What's New In W. Africa (Nigeria)

[SASless]

Big hitters from Bristow Helicopters Nigeria Limited in Lagos at the moment???

NEO, I would think they would be there all the time or am I missing something here?

If Nigeria is a separate Business Unit aside from the North Sea business unit...why would they (the heavy hitters) need to come to Lagos?

Reckon they will not find their way to Eket or Escravos....or Port Harcourt for a week or so with the Lads either!

[chcmanagement]

As our famous Flying Chicken has now been savaged by the Nigerian Eagle and we are badly wounded, we are retiring hurt. Be warned, you guys will never make it on your own. We came in, we gave you everything, especially the benefits of our superb management and what did you do? You kicked us in the face and stole the senior managers we sent out to sort out the mess you had yourselves in. We'll come in and pick up the pieces again once you've gone the way that Virgin Nigeria is rapidly headed.

[griffothefog]

I still hear them sirens calling... " ADA..ADA..ADA.." Can you hear them? :E

[unstable load]

Anyone got any info re the Aero/CHC situation there? I hear the 225's may be en-route soon... The cheque must have cleared..:E

[bristowburnout]

An interview with Randy Organ was published in this month's edition of CDF magazine:

CDFM: Hi Randy, it's a pleasure being able to talk to a new rising star in the online publishing community. Your first edition of the BIA(G)L Newsletter is regarded by many as a masterpiece of the genre and is sure to become a collector's item with its masterful use of colour and words and incorporating detailed maps and so much useful information. How do you find the time to do it?

RO: Well, I don't know if I mentioned that I was a Senior Stores officer in the British RAF, but doing all the sorts of staff courses that senior officers like myself do, you learn a lot about time management and publishing, using complex programmes such as Microsoft Word, which lower ranks never know about. Also, I had many hints from my great mentor Brew Meddling who rose to great prominence once he had mastered making tea and coffee. I've now freed up more time for the next great masterpiece by taking on an assistant. When you're an HR mogul you have opportunities to create empires like that.

CDFM: As a Squadron Leader in the RAF what sort of squadron did you command? I'm sure you must have seen a lot of action during your many years of active service. Do you find your present appointment rather humdrum in comparison?

RO: Well, I don't know if I mentioned that I was a Senior Stores officer in the British RAF and as such never commanded a squadron of actual aircraft, but my job was far more important in keeping things flying at the front line. After so many years of managing stores I decided to utilise all my management skills in dealing with real people, whilst still working in a dangerous front line environment, hence my decision to offer my years of skill to BIA(G)L. With all my years in the military and the school of hard knocks that just goes with my major sporting achievements in rugby, the opportunity to visit dangerous bases in the front line of the Niger Delta was just too much of a challenge to turn down. The opportunity of learning from a master of Human Resources such as David Knowall was also too good to pass up.

CDFM: With all that you've said so far Randy, it seems that you cut your teeth on danger. Wouldn't you rather be out in the thick of it with the boys?

RO: Naturally, as a man of action, it's something I've thought of, but I'm an independent sort of chap. Senior managers in Nigeria live attended by servants to do their every bidding and are driven to work by chauffeurs. I prefer the simple life in the Island (as we call Guernsey), where I have to do some of my own shopping, cook and even have to drive my own Porsche. Mind you, it's pretty frustrating sometimes driving a Porsche when the Isle only has little twisty roads. However, I feel I'm demonstrating solidarity with the boys in the bogs, or swamps or whatever they are, by coping with the constant hardships on the Isle.

CDFM: It certainly seems you live life right on the edge Randy. You said that you even have to do shopping? Is it safe to do that on the Isle? Presumably you also have to do this in your precious spare time?

RO: Yes, unlike the chaps out in the bogs, I don't get 3 square meals a day provided free by highly trained international chefs. I have to pay for all my own food, and let me tell you, that's pretty darned expensive on the Isle, not to mention the shortages we sometimes have to cope with when tropical storms prevent supply boats arriving from the mainland.

CDFM: You're an inspiration to all of us Randy and I'm sure you're regarded with awe by the men whose lives you've made it your duty to improve.

RO: Well, I don't know if I mentioned that I was a Senior Stores officer in the British RAF, so it's just something which comes naturally to me. It's been nice talking to you and if at any time you come over to the Isle we can have a business lunch together to discuss how to further improve the legend of Randy Morgan, man of action, man of the people

[cavertonmanagement]

Well someone has already leaked the news that daddy has singed a deal with Bell to buy the 412 Super we are looking for only toppest professional to join the team at the center of excellence. The Bell 412 Super builds on the well known star of the Veetnam war, the Huey. Bell have not tried anything smart and we are excepting many years of reliable service from it, just as our customers expect from the center of excellence. We need engineer, pilot, training pilot, all. As indigenous company the Super Bell will have us in the primest position to pluck work from foreign usurpers with no hold back of any such thing as Kobi. We will be paying the toppest salary of any company in Nigeria and offering accomodations in superb comfort with cash allowance paid every month for your very good living standard. Why not visit our website and join the best NOW :ok:

[Phone Wind]

Aero should have plenty of pilots available if the 225's are en route and they need crew. With the deafening silence from Bristow about any pay review and the recently awarded CLA at bases such as Eket, Escravos and Warri now about to be withdrawn I think what NEO will see happening is his empire rapidly shrinking :ugh:. As has been said by numerous people, although the money in other places may be less, it's not much less and the management surely can't be any worse than the non-existent management in CHC or Bristow. I forecast that even Caverton will benefit from all this. I wonder how many other people, like me, are just waiting for confirmation of other offers before making the decision to quit? I'll still keep an eye on the place after I've gone, but only so that I can see that it's not likely to improve any time in the medium term. Bristow and CHC will both still have many people wanting to come out here, but that just means that the standards, which have already dropped to an all time low will dip further as new crews with no experience of the Nigerian dimension arrive - and who's going to train them :confused:

[talklimited]

PW how right your are. I just heard (first hand) that their 225 TRI/TRE has quit, and taken up a position back in Australia.

When will CHC realize that if they do not look after their people, they will not keep them? Yes, all the old-timer pilots will stay as they unfortunately have no other options most of the time, but the improvement of the gene pool for the work force in Nigeria will continue to stagnate.


TL

[etienne t boy]

This little nugget of information may well have gone un-noticed by many Prune readers:



YAR’ADUA NAMES NEW CDS,
SERVICE CHIEFS


President Umaru Musa Yar’Adua has approved the appointment of Air Marshal Paul Dike as Chief of Defence Staff. Air Marshal Dike is to take over from General Andrew Azazi who is retiring from service.

President Yar’Adua also approved the appointment of Major-General A.B. Dambazau as Chief of Army Staff in place of Lieutenant-General Luka Yusuf who is also retiring. Until his new appointment, Maj.-Gen. Dambazau was the General Officer Commanding the 2nd Division of the Nigerian Army in Ibadan .

Other changes approved by the President in the command structure of the Armed Forces include the appointment of Rear Admiral Isaiah Iko Ibrahim as Chief of Naval Staff in place of Vice Admiral G.T.A. Adekeye who retires from active service. Rear Admiral Ibrahim was the Flag Officer Commanding the Naval Training Command, Lagos .

President Yar’Adua who left Abuja this evening to perform the lesser Hajj in Saudi Arabia also approved the appointment of Air Marshal Oluseyi Petinrin as Chief of Air Staff. Until this appointment, Air Marshal Petinrin was the Air Officer Commanding the Nigerian Air Force Training Command, Kaduna .

All the appointments are with immediate effect.

President Yar’Adua and the Minister of Defence, Alhaji Yayale Ahmed have met with the outgoing Chief of Defence Staff and Service Chiefs to thank them for their services to the nation.

Olusegun Adeniyi
Special Adviser to the President
(Communications)
August 20, 2008

President Yar'Adua is said to be facing another health crisis and will be treated in a hospital in Saudi Arabia. His spin doctors are claiming he is going for an early Hajj timed to coincide with Ramadan. With the latest reshuffle, men loyal to James Ibori, the notorious former governor of Delta state, facing charges of laundering more money than anyone in the history of this country, will take charge of the Yar'adua regime. Two weeks ago, Yar'adua had appointed David Edevbie, a former commissioner of finance of Delta State with extensive links to Ibori's money laundering activities as his "Private Principal Secretary".

Ibori owns Wings Aviation and both he and his wife Theresa are being extensively investigated in both Nigeria and UK on charges of money laundering.

Sahara Reporters further reports:

Yar'adua had delayed his medical trip for a day in order to announce the removal of the service chiefs following what SaharaReporters had earlier reported as a spreading sense of unease in military circles over the illegitimacy of Yar'adua’s presidency. “Many military officers are still upset about the way the April 2007 elections were conducted,” a source, who is a retired military officer, recently told our correspondent.


Mr. Yar’adua's present sickness has provided a public relations nightmare for his wife and closest aides who dread the political fallout of public knowledge that Yar’adua remains in fragile health condition. Last week Tuesday, Yar'adua canceled a meeting with newspaper publishers due to medical emergencies.

A reliable source within Aso Rock told Saharareporters that this concern with public perception led to a decision to announce Yar’adua’s medical trip to Saudi Arabia as a lesser hajj. Muslim fasting commences in two weeks time.

Yar'adua will not be traveling with his aides or his Nigerian doctor in order to make the trip appear like a private religious trip. He is expected to be away for one week starting from tonight.


Yar’adua, who was thrust into the presidency in last year’s massively rigged election, has been bedeviled by a series of health crises.

At the end of July 2008, Yar’adua collapsed in the presidential vehicle on his way to a launch at the Yar'adua Center in Abuja (named for his late elder brother). He was driven back to Aso Rock Villa, missing the ceremony he was to attend.

Dating back to his presidential campaign days, Yar’adua has been flown several times to Germany for treatment. But his present relapse has created a dilemma on how to embark on another international medical trip to Germany. His closest aides calculate that another emergency medical trip to Germany would be politically costly.

“The fear is that another medical trip to Germany might leave the impression that President Yar’adua is too physically ravaged to continue the day-to-day running of the country,” said a source close to the Yar’aduas.

Yar’adua’s wife, Turai Yar’adua, who is personally overseeing the campaign to influence Supreme Court justices to uphold her husband’s election, is particularly worried about any perception that her husband is too frail to continue in office, according to several of our sources. Mrs. Yar’adua has recently rebuffed pleas by some northern leaders to encourage her husband to endorse the idea of new presidential elections—and to announce his retreat from running. She has countered that, even if her husband dies in office, he would not be the first Nigerian ruler to do so, pointing to the case of Sani Abacha, the late military dictator.

The plan to fly Yar’adua to Saudi Arabia became the option once his inner circle decided that it would be politically damaging to return him to Germany to see his doctors.

Saharareporters has exclusively reported that Yar'adua suffers from Churg Strauss syndrome, a condition that kept him hospitalized in a hospital in Wiesbaden, Germany for 10 days last April.

Yar’adua’s medical treatments in Germany have also created a legal problem for Bilfinger Berger, the parent company of Julius Berger, Nigeria's biggest construction company with a reputation for corruption. German State investigators are poring over Bilfinger Berger’s financial documents over improper payments made to Nigerian public officials in relation to several construction projects.

