How does being a Pilot in any of the forces affect family life (g/f or wife)?

[davewhiteside]

I am thinking of appying to join the RAF to become a pilot. But I would just like to know how it affects your love life. I know you have to sign up for min of 12yrs and just want to know what kind of strain that will put on a relationship. As I suspect your away for long periods. I just want to know peoples thoughts and experiences on the subject, and what is the longest time your likley to be away for when you get postings?
Thanks:)

[Tonkenna]

Good grief:rolleyes:

[adam400]

Already covered by a previous poster.

See here (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=162390) :rolleyes:

[joe2812]

Previous Thread (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=162390)

Time away varies... few weeks to a good few months. If you're in two minds between a woman and flying, you probably don't want it bad enough.

Your jet won't get jealous when you go off on another, nor will it moan about lad's nights out.... not a difficult choice!

(Edited: Damn, beat me to it!)

[stillin1]

Dave
I'm sorry to say - don't bother. The question alone shows you ain't got the gumption or motivation required:sad:

[jindabyne]

Never mind you're love life - concentrate on you're grammar first

[ShyTorque]

Dave,

Check your PMs.

[AllTrimDoubt]

Perhaps a career in local government, say the accounts department, might suit Sir better?

:hmm:

[Always_broken_in_wilts]

Tomorrows warriors...............god feckin help us:rolleyes:

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced

[Arm out the window]

You must accept that, in training, you will have to concentrate almost exclusively on your work, with maybe a night a week to blow off steam, probably by drinking at the emergency rate for a couple of hours and falling asleep (or have times changed since I went through?).
Once you're qualified, your partner will have a bit more of your time, but will be moving house often at the whim of the company, and any appointments made will be on the proviso that you may be heading off somewhere at no notice for an unspecified time.
You might be deployed for months, leaving her to look after everything at home.

Some relationships can handle it, some don't, but don't try to gloss over the realities with her when deciding to try it or not! A supportive partner is a must; otherwise, the relationship will not make the distance.

[Pontius Navigator]

The moving house bit really only applies to the groundies. Aircrew once settled into a role are often settled for life. One at Lynham is into DIY. He has equipped his quarter with greenhouse, shed, patio, pool in the summer etc. Even through a tour in town he kept his quarter.

One key is join, get trained, get posted, get operational and then find a bird.

Do it in any other way and she will have the wrong expectations. If the bird comes last then you can tell her honestly (if you dare) just how often she can expect to see you and who gets first call at the top of the power stoke - and it isn't her (or it used not to be).

[uknasa]

Jindabyne:

"Never mind you're love life - concentrate on you're grammar first"


Indeed - same clearly aplies to you!

[Pontius Navigator]

UKNASA and spellin'?:D

[500days2do]

What a sad Q for a thread this is.I suppose in a way it mirrors the type of 'monkey' we get at the sqns nowadays.I suppose the adventure has disappeared from the mob thats why these homely fluffy niceboys keep applying. Bet the AAC and FAA guys are havin a field day.

Vote with your feet...

[jindabyne]

uknasa

your clearly not aplyin' you're brain

[stillin1]

Now that's better.
At least a fight has broken out between J & U to make this thread remotely readable:cool:

[jindabyne]

Fight? fight? We're simply having a simple exchange of views concerning U's SoH and his grasp of English

[Pub User]

Pontius
The moving house bit really only applies to the groundies. Aircrew once settled into a role are often settled for life.
I have to disagree. As a married RAF pilot I moved house 10 times in 11 years, and whilst this was a little above the average it was by no means exceptional among my colleagues, who were as settled in role (SH) as I was.

[Bismark]

Pub User,

Strikes me you are a bit disorganised. That or are playing the system re Disturbance Allowance - - by about £18,000 by my reckoning.

[Pub User]

Bismark

Thank you, perhaps in my second life I will organise my postings, promotions and airfield closures more efficiently to allow me to stay in one house. In this one, however, I have used my clearly inadequate organisational abilities to leave the RAF and settle into a stable domestic and professional situation.

[TurbineTooHot]

500days.

I am soon to be "one of those monkeys." The service is a tough mistress and she has always come first.

Any girlie who was around long enough for that to matter understood (most promptly bu££ered off).

