bid leader Sebastian Coe was also compared with the older-looking Paris team and unpopular President Jacques Chirac.

AP - More about the Nolans PLEASE

[Pilgrim101]

You'd think the French would be good losers by now - after all the practice they've had ! ;)

As for the Nolans, they did have a little pianist once I believe :p

[aluminium persuader]

Oi, Pilgrim! They may well have, but it wasn't me!

ZH875 - Oh, the years have clouded my memory! It was a long time ago... I was a mere ATCO cadet, moonlighting as a piano man in a nearby hostelry, when in they came! Such lovely girls... if I tell you any more I'll have to retain Max Clifford. Only this much - none of them got me pregnant!

;)

[ZH875]

For Sale - Not Worn

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v604/ZH875/image.jpg

[lasernigel]

Available at all French forces shops.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v284/lasernigel/french_army_knife.jpg

[Jordan D]

For a collection of all the best of the London 2012 jokes .... try here http://www.rowingservice.com/London2012jokes/ (link provide thanks to my rowing mates).

Jordan

[Baron rouge]

After going through that appalling display of human stupidity that some are happy to call banter such is their shame at being so grossly xenophobic, I must admit I am very proud of being French.

Chirac was very wrong in accusing English cuisine as to be fair it is utterly unjustified.

If you eat junk food in England, it is just because your wives are too lazy to cook properly for their kids and they much prefer sending them to boarding school than taking care of them.

And the men in this country have long given up their authority on the family (they probably never recovered from beeing defeated by that french girl). They much prefer to play Games, Wars, anything that will take them away from home.

Commenting on Fair Play, did you know this word was invented by the Brits to the exclusive use of any opponent they might encounter, for themselves they only resort to dirty tricks.

I think the Brits have never admitted to be just an ex French colony, after all Guillaume Le Conquerant was Norman but French too… This hatred of the old colonizer is fuelled everyday by the trash papers published in England as for a declining country like England it is so much better to put the blame on the foreigner than construct something positive.

I whish you the best for the Olympics and pleased you are going to foot the bill.

[Bing]

I whish you the best for the Olympics and pleased you are going to foot the bill.

So still bitter about losing then.

[Dave Martin]

Mmmm, so that'll be the Swiss army knife funded by gold from the teeth of Jews will it?

This so called banter against the French is a little pathetic really.

[Pilgrim101]

Dave

Buy yourself a sense of humour. Who on this lighthearted thread mentioned the Holocaust you prat ? You really are sick if you can make such a perverted connection. Many on this forum put their lives on the line every day for their Country and to defend it against real threats, not the ones you go home and make up to justify lost ideals.

I suggest you edit that scandalous remark immediately !

[BEagle]

Allez la France!

Weez your smelly cheeses, votre vin superbe, un system de transport qui marche, votre pouting mademoiselles tres jolie...

Qui sont meilleur que le slab du Cheddar, l' ale brune, les bus lanes de l'emmerdeur Prescott et le chemin du fer qui est bien bug.gered - et les fat slag ladettes horrible de l'Angleterre!

Sorry about le BSE, tant pis!

Et vive le Franglais!

[salzkorn]

Pilgrim101 -> how come some subjects are 'politically correct' and others not ?
how come a remark stating that the French people is a 'sub-race' compared to the American one isn't pointed at, by anybody ? I quote : " Sadly, the American fascination with personal hygiene (a fascination totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by American soldiers, thus precluding any improvement in the French bloodline ..."

Isn't that apalling and scandalous too ?

Some would say : "hey, it's humour !! sheer banter !!"

:hmm:

and talking about cuisine... not the French eat marmite... berk...

[Pilgrim101]

Salzkorn

So you equate ripping gold teeth out of Holocaust victims with humorous rivalries with the French ? You do take yourselves very seriously in France. Anyway, if it hurts, you can always become European.

[salzkorn]

I once happened to crack a joke about the British Royals in the presence of British friends of a French friend of mine living near London... I obviously had made a blunder...

just to say that what might sound funny for some might not for some others... and what begins with a touch of irony ends up with disrespectful and xenophobic remarks... that's all...