According to published reports corroborated by officials of the Yar'adua regime, Julius Berger has been responsible for flying Yar'adua to hospital in Wiesbaden. Some of the hospital bills footed by Julius Berger are believed to be the subject of investigations and inquiry by the German police, BKA.


In Nigeria we may be sick of military rule, but since the return to civilian rule corruption has increased exponentially and there are a significant number of people who would welcome someone like Gerry Rawlings to sort out the country's malaise. However, we would do well to remember the old adage, 'be careful what you wish for as it may come true'.

[MamaPut]

TL,

Is that RS, formerly of both Bond and Bristow? Bristow's new EC225 has just gone to Oz. Has RS gone back to them?

[Captain Buck]

OK, Here's what one Bristow friend tells me. CLA has jack to do with cost of living. In most places in Nigeria Bristow guys have to pay for food. Like in Lagos, some hotel took over running their staff house - food, cleaning, the lot except the bar. The guys there pay cash for every meal they take and it costs around $25 a day for 3 meals. They were paid this in local currency in cash. Now the money will be paid in their $ salaries and all the guys will have to arrive in country with a stash of around $1,000+. Great thinking in a country with a security situation like Nigeria guys :ugh: It's not even as if you can just go out to an ATM and take the money when you need it (unless you want to have all your identity stolen and find someone has suddenly been using your card for buying a load of goods in Dubai or Hong Kong). Typical bean-counter nonsense where it's good for them and bu99er the poor guys who have to live with their narrow-minded accountant-think :mad:. I remember back in the days of Alan Bristow where Bristow had a real good name. Now it's just another garbage GOM company trying to cash in on the Bristow name. Guess what guys - it ain't working. You've fooled nobody. Go on back to your homes guys and get a life. I did it years back and I've never once regretted it because my quality of life is now so much better than when I was touring.

[alouette]

Should I wee in my pants because I have to laugh so hard or am I high on weed. However, those folks who left Nigeria and were able to make a change for the better should consider themselves as lucky. But what about the others who are stuck in wankerville and can't get to some other place because of lacking opportunities?

And for Caverton management...kindly respond to emails when we send them because otherwise "joining the best" is just like another punchline and a waste of time.:mad:

[SASless]

Alouette,

There is always the wonderful world of transcontinental truck driving....you too could forge that special bond between Man, Machine, and the Open Highway!

There are always other opportunities out there....afterall most helicopter jobs are transitory events for one reason or another.

Look for the operator that is on an up-swing....and get aboard....ride that wagon until it reaches top dead center then heads down again. Repeat as often as necessary until you croak, retire, or marry a rich woman.

[Mama Mangrove]

SAS,

I think you have the wrong order there. Surely it should be marry a rich woman (preferably young, pretty and athletic :}). This will enable you to retire and as a result of spending more time with your athletic young inamorata you will soon croak :E

alouette,

I suggest if you want to contact Caverton you just try a telephone call. On their website their number in PH is given as 084 571 450 or in Lagos 01 737 9255. I'm sure if you ask for their Operations Director, Sunny Adegbuyi you'll be given a number to contact him. Sunny is a good guy (ex Bristow). Despite the post from CM, I have heard that they really are getting up to 6 Bell 412s for delivery in the next 9 months and will obviously be in need of qualified pilots and engineers. However, pacta sunt servada (agreements must be kept) applies in their case and I have heard of numerous people still owed money by them after leaving. Be sure of getting paid in advance if you work for an employer like them as otherwise you might just find yourself staying on longer than you want in the hopes of getting what you're already owed :=

PW,

How can Bristow standards possibly fall lower? I heard they were pretty much at rock bottom already. It's obviously not the company which I left all those years ago. In those days the management was pretty dreadful (which is why I left) but at least we had standards. I observed the decline until I was forced into miserable retirement.

[alouette]

Thanks Mama Mangrove!!!:ok:

[SASless]

Sunny is a very nice gentleman.....hope he says the same of me having lost his license for him once upon a time. Actually it was El Toro that lost the license for him....who was the NCAA to tell the Bull what to do?:rolleyes:

[anjouan]

Yes, RS and RC have both left and are going to work in Australia. They're just following the latest trend after a good pay rise in Austtralia and a shortage of suitably qualified pilots there.

I'd believe the EC225's coming when they actually arrive in Nigeria - after all the ferry crews have already been to France once and been sent home before leaving. There's still a lot of speculation as to what may happen between CHC and Aero on the RW side, but apparently no final decisions have been made yet. My own feeling is that the two companies will split, as they have on the FW side and if I were a Canadian living in Canada now, unless I was looking to change and become non-resident, I'd be actively pursuing other vacancies within CHC Global.

As for Bristow, their standards will not improve. They have too many unhappy people with low morale looking for something and when their pay review is announced and they lose their present CLA cash payments, more of them will continue to drift away and be replaced by people who, no matter how willing, don't have the experience of living or working in Nigeria :\. It won't be a case of last one leaving turn out the lights, but more of, 'does anyone here know how to restart the generator so we can turn on the lights?'. :confused: :{:{

[bristowburnout]

There's a text message doing the rounds at the moment;

A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (Ford) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practised long and hard to reach peak performance before the race, but on the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for their crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was that the Japanese had 8 people paddling and one person steering, while the Americans had 8 people steering and one person paddling. Feeling a deeper study was in order, the American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. The consultants advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat while not enough people were paddling. Not sure of how to utilze that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganised to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person paddling the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Programme' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the paddler. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices, and bonuses.

The following year the Japanese won by 2 miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the paddler for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was outsourced - to India.

Sadly, THE END

Here's something else to think about. Ford has spent the last 30 years moving all its factories out of the US, claiming they can't make money paying American wages. Toyota has spent the last 30 years building more than a dozen plants in the US. According to the last quarter's results Toyota made $4 billion profit, while Ford racked up $9 billion in losses. Ford folk are still scratching their heads. If this weren't true, it might be funny.


Sound like any other American company in Nigeria you know?

[twisted wrench]

Mama put: RS is going back to Oz to fly a 139 if that helps who he will be working for.

[Aser]

VIH wins Angola helicopter contract
Victoria firm to help African country with election
Bruce Constantineau, Vancouver Sun
Published: Thursday, August 21, 2008

Victoria-based VIH Helicopters Ltd. has won a six-month, multi-million-dollar contract to help Angola hold its first national elections in 16 years.

Six VIH helicopters will be used for pre-election and post-election transportation work in the southwestern African nation, where elections will take place on Sept. 5.

VIH operations manager Corey Taylor said the helicopters will be used to fly international observers throughout the country and to help set up polling booths before the election. Some helicopters will be used as mobile polling stations during the election, flying to remote communities and offshore oil rigs.

Taylor said the contract also calls for the helicopters to provide a kind of national transit service after the election because many roads are impassable and need repairs.

The six VIH helicopters will be part of an international contingent of 30 copters under contract to a private company working for the Angolan government.

Despite Angola's history of civil war and political violence, Taylor said VIH has been assured the work will be no more dangerous than working in Canada.

"There's unrest in some areas of Angola, but we're not going anywhere where we think there's potential for violence," he said in an interview. "We certainly don't expect to have any bullets flying at the helicopters or anything like that. Otherwise, we wouldn't do it."

Taylor said a VIH helicopter compound in Sudan was hit by a mortar round a few years ago.

"We pulled the plug instantly on that contract," he said. "We have civilian crews and nobody is interested in that type of thing."

VIH is sending two Sikorsky S-92s, two Sikorsky S-61s, a Bell 212 and a Eurocopter EC135. Taylor said it costs about $1.4 million to transport three or four helicopters from Canada to Angola on a Russian Antonov transport plane.

Regards
Aser

[Chinesewhispers]

I hear that the BHNL pay review has been announced.

Why are the Bristow management not shouting about it from the rooftops?

It has been delayed for two months so it must be good!

Anyone have any details?

[SASless]

You assume it is a pay deal....singular usage.

Also...if one gives up information as a Bristow Manager then one gives up power and is thus susceptible to being de-throned.

What is wrong in telling of the results in the monthly pay packet....surely each person involved will see the difference and be suitably impressed and appreciative.

[archos]

Why are the Bristow management not shouting about it from the rooftops?


If Bristow management would be making much noise about their pay review, the existing long list of applicants wanting to work for them in Nigeria would increase to the equivalent of 8.9 on the open Richter scale for top jobs.

[MamaPut]

I'd suggest that the fact that neither Bristow management is shouting about it from the rooftop, nor has anybody come up on here to say how great it is speaks volumes. I'd predict an actual rise of 3% or less overall, dressed up to sound better and that when people discover what they're actually getting, the likes of ADA and Gulf helicopters will have fewer problems with numbers in the next few months, whilst Eket will have the opposite problem. It's all just a game of the balance between numbers and quality of life ;)

That doesn't mean CHC are doing any better - people are just waiting to find out whether CHC or Aero will win the war or lose the peace :E

[Chinesewhispers]

Pay review is:

4.5% on basic.
CLA now $5500 per annum paid monthly with salary

That is it.

The door that the management failed to see opening, and are still blind to, has now been blown off the hinges.

I am not far off the bottom of the Bristow dung pile and for those of you whose calculators have Nigerian batteries my pay after the 4.5% raise and not including CLA is now $118,000 per annum. In addition there is the 7% company contribution to my pension.

ADA pays $112,000 without the requirement for armed escorts.

[nbl]

So why not join ADA?

[SASless]

How does the new pay rate compare to the Bristow Australia pay rate?

One would have to assume paying Oz taxes would be a fair trade for the Aussie lifestyle as compared to no tax and the Eket lifestyle.:ugh:

[soggyboxers]

MP,

Have you been looking at my pay slip? Bang on the button - 2.98% overall :hmm:.

nbl,

I guess that since the sad demise of John Hanley, Bill Lee is probably quite busy now and it probably takes a while for anyone applying to get a reply - if at all. I have a friend working in Kandahar for ADA and he was saying that he has difficulty getting replies to e-mails at present.

The recent fall in the value of the £ against the US$ is probably worth more than the value of the pay rise to be honest, but for those paid in $ and living in Europe, every little bit helps :)

[bristowburnout]

Yet another Randy Organ triumph of bureaucracy over common sense :yuk:. Staff are going to have to wait until September to get their pay rise. Even though it's back dated to July 1 people are going to lose interest (in both senses). The numpty obviously has a total grasp of life in Nigeria :ugh:. I can just see the guys in Escravos visiting their local Western Union office to pick up some Naira, or the guys in Eket asking the armed convoy with all the XOM staff in it as well to please stop off at Diamond Bank on the way in at 0645 so they can cash a cheque. I'm sure the convoy at Warri Texaco won't mind diverting into town, rather than just driving across the road so they can visit the Bureau de Change :=. This has got to be the worst conceived Bristow pay review in Nigeria ever. They just start settling people in Eket down a bit and now the whole apple cart has just been upset again. I can't wait to get my official notification - toilet paper is getting scarce down here with all the BS we're being fed :uhoh:.

As Marcus T Cicero said, "As Ye Sow, So Shall Ye Reap".

[Tokunbo]

soggy,

Good point about the change in the relative values of the £ and $, but aren't a lot of 'old school' Bristow still paid in £ and unaffected by such things? Anyway, any favourable change in rates, can surely be reversed overnight?

