5 urban myths

[bird99]

CINC STC is asking around for the top 5 urban myths in the RAF. Fair call except how do we (bottom of food chain) know what is myth and what is fact. Lynehamwife (central eng thread at Lyneham) won't think that her points are 'myth' - but potentially someone else would. Either it feels like reality or it doesn't - and therefore it's not a myth. There are plenty of urban myths going around this forum, but they (I'm guessing now) aren't started by serving guys. Without spawning a new rabbit hole of a thread some of the speculation on procurement on this site is so wide of the mark it must be written by a civvie (or long ex-mil man) - but the stuff I think comes from mil men is generally based on gen. Thoughts?

[BEagle]

From what I've heard from those still serving:

1. There is no overstretch.
2. The bloke from Group is here to help.
3. Everyone trusts Blair and Hoon.
4. There won't be any more cuts.
5. All new aircraft will enter service on time.

[Styron]

I heard they were going to cut the RAF to 41,000, close a lot of the bases and cut back on aircraft.

Just a myth though :p

[Mr C Hinecap]

1. Career does not mean 'rapidly downhill, out of control'.

2. I will have the pleasure of following leaders of men, rather than working for mediocre managers.

3. There will still be interesting places to go to that do not involve getting shot at on too regular a basis.

4. Some day, the right kit will come.

5. Joint means joint and not "being bullied by the Army to do it the Army way".

Many, many more - but seeing as CAS is going to read this thread, I'll keep it to the point. :ok:

[Stitchbitch]

Mr C Hinecap, you've hit the nail on the head there!

1. Your trade will get a pay review.
2. All aircrew are equal.
3. Typhoon is a great bit of kit.
4. Don't wory, your jobs safe.
5.Support Heli people aren't second class citizens.

[lineslime]

1. The newly formed HLS at Lyneham is a roaring success. All flying programs are being met & the figures to prove it haven't been doctored at all.

2. Morale in the armed forces is the highest it has ever been.

3. All contract work is completed at the original agreed date, with absolutly no increase in cost.

4. The government really cares about those serving in the armed forces.

5. Every story in the gutter press about the military is absolutly true, no lies and never exaggerated.

[SirPercyWare-Armitag]

1. Wearing CS95 instead of blues to work makes you more punchy
2. We dont have enough star ranks
3. Giving airmen a new No1 Uniform was money well spent
4. The last pay rise of 4% was extremely generous
5. 20mins a week phone call allowance and week old newspapers equals a robust welfare package

[Maple 01]

The RAF fully supports IIP

NVQs really mean something in the outside world

There is a training budget

The ELC system is straightforward

Our greatest asset is our people

[Cambridge Crash]

As someone with feet firmly on the ground (but head up in the clouds - you can attest to that Mr C Hinecap), how about the following:

1. Officers' careers will be managed on the basis of matching skill sets to jobs, and not trying to produce mediocre, jack-of all-trade chisellers. And get rid of the 'no stick - no vote' attitude.

2. Financial STPs, when approved, are inviolable, and in-year accruals can be carried over.

3. Stockholdings and real-estate are not subject to the 6% capital charge, thus avoiding JIT economies.

4. Airmen are provided decent, quality single living-in accommodation (under Project SLAM), and not required to share 20-man rooms, as in Marham.

5. In-house solutions are generally more perceptive, and considerably cheaper, than those of consultants.

Hey, I know, these aren't very funny. But they would make management, if not leadership, an easier matter. Remember Management = PLOC: Planning - Leading - Organising - Controlling.

[Regie Mental]

Only one from me:

You can fly to Prague for a weekend, get p****d and have a great time and no one will know.

[Lee Jung]

Done before, but still funny.

Redundancy and PVR policy

The MOD is pleased to announce the following important changes to its redundancy/PVR policy for HM Forces:-

As a result of the reduction in money budgeted for departmental purposes, we are going to cut down on our number of Personnel.

Under the plan, older employees will go on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future plans.

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be put into effect immediately. The program will to known as RAPE. (Retire Aged Persons Early)

Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to work other jobs within the system. Provided that they are being RAPED, they can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of operation is called SCREW. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers)

All employees who have been RAPED and SCREWED may also apply for a trial service. This will be called SHAFT. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Progress policy dictates employees may be RAPED once and SCREWED twice, but may get the SHAFT as many times as the company deems appropriate.