[Pilgrim101]

How dare you insult our Royal family and kill our Princess ! :}

[Duckbutt]

Pilgrim, suggest you look up the meaning of the words 'tasteless' and 'offensive' in the light of that last posting.

[Pilgrim101]

I apologise profusely for any offence I might have caused you Duckbutt (:rolleyes: ) and I'll rush out and put a bouquet of flowers at the garish, mawkish memorial to the daft bint at Pont de l'Alma

[SASless]

Hmmmm...reckon it is around which bunch of Brits you make jokes about the Royals matters....some think the Royals are the joke. Poor ol' Jug Ears....battered by the media...but finally with his true love. Never mind the adulterous relationship issues...but what are mere wedding vows to the next King (assuming he lives longer than Mum).

Pilgrim....you must lighten up on the Wogs.....one should not be impolite to the disadvantaged. Now talk about jokes....the French and hygiene....yeah right!

Tasteless usually applies to English cooking as I recall....

[Pilgrim101]

Sasless

Tasteless, British cooking ? I am shocked and dismayed at your scurrilous accusation and will invite you to savour the delights of Haggis and Neeps in a Whisky sauce to prove you wrong !

Either that or we can visit that other great British Culinary institution, the local Indian down the road ! Mmmmmmm Korma and chips. :E :p

[Echo 5]

" the French and hygiene "

I have it from a reliable source, well actually first hand experience, that French women do not shave under their arms. Mind you, neither do the Germans.

Pilgrim101

" the delights of Haggis and Neeps in a Whisky sauce "

Now you're talking !!

[Duckbutt]

Pilgrim, I find it fascinating that you can (rightly as well) feel able to lecture Dave in regard to his observation in regard to the Holocaust and in turn not be able to see that your Princess Diana ‘joke’ crosses the line between banter and bad taste. Obviously just my personal standards I suppose. Anyway, you carry on making a fool of yourself, you’re demonstrating a great talent for doing that in this thread.

I agree with your observation in regard to the Pont d’Alma (I believe that is the correct spelling although I stand to be corrected) memorial though. And also that about haggis.

[SASless]

Pilgrim dear boy....I accept your kind offer....despite my saying it was "English" cooking that fell short of the mark. Perhaps a good hot Vindaloo, spiced papadoms....mixed vegetable bhaji....now we are talking!

I have a friend here....claims to be of Scottish descent....with a Norwegian Surname....who is active in some sort of secret society claiming to be "Scottish"...who heads to Scotland this month to be "knighted" in said order......but who refuses to eat Haggis! Go figger!

[BEagle]

I was working at a GAF air force base last week when news of the bombings came in. Amongst our team was a Frenchman and several Germans.

After expressing their condolences, the aircrew 'black humour' kicked in...

"You win ze Oleempics, but eet wuz not us - we are not zat sore" said the Frenchman.

"Und ve stopped bombink you 60 years ago!" quipped one of the Germans.

Aircrew banter - not for the politically correct or thin-skinned.

And the Germans flew their national flag at half mast (or half staff as the Americans say) in respect.

[SASless]

Beags,

You may remember this photograph.....taken just after 9-11....German Navy salute to the USS Winston Churchill.

http://www.ingratia.org/stories/USSChurchill.html

[Pilgrim101]

Duckbutt - .....

Hmmm, how appropriate ! Definition is "Waterproof" I think ? Your response is certainly anal retentive.

Anyway, I stand by my view that French baiting should be an Olympic event, and the red herring contribution (from our resident self appointed conscience) on the Holocaust was exactly that - a typically thought police reaction and one which is designed to cow us all into obedience of their every mantra or be branded racist or any other "ist" they employ in their dubious arsenal.

I see you fell for the old ploy. No original thought there then from you.

Oh and as for your semantics on the spelling of the / le Pont de l'Alma, again a typical snooty response, you will find my spelling correct. Mind you, what do the French know about spelling ? All their words are spelled wrongly ! :}

[buoy15]

Great!
That $hithole, London, has won the bid

Safest place to be in 2012?