NEO,

I seem to remember you said, let's wait and see. Having now 'seen' some idea of what Bristow are offering, what have you seen of its reception by the 'troops' in the front line bases?

CW,

No matter what, I don't see many people being tempted to leave for ADA and losing at least $6,000 per annum. That place still sucks and they've upset too many people for most experienced pilots to want to leave for that part of the world, no matter how hard Bristow tries to pi$$ off its own people.

SAS,

Pilots are leaving CHC and Bristow already to return to Australia. I don't know about the relative pay, but most of the guys I've spoken to who are returning have said that they'll lose very little and much prefer a 2/2 touring roster to 6/6 in the swamps. I can't see a couple of percent increase making anyone reconsider that, particularly when they're going to upset a lot of people again on the CLA issue. Has there actually been an official announcement on Bristow pay as yet, or is it just expected to be in the same ball park as CHC's raise?

[SASless]

1972....Republic of Upper Volta (now Burkina Faso)...Evergreen Helicopters

Made collect (reverse charge) telephone call to McMinnville, Oregon....Evergreen Payroll Department.....charges accepted...query re past three months pay....to be told...."We don't give that information out over the telephone!" As if they did not know who was calling collect from Bobo-Dioulasso, Republic of Upper Volta!

Got transferred to the Chief Pilot....name of Larry Vineyard....explained situation....three months on the job and no information re pay since hire....to be told...."...as payroll department correctly stated...we don't give that information out on the telephone!".

Does this kind of attitude sound like familiar in Nigeria?

Surprise visit paid to Chief Pilot's Office using my retained unused "Open" return ticket....confirmed I had been paid in full.....then elected to remain at home vice return to Bobo-Dioulasso.

Evergreen could not understand why I had such poor faith in them and their concern for the working staff.

[Good Man In Africa]

Tokunbo,

I reckon you're dead on the nail. ADA has the advantage of a life after the blades stop but no private medical, no sickness benefit, no insurance and so on. How much is that worth to an ageing workforce with more frequent need of a quick referral ? If you went there on 8/4 you'd make around the same as a guy on 6/6 here.

The pay review has been taken stoically here, it's the CLA that has really p**sed everyone off.

As NEO said we will have to wait and see if anyone feels strongly enough to pull the ripcord. But I doubt there will be many, if any.

[heliminger]

It seems the BHNL leadership (I use the term loosely) is forcing their workforce into using black market sources to change money. This is not legal in Nigeria and is therefore against COBI.
They will argue that they are not forcing anyone as they should use official exchange routes.
Now we are in LALA land.
It may be possible for an MD or OM to send his driver to a bank but, those staying in Stallag Luft 12 in Eket can forget it.

Maybe some of them should spend more time in their pools in Florida and let someone run the company properly.

COBI (code of bussiness integrity)
PS I won't be back.

[bristowmanagement]

You guys just have no idea of the broader picture. If we had the Agbami contract we'd be able to afford you overpaid whiners, but we don't, so live with it. You only come out here for 6 weeks and in most bases you're fed, so what are you getting CLA for anyway? Just to stop you whining so much is what. If you need to buy food, change money at the airport when you arrive - what do you expect - an ATM at every base? Whaddaya mean why can't you have the money in cash like before? You guys never listen to what you're told about the perfectly reasonable explanation we gave you about tax and business integrity. It's about time we started cracking the whip. Nobody's been kidnapped for a long time, ADA is still short of pilots who haven't left Bristow despite all the horse dung posted here by a bunch of malcontents. We have enough people and that's what shows the truth of the matter - most people are perfectly happy. We have a stack of applications from pilots in Third World countries who'd be glad to make as many greenbacks as we pay you. We have a whole heap of them already and our accident rate hasn't gone up, so stop whining about falling standards.

It's costing us a fortune to keep you guys in secure camps when the hijack threat is negligible, so we're cutting back on security consultants and having them all based here in Lagos where they're needed. The drivers and junior staff were just a drag on our resources which is why we sacked them and outsourced the work to local contractors. We're not a bleeding hearts charity and if they're on a worse deal now, that's their problem not ours. Unlike you, we're here on performance bonuses and we'll do whatever we have to and screw over anyone we need to increase our package - you'd do the same if you could, so quit moaning - losers :=

[cmwangs]

It still amazes the nuts off me as to why you guys put up with this BS!! Surely, there are other BETTER employers out there who actually think about their responsibilities!!
Comfort Zone?? Incredible!
CMW.

[alouette]

To Bristowmanagement

You know what I don't care about this freakin CLA, BLA, BS and god knows what.

On the contrary Bristow Nigeria should conduct themselves as it is outlined in the Bristow leadership charter i.e. values, goals, and mission statements as per website. For God sakes show us some leadership and prevent the run off of good people. Recently you have been ushering us with "resources" that are an irresponsibility to clients and else. Where is the leadership that is expected from you? Or do I have to read it out loudly to you? It's all fine and dandy when the bigwigs descend on us and swing big speeches, but clear up this mess!!!! :mad:

P.S. Probably everything you propose is signed as "Bristowmanagement" thus hiding the true personality behind illfated decisions and avoid responsibility. Come on down and I'll get ya!!!:mad:

[Phone Wind]

Um... alouette, you don't really believe bristowmanagement has anything to do with the real management do you? I'm sure it's just another guy having a good rant, though with Bristow you never know :}:confused:. One thing's for sure - while people are divided in their opinions of 'the majah' and the new MD is making a good first impression, nobody has a good word to say about the guy known as 'Randy Organ'. Despite that, I think Toks is right and most people will just stay on and continue moaning until or unless something better comes along. It doesn't make for a happy workforce though. In the last year or two both Bristow and CHC seem to have done their best to transform their workers into a pretty unhappy bunch with incredibly low morale. Both companies pay lip service to safety but fail to recognise that low morale is also detrimental to safety. As for COBI, that's just something they do to please the SEC. I'm sure the managers in both companies are quite happy to send out their drivers to change money on the black market. It's an interesting point from heliminger though and I wonder what the SEC would say if someone implicated Bristow in illegal business practices forced on their employees as a matter of policy?
Never mind, the Agbami contract will be announced any day now and then all the problems in Nigeria will be solved :E. Yeah, and father Christmas really does exist and I'm sure I saw the Tooth Fairy last night :}

[alouette]

Well, whatever... I just had to vent my disappointment on this unwholesome situation. It is sheer madness as well as sad to see how a good company loses its plot based on the fact that some dimbulbed manager(s) think they do the best they can to keep the operation running.

Whoever thinks that Agbami will be the solution to all the culprits is mislead.

Citing the code of integrity; "Promote honest and ethical conduct" and "Maintain a workplace in which the integrity and dignity of each individual is valued" - just to name a few. Now over to management - stop talking like a bunch of hobos and get real!!!!:mad:

[bristowburnout]

Here's a great new online site I found for anyone who thinks the new way of getting CLA is a rip off and should be reported:
The Rip Off Report (http://www.ripoffreport.com/)

You can also use the company whistleblowers hotline to report any member of management you have discovered changing money illegally on the black market rather than getting it sent to him/her via Western Union or changing it at anything other than a legal Bureau de Change, (Persons with concerns regarding Accounting Matters may forward their complaints on a confidential or anonymous basis to The NETWORK, an independent company at 1-888-840-4147 or outside North America at 770-582-5277 or alternatively via the internet at http://www.tninc.com/webreport) or report them to Nigerian Customs Service on 09 5236393 or via their website Nigerian Customs Service (http://www.customs.gov.ng/) if you suspect them of entering or leaving the country with more than $5,000. If you're worried about using the whistleblowers hotline, contact this American firm of attorneys for advice Qui Tam Attorneys (http://www.bafirm.com/quitam.html?gclid=CP2p04OpqZUCFQyR1QodGnwgkA)

You can find out more about the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act of 1977 through this website Foreign Corrupt Practices Act of 1977 (http://www.answers.com/topic/foreign-corrupt-practices-act-of-1977) if you feel you're being illegally forced into a position where you may be in contravention of the Act.

Know the rules thoroughly so you can catch them out every time they break them. You can also make a point by refusing to take an aircraft if it's not completely serviceable, bar any allowable defects and make sure you record any and all defects in the journey log after every flight.

[phonic wheel]

Re the Toyota v Ford canoe race......Brilliant! But you must concede that the bonus's were well deserved because of their diligence in trying to find the root cause of the poor performance.

[Phone Wind]

Late last night an Israeli businessman in his 60s was kidnapped at the entrance to a parking lot in Port Harcourt. His family have asked that his identity not be revealed as yet and the identity of his 4 kidnappers is not known.

[Tokunbo]

Now the totally out of touch local management with Bristow have issued an eat-before-reading memo saying that expat staff should get their girlfriends or wives to send them out money for their chop with Western Union, or open accounts with Citibank or brandish large wads of cash at the Bureau de Change at Lagos when they arrive. Great thinking in the present security situation :ugh:

I can just see it now on the morning convoy from Darrel's to QIT. The Bristow bus suddenly pulls out of the armed convoy and drives onto the forecourt of Citibank. Mopol vehicles block off the road and the Mopol wondering what's happening panic, some dropping their weapons and running away as they take off their uniform shirts, while others blindly fire into the air, the bush and the bank :E. The convoy commander reports that the convoy is under heavy attack by a group of armed militants who were trying to rob the bank and JTF immediately send an armed response team which arrives sometime later in the afternoon :}. Two pregnant women in the crowd are injured and rioting erupts on the street with one driver being beheaded. The convoy eventually starts on its way to QIT, but community unrest has now spread so widely that the gates of QIT are besieged by an angry mob with the driver's head impaled on a stake. It's decided to evacuate all Bristow staff to the MGH helipad by helicopter and that they will stay there for the next few days. As they are fed there by XOM they now have no need of their allowances anyway. The rioting is eventually brought under control after 3 days, during which time Darrel's is razed to the ground. A huge increase of telephone calls to the whistleblower hotline results in the Chief Pilot and Chief Engineer being sacked by the compliance officer and a committee is set up by the HRM in Lagos to look into the cause of the trouble and exonerate him :ugh:

What do you think NEO? Have you opened your Citibank account yet?

[SASless]

TOK,

Oh how I wish to think you are pulling a leg here.....even Bristow Management (such as it is) could not possibly send such a memo....could they?

It should make folks shudder to think that as cynical as I am about the HR madness that causes such agony for the hired help, that I cannot force myself to think this one huge prank you are pulling off.

Deep in one's heart there is a bit of hope that HR people are not that stupid but unfortunately....the rest of the soul knows better.:{

[anjouan]

flungdung,
Is actually a miserly 3% rise overall. Is Bristow in the North Sea who have a 5.7% rise. Many peoples have left this year and despite what is said there is always only just enough pilots, so any sickness etc, is a big struggle to keep things going. However, ADA, I don't think so :=

[STRYDER]

Flungdung is right, the only way to sort any of this mess out is to go to the bar:D Drink Star:) Gulder is really antifreeze:(
Nigeria or the Gulf, same hole only the depth may vary:confused:

[heliminger]

As I said in my last post, I won't be returning. I am however, under no misapprehension that the management will be filling their pants at the loss of my talents. I am sure there will be some willing victim to take my place ,briefly .
After all the management only thinks as far ahead as the next bonus. The future of the company (beyond next bonus) is of no interest.
Why plan ahead when your interests are best served in short term thinking. This method tends to suit their mental capacities anyway.
The sad thing is, these were once people who cared about the future and were respected for it. (Sasless will not agree).