If an employee fills the above requirements, he will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings of Retired Persons Employment Service) and AIDS (Assured incentive Disbursement for Service). HERPES/AIDS is considered a bonus plan as the employee can no longer be RAPED or SCREWED by the company.

SIGN-UP FOR ADDITIONAL TRAINING

It is now, and always has been, the policy of the Company to ensure that employees are well trained through our Special High Intensity Training ( ****). We have given our employees more **** than any other Company in this area. If any employee feels he/she does not receive **** on the job, see your immediate Supervisor immediately. Our management are especially trained to assure you that you will get all the **** you can stand.

For the tabloid hacks - this is NOT serious! You will, of course, probably publish anyway.

Full credit goes to the pprune humour index.

[SirPeterHardingsLovechild]

arf arf.

And it's nice to see the 'Investors In People' logo on my redundancy application confirmation of receipt letter!

[Always_broken_in_wilts]

Whilst the list is endless here's a few ,more

You can totally trust your boss cos he only has your best interests at heart.

AP3003 is money well spent and who ever came up with the idea should be promoted as he/she is just what the modern day service needs.

Rock Apes do not exist to f@ck you about and IDT/IRT blah blah is not practice bleedin.

With more than enough people to go round we are not over stretched which means everyone of us can use our full annual leave entitlement.

Op's Support , two words that belong firmly together, are an invaluable assett cos without their input nothing would ever be ahieved.

One myth being trotted out in amongst the emails I saw on line at work today is that Lyneham is now not closing until 2015/17 which if true would be most welcome news:ok:

all spelling mistakes are "df" alcohol induced

[High_Expect]

Pilot training only takes 2 1/2 years and the average total hold is approx 6-10months.

B*****it, currently 4years and counting and still looking not at an OCU date before the end of the year. Still look on the bright side at least I’m getting paid and I’m not in the desert. Would be nice to feel useful though!

At least I’ll probably have a nice productive hold that will broaden my experience of RAF frontline ops. Oh no wait a minuet I heard Innsworth were looking for more holding officers.... where’s my desk (well temporary table next to the toilets)

[[email protected]]

Myth 1 'Flight Safety is Paramount'

Yeah, right up to the point where 'initiatives', 'reviews of procedures' and 'education' need to be backed up with proper kit that does the job but costs money.

You can have as much FS as you are prepared to pay for but there is always something more important to spend the money on.

Myth 2 'Leadership qualities are important' This goes as far as Flt Lt level and is promptly forgotten up to Air Rank and actively discouraged above that. "Stand up for something I know is right and compromise my chance of promotion and a bigger pension? Not likely."

Myth 3 'The rest of the RAF is there to support flying' hohohohohoho! When was the last time you got a travel claim cocked up? Have you ever managed to get PMA to take the correct administrative action, in time and on the first time of asking? It only took them 6 months to action my change of address!
I have just got the multimedia laptop I requested for my travelling trg off post; the RAF paid Dell for it and then paid someone else to disable the multimedia capabilities (CD writer, DVD player etc), remove Windows XP and replace it with 2000 and then then set up 3 passwords, 2 of which are encrypted and so impossible to remember that I have to carry around piece of paper with them written on. I now have a £900 word processor!

[JessTheDog]

1. People are the RAF's most valued asset.

2. Operations are more important than administration.

3. Corporate communications provides an accurate representation of reality.

4. All personnel manage to use their annual leave entitlement, attend the requisite courses, complete their share of guard/commander/orderly officer, maintain their secondary duty profile, support OOA detachments, maintain currency in their primary role and do their day job.

5. Personnel can pass concerns or grievances up the chain of command without fear of being labelled a troublemaker.

:yuk:

[Talking Radalt]

And so'more......

1. There is a very real danger that on a UK-bound flight from a four month posting somewhere sandy/wet and peaty someone will storm the flight deck and hijack the Trijet using a set of nail clippers, thus making the delay in one's homeward trek whilst HMG's finest rozzers remove anything remotely pointy from one's baggage entirely worthwhile. :hmm:

2. Any CS95/pro-boots/windproof smocks worn by air cadets were going to be binned anyway or were from a source unavailable to MOD. :rolleyes:

3. When installed in a big green helicopter, an old ammo tin and a wedge of sponge is a "seat" and won't knacker your spine. :{

4. Innsworth's middle name is "integrity" :mad:
(4a. Civilian contractorisation is the way forward.)

5. He DID have WMD at one point.....possibly...perhaps....maybe. :uhoh: