Beagle's Lament

[EESDL]

Beagle, me ol' mucker, it's come to note,
For whinging ol' gits, you'd win my vote!

Sorry, ol' boy, but I can't help but notice...
Since leaving the Mob, you've become more emotive.................

Is it because only now you've the time
To rant and rave and move me to rhyme?

Your many tales of flying and daring-do
Would often raise a smile from the grounded 'few'

So the medic prescribes 4-weeks of Jolly Tale
Else your past would have all been to no avail........




Beags, lighten up mate. For guys like myself, with days to do, I've witnessed your slow fall into the dark hole that PPRUNE has a reputation for providing and am wondering if the same fate awaits??????????


Anyone else agree?

[Navaleye]

No, healthy scepticism is a good thing with all the new Liabour spin going on.

I like the rhyme though - well done := := :=

[hobie]

is there any truth that the following "orders" were given to anyone attempting to date BEagles daughters? ......

8 SIMPLE RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER ......

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind will kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romance or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Certainly sounds like him ..... ;)

[Canary Boy]

Top Thread! :ok:

BEags - no need to lighten-up on my account mate!

[Red Line Entry]

When my first-born son arrived in the world, my Warrant Officer (who had a teenage daughter) made the following comment:

"It's alright for you; you've only got one pr*ck to worry about. I've got thousands!"

[BEagle]

EESDL - I appoint you as my sexual advisor.



Which means that when I want your f*****g advice, I'll ask you for it!

:p

Sticks and stones...... Oh, and I thought this thread was about my sound-alike's abject failure to find life on Mars!

[The Swinging Monkey]

BEagle,

Well said old bean - cheeky young ba$tard that he is.

I have arranged for Caruthers to send his latest book on 'manners, politeness and fair play' to this young upstart who, patently needs a damned good threashing in my opinion.

If you so wish, Caruthers says he is up for that, and will cut away as soon as you give the nod! and give this bounder 'what for'

In the meantime, relax, have a beer (or better still a Grouse) and let it all wash over you.
Kind regards
TSM

[Ivor Fynn]

Beag's

Just carry on the way you are me old, there is nothing like a good old rant.

EESDL I'm sure your day will come when retired, as will mine!!

Ivor

[EESDL]

Likewise, your rants make my grumbles seem quite positive.

Would you let your daughter 'date' a pilot - only if she was a nurse........

There is only one Beagle, no matter how you write it.

[BEagle]

TSM, yes, please do send your man Caruthers to box the young whippersnapper about the ears, if you would. No need for a thrashing just yet though, methinks....

Sound advice about the Famous amber fluid - have just quaffed a glass to accompany my lunchtime roast beef sandwich!

[EESDL]

Title edited to correct my sloppy 'spelling'

I'm sorry for the slur, guess it's a Black Flag day!!

[FJJP]

Beags, I'll hold him, you thump him - name the date, time and place! Oh, and the beers will be on you...


Like the rhyme, though!

[kippermate]

EESDL is getting cheeky now that his 'chuff chart' is nearing completion.

At least he hasn't been told to withdraw this thread. Unlike some of his other ones!

:ok:

Liked the rhyme though!

kipper

[hobie]

I must say I do like the one from "Red Line" :ok:

[The Swinging Monkey]

EESDL

From Caruthers........'take that you bounder - BIFF !!!'

Thats got him BEags,
Hmmm, might have to give Caruthers the night off now!

Kind regards
TSM

[Hueymeister]

Just a bit of light fun...poking in jest at Beags' soft under belly...something that EESDL has a 'thing' for...(underbelly poking that is!!)

EESDL...matey Booker Prize material it isn't...but you lightened my day at least.

HM

[D-IFF_ident]

If we're taking a vote, I'm with BEags. You can't beat honesty and speaking your mind. Even if QRs say otherwise eh?

PPrune without BEagle would be like Pop Idol without Simon Cowell. Someone has to tell it like it is!

[BEagle]

Thanks, chum.

Trouble is, some can't tell talk from banter!

Not sure about Pop Idlers and Simon Cowell, but for cutting through business weasel-speak (I understand the current yoof-term is 'w@nkwords') and telling it like it is, Sir Alan Sugar on BBC2's 'The Apprentice' takes some beating!

[bluetail]

I,m with Beag,s, mind you I have 3 lads who would definately want to meet with someones daughters. (there again they could then leave home)

Keep ranting Beag,s old dear, keep making me smile, nay laugh, tell it as it is,

Oh and by the way Cowell is a PR!"£K.............Sugar is now the king, did you see him last night sack the Communication woman, what style

BT

[BEagle]

Sure did! I don't like the manner of Cowell, but Sir Alan Sugar was both firm and fair!

[goldcup]

BEags- how disappointing! Surely the likes of Pop Idol, X Factor and the Alan Sugar thing are a bit common for you!? I had visions of you not even owning a television, your entertainment of an evening being Radio 3, or a parlour game.

[EESDL]

I say Carruthers, that jolly hurt, and to think that I've spent the last term 'fagging' for you.

Bu**ered me senseless but taught me a thing or two about life.

[Pontius Navigator]

"Daddy, I've met this very nice man and we want to get married."

"Oh that's nice dear."

"Daddy, I hope you won't get up set when I tell you about him."

"Not at all dear. If you love him and he loves you then that is good enough for me."

"Daddy, he's black."

"That's alright dear, I told you , if you love each other that is fine."

"Daddy, he's in the RAF."

"That's alright dear. It's a good life and you know I enjoyed it."

"Daddy, he's aircrew."

"Nothing wrong with aircrew dear. Good job, good pay and good prospects in civila aviation when he retires."

"Daddy, he's an AEO."

"OVER MY DEAD BODY."

[BEagle]

Damn right too! Marry an AEO? That could mean another generation of the blighters being hatched..... NOT to be condoned!

A jolly good effort with the callow youth, Carruthers! But give the rotten little oik another sound cuff about the swede for daring to intimate that he actually went to a school where fagging was permitted. And I don't mean in the American sense!

Scrotum - a post-prandial snifter of Armagnac, if you please!

[Roland Pulfrew]

I can't believe that EESDL has taken the beating so well! Most unlike him, must have been a black flag oop north!

Beags

A man of standards, another glass of Armagnac? Mines a Janneau.

Edited for a complete inability to spell Janneau!!

[BEagle]

Janneau? D'accord, mon brave! Ca - c'est formidable, n'est-ce pas??!!

[EESDL]

Surely there's only one brandy - that flagon of KEO Brandy that only gets opened when there's nothing left in the house, even the discarded glasses have been licked dry and all the guests are starting to eye-up your pets in a way only a Limasol-bound co-pilot can.

Roland Pulfew
Secret is to roll with the punches (bit like a cross-channel ferry), that way Carruthers goes back and report to BEags that the bounder's been hurt.
'Hurt'? - I was mortified...................

Have no fear, I'll start whinging again if the excrement that this particular jolly pig has been wallowing in dries up.

[D-IFF_ident]

Anyone care to video (or TIVO) the UK Apprentice for me? I'm stuck with the original and that nice Mr Trump here in the land of the free.

Hey, perhaps the Air Farce might start its own reality TV show - hire BEagle as a consultant, ney the star...

"Bloggs, that Flapless approach was cr@p - You are chopped"

[BEagle]

Err, no.

"IHC Bloggs.... (YHC) Not the best flapless approach that time. Remember the following points...... That time you didn't (.....), so remember that next time. OK? Any questions? OK - WIGYC have another go, bearing in mind what I've just told you. OK - YHC...."

I've never needed to chop anyone. Some students take a bit more time than others; if the beancounters don't allow that then it's they, not the QFI, who 'chops' the student.

The best QFIs are those who've not had the easiest time in training themselves......they know how it feels to be at the other end of the $hitty stick!

The worst QFIs I ever came across were certain (not all) WIWOLs and ex-bona mates who had no concept of the difficulties faced by those who, unlike them, weren't quite able to walk on water... Apart, that is, from the complete ar$e of an ex-Canberra pilot who was an alleged Buccaneer QFI! (And I do not mean Bruce!)

[buoy15]

Pontious

You missed a line

"Daddy, he failed as Nav, so they offered him a more demanding job as AEO, I'm sure you will approve"

Don't panic Nav mechanic, Acoustics 2 will see you through! Ha!

[stiknruda]

When I was on Lancasters?

You're far older than you appear to be, aren't you?

Stik:E

[BEagle]

Barsteward! Although an Air Engineer colleague (ex-BBMF) did use to get rather surprised when the genpub asked him if he flew the things in WW2!

Not as old as chum Art Field - I think he was on V-bombers when V stood for Vimy!



:E

[Pontius Navigator]

I only remember 2 QFIs WIWOL. Both were on the GSO, Ken Hayward was a great bloke and could never have fitted Beags description not least as I flew on his last flight while Beags was still at school.

The other was something else again, an Aussie who blagged his way into the job and had several determined attempts to wreck it and kill me. Dad by name.

Flatus Veteranus will remember him well.

Then Ken Sneller followed by Sam Curtis. Surely neither of them.