[SASless]

Helim's,

Beyond not knowing to whom you refer within "management" that cared then but not now....and thus being able to confirm that statement....the rest of what you say is absolutely true.

Our Japanese friends view business in "long term" vice the American way of the next quarterly report mindset. As our automobile factories close and go overseas (think Mexico) the folks at Toyota are building plants in the USA.

As Toyota (and other foreign car makers) take over the American automobile industry our folks in Detroit wring their hands and face bankruptcy knowing the good ol' US Guvmint will bail their sorry asses out if need be.

Maggie Thatcher knew the evils of government run/subsidized business....I just wish her wisdom could have rubbed off on us.

[Foamy Coolings]

Now the totally out of touch local management with Bristow have issued an eat-before-reading memo saying that expat staff should get their girlfriends or wives to send them out money for their chop with Western Union, or open accounts with Citibank or brandish large wads of cash at the Bureau de Change at Lagos when they arrive.


What is the problem with this very fine and eloquent suggestion - do you expect Humane Resources to go to the bank on your behalf every month and deliver the money to you on a plate?

I have heard about this Pruning at many meetings with my other Managers and at fust did not understand. Now I realised that Pruning is one of my greatest accomplashmints just ask the ex drivers and housing staffs maybe you will be next....

I now realise that there is a serious leakingness or maybe even a Mule as John Le Curry the famous spy author called them in our Centre of Excellence Heads Quarters but we will burn that bridge when we come to it.
When I write detailed memorandums to those minor managing people in the fields of Eket and Calabar and other places and warn them of the dire consequences of passing on informations in writing to the lower Staffs like Pilots and mechanical men but they obviously don't listen. Is my message at the bottom of my mails not clear like crystals?

Be warned - I am now monitoring your whining and subversive behavious!

Regards

F.C.

Please do not place this mail on the notice boards and do not make photocopies or distribute to employees. Just pass on the info to employees - thanks

[archos]

Let me swim against the current here. I've been with Bristows for some time, all those years without fail I had my salary in my account at the end of the month, if there is another 4.5% added to it, I'll take it. They allow me to fly only as many hours as precribed by the doctor/NCAA, they will ground the a/c if anything is wrong with it or I am telling them that I'm not happy with this or that, no pressure at all from above, wonderful bunch of engineers to look after me, at the end of the day I retire to my airconditioned mansion to chill out, LG: Life is good.

[SASless]

Eyeing that greasy pole are we Archos?

[Troglodita]

Archos - fully agree with everything you say which makes it even more infuriating when the Foamy Coolings' of this World come along and in a manner akin to the Gestapo and SS proceed "on orders" to go out of their way to screw up something that wasn't broken.

Whenever someone says to me "The Company did this" or "The Company did that" - I always ask which person in the "Company" they are referring to. People make changes - not inanimate "Companies"

As a lifelong avoider of Unions, I can't help but feel sometimes that there are occasions when a united voice is the only way to beat this sort of crap. It has worked in the North Sea and it could work here too if not hijacked by the looney PC Brigade.

Trog

[SASless]

Trogs,

I would like to be a fly on the wall when the Union Reps confront the management about a list of grievances!

How quick can you say "Nigerian Jail" in English English?

If one files a legal proceeding against the company....one gets the sack immediately....would it not be the same for going union?

Remember...you are not part of the North Sea business unit nor the North American business unit....both of which are already unionized.

[soggyboxers]

Troglodita and archos,

Have to agree with most of what you say. The pay does always go in on time, and though the rise is only on basic salary, the strengthening dollar will provide a useful extra bonus (and the rate is forecast to fall to £1=$1.75 by year's end). Fluctuating currency exchange rates is something one has to learn to live with if one is employed by a foreign company and not paid in one's home currency.

But Trogs, I most have to agree with your comment about not fixing something if it isn't broken. Somebody has made a decision which has upset a lot of people and that I believe will have repercussions further down the line for those of us remaining. However, unlike heliminger, I'll be back even though I'm unhappy about some of the changes in our new pay review - and I'm one of the few who is still in Nigeria for 10 months a year!

There is no such thing as the perfect employer though, like many, I enjoyed most of my time with Schreiner. Alas they are now gone and Bristow, warts and all is still one of the better employers around.

[Troglodita]

Fluctuating currency exchange rates is something one has to learn to live with if one is employed by a foreign company and not paid in one's home currency.



Soggy - how right and occasionally in our favour.

Back in the old days in Bristow Kuala Trengannu we used to receive 100% of our salary and allowances paid in Malaysian Ringgit into personal accounts at Standard Chartered Bank (almost always on time)

The Pound Sterling was on a roll and every month we found more and more Malay Dollars waiting for us - wundahfull!

Some Senior Payroll Clerk (HR wasn't yet invented) thought "wait O!" - I can save the Company a few quid here so they fixed the exchange rate at 5.94 Malay to 1 pound even though the extant rate was over 6:1 and rising.
"Your salary is now going to be the same every month so stop whingeing" they told us.

Almost immediately the mighty Pound began plunging and within months was down to 1 Pound equalled less than 4 Malay Dollars.

Scenario -
1000 pounds at 5.94 arrives in Bank = 5940 ringgit
send 4000 ringgit home = 1000 pounds
Proceed to bar with 1940 "free" ringgit

Even more wundahfull!

The present Pound vs. Dollar deal looks set to head the same way albeit on a smaller scale.

Trogs

[TomBola]

At a reception in Rivers State Government House last Tuesday evening the Israeli envoy made the following speech:

Rivers is safe - Israeli envoy
Bolaji Ogundele, Port Harcourt - 28.08.2008

THE security situation in Rivers State is not as terrifying as being reported in the media, the Israeli Ambassador to Nigeria, Mr. Moshe Ram, has said after a two-day stay in the state.


He commended the state governor, Mr. Rotimi Amaechi, for his focus on improving the economy of the state, saying Israel was interested in partnering with the state on development.


Ram, who was hosted to a dinner at the Government House, Port Harcourt, on Tuesday, likened the security situation in Israel to that of Rivers, saying anyone who relied on media report in judging places could get confused.


He said there was peace in the state, but added that security was one area where the state and his country could collaborate.


“I think Rivers State is taking good care of itself. Just like I said at the dinner, the picture that is being painted in the newspapers about what is happening here is different from what I have experienced in the two days I have been here.


“Of course, there is a possibility of exchanging of views and sharing ideas and since we have someone who is in the security business in our mission, he will make contacts and see how we can help on security network,” he said.


He said his team had talks with the state government and the private sector on areas of business where collaboration could be forged, adding that the visit was a preliminary move on the way forward.


It was on his way home from that dinner that Israeli businessman Ehud Avni was kidnapped :uhoh:

Now MEND say they know the whereabouts of Mr Avni but have withdrawn a previous offer to help free him until Israel National News (Arutz Sheva) rescinds its description of MEND as a terrorist group and offer an apology in the next publication. MEND say, "If the founding fathers of Israel were not described as terrorists when they fought to liberate their people and bring hope and a future from the concentration camps, then we take very strong objections to that description for fighting to emancipate the Niger Delta from five decades of injustice and neglect".

Whatever the truth behind all this may be, I hope Mr Avni is released unharmed soon.

[SASless]

Air Logistics, a Bristow company, has sold off most of all their small ships, and two hundred pilots are at risk of losing their jobs as a result. The company wishes to retain them and most wish to stay with Air Log.

More than a few are looking towards Nigeria as a way of doing that.

So...ya'll malcontents run on in and drop of your notice papers....and make room for the latest roundup of new faces.

[Tokunbo]

SAS,

That was announced quite a while back and it also announced that many of them are being replaced by new twins. The market in Nigeria for single engine qualified pilots is pretty limited and likely to become more so when the singles in Escravos are also phased out. The other problem for FAA licensed pilots in Nigeria is that the NCAA won't recognise a type rating unless the pilot has done an approved or factory course as there are no type ratings on an FAA licence. Many of the pilots there have only CPLs, which would only qualify them to fly as co-pilots on twins in Nigeria and that possibility is soon likely to be phased out as more national pilots arrive fresh from training in SA and USA. If a pilot hasn't flown a twin before he's also now required to do an MCC rating and a twin upgrade course. Many of the single pilots in the GOM also have no IR, so I don't think it's by any means as simple as you think. When was anything in Nigeria ever easy :sad:

[alouette]

Firstly, all this crap is an extortion scheme on the highest level. An FAA license is an ICAO recognized license, AND THAT IS IT. I have applied for a Nigerian license last year and FU.K ALL has been achieved. Furthermore, the guys at National Co.k Addicts Authority should pull their heads out of the rear and start acting as professionals as such. Until then I would suggest they should all take a freakin hike...which of course will not happen. This swamp of corruption and illcontent. PFFFF:mad:

[alouette]

Foamy Coolings aka F.C.?!? By the way the initials are a striking coincidence of that dope sniffer sitting in Lagos who hides behind various emails and never takes responsibilty for anything:E

Oh, by the way do not paste this onto emails...:}

[TomBola]

Reuters is reporting that an Israeli embassy source in Abuja said that gunmen holding the kidnapped Israeli are demanding $12 million for his release. They have not given a deadline for payment of the ransom.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Foamy Coolings ? Very good !!

The exodus hasn't happened yet. I guess the review, disappointing as it is still keeps Bristow as a better option than ADA or Gulf. Quality of life notwithstanding people still get on the plane and come back.

And pilots love to moan, don't we ?? :ok:

NEO

[DoinTime]

The singles in Escravos will not be replaced by light twins. It was apparently offered to Chevron, who said they were not interested as the singles are doing the job just fine.

No doubt chevron has worked out it is cheaper to pay off the NCA than it is to pay for light twins.:D

mmmmm wonder what the NCA will do...... take the cash or in force the law mmmm and what is behind window number one.:}

[swamp_dwarf]

I think in these days it is justified...what a fu..in mess this is. That is the reason why I left pooperville for perhaps greener pastures closer to home. I mean the stupid question if there is an ATM available in the swamps around Escravos...that does tell something...:mad:

[mcderek2000]

tell that to the marines........

[Good Man In Africa]

No disrespect intended, but what does a guy on 28/28 flying 120 hours a month who is fed and accommodated need money for apart from ciggies if he smokes ? CLA was never intended for ciggies so I'm a bit confused as to why anyone would neeed an ATM in Escravos.

Like I said, no disrespect. Maybe there is a reason people need money in there.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

GMIA,

I see what you mean, but everyone on each operation used that CLA for something. Perhaps not what it was intended for but that was their business. Some just changed it with their colleagues and took it home.

I know it's hard to believe but some people actually bought beer with it. I used mine for charitable causes and world peace. So without it the world is a more dangerous place........

NEO

[Troglodita]

GMIA,

Careful with the CLA wind up!

We are heading right back to the thread discussing whether there is any possibility of a real social life in Nigeria or should we just sit in our rooms whingeing and watching Sport.