In Paris - watching war time videos of the Germans parading up the Champs Elysee on horseback after 1 million Frenchmen laid down arms and surrendered, whilst their valiant general, Big Nose, was in exile in the Savoy hotel in London

Love many, Trust a few, French politics can make you spew!

[Chaffers]

Soldier of Surrender - French Military Journal (http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blpic-frenchmagazine.htm)

Chirac's latest album (http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blpic-chiracsurrender.htm)

Knock knock.

Who's there?

I give up!

[PPRuNe Pop]

SASless.

I haven't seen that before. That is very powerful stuff and I am not ashamed to say that my eyes were not dry reading it. Good on the German Navy. Magic! :{

[SASless]

What makes it especially poignant to me is the fact it is a US Warship named for a British Leader....which is in itself a tribute to a Man's greatness and the respect our nation holds for Great Britain.

I am like you....to see the US Flag flying anywhere is a sight...to see it on a German Navy ship and its crew lining the rails...is moving.

In my circle of friends....we know the emotions that are in play following the bombings in London. Knowing the feeling of loss one has when you have a personal connection to one lost in an attack like that....I greatly empathize with those that lost loved ones. I knew a Flight Attendant who died on the fourth aircraft that crashed in Pennsylvania when the passengers fought the hijackers.

[PPRuNe Pop]

Got this today from a US friend. I love it.

An elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French
customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in
France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen to show it to."

[nick0021]

Thought it was about time we had a little more frog bashing .....

No better way to cheer you up after a tough day!!

A friend of mine e-mailed me these quotes;


"A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a threat. For example, France wants more evidence. And you know I'm thinking, the last time France wanted more evidence they rolled right through Paris with the German flag." —David Letterman

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France." —Jay Leno

"Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." —Jay Leno

"Broadway producers are saying that because of the war, musicals are suffering from weak ticket sales. Not only that, over at 'Les Miserables,' the French are refusing to take part in the revolution." —Conan O'Brien

"There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon." —Jay Leno

"A lot of Americans right now are angry at the French. In Washington, the cafeteria where the members of Congress eat announced that they have changed the name of 'french fries' to 'freedom fries.' Nothing like this has happened since the 1950s when 'russian dressing' changed to 'commie sauce.'" —Conan O'Brien

Arhh.. just what i needed ... reminded me that things could be worse ... i could be French! :D

[buoy15]

Beags

You missed out the "Oh! Duh! Kerloan" (CAP Rebate!)

Sweet thread otherwise

[Dave Martin]

Pilgrim,
My post is in reference to the Swiss Army knife, Vs the "French Army"knife.

I'm sure it would be considered very bad taste to slate the British or American forces in WWII, but in this case quite acceptable to insinuate the French are nothing more than white flag wavers....quite an insult to the free-French and others who fought and died defending their country. This comes from somone who's own country was attacked by the French less than 20 years ago so could legimiately have more of a gripe against them than those harking back to Waterloo,

I suspect your bias runs a little deeper than just some banter.

[saudipc-9]

Just watched "Johnny English" last night. Loved the line

"the only thing the French should be allowed to host is an invasion!"

:p :p

[Pilgrim101]

Dave

What you suspect and what you actually know betrays your own bias. When not in Kuwait or Iraq I live in France (Well, Strasbourg) with my French partner and she shares much of my antipathy towards French cyncism, self interest, corrupt politics amateur leadership and xenophobia, especially an irrational hatred of America. As for banter, I suspect you wouldn't recognise anyone with a sense of humour since you tend to take yourself very seriously.

Remember, you are just another contributor to an internet forum, and not one statement, or quotation you make from the Guardian on here will change the world one jot.

Enjoy the catharsis it brings to be able to vent your spleen impotently into the ether and rail against the "warmongers" who are just as "normal" a human being as you but have a different viewpoint, but don't think you'll change the world by it.

[Brishit]

So i have been reading this thread and i have one thing to say :

LOL, our neighbours the Bri**** never cease to amaze me, those little **** eating bastards are reaaaaaaaaalllllllllly funny.

I am glad that London won the competition for 2012 the aftermath of your victory was extremely funny.

