Best dining in night game

[semisonic]

Hi guys,

What's the best post-dinner game you've ever seen/played at a dining in night??


cheers!

[buoy15]

Semisonic

Possibly Mess Rugby with a cushion as the ball along the length of Ante Room - or Tug-O-War with a broom handle

Either way - you guaranteed to wreck your Mess Kit and get bloodied in the process.

At the same time, as a Junior Officer, you should get more blitzed by minesweeping any unattended drinks, whilst trying to impress the ladies with your charm, demeanour and slurred speech!

On a diplomatic note - do most of this after 2am, when your Boss and the Staish have gone home!

[Incipient Sinner]

I've always liked beer barrel fencing, where each party stands on a sideways barrel with a broom handle and tries to balance while knocking the other off.

Also good fun is getting round the bar wall without touching the ground, or breaking any major bones (other UDIs accepted as being normal).

[BEagle]

Bicycle jousting in College Hall - bike, broomstick and dustbin lid x 2.....

Even better with motor bikes!

[ORAC]

Then there was putting your footprint (polite version) on the bar ceiling....

And carrier landings.... :p

[BEagle]

The old OM bar at Troodos bore testament to that...

Amusing piss-take on 31 sqn as well - two sets of little footprints in very close line astern - with a comment which was OK then but not now (post Pink Wednesday).

[jindabyne]

Bicycle-jousting in South Cerney Mess - with, as BEagle said, bike, broomstick and dustbin lid x 2 - ending up with one broken leg, or was it arm, belonging to directing staff (Des Melaniphy RIP).

Honda 50 sprints in the corridor and squeezing the Boss's mini into reception were more short-lifed events

And, not exactly a game - but I remember a young(ish) Vulcan nav mixing the bar peanuts with maggots (HQ1 Gp), and the face of old Vulcan Wg Cdr staff officer after filling his face!

[Dusty_B]

Sod the after dinner games, what about during dinner games?

Thumb Master, Freeze Master and Head Master.

Then there was roving thumb master, and plums master - but that's definately not for Ladies Guest Night.

[Wwyvern]

Anyone remember the one-sided game at Cranwell in the late 50s?

Visit by Sandhurst. Rogue army cadet zoomed round the main parade ground in his mini, making skid marks everywhere.

After dinner, the one-sided game started. The owner was faced with putting his car back together after finding it spread out in its constituent parts in the main entrance hall.

[BEagle]

Thunderflash in the flowerpot trick was tried at Leeming at a 'Sector conference' I once attended. But it was done by Lightning mates with bugger-all mud-moving knowledge. Remove plant, insert fizzing thunderflash, replace plant and retire smartly with fingers in ears. Yes, there was indeed a muffled "WHOOMP" as it went off - but instead of the earth and flowers going in all directions, they stayed put but the plant pot moved downwards with an interesting effect on the supporting table...... Which unfortunately was rather an expensive antique job now neatly split in two across the diameter thanks to the effect of the nice antique copper pot which had contained the flowers - and which was now dented and smouldering gently on the entrance hall carpet together with the remains of the flowers and rather a lot of earth.....

Cost us all a small fortune did that - as did paying for all the tables to be professionally cleaned thanks to the Lightning mates' matchsticks-sideways-on-top-of-the-candles trick. Try it - you'll be surprised at the result!

[B9]

Not really mess games but, following theme of other posts, dining-in nights at Colt in 72/73 were lively.

The evening that started with water pistols and water jugs at dinner and escalated to buckets and fire extinguishers post-dinner. Finally trumped by Stn Rock who arrived with borrowed fire truck to soak all players.

Very late in the evening, when most senior officers had departed, an Austin A35 was driven into the mess foyer and down the East corridor until it hit a central heating radiator. Much discussion about whether said senior officers would believe damage was caused by bicycle jousting. Team decision to own up and pay the, then, considerable bill for damage caused.

The game of 'catch the flaming tennis ball' in the newly refurbished bar, much to 'Gubbies' consternation.

Happy days.

[OKOC]

RAF Wittering 1 (F) sqn dining in.

Scottish S/L's wife crawling around under the table "interferring/BJ?" with young Harrier dudes. Game was you weren't allowed to smile if you were the unfortunate interferee-it was actually quite a good night if my memory serves mee weell.

[BEagle]

Hmm - not a trick to be tried on 31, perhaps?

[LoeyDaFrog]

I asked a similar Q sometime back, so cannot pretend to pass these off as my own; however (and thanks to all the fellow Pruners who gave me their 'guidence') all the following have been used in jest and resulted in one-way chats the next day. Who said life was dull and aint tradition great!!!!

1) Dry Ice Hand Grenades - Dry ice in small pop bottle, fill with water, put cap back on and retire.

2) Water in the Chair - Pump as much water into the chair of your target, watch them squirm all night waiting for the comfort break.

3) Drilled Port Glass - Self explanitory, just needs the help of a friendly dentist.

4) Party Poppers - Fill with anything but the streamer things, position under table aimed at target and using fairly strong cotton, extend pull cord all the way back to your seat. Activate just at the point when siad target is about to take a sip from his wine glass. (Did that with a Lt Col and red wine, RESULT!!!)


5) Little Mini Remote Control Cars Under the bit of Mess Silver that is Opposite the Guest Speaker - Again, sort of tells its own story.

6) Rimming Glasses - With pretty much anything you think will get a laugh, like fresh red chilli.

7) Plastic Piping Under the Table - Acquire large syringe from Med Centre. Tape said piping under the table and prime with water. Use syringe to squirt target at appropriate point in the evening. (like when you ex-boss is about to get up and give her 'leaving the air force speach at her dining-out. Again, RESULT!!!):D :E

[ShyTorque]

The sitting down / broom handle tug of war is always great fun. Get the ladies to form their own team (they usually will do this of their own accord).

Thing is, ...... ladies have to pull up their long dresses to sit in "astride formation" on the floor. Great spectator sport..... :E

[Unmissable]

Surfing down the stairs in CHOM created a few bruises.

Don't forget 'Tanks' on the snooker table; if you can stnd being away from the bar.

Speaking of snooker tables the (anticipated and hoped for) Sword / Sash 'bondin'g session on Grad night at Cranwell. Is it 'wishful thinking' by us bystanders or has it ever really happened?

Ppruners please tell?

[swampy_lynx_puke]

At a QHI graduation at Shawbs, the duty wags put an MS10 liferaft under the top table to be inflated as Stache's speech got dull - I nearly died, total rib failure.:}

[Incipient Sinner]

Speaking of all-ladies teams for tug-o-war, there was a certain OC PSF at Lossie in about 98 who sat there at the head of the team and proved to about half the Mess that she didn't wear knickers with her No5s ;) ;)

Did once tape a couple of the Sqn mobile phones to the underside of the table at a dining in. The one under the Staish's table kept going off just as he opened his mouth to speak. He did see the funny side though.

[Big Unit Specialist]

Hanging Bats is fun for all the spectators.

One issues a challenge that you will buy beer for anyone who can outhang you on an upended mess table.

To start you lie face down on the table and have it slowly raised to the vertical by some mates whilst hanging by your feet....... after a suitable time you release amid groans and curses of "he'll never do it". The victim, suitably wound up by his mates pushes to the front and accepts the challenge, lies face down and is upended. At this stage as he is straining away pour a pint of beer down each trouser leg and retire to a safe distance.

Good for chuckles!

Once abseiled into the mess bar at Honington through the window (open) and was going back for a second go when someone who forgot to attach himself to the rope plummeted to the ground (it's okay the flowerbed broke his fall).