I prefer to align myself with NEO and think that my CLA was well spent on deserving charitable causes (and still is so any donations welcome!:))

Trogs

[Good Man In Africa]

Trog,

OK, you're right. I was looking forward to the irate replies, but I agree it's too much of a sore point for everyone. :ok:

Western Union works in Eket but neither of the QIT branches do it, you have to get an escort and go into town. I hope that doesn't compromise Bristow's liability insurance as a security breach............

I bet there's an HR Director or Manager somewhere with a really good cop-out for it. Maybe something like "Take us to court, we're bigger than you" as was said to an over-60 guy when he complained about ageism in his contract.

Such a caring culture these days :ugh:

[Foamy Coolings]

No disrespect intended, but what does a guy on 28/28 flying 120 hours a month who is fed and accommodated need money for?


Goodman - you can join my Depahtment any day now. You truly understand our problems with these people.

This is exactly my advices to the most Senior Managers.

Now the Top Man have also heeded me and as from now Pilots and Mechanical people must pay for any chop they want from the excellent Beila Garden caterers - even the Calabar and Escravos and Warri Staffs who do not get the high rate CLA.

They will say this is unfair but these cry babies must know who is the Oga. The Dog must realise which tail is causing him to wag.

I will pm you with a HR application form.

Please do not place this mail on the notice boards and do not make photocopies or distribute to employees. Just pass on the info to employees - thanks

[propspanner]

Firstly Mr F:mad:C
Do you not have any thing better to do in LOG behind your glass door, than use company time and money surfing the net := ?? Then you call your staff "dogs"?? What type of manager are you? Or are you one? :oh:
Then I must say, I would not like to work for you even if you had to pay me more than what I am getting now!

They will say this is unfair but these cry babies must know who is the Oga. And You are the Oga??:D:}

I would like to know how you would be, if you were not given the extra perks ? And then see who is the cry baby:{

As it is, I hear of a few Good Pilots heading for greener/whiter grass :eek:
Good luck to you:ok: As working for a f.C.L.O.W.N, it would be better working els where :D

To my mates(Pilots) in the mighty B company, keep on buds!:ok: You guys still make the company, with out You, there is no company!:cool:

[unstable load]

To my mates(Pilots) in the mighty B company, keep on buds!http://static.pprune.org/images/smilies/thumbs.gif You guys still make the company, with out You, there is no company!http://static.pprune.org/images/smilies/cool.gif


And the engineers are just there to give you someone to moan at after the flight........:D:*:(:mad:

[alouette]

To our "Good Man in Africa"

I quote "why does a guy who is fed and accommodated... need a CLA"? You ignoramus, these guys need the CLA because they are fed on **** so they can buy their food at the bar or ship in the pizzas from WT. Apart from being fed this crap, the accommodations are a health hazard. Is the answer logical to you:mad: Folks in Escravos work their butts off with the result that the little post flight life that they have is turning to poo as well. You be the judge!!! Additionally, they also have to put up with this travesty of pretended excellent operating standards executed by C...... Hurrah!!! Amen to that:mad:

[Senior Pilot]

Girls,

Much as I enjoy seeing the wind ups working, before it degenerates into a bitch fest remember:

As these are anonymous forums the origins of the contributions may be opposite to what may be apparent. In fact the press may use it, or the unscrupulous, or sciolists*, to elicit certain reactions.

;)

[Troglodita]

:D
Thank you Senior Pilot - some Girls just can't handle the pressure!

Back to real rumours - anyone got any news on the Bristow 412 that allegedly carried out a running landing following ??Engine failure/C Box?? problems the other day at Calabar.

Pilot reportedly looked like an Aztec or Inca crossed with a Hells Angel?

Trogs

[SASless]

Ah now SP....dat wer no wind-up.....wind-up's are far more subtle than that!

There is a certain very long serving Teutonic Master Winder extant who has you down the street and around the corner before you tweak to having been "wound".

Perhaps we can entice the Master to do his thing?

Anyone that remembers Omo currying favor in hopes of a posting to Egypt know who the Master Winder ist. MW suggested one morning in the crew bus that he had been approached about returning to Cairo as the GM. Omo went into action sensing a chance to get himself out of Nigeria.

Two weeks later....he tweaked!

[HeliJedi]

Do any of you guys actually work in the tropical paradise of Escravos???? Because the last time I checked, ever since Bristow took over, salaries have gone up in, some cases, 120%, in all cases 80%. All within 2 years.......

Now CLA is being dished out......... which hasn't happened in 35 years of that operation.....

Unless I am mistaken, Bristow has come to the party in every way.

Yeah sure, you got a couple of wierd characters is some interesting positions within the group. Tell me a company that doesn't. But I will tell you one thing, a pilot gets sick whilst working within Bristow for 1 year. Bristow pays his salary 100% without question. The guys does not set one foot on Bristow soil in that time.......


Why is Bristow such a crap company again?????

(I'm scratching my head here.........)

HeliJedi

(The Dark force is strong within me.....)

[propspanner]

I do not know out of what hole you fell out of?

Where have you been for the last few weeks? :zzz: ??? If you have followed this thread, you would have noticed that the guys are getting fed up with the likes of the Foamy :yuk: If I had to work for :8 and re-fur to me as a "dog" and to know when my tail must wag?? Then one must turn around and bit the hand that feeds it! As I am sure that MR F:mad:C is not "Bristow"! And sure he is not part of that Bristow culture?? My friends have always had a good word for the company they work for. Yes they get there money at the end of each month, they get all the training they need and the salary increases.

But I have heard from a good source of mine that the grub in Escr is not fit for a dog and that the "dogs" have been taking there own grub with them:= So would it not be fair to pay the guys the CLA as to what the other bases in Nig have been getting in the past? And why now:confused:must be paid in a acc and no ATM in Escr?:ugh::{:\

In all, it seems as if the guys down in the prison camp:oh: Escr are always drawing on the short straw:=:(

I have noted that F.:ugh:.C did not wake up, still :zzz: behind his desk:eek:

Does the kennel master not have his morning rounds? And check up on his dogs??

[phonic wheel]

But I have heard from a good source of mine that the grub in Escr is not fit for a dog and that the "dogs" have been taking there own grub with them

Your good source hasn't been to many other bases in Nigeria. Try the QIT mess or the BRC if you want a gastronomic treat. At Escravos they give you three hot main choices, soup, fresh bread, salads and deserts. Maybe not as good as Mama's but not too bad. The guys bring in meat for a brie, not out of necessity.

Lets not turn this into a downtrodden Escravos pilot v the rest of Bristow. We are all in the same CLA boat.

The move to cancel paying CLA locally was ill conceived and will have long lasting negative repercussions. We all like to beat up on Foamy (he deserves it) but the CLA debacle was devised by those sitting higher up on the rung.

[MamaPut]

More Bristow pilots are making enquiries now at Aero and the latest great decision to make all staff in transit through Lagos pay for everything, including N150 for a cup of instant coffee is sure to increase morale and happiness even more :}. I'm told that as well as sacking all the drivers, they have just started another new round of sacking local junior staff - a sure way to enhance industrial relationships :ugh:. Foamy Coolings (the real one, not the Prune one) is a real smiling knife. I'm just sitting here watching the long downhill slide.

[Foamy Coolings]

Unless I am mistaken, Bristow has come to the party in every way.

Holijodi


Before the WNIWA manic depressives reply to your (in my opinion) accurate observations of Bristow I want to voice my agreement.

I really do not understand what the problem is with you people who choose to work in Nigeria yet constantly complain about it the country and the company. If you are not happy there then just leave and go somewhere else.

Flingdong


Misters or perhaps Captains HoliJodi & Flingdong, you are a credit to your profession! You tell these crying men what is the real World.
How many Nairas does a cup of coffees cost in Stirbocks these days - a lot much more than 150 Nairas I can tell you. Is this not fair?
Yes my mighty new scotch boss knows fine that there are the discrapancies but stop your crying. We have arranged for the dollar to become strongest again so now it is even more pounds and Euros in your deep pockets which your short arms cannot reach.

We all like to beat up on Foamy (he deserves it)

Phobic Willie

I am a strong man with fine jaw - I can pull your paunches anytime.

F.C.

Please do not place this mail on the notice boards and do not make photocopies or distribute to employees. Just pass on the info to employees - thanks

[Troglodita]

Why is Bristow such a crap company again?????

(I'm scratching my head here.........)



Helijedi & Flungdung,

I also agree with (almost) everything you guys say about certainly the parts of Bristow this side (Eastern) of the pond. The GOM is a different story but even there things have improved dramatically over the last 5 years.
My view from the inside for what it is worth is that the "Oil Patch" management style is the cause of most of the present discontent.
There are many areas in most large Companies where costs of doing Business can be reduced without much detrimental effect to the morale or income of the boys and girls at the coalface. Changing the quality of the toilet paper and making penny halfpenny savings by changing already frustrating and sometimes unpleasant living conditions where small things are easily blown out of proportion just to save a few Nairas (e.g. on coffee for f**cks sake!) is not one of them. In general most of us are not slaves due to age, financial committments or licences as suggested by Flungdung. I much prefer 6 on 6 off in Nigeria to returning to the P.C. factories of Aberdeen with daily flogs to the East Shetland Basin being the highlight of my life. Most of our guys are young with JAA/FAA/SACAA licences and could get a job anywhere if they wished but they choose to stay because the lifestyle suits them. Lets' not f**ck with the status quo would have been my advice and I am sure was the advice of the old hands in Lagos but they have been ignored and over ridden. A great pity!

Trog

[unstable load]

Having enjoyed the shade of the Mango tree in ESC in the pre-Bristow days, the arrival of higher pay AND CLA can only be good.

As for the chop, whilst it was never haute cuisine in any form, brown meat and gravy was the usual fare plus salads, veg, dessert, juices, tea, coffee was probably better than some of the characters there did for themselves at home.

The cameraderie, or in some cases, the lack of it among colleagues was the most trying thing. It was bad eneough being there without having to look over your shoulder for potential smiling knives.

[HeliJedi]

F:mad:C, you may be a good lawyer, or HR manager, or something else, but spelling isn't one them..... It's HELIJEDI.......

I have lopped off heads with my light sabre for less........


HeliJedi

(Still looking for Luke)

[HeliJedi]

I think things have changed in Escravos. I heard from some good friends who work in ESC, that there is a real good team spirit and since the introduction of CLA, the Mango Tree has become real busy.....

Guys say that the manangement in Escravos is determined to get things sorted out for the guys.......

Nice to hear.

HeliJedi

(Bastard R2D2, pissed on my cloak)

[Mama Lolo]

Its also rumoured that Caverton are expecting a couple of 412s and its not 419 oh. to arrive sometime in Noverber.
November of this year-?
CVs are being recieved.:ugh::ugh:

[Mama Lolo]

Foamy coolings.

I have followed your ways and I no like kam at a tol atol.

The fact that Upper Management stopped your bud sucking doesn't make them bad overnite.

I LOVE FC and the likes of him.

Pay back time mama ****er.

E at Pro sends h love.:D

[Troglodita]

We here in Nigeria like most parts of the Globe now attempt to adhere to the principles of recycling.