Much easier to have the odd girl dotted around who you can ring up when you're in town.

A posting also happens to be the perfect opportunity to end a relationship that you may want to be out of. Distance works wonders.

So you see, we're not all wet blankets run by the whims of our ladies.

Tomorrow's warrior speaks!

Turbine

Checked for SPG

[scroggs]

RAF life must be good for one's love life - I managed to have two wives (of my own) while I was in. ;)

Don't have any now...

[P-T-Gamekeeper]

I have always put the RAF second to my homelife.

I have never been chopped, never counselled that I am not putting in the effort, and never let my friends down.

I am married to the girl I met during IOT, when I had plenty of time for a social life.

Training is hard work, but having an outside life helps one let off steam.

It is possible to be a professional aviator without sacrificing your life.

[brakedwell]

Gamekeeper - being a steely eyed trucker with trillions of hours who flies all over the world, haven't you ever felt like a bit of poaching then?

[ShyTorque]

Ah, Scroggs me old mucker! Was it the big red turbo nutter car that attracted them? Or was it rather "scared them off" ... :p

[StopStart]

It is possible to be a professional aviator without sacrificing your life.

I'll get this noose off then.....

PS. P-T-G. You're not putting in enough effort. Get off the wife and get into work.

:ok:

[hobie]

Any views on "Kids" and the effects of moving school every two years for 14 years or so? (Boarders excluded) ......

[Spotting Bad Guys]

My son's 11 and - due to my posting plot - has attended six schools (started the sixth this September just past). This has definitely had a negative effect on him and we are seriously considering sending him to boarding school, just to give the poor lad some stability. In some ways he is adaptable and used to it, but I'm sure that he would have benefitted from going through his early schooling with the same set of friends.

SBG

[Tigs2]

Used to have a saying in the SH force " The SH force does not have a divorce problem - because no one has got time to see a solicitor". I think its the same across all fleets now.

[WE Branch Fanatic]

Is the continual movement of personnel going to be reduced, as the Infantry Arms Plotting is being ended by FAS, as it seems very out of date?

[Pontius Navigator]

Standby for more house sales in different parts of the country as the next big shuffle starts in 05, 06 and 07.

Colt, Wittering, Scampton, Neatishead, ISK/ISL?, Leeming, Leuchars, SHF and so on and so on.

Perpetual motion in an attempt to flog off the real estate and get more money for the Treasury.

[earthlet]

Dave,

Sensible question.


You need to consider where you see yourself in 5 years time. The type of aircraft you hope to fly will greatly influence the amount of time you get at home. It is easier to cope with frequent shorter trips than long detachments if you want to hold down a successful relationship.

I know many pilots who put their family first. This doesn't mean they refuse to go where they are sent when it doesn't fit in with family life. It means they get themselves organised and try to be there for their family as much as possible and when it really matters. You do need a supportive wife. She needs to be able to cope with the constant change of schedule. You may think you will be around on a specific weekend, so you make plans. Very nice....until you plane breaks down and you end up delayed. On the bright side, you get plenty of holiday - so use it for anything important.
If you settle into life on a base, then your wife will have a stronger emotional support network than most on civvy street. On the other hand, she will find that friends move away, or you do, and she will have to be constantly making new friends.


It is totally possible to have a happy life and wife at the same time as doing a good job for the RAF, unless you're a selfish b@stard, in which case I would have to agree with the rather inadequate responses of stillin1 and 500days2do.


Good luck. Hope this was useful.

Earthlet.

[Pub User]

hobie

That was one of the main reasons I left. Swopping houses every 5 minutes as a childless couple is no problem, in fact we both enjoyed the change and never had to Spring clean! However, once the kids arrived and had to change schools every time we moved, then I decided to make the break for the sake of their educational stability.

[scroggs]

Ah, Scroggs me old mucker! Was it the big red turbo nutter car that attracted them? Or was it rather "scared them off" ...

May have been the succession of turbo nutter cars that got more attention than the wives? Ah well.. ;)

More seriously, I was brought up in an RAF family. I attended something like 8 schools between the ages of 5 and 11, which I found very disorientating. I was then sent to a boarding school, which I hated. My brothers and sister had similarly peripatetic school lives, though their reactions to boarding school life were different to mine. It is undoubtedly hard on families if you have to move all the time.