And there is of course bungy running. Get a climbing harness, an appropriate length of bungy cord (1234 99 something). Attach to a firm point in the mess, radiator or doorway etc and see who can place a beermat the furthest into the room before being whisked backwards to collide with something hard and break your arm (FIADGE '94 ISTR) or acquire some interesting carpet burns to the face (you know who you are).
This game was stopped by the PMC in the FI in 94 because of the high attrition rate one night. 2 x broken arms, 1 x serious concussion, 3 x splendid headwounds and assorted carpet burns, oh, and the loose radiator......:E

[L J R]

Don't forget the burning of anything that looks burnable...

And formation or flaming carrier landings.

BUT...

Who remembers a said S/L throwing up on a host nation's squadron commander during a recent squadron exchange???

That takes a lot to beat.

[airborne_artist]

To start you lie face down on the table and have it slowly raised to the vertical by some mates whilst hanging by your feet....... after a suitable time you release amid groans and curses of "he'll never do it". The victim, suitably wound up by his mates pushes to the front and accepts the challenge, lies face down and is upended. At this stage as he is straining away pour a pint of beer down each trouser leg and retire to a safe distance.

Shades of the three man lift. Last saw it "performed" with a lady officer as the target. She seemed to enjoy the pint poured onto her f*nny.....

[Wingswinger]

Visit local pig farm. Buy live piglet. Shave it. Cover from snout to curly tail in butter. At appropriate moment release piglet then watch as assembled guests try to catch. Wot larks,pip!

[MightyGem]

And there is of course bungy running. Get a climbing harness, an appropriate length of bungy cord (1234 99 something). Attach to a firm point in the mess, radiator or doorway etc and see who can place a beermat the furthest into the room
Even better is to tie the CO to said bungy, pull him out into the room as far as you can...and let go!

[K9 Friendly Re-Tread]

Talc in the napkins of the intended victims always causes a stir as does tying the cutlery of the top table together with fine fishing lines - listen for the clatter as the hungry top table begin to scran

[BEagle]

Hard core homo porn fabloned to the table underneath the top table place mats works well - I'm told! Especially that of the queen bee! Or the god-botherer...

Hate to think where he got the material though.

[Green Meat]

Unmissable

Strong rumours in Chom bar many moons ago of the Sword and the Sash from the previous course being caught in flagrante delicto on the snooker table. Photographic evidence was said to be available, but again, wishful thinking on someone's part?

[Lionel Lion]

Best thing I saw at Marham (bout 88 ish) was a WRAF on her leaving service dining out. Blue tube off (mm I loved those things) and set light........boy did it burn into a shrivelled crimpolene mess..leaving said babe in sussies etc mmmmmmmmmmm :ok:

[The Burning Bush]

Seen Spoons done a couple of times. Two 'contestants' sit opposite each other, blindfolded and with dessert spoons in their mouths.
The idea being they take it in turns to smack each other on the head with their spoon with the first one to give in being the loser.

Trouble is......... the one who hasn't seen the game before is getting wellied by the chap standing to the side with the big soup ladle :E

He keeps playing, though, because he thinks he is hurting the other guy just as much. :hmm:

[An Teallach]

Take 1 large sheet of marine ply, some contiboard, 4 lengths of 2x2, fixings and and a tin of ronseal mahogany varnish.

Construct cheapo but convincing Mess Dining Table and arrange substitution of the table in your sqn / team's place for upcoming dinner.

After the big cheeses have departed, produce stopwatch and saw, cut your 'mahogany' table in half and offer £50 to any sqn / team that can better your time.

Sit back and watch the opposition rack up their mess bills at @ £400 a pop. For added piquance, bring your real table back as they are admiring piles of expensive matchwood.

[leshodge]

I got done over royal recently in Aldergrove, foot powder in my napkin, my cutlery was glued to the table, andi had hard core porn stuck to the table beneath the place mat. To cap it all, i had a mobile phone strapped to the table, beneath my place, which kept ringing at max volume allthru the night, whilst i wore a smug "whos phone is that grimace" but all the while everyone knew exactly where it was coming from...needless to say, noone owned up, but still, i was royally pranked..... life as a holding officer

[flyboy007]

Not my own game, and can't say I have tried it but it made me laugh. In a book by an ex Army Officer, the game is called "bicycle races".