To this end we have Blue, Green and Yellow bins in the hangar for paper, general degradeable waste or plastics/metals or maybe the colours are wrong.

The other day whilst clearing out old training records I thought I had better check before dumping waste paper in the wrong bin.

"It should be the blue one but it doesn't really matter" I was told!

"Why doesn't it matter?" I enquired.

"Because all 3 bins are emptied into the back of the same Chevron rubbish truck!"

:ugh::ugh::ugh::ugh:

Trog

[SASless]

Trogs dear boy,

Never to ask that fatal question....."Why?"

One is to comply with the rules as set forth by management for they know best.....you of all people should know that.:)

I also worked for a place that prided itself upon compliance with every law, rule, regulation, policy, and procedure known to Man.

Occurrence....

Secretary takes to desktop screaming about the Rat scurrying about her feet.

Investigation....A wee tiny mouse was seen scurrying for cover.

Action....Sticky paper brought from home and set in strategic place. Hours after being set out....said wee mouse observed stuck to the paper. Wee mouse given mammoth whack on his wee noggin (comparatively) and dispatched to the rubbish bin.

Management Review.....Yikes! Way too many applicable rules, policies, procedures violated.....said deceased wee mouse retrieved from the rubbish bin and returned to the scene of the crime. Vector Control notified, daily log entry effected, personnel cautioned of need to follow the rules and procedures....

Result....two weeks later....with obnoxious odor emanating from the decaying wee dead mouse....Vector Control shows up. Two of VC's Finest examine the crime scene....pick up the sticky paper and now dessicated mouse carcass....and toss both into the very same rubbish bin.

I wish to God I was making this up......but not so.:ugh:

Anyone care to work for Wackenhut Services? :=

[Troglodita]

SASless,

Scene: - Escravos PAAN Ops Room
Occurence: - Ceiling tiles water damaged - need replacing.

HSE identify need for scaffolding to effect safe repair.

Scaffolders take 3 days to erect scaffolding.

Man appears with replacement tiles - climbs on Ops Room table and replaces in less than 2 minutes.

Scaffolding removed 5 days later.

I know I shouldn't be surprised but I still am after all these years!

Trog

[alouette]

Scenario 2

Transport from WT to Prodeco

No chase vehicle available. Upon asking the driver why can't we shuttle accross without those baffoons, I was told it is unsafe...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What is safer? You be the judge! Armed escort from and to work, or paying off the guards 500 Naira each to let the savages (kidnappers) into the camp?:E

I foamed before I cooled down:E

[bristowburnout]

One of the managers in Escravos is due to leave to fly the S92 and his back-to-back has quit for a well known Canadian company. A number of pilots will be off to Heli Malongo soon. Is this a start of the Voertrekker exodus from Bristow Nigeria?

After the latest round of sackings of junior national staff by new boss Mike Armlick aided and abetted by Inhuman Resources Damager 'Foamy Coolings' it is not surprising that national staff are threatening a strike. That will cost more than is saved by charging N150 for a spoonful of instant coffee :yuk::ugh::ugh:

[etienne t boy]

Overheard at a crew room near you earlier today, "At least Neddy Holdon came in and went after the oil companies to make money, Mike Armlick has come here to screw us this time". Well, what goes around, comes around :ooh:

Great GOM style management and it ain't gonna get any better. Remember you don't really work for Bristow, you work for OLOG :{

HeliJedi,

Are you sure the management at Escravos is determined to sort things out for the guys? If what BB says is true, it sounds as if they're bailing out :uhoh:

[MamaPut]

Come now, how can you say such bad tings? Chilled Biles himself is surely the one who tells the world that Bristow is, One World, One Mission, One Team....... and presumably very soon just one man :}

On a pleasanter note, Captain Kobo will be seen in Nigeria much more soon in his new role for Aero. With he and Nabil at the helm they stand a good chance of making a really good company again without any input from CHC :ok:

Despite its poor reputation for retaining staff the 'center of excellence', Caverton is getting quite a number of national pilots from Bristow making enquiries about what may be on offer when their 412s start arriving.

[propspanner]

Whats up Dude??
I really got worried for a moment. Heard you :yuk: on a chip when you heard that :mad: Coolings was cutting down on your CLA? Someone had to almost give you :=?? Must of been a very good bud of yours? As I am sure that they thought you were acting.

Then you complain about ESC that leaks? I hear that its just as bad on your side of things?
And don't through the old training records away.:ugh: Aren't you supposed to save?? Need to use the other side to make new copies eg. save paper as there isnt any Nira.:{. :mad: Coolings is using it to pay for his coffee:ouch: And don't forget, his petrol money for company car!


I hear Caverton is going to start bidding for new contracts:oh: With 412 and ex Bristow pilots...mmm they should start off with a bang! And not the bang that :zzz:F.C would like to hear. Pilots slamming the door as they leave!:ok:

[SASless]

It would seem a bit of the old Naira dashed about to the right sources and this HR chap could be much less a problem. After all MEND has promised to continue kidnapping expats.

Does he not understand the going price for such things?

[swamp_dwarf]

Hey "propspanner", did it look like this...

http://i337.photobucket.com/albums/n395/alouette_316b/untitled.jpg

[Troglodita]

Heard you http://static.pprune.org/images/smilies/pukey.gif on a chip when you heard that http://static.pprune.org/images/smilies/censored.gif Coolings was cutting down on your CLA?


For the record, a wonderful (also well proportioned) RSA Chief Engineer with a short thumb attempted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre but his arms weren't long enough so he whacked me on the back which did the trick.

CLA fiasco is now old news - latest is that apart from N150 for a spoonful of Nescafe, they are reducing per diems on courses during work time because we will be receiving CLA monthly - absolutely fair I agree but wait till you see their Maths!
Once again just a few dollars savings on their part (probably less than $10,000 across the whole of WASBU per annum) to piss off an entire work force!

No more chips right now thanks.

Trog

[unstable load]

Trog,

Just be greatful that he never stuck that stubby thumb somewhere to get you breathing again!!:eek::ooh:

[Good Man In Africa]

Trog,

I guess people will just accept the CLA imposition and paying for coffee etc ?

Let's face it, we all complained about something else when we could stop at a bush bar on the way back from a days' work and the company paid for beer on transit nights in the BRC !!

Whatever is given or taken away, the overriding psychological aspect of confinement is what keeps the morale down. Even those who didn't go out knew they could if they wanted to.

[stacey_s]

NEO, please PM me when you can, regarding Jess Steer,s passing.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Latest news flash: to replace CLA a new swimming pool with bush style bar and barbie area, wifi internet cafe, volleyball court and European equipped gym are being built at Darrels Tropicana. There is also tennis and squash a three minute drive away at MGH.

Mind you, none of it is being provided by Bristow so maybe it isn't to replace CLA, but then I always was a bit cynical.

NEO

[bristowburnout]

Latest news flash: to replace My Kimlach Father Christmas is visiting Nigeria from the North Pole and the Tooth Fairy has agreed to replace Foamy Coolings :E

[Foamy Coolings]

Burntout,

You are getting too closed to the bones!

Who has been telling you about my Scotch Boss and myself being threatened by the rebellious ungrateful union men?

Don't they know where the real powers that be are at? The Tooth Fairy will never take my job while I have the breath to make the economies.

We must take every step no matter how nasty the medecine to bring the once mighty Bristow shares back to their former self.

FC

[jako]

BRITISH INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL IMPOUNDS HELICOPTER
Officials of British International School, Lagos, have seized a helicopter owned by City Link Aviation, a Ghanaian based helicopter charter service, which made an unauthorised landing in the school premises on Friday.

The school authorities had allegedly demanded that the pilot pay them the sum of $100, 000 (N11.7m).

The Director-General of the Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority, Dr. Harold Demuren, confirmed the development, but stated that it had been resolved.

He, however, confirmed that the aircraft was yet to be released by the school authorities.

He said, “Yes, it happened. The helicopter landed in a wrong place and the school is holding to the helicopter after the State Security Service and the NCAA cleared the chopper. Everything is being resolved”.

A member of the board of governors of the school, Mr. Segun Oniru, declined comment on the issue, on the ground that he was not around when the incident occurred.

“I do not want to comment because I do not have the details”, he said.

The helicopter, flown by Captain William Iyoho, was to take Nigerian singer, Sasha, from Cadbury Nigeria Plc’s premises to the University of Lagos and Shoprite, Lekki. Iyoho could not land in the area because there was a lot of construction work going on. He opted to land in the school premises instead.

He was waiting for the musician when he was approached by two security guards who told him that he had landed on private property and should leave.

However, as he was about to takeoff, he was accosted by the principal of the school who told him that the Nigeria Civil Aviation Authority, the State Security Service and the Nigeria Police Force had been notified. The principal insisted that the security agencies had to check the aircraft before it could be cleared to take off.

According to Iyoho, an assistant director of the SSS who came at about 3pm, inspected the helicopter and proclaimed it clean. The SSS official told the pilot to come with him to the SSS office at Shangisha to make a statement since the school had lodged a complaint over the landing.

He added that he received permission from the NCAA to take off after giving his statement to the SSS but he was not allowed to take off by the school authorities who demanded for a sum of $100, 000.
:D:D:D

[unstable load]

Ahh, the joys of free enterprise and opportunism still flourish, I see!:D:D

[heliroger]

Be sure you land at the right place...
BRITISH INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL IMPOUNDS HELICOPTER
Officials of British International School, Lagos, have seized a helicopter owned by City Link Aviation, a Ghanaian based helicopter charter service, which made an unauthorised landing in the school premises on Friday.

The school authorities had allegedly demanded that the pilot pay them the sum of $100, 000 (N11.7m).

The Director-General of the Nigerian Civil Aviation Authority, Dr. Harold Demuren, confirmed the development, but stated that it had been resolved.

He, however, confirmed that the aircraft was yet to be released by the school authorities.

He said, “Yes, it happened. The helicopter landed in a wrong place and the school is holding to the helicopter after the State Security Service and the NCAA cleared the chopper. Everything is being resolved”.

A member of the board of governors of the school, Mr. Segun Oniru, declined comment on the issue, on the ground that he was not around when the incident occurred.

“I do not want to comment because I do not have the details”, he said.

The helicopter, flown by Captain William Iyoho, was to take Nigerian singer, Sasha, from Cadbury Nigeria Plc’s premises to the University of Lagos and Shoprite, Lekki. Iyoho could not land in the area because there was a lot of construction work going on. He opted to land in the school premises instead.

He was waiting for the musician when he was approached by two security guards who told him that he had landed on private property and should leave.

However, as he was about to takeoff, he was accosted by the principal of the school who told him that the Nigeria Civil Aviation Authority, the State Security Service and the Nigeria Police Force had been notified. The principal insisted that the security agencies had to check the aircraft before it could be cleared to take off.

According to Iyoho, an assistant director of the SSS who came at about 3pm, inspected the helicopter and proclaimed it clean. The SSS official told the pilot to come with him to the SSS office at Shangisha to make a statement since the school had lodged a complaint over the landing.

He added that he received permission from the NCAA to take off after giving his statement to the SSS but he was not allowed to take off by the school authorities who demanded for a sum of $100, 000.