What puzzleme the most with the bri**** is your taste for the ugly :
- eurofighter aka Supa Flying piece of ****
- english women are also famous for being the ugliest skanks in the world ( i bet too much inbreeding on your island)
- english "food", english "culture", wahahahahhah ok i stop here
- on a world map also great britain looks like a turd or more like pile of dog**** to be accurate.


(yes you can notice everything related to the various kind of subspecies of anglos is closely related to ****)


Why do 'zeeee englisch' have such an obsession with the scat ????:confused: Anyone have an explanation. Daddy used to tell me the inferior people from the perfide albion are born to be pieces of ****, i believe he was right.

Now that's enough for me writing in the inferior language called l'aaanglaaaaaîs gives me nausea.

Cheers :ok:

[Toxteth O'Grady]

TROLL ALERT - DO NOT FEED.

:cool:

TOG

[Mobile Muppet]

Mmmmmm,

Anyone having read the "Brits built Invincible replacement in the Falkland Islands" thread on ARRSE will see some similarities between the Argie freaks that posted on it and will this idiots post....

MM

[Rakshasa]

I found his post funny, actually. Reminded me of the french guards in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Go on Bri****, throw us a cow!

Ah, fond memories... :E

[Oggin Aviator]

I was looking from afar at what was going on in France a couple of weeks ago. All the rioting and looting, burning of cars! You’d think the French military would have been deployed to stabilise the situation wouldn’t you? But they were not in sight (at least not on US news networks). Then I learnt why. In light of the terrorist bombings in London in July, the French military raised its threat level. It went up from “Run” to “Hide”. You may laugh, but it is really quite serious as they only have 2 higher levels – "Surrender" and "Collaborate".

lol, love 'em really, even if they don't flush their toilets.

Oggin

[Wyler]

Amazing. Some of the stuff on here is very close to the knuckle and a small portion actually goes too far.

Me, and a few others, made some Carry on Camping type jokes on an Elton John gets Wed thread and the Mods removed our words and closed the site.

I bet if this thread had been taking the piss out of Islam, other races with different colours or Gay Priests it would have been binned soon after it opened.

Now, I'm all for a bit of froggy bashing, BUT, lets have uniform standards from the powers that be.

In fact, I'm all for a lot of froggy bashing. Please continue after my short interuption.

[yggorf]

Am not against froggy bashing myself, but I would remind ppruners that
1. It is the exclusive prerogative of Monsieur Draper, who does it with talent;
2. That, pardon my French, les plaisanteries les plus courtes sont les meilleures. So if you really want to be funny, spare us the umpteenth repetition of the state of alert of the French military joke. It may have been funny the first time :hmm: Now it simply shows that some of you have a total lack of imagination.

Now, fetchez la vache!

[nutcracker43]

To all French bashers.

Am I not correct in thinking that the battle of Yorktown, and the consequent loss of all 13 of the American colonies, was due to the French Fleet putting one over the RN?

Just a thought.

NC43

[MightyGem]

Am I not correct in thinking that the battle of Yorktown, and the consequent loss of all 13 of the American colonies, was due to the French Fleet putting one over the RN?
Battle of Chesapeake Bay IIRC. Probably the one and only time they won.

[nutcracker43]

Mighty Gem.

Quite right about the naval battles, however, the loss of half the Empire was pretty significant. French naval power weakened but land power increased...however do not wish to enter a peeing contest with anyone regarding French v British.

Thank you,

NC43

[yggorf]

Mighty Gem,
Wrong, there was at least one other victory: the capture of the Dutch fleet in the Texel river in 1795 (850 guns altogether plus one English boat).
By the 8eme regiment de Hussards, a cavalry regiment...:p

[MightyGem]

the one and only time they won...
...against us. :E

[cazatou]

Oggin Aviator,

My Wife and I were in Paris 16-18 November.

I can assure you that the French Army was conspicuous by its PRESCENCE at Airports and Railway Stations in support of the Gendarmarie in an anti Terrorist role.

The French have no need to deploy Troops in support of the Police in riot situations as they have the CRS to do that.