Two contestants; CONTESTANT 'A' has to run to a bicycle on the mess lawn, don a large leather greatcoat and cycle helmet, hop on a bike and ride like hell to the finish line.

CONTESTANT 'B' has to run to a dis-assembled shotgun, re-assemble it, load it with some cartridges (loaded with rice instead of lead shot), and try and shoot the cyclist before he reaches the finish line.

Apparently the cyclist usually won, until someone discovered not all of the parts of the shotgun were needed to fire it, providing it was loaded before the barrel was put on (therefore cutting assembly time in half). Ended with contestant 'A' off to the med centre to get rice picked out of legs and back.

Good luck trying that in this day and age...

[Skycop]

My father in law told me that in his Army Mess was a big old fireplace. The game was to stand to attention on the mantlepiece, facing the room and then to fall forward. The officer reaching the most extreme angle whilst remaining at attention and without jumping off won.

The Mess record was finally claimed for all time when a certain officer continued beyond the vertical and smashed his face in on the fire back, toes still on the mantlepiece. The fire was lit at the time. He went to hospital loking like a survivor from a coal mining accident.... :ouch:

[buoy15]

Good thread going here chaps - How about including a few lunches?

ISK a number of years ago, the departing OC CXX (AEO),was being "lunched out" and was requested to answer a "vital" phone call at reception - how naive is that ?

On his return to the Dining Room, which had now been transformed into a Court Martial, wigs, gowns and all - he was arrested at the door and frog-marched to the bench.

The charges and the verdict were delivered quite smartish.

Found guilty. he was arranged for punishment and blindfolded in front of the Mess facing a MK6 fire truck - which was capable of delivering high pressure water at 6000 gallons a minute - he was probably thinking, "Good jape what?"

WO i/c fire section went along with the scam thinking a wind-up.

Sadly, he didn't bank on the man on the nozzle (a certain Navigator), wearing a wig and gown who shouted "Hit It" to the fire crew!

Flattened the people, the front doors and most of the windows.

Post lunch, they recovered to the Sqn for more beer on a contractors road roller - but that's another story!!

Can't do that these days - the aircrew will be seen to be doing nothing or behaving like hooligans, when everyone else is working.

Love many, Trust a few, Always paddle your own canoe!

[nurjio]

Deck Landings - 3 polished tables end to end and lubricated with beer. Take shirt off and run at the tables. At a pre-determined range, launch body thru air and land chest first, arms out, legs splayed etc, skid along tables and stop before the end. Believe me, it aint easy.

Best I ever saw (middle 80's) - junior mate on sqn got airborne too early and, landing short, smashed his top teeth on edge of table. He spat out 3 of them, returned to the run up area and executed a perfect deck landing. He was then driven to casualty with excessive blood loss - needed a transfusion. Got false plate for front teeth 3 months later. Awesome.

[richlear]

glad to see this hasn't degenerated into freckles & the biscuit game.......yet

[zorrotfb]

Suicidal checkers, preferably started after the unsuspecting team is already baggage.

What's the name/rules of the game played on a full size snooker table using your hands, ISTR playing this after an airshow where the Mirage 2000 display pilot was sh1t-hot.

[grusome]

zorrotfb

The game is Slosh. Unfortunately it destroys the cushions and usually results in the table being moved off its foundation, thus ruining any subsequent billiards/snooker games.
The rules I recall were basic:
The opener fires a ball by hand from the "D" to the target on the black spot. Thereafter, each player, using the same ball, must cannon off the target ball before it stops moving.
Failure to do so invoked a penalty, depending on the game - take a drink, buy a round, drop out of the game, lose one's ante - all were possibles.
I seem to recall a requirement for one foot on the floor when shooting, and shepherding an opponent was bad form.