Hmmmm.I can see the British are learning the act of kidnapping and hostage taking in Nigeria.
It's quite a sad one here cos if the reverse was the case,BBC World would have reported itas "Helicopter Hijacked in Nigeria by Militants".so who's the militant here???:E

[212man]

couldn't have happened to a nicer chap!

[TomBola]

212 man,

You don't like Willy? But he, like you, is ex-Bristow :confused:. I hope you're not confusing him with his dad, the fighter ace, the very Lawrence of Nigeria :E

I believe that actually it was all part of a conspiracy to smuggle in CLA sourced on the black market in contravention of COBI - after all Bristow have just had a helicopter in Ghana, but they couldn't smuggle it back in that in case My Kimlach and Foamy Coolings were waiting in Lagos to give the helicopter a COBI ramp audit on its return (or it may be that they were trying to smuggle in sachets of Nescafe to avoid the N150 charge in the BRC :=:ok:).

There's a saying that if you think safety's expensive, wait until you have an accident. Bristow may well soon discover that the same is true of loyalty :ugh:

[SASless]

Bill Iyoho...the former Nigerian Air Force pilot and lawyer of Warri fame?

[RunFastDieTired]

Possibly newer to this here forum than I am to the taste of Sodium Penthanol (main ingrdeient of STAR beer - I am sure:}) I have to say that dragging my lazy butt out of plank mattress city to fly countless ungrateful pax around is something that can only be describes as - mashugga.....

....yet I continue forward striving for the day "THE COMPANY" realises my true potential as the best helicopter pilot in the world and pays me accordingly.

Till said light appears at the end of this swampy tunnel I must say;

1. Bristow salary increase was very dissapointing....thank God the USD$$$$$ vs UK/Euro is working a bit in our favour. (off to Caverton anyone???). I mean . . . . I can't even afford a new "Fedora" from the Texan Supply Chain Superintendent.

2. No more "cash in hand" CLA is very dissapointing.

3. I hear rumours - no less than 10 pilots leaving Escravos before Dec. I can't understand as I have heard how wonderful the food is there.

4.Foamy - if that is really you - you got bigger balls than brains mate. Come try wag my tail.:E.

[batboy1970]

I have picked up work in Ghana based in Takoradi but will spend a fair bit of time in Accra too ,I will be making trips offshore to a new oil field that is comming on line, who is it that I would be flying with to get offshore, what type of choppers do they use and where are the heliports roundabout this area.

Any info would be much appreciated

[soggyboxers]

My guess is that it would be the new Bristow contract with an S76A++ based in Takoradi.

[batboy1970]

Thanks for that

[212man]

You don't like Willy? But he, like you, is ex-Bristow

Yes, but unlike him I did not stitch up a fellow pilot with a police drugs raid one evening, causing a night in the local cells and departure (and loss of employment) within 24 hours :=

[419]

At least Bristow kept P.S (the pilot concerned) on the overseas payroll for a couple of months to get him into the new tax year.

One can only hope that "Willy" will end up getting taken hostage for a few months.

[affluent boss]

Yes, but unlike him I did not stitch up a fellow pilot with a police drugs raid one evening, causing a night in the local cells and departure (and loss of employment) within 24 hours :=

Assumption is really the mother of all f*ck ups "allegedly"

One can only hope that "Willy" will end up getting taken hostage for a few months.

Just as somebody somewhere may just be wishing for you to get taken hostage for a few months as well. What goes around really does come around, you know. Be careful what you wish for others.

[SASless]

Well if the proponent were still in Nigeria....the "Stitcher" would have ample opportunity to effect such a "kidnapping".

As the situation extant precludes such payback....then I submit wishing for "Stitcher" to experience an opportunity to mend his ways and do some careful reflection while doing so might prove to be beneficial for him.

Besides....if one is to get into the "wishing" business....one should at least do so with a purpose.

I can think of a few others that a forced visit with MEND might be good to read about....not that I wish it upon them....but the very news of it would tickle me pink provided they were merely held a while then released.

[Thridle Op Des]

Sadly the gentleman concerned has now experienced what goes around comes around. He will be hard pushed to garner any sympathy from those in the know, apart from the version residing between s*** and syphilis in the dictionary. I remember his performance on the Ubit very well...my upgrade students these days are lightyears ahead.

[cicket]

Bristow Lads, is it really all that bad.
I flew home recently and sat with 2 Bristow chaps. Their main topic of conversation was food and daily living allowance. Daily living allowance has apparently been readjusted and has gone down in value, their restaurant food prices going up while food quality is going down. The topic that really raised their voices was that someone has been stealing tea and coffee so everyone is being punished and being made to pay for tea and coffee with no increase in daily allowance. If that last point is true about everyone being punished, isnt that an ethics issue. Kobi was the word they used.:=

[SASless]

One crime, one punishment, applied equally to all....no violation of stamdards there.

It is the new Bristow for sure....in the old days...one crime...multiple punishments or none, depending upon your handshake or some other abstract qualification, applied to some vice all.

[Foamy Coolings]

There's a saying that if you think safety's expensive, wait until you have an accident. Bristow may well soon discover that the same is true of loyalty :ugh:


Mr. Tom Bolas,

There is still plenty of loyalty in our fine Company. Did we not learn the loyalty values from fine leaders from the olden days like my oyibo brother with my name Brian Coolings who once led us from his Red Hills Palace. He taught us the values of the strange handshakes and the ways of the freed masonries? I heard tell that he was as fine the business man and snappy dresser as the famous Arthur Daley from mender. I would buy a car from mister Brian and be happy even when it breaks down. Did not his son young Tommy Coolings through his fine brains and hardest work become the youngest General Manager of the whole of the Australias?

A man cannot look after the troubles of the whole World. He must know his family and take care of them first - is this not the way of our country? We cannot afford to be loyal to every Tom Jack or Henry, we have to take care of the likes of the Bills and Jock Bosses first of all. Did not the freed masonries teach this fact? We must be certain their shares become highest again so stop your crying.

If you do not show the loyalty and leave us for greener postures you will find yourself driving the Air Buses for the Arab men and living in the squalor of the deserts like Idle Des dreaming of the day when you can return to the fine conditions of Eket or the splendour of Coronation Street.

We in humane resources know how to be truly loyal to those who matter.

F.C.

[HeliJedi]

Your head is so far up your own a55, you're starting to mistake bull5h1t for roses........

If you really want a workforce that has any real loyalty, best you pull it out!!!

[alouette]

I think you must be high on weed or as a matter of fact khat. If you say that you care for those who really matter then I say LIAR, LIAR, LIAR...you delusional piece of garbage:mad: Then how come that some people quit and walk away from this oh so good company. Get real, and stop talking out of your rec.um:mad:

[SASless]

Fishing is good today fellas!:uhoh:

[HeliJedi]

especially if you're throwing dynamite in the water........ he he he:ok:

[unstable load]

:DOK FC now reel em in but remember its tag and release.........http://static.pprune.org/images/smilies/badteeth.gif



OK, but can they at least knock the tags in with a mallet??

[handbag]

well love it or hate it the only people you are working for is anyone with a buck to spend on wall street:ok:

[alouette]

Maybe F..k C..lings shall receive an award for destroying a perfectly well run business unit. And as for the humane resources department I would say it is the insane resource department.

I mean what are you trying to prove? That you are better than perhaps someone else? I really had a high regard for Bristow and I still do...BUT YOU NEED TO BE REPLACED BY SOMEONE WHO HAS THE COURAGE AND THE GUTS AND PARTICULARLY THE BRAINS ... - by the way do you know how to spell "brains"? - how to run an SBU properly. Until then I would suggest you pick a canoe and run the security runs around various platforms - could be quite enlightening. :mad:

And as for the dynamite fishing bring it on; I'd add C4:E

[munsterflyer]

can anyone tell me if there are any jobs going out there. i have 1200hrs on r22 r44 no turbine so i take it that puts me out of the running. any ideas would be good ,who should i be contacting.:{

[Thridle Op Des]

Very good, I just about choked on my musli! Someone with a good sense of history, I'm struggling for a suitable repost. What was particularly interesting was the responses from some of the windees, (as opposed to the winder). I remember, as I'm sure most of us do, the first transfer of power from Alan to Brian and the sense of forboding we all had with the idea that an accountant would run the business. The situation then deteriorated further with the series of New Suits which through the many 'Management Buyouts', stripped the last semblance of operational dignity (as well as the cash) from the company while monthly bollockings were handed down through the chain of command via telex demanding why there was an error of 10 minutes on the Non-Rev time for LU in August, or the regular scolding we got from the 'Red Palace' as to the level of Non-Rev training Eket was doing (the center of training excellence in Nigeria), all with the BC moniker attached. As one of the major legs of the oil business the helicopter industry does it's self a disservice, with the oil price fluctuating in the region of $100, and the extraordinary forsight that was used when Ab Initio training became a filthy word, the pilots SHOULD be the best treated on the planet.

Alan understood the business and did a great sales pitch to the oil industry. Brian only knew money and had the Nigeria connections from his Fisons days, though they both shared a common weakness (and I say this with the greatest deal of irony).

As a way of comparison, we in the squalor of the desert my masters have been rubbing their hands with glee. It seems only weeks ago that there were full page articles in the local papers, agonising over where all the extra pilots were going to come from, now I just have to mention the Litany; Oasis Hong Kong, Zoom, Silverjet, Eos and today XL along with the others too minor to mention or those hovering in the sidelines like Alitalia and 'A Major American Carrier'. The grass is greener here, (though regularly watered by a small army of Sub Continent refugees). Any time I fly with a whiner, I just drop into the conversation my 7 years in Nigeria and the noise from the other seat seems to dry up for a few minutes (some serial whiners will just NEVER be happy).

Respect guys, you need to be treated better - but you'all knew that already.

Speaking of respect, I have been missing Chucks acerbic sense of humour, how has my desert squalor sharee been doing, I would have thought he would have dived in here...

Idle Des in Dubai

[Foamy Coolings]

Idle Des in Dubai,

You write mighty fine O! I will p.m. you HR application form and will send eat and destroy memo to Mac Hammund to reserve the finest house in Coronation Street for your return from your tent. The Park & Rob has had delivery of large stocks of musli and muesli only 3 months past expiry date on the well stocked shelf for only 2 times normal price.

Al Ouette


Then how come that some people quit and walk away from this oh so good company.

YOU NEED TO BE REPLACED BY SOMEONE WHO HAS THE COURAGE AND THE GUTS AND PARTICULARLY THE BRAINS


You choose your name well O! You make too much noise but are very slow and have no power and cannot travel far like the old Frenchy holicopter. You are too angry and you go wound O! You need to chill in the comfort of da cabin (anag)

Sandy Helmutt


remember its tag and release.........:}

Some fish cannot stay away from the nets!

F.C.

[soggyboxers]

FC,

The fishing is really going well-well O :E. Are you using net or rod and line? Keep up the good work :ok:

[Foamy Coolings]

Soggyboxes - how far?

Like Idle Des from Dubai you are also a fine man O!

Man no be wood O! He needs the relaxations after the hard days doing the biddings of the Scotch Boss and making dealings with the Peewees and Majahs and a spot of fishings for the fresh fish before the evenings of 3P's makes him happy as the pig in the shed!

Bait is not needed for the sprats - they jump on the clean hook.