On the other hand, my own RAF career was much more locationally stable. OK, I moved every 9 months or so in training (for the RAF's purposes, nothing else...!). but once I'd arrived at Lyneham Field I was able to put down some roots. In fact, I was at Lyneham for 14 of the next 18 years. That's probably exceptional, but it does demonstrate that stability is achievable.

I'm not a great example, but I have seen some excellent marriages thrive in the RAF environment. The secret, I'm sure, is paying attention to your partner's needs even when the RAF's needs are more pressing - as I think earthlet put rather well.

[hyd3failure]

Sounds to me that if you require stability you may need to think about joining the RN. Having been flying for over 20 years, they have all been on the same aircraft and I live in the same house I bought in 1983.

I would admit to having been away for some time but in the RN we have to leave our loved ones at home whilst we go off and explore the world. Just hope that when you get back after your posting that the wife and kids are still there.

[ShyTorque]

"The secret, I'm sure, is paying attention to your partner's needs even when the RAF's needs are more pressing"

I agree. The RAF couldn't allow me any stability and that's the main reason why I left the mob (SH) ten years ago. If I hadn't, I would probably have been a single man a short time afterwards.. :(

Not that there's much more stability doing a flying job in civvie street, but at least you can say NO!

[SALAD DODGER]

The airforce doesnt give a ****. Its all about the friends you make and their loyalty to you, and yours to them. That makes it a good place for a familly as I know that they are looked after when I am away, or if I die...

[Cambridge Crash]

Scroggs - well put - focus on your partner when the needs are competing, but one might add, only when established in one's branch or trade!

A contributing factor to me putting the family first and seeking stability were the oft-unreal expectations of desk officers for officers to go OOA and not know where they are to be employed on their return. This was the experience of most of the ground branch officers that I served with both in the Balkans and in the ME. It is a totally uncceptable posture and the indecision places enormous stress on the family - especially when access to primary schools is such an issue.

Returning from my last - overseas - posting, we encountered considerable resentment in a number of primary schools as we tried to get our 5 year old enrolled. Attitudes were ones of fiscal jealousy, naivety about the Services, belief that we were 'short-termers' &c. Time has moved on, but there is very little practical assistance that the Services can provide families when faced with the primary school dilemma - if the classes are full, they are full.

CC

[FFP]

I'm going to stand up for all the "Dave's" on this one . .. .

Why shouldn't the guy ask for our opinions in deciding his career ? I'd rather he asked now than joined up, got married and got entagled a trail of broken relationships in pursuit of his career.

The good old days are no longer with us. New generations want to know about things like pensions, homelife etc. Bleating about how "guys just wanted to fly and f@£k when I joined up" ain't going to change a thing.

Salad Dodger has hit the nail on the head. In my opinion, is not all worth it when you get your sqn print and leaving beers after 16/35 yrs if the rest of your life had to suffer for it. You'll hand in your 1250 and that's it mate. Other than the odd letter from the med centre saying your PME is overdue, that's your lot.

Think carefully about it. If you are already in that relationship, you need to discuss it and the potential time you could end up being away. Of course, it also depends on what war we decide to take up next . . .. . . .

[hobie]

As a youngster I did 11 schools between 4 and 17 years of age .... thats a lot of moving :(

[Fg Off Bloggs]

Dear Dave Whiteside,

How many threads do you want to help you with making your mind up about joining the Forces as a pilot!

First of all you tell us that you are cr@p at maths and we provide you with an honest opinion about your potential! Not Much (potential that is)!

Now you want to know whether being in the Services will affect your family life and off we go again telling you all about what affect it can really have. A lot (for some that is)!

What's your next question and please can we have it and all the others that you are dreaming up together so that we can provide composite answers and save ourselves some effort!

However, may I, humbly, suggest that if you are serious about a career in the Forces you would not need to ask these questions.

So what is your motive? Doing research for your next novel are you?

Yours pejoratively

Bloggs!

[davewhiteside]

Fg Off Bloggs
Cant think of anymore questions just yet, but ill be sure to ask you straight away cos your so helpful!:ok:
Ill let you know when my 1st book hits the shelf!