WRT Mess games, I recall also that Moriarty - the art of belting the opponent with a rolled-up newspaper whilst blindfolded - was almost invariably played at the DI.

More rarely, because it depended on certain Mess architecture, was "Fighters and Bombers", which involved the fighter being on the perch (ie, wherever they could attach themselves to the wall) preparatory to doing a high quarter on the bomber pilot who was being pushed around the ante-room in a wheeled arm chair by his long suffering nav (or vice-versa when the nav was stuffed!).

Gru

[fatobs]

MS10 liferaft under the top table, to be inflated when it all gets too tedious

...... happy days

[BEagle]

Not as good as an inflatable JFACTSU dummy tank was at Brawdy though! They thought it would look good in the entrance for the Summer Testicle - but hadn't realised how big the b£oody thing was!

[Zoom]

Slosh used to be called Canadian Crud and, before that, Tanks.

Does the Towers still have that entertaining dining in night thingy whereby some sucker would be instructed to down a sherry per minute from 7.30 to 8pm? I saw a Rock cadet enjoy this and then sit down next to King Rock, who asked 'What have you been drinking?' 'Sherry, sir.' 'How many have you had?' 'Thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurteeeeeeeeeeeeeee...' as he spewed it into KR's soup.

[MLS-12D]

What's the best post-dinner game you've ever seen/played at a dining in night??Has to be combat crud (http://moonlighter.microworld.com/game_of_crud.htm), surely?! No, not the kiddie version ([URL=http://www.zansstuff.com/FIRST/crud.html), the real thing!

[Zoom]

Neither link works, MLS. But you will be talking about Tanks, before you colonials half-inched it and renamed it.

[ExGrunt]

Probably breaks a zillion rules these days, but back in the 1980's...

To play this game you need:

1. A 12 guage pump action or automatic shotgun, preferably with an extended magazine (The issue folding stock Remington 870 was particularly suitable :ok: ).

2. A selection of cartridges in different shot weights.

3. A substantial quantity of mess gold band crockery.

4. A cheque book.

Play:

The game takes place on the mess lawn.

First phone the guardroom and advise them "There will be a bit of shooting at the mess - nothing to worry about..."

You need a launcher and some firers.

Taking turns as the firer, proceed as follows:

Each firer stands in front of the launcher who throws a piece of crockery over the head of the firer (ensuring a mix of cups and saucers as they have different aerodynamic properties). Once in the target is in front of him, the firer can engage the target attempting to destroy it with the least shots.

Scoring:

Scoring is as follows -

1. Airborne hit - 3 points.
2. Ground based execution - 2 points.
3. Each cartridge used - minus 1 point.

Double hit points if firing with the stock folded.

Shooter with the highest score at the end wins.

Losers tot up the bill for the damage and present cheques to mess sergeant.

Handicaping:

The game can be handicapped by using different cartridge weights - experts use buckshot, beginners use something nancy like No5 shot.

Of course it would be totally irresponsible to do something like this!

EG

[jindabyne]

Not really after- DI story. But IIRC, in 1966 the opposing squadron at West Raynham (along with my other outfit) had an after-stack pxxs up in the bar at which one unfortunate Fg Off passed out on the bar floor. He was whisked off to the Med Centre where the not quite so-pxxxed MO quickly set his leg in plaster - with pebbles/stones under the foot. A day or so later, after said chappy had oft bemoaned his demise, all was revealed to him ----- well it was funny then, and I think his name began with S. Any clues?

[Ad astra per aspera]

Having chicken for dinner...so I've heard ;)

[engineer(retard)]

Platypus racing

Soapy table & condoms filled to bursting with water and tied with a knot (the beak) and the other end the tail.

Put platypus on the table and rythmically stroke (without lettting go) until sufficient expansion and contraction is going on to let it run away. Platypus must travel beak first. Your oppo at the other end has to catch it before it falls of the table and kills itself, turn it and return it the same way. The dry one wins.