May I also mention that the Trains ran on time, and the fare from just north of Toulouse for a 400 mile journey was approx £28:50 per person with your designated seat printed on your ticket.

Incidentally, whilst in Paris I saw no evidence of rioting whatsoever.

[PPRuNeUser0139]

Someone had better alert the hordes of Brits heading across the Channel to live in douce France to this thread...

France - who'd want to live there eh? A civilised society, where education is free through to university, a health service to be proud of, a rail network that is not a national disgrace, a country where good food is available to all and is not the preserve of the mega rich. A country with the vision to build a world class aerospace industry from scratch. A country that has a vibrant car industry. Sure, it has its faults - like all countries. But England is no longer the country I grew up in.

I'm still waiting for the invasion of rustic English villages by thousands of property grabbing French retirees, looking to live out their autumn years in gloomy Britain, pondering whether to put brown sauce or ketchup on their meat pies while they watch "I'm a celebrity - get me out of here"..

Perhaps all it needs is a French author to write a book similar to Peter Maile's "A Year in Provence". Let's see - what could we call it? "A Year in Warrington" perhaps?

Wit is one thing. However, some of what's been written here is frankly racist. As a nation, we are seemingly obsessed by the French. It couldn't be insecurity could it?

Still, we have our war films to fall back on I suppose. Churchill was right - it was our finest hour.

<puts on tin hat and awaits incoming>

[BEagle]

Gentle ribbing is one thing, blatant racism quite another.

One thing that always amuses me about our snail munching chums is their wonderful way with rules and regulations - many of which are given a Gallic shrug and quietly ignored.

I have mentioned before a joke told to me by an Airbus chap. A German, a Frenchman and a Brit all have the same rule book....

The German looks in the book to find the rules which tell him how him how to do something.

The Brit looks in the book to check whether there isn't a rule preventing him from doing something.

The Frenchman shrugs and says "Book? What book?"

Food, wine, pouting chicks in cafe bars.... Formidable!

[chippy63]

Oggin,
I believe that the Gendarmerie is actually part of the military community, under the aegis of the MoD. But it is operationally attached to the Interior Ministry. Only in France could....

[EmpireOne]

I feel compelled to make a considered and sensible contribution to this thread:

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.
It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.

The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"

The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French tw@t again" :}

EO

[Oggin Aviator]

It was only a joke for *&^%'$ sake. Remember the French have been Britain's natural enemy for centuries.

p.s. Although true, I say the last thing in Jest ie as a joke.

Lighten up.

and BTW, from where I was (USA), neither CNN nor Fox News showed any military or police presence (that I saw) - just thugs going banzai. Of course the establishment were out there, I have no doubt of that, just the Spam news networks didn't want to show that. Term Spam used affectionately before any American has a go at me - I call my colleagues Spams (to their faces) and they call me a stupid Brit liberal (to my face) - all in good jest - cos we have a sense of humour - unlike some on this forum.

great joke EmpireOne

[Bob Viking]

An Englishman, Irishman and Frenchman are walking down the beach one day when they spot a lamp lying in the surf.
The Irishman stoops down and picks it up. They all wonder if it's a magic lamp and so give it a rub, when all of a sudden, out pops a Genie.
The genie says "I shall grant one wish to each of you".
The Irishman says "I wish for fertile lands for the whole of Ireland so we can grow fantastic crops forever more and be happy".
The Frenchman says "I would like you to build a giant wall around the whole of France to keep all you bloody foreigners out. I love my country and I'm sick of you b@stards ruining it!"
The Englishman steps up and says "so tell me about this wall", to which the genie replies "well, it is 3 miles high, a mile thick and completely impregnable".
"Great", says the Englishman, "fill the f#cker with water!"
Hope I haven't offended anyone. Just thought I'd share it anyway!
BV:E :ok:

[Roland Pulfrew]

Thanks BV...Got any tissues?


I need to mop up coffee from my monitor!!:D :D

[brickhistory]

Having had a more knowledgable ppruner explain "Spam" to me, I must say,


"Spam, its not just for breakfast anymore!"

Oggin, loved the humor!