No Problem...I've been drinking Barbican...

[strake]

OK I know it's probably been asked before but let's have another go...

The white-faced CSD look around the cabin in terror. "It's the flight crew" he shrieks " I can't wake them up and we're an hour from London!".

Strake, mildly annoyed, puts down his can of non-alchoholic beer (well, this is a fantasy..) and says " Calm down dear, I have 500 hours on SEP's and an hour on a BA747 simulator...leave it all to me. I'll have this baby down before you know it.... then off for drinks in the bar with the CEO"

So, am I going to be there to get my George Cross from Liz or will a weeping Mrs Strake take the insurance money and retire to the Bahamas?

(Oh, by the way, just for fun let's say autoland isn't working)

[Genghis the Engineer]

Big question - can you operate the radio. 'Cos the first thing you want to do is ask for instructions.

G

[Conan The Barber]

Ahh yes, the wet dream of many a PPL.

[Dan Dare]

Once you operate that radio (assuming the crew breaks SOPs to allow you on the flight deck) and speak to the American/Russian/Indian/Israeli/British (you get the picture) air traffic controller I wonder how long you have before scrambled fighters have you in their targets and at the mercy of their itchy trigger fingers? Don't fly too close to any towns, tower blocks, government buildings, power stations or airports etc

Then to make things REALLY interesting, the weather is crap, the fuel is low and the autopilot has deflated...

[Jerricho]

Not the day to give up sniffing glue.

(and for the love of God, don't fly over the White House)

[enicalyth]

Quick, you've got to come to the cockpit! What is it? It's a little room up front where the pilots sit but that's not important right now. But I really want to join the queue to slap the hysterical woman.

Say, have you seen a grown man naked and do you watch gladiator movies?

Yeh Deric, that flight from Seattle, spark out. 1995?

[Pegasus77]

Hi Strake!

There is an enormous bunch of bad 70s-movies answering your question, where stewardesses or passengers (usually the Patrick Swayze-type of guy) grab the controls from the just-murdered pilots. Also there is a movie where they pump 10.000 gallons of water from another aircraft in mid-air into the avionics bay to lower the nose of an out of trim-aircraft. And did you see the one where a new pilot is lowered from a helicopter through the because-of-a-hit-with-a-cessna-now-broken window to land the 747?

If you have 500hrs SEP, you know how to operate a radio... scream for help on the freq that is dialed, or choose 121.5, and scream for help there; and hopefully the autoland works :-)

Cheers,
P77

[Avman]

Strake don't listen to those pilots who want you to think you couldn't fly their B747. It's a piece of pi$$, just like so many of them come on our frequencies thinking that they're air traffic controllers :} :E

[Jerricho]

Avman, you're evil........

I like it ;)