The tail is now truly wagging the dog.

F.C.

[propspanner]

MR F:mad:C.

I really do not know, what kind of medication you are on??:eek: You maybe sniffing someones a55. No := You must be up someones a55! Thats why you have da brown ring around da neck!

You think you catching the fish- line and hook? More like the same kind of fish that you made of? Catfish with no brains? A crap eater.. bottom feeder at the bottom of the barrel. As I am sure thats where some of these guys think you are!

Then you need to go and do some research. Your so called alouette helicopter was made by da french" You dum a55!" Maybe you need to become a fisherman and go and snag some thing you know?:ugh::ugh:

[Foamy Coolings]

Propspinner,

You too appear to be a very angry man. Is it not time you travel?

In the words of the marijuana growers in the movie Lock Stock and two Smoking Bowels - "Chill Winston Chill"

You will also benefit in your postings from reading the book "Use of correct English for Mature Students" by I. M. Arednick. This will help you express yourself without resort to profanity and the excessive use of the :mad: tag.

Education is a fine thing not to be truffled with! Even mechanical mens from disadvantaged countries like the USA can make the improvements even very late in lifes.

If you wish to insult me remember "Revenge is the meal best eaten with a cold"

Lose this anger and stop your crying!

F.C.

[Troglodita]

Hey Guys,

Apart from Foamy winding up the gullible and possibly temporarily challenged, is anything happening around the bazaars or has everyone given up?

NEO - is Eket still operating or have the lights been switched off?
Soggy - has NAF Base been renamed MEND International?
Biggestboy - Has anyone had a decent meal in Escravos that wasn't hand carried from Louisiana or Prodeco?
Mama Lolo - what of the live band this weekend at Prodeco?
Has anyone actually parted with N150 for a teabag or spoonful of Nescafe at the BRC?
Have Caverton paid the N150 deposit for their new fleet of 412's?

There must be something interesting somewhere!

I've had to spend the last few days on other threads!

Trog

[alouette]

As for the meals they were personally delivered by a trusted source. Who can really stand the stale selection of garbage called food in Escravos? Other than that in the words Robin Williams the country is more stimulating than a cup of cappuccino coffee:E

Has MEND finally agreed that the fight for independence is actually a cover to embezzle themselves and don't really give a hoot about the starving population?:mad:

Actually the most exciting stuff is when we get on the plane and go on leave:D

[propspanner]

Its not anger management.. its management. Mr FC.

By the treads I understand you are the HR rep for Bristow's?? Well it seems as if you have more time on your hands reading story novels than books that make the world go round!
If not for the mighty US of A, where would you be today? Fishing of the banks in a dug-out of the Escravos river?:eek:, trying to make a living?
Now you drive a company car supplied by the English. Spend the American money $? And take your employees N150 for your own. What a great world you live in? Sorry not world! A very small place in a big part of Africa....o and then in a very messed up city...Lagos? Where's that?

Did you take the time and surf the net for allouette?? Take some time and do it, maybe you could learn a thing or 2??

Allo, heard you are having a great time! Did you get on the plane and go on leave?:D

[212man]

You make too much noise but are very slow and have no power and cannot travel far like the old Frenchy holicopter

Then you need to go and do some research. Your so called alouette helicopter was made by da french

Eh, I think he said that already :confused: :confused: :confused:

I seriously worry that there are people who believe this FC is the real thing - do they think the same of Caverton Management and Bristow management? I hope their powers of perception and ability to distinguish fact from fiction are better honed in the wider context.

NEO, you haven't started writing under a new name by any chance? I think I detect your sense of humour there in the background........:ok:

[alouette]

Referring to those illiterate postings of F:mad:C...it could as well be him. In my opinion and from experience some managers pretend to work really hard but actually browsing through the net all day, and cause kack.

That said "meen herr" F C, the Alouette III has been around for nearly fifty years with quite a success - will you be? I doubt it.

By the way how is the Nescafe scam going? Shoring up N150 per head, eh. I couldn't be more sarcastic than I already am but the broad spectrum of visitors to this thread should get the idea how the "insane resource department" screwed up this once well oiled WASBU. Should I also thank the Lord that you caused the exodus of the managing pilot in Escravos? By making illfated personnell decisions? You really did it this time, and I wish you well. But when this operation falls apart, and you will be put on the streets, I will remember you. Thank you again. :mad:

[Foamy Coolings]

212 Man you are also a fine man - you could be the brother of Idle Des with your finely boned perceptions.

Take care with the Head Haunters in the jungles of Borno.

My hero John le Curry taught me in his books like "Tanker Tailor Sailor Spy" of the core values of having the most best informations and my Mules tell me that Alouette is becoming the double agent and has been turned by Honey Pits working for Lou De Lyer. I hold no grudgings and wish him good speed. I will p.m. him with a genuine fake prescription for the valium to help him chill with my Angoolan Brothers.


I seriously worry that there are people who believe this FC is the real thing - do they think the same of Caverton Management and Bristow management?


Am I not real O? Do I not proclaim the topmost values of "Target Zero"?

zero CLA
zero Free coffees and teas
zero Free chop at BRC

F.C.

One Mission One World One Team 3 Pay Scales

[propspanner]

Mr FC

Well the cat must be out da bag. You are a fake ! One would wonder why you would even be FC? Trying to get your peers to get all hot around da collar?

One would think, you also sit behind da close door all day? Nothing ells to do?
Drawing a good salary and spending it at da Pordeco night club....ops maybe even fixing da car.....da wheels are off:ugh:

What a great life you must have... some work for money! No 3 pays for us. Maybe for yu! Bristow...Paan and yours?:=

[Dangagan]

Propspanner,

Relax. Please do not allow yourself to be so easily wound up. This FC is probably the guy in the room next to yours.

[Troglodita]

NEO, you haven't started writing under a new name by any chance? I think I detect your sense of humour there in the background........http://static.pprune.org/images/smilies/thumbs.gif


He may even be from Darrels - 212Man suspects so.

He knows too much about BRC so is probably not PAAN!

Trog

[RunFastDieTired]

Helijedi I join you, your pissed on light sabre and your little dog too in combat against the dark side and ObeeewonKanobi -"he no be Oga" - We can hack at the throat with the sharp edge...death by tray it shall be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope the boots you are filling dont turn around and kick you in the derrier.:}

[SirVivr]

SAS:

Life is fine in Trinidad. We now have five lady pilots.

We all find our own world.

Regards.

C Alexander

SirVivr

[Troglodita]

Dear Sir, (Vivr)

Please assure us that Airlog Trinidad is paying at least US$9,000 ++ per month for a recently qualified 412 co-pilot for even time (6 on 6 off) Ops and that experienced line guys are on US$10,500 +++ per month. In addition free LOL for Managers and Trainers, Free Worldwide Medical inc. USA and the 7% matched pension fund plus all meals provided and US$18 per day or feed yourself and US$32 per day?

Mark Fontenot was having kittens when he was negotiating your deal & realised what Nigeria was paying - hopefully you Guys (and Gals - wow O are they all as gorgeous as the ones in the Company rag?) have at least a similar deal!

If not - life is not so bad here whatever we whinge about!

Trog

[SirVivr]

Trog:

The pay is not what you heard. Surprise.

The lady pilots are all quite attractive, but will knock your d@&K in the dirt for disrespect. The MD backs them up. Very positively.

Mark has his problems with trying to globalize.

After RVN, GOM, Indonesia, Abu Dhabi, GOM, I am happy in Trinidad.

Whinging and wining are part of the Ex-Pats life.

I found my niche and plan to run it to the end.

Regards,

Chas Alexander

[SASless]

Trog,

The pay in Trinidad is a lot less than Nigeria...also the roster has just lately gone to 8/4 I hear....but with night standby and days off the actual work roster is less than that.

Without a doubt the lifestyle in Trinidad beats hell out of Nigeria and in order to put a dollar value on that is up to the individual.

Money is not everything.

One would think pilot wages would be standardized across the Bristow Business Units and transfers would be possible without a loss of seniority or pay.

Location allowances should make up for the differences in hardship, location, cost of living and the like. (In other words....just like when the old man ran the company!)

[Troglodita]

Guys,

Absolutely well said to everything!

You have both eloquently made some excellent philisophical observations.

As several eminent "Old West Africa Hands" have said many times previously on this thread - choose your life and once you have made your choice - live it - life is what you make it wherever you may be!
This does not necessarily mean accepting unecessary crap from itinerant or distant accountants or HR people but if you are unhappy, at least stand up to them rather than huddling in your room and whingeing.

This life is not a practice - it is the only one you have! - hand carrying 30 kilos of chop each into Escravos every hitch rather than making a very loud noise to Chevron and BIAGL Senior Management about the abysmal catering standards will solve nothing.

Whingeing on PPrune and becoming paranoid over F.C. (& the like) wind-ups is no substitute for making your personal feelings clearly known in a reasonable and assertive way to your Senior Managers.

They actually are prepared to listen and often agree fully with you but find that they themselves are "lone voices in the wilderness" because the vast majority of employees are meekly accepting and living with the crap that the Managers are being asked or told to pass down the line.

OK - pulpit creaking - must end the sermon here and locate a UK Winkle Franchise for SAS.

Trog

[HeliJedi]

You know what I am saying my bru"

HEHEHEHEHE

[RunFastDieTired]

So Bob Keeree was shot up a bit last night and Helicopters drivers are again confused as to iclude body bags in passenger numbers when filing flight plans or not??????

"....uhhhhh NAF TWR, 5N-XYZ inbound with 5 bodies ....or is that 2 souls ....on board......."

I know they are sodiers but Condolences (RIP) to the Nigerians families that are left behind.

How much daily allowance do you guys get again????:ugh:

[biggestboy]

Not enough!!! .....and no cash in hand is a ball ache no matter where the flippin ATM is.

How come "those up the ladder" in Houston can make such kak decisions without consulting us first.:{

Morale is going down faster than I would on a Trinidadian co-pilot.:E

[HeliJedi]

Well that all depends on what kind of co-pilot we talking about now.... Thumbs up to Double D's:ok::E

[Troglodita]

"those up the ladder" in Houston


They are hopefully on the way to Amarillo by now thanks to Ike!

Let's keep up the JuJu and maybe they'll disappear altogether!

Trog

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

212man,

No, FC is not my alter ego but I reckon he's a great addition to this thread. He's got some fresh fish wriggling which has cheered things up !! Wish I had thought of it. :D

Trog,

You're getting a bit philosophical aren't you ?? The "Life is not a dress rehearsal" speech is my forte and I'm REALLY deep. Everyone who knows me says so, honest. :ok:

In answer to your question, the exodus hasn't happened. I guess the total package is still better than what our Middle East brothers get, even without CLA and free coffee. Your Heli Malongo bound mates would have gone anyway I suspect.


NEO

[Troglodita]

NEO,

You are right - I suppose the last couple of weeks listening to (and admittedly occasionally joining in) the "Whingefests" were the cause of my philsophical side coming to the fore. I'll never try and compete with you so instead will immediately crack a bottle of Larios and Schweppes Tonica and jump in my pool and drink and smoke till it is cured!

The reality is as I tried (but suspect failed) to get across in my reply to SirVivr in Trinidad that our package is actually pretty damned good compared to lots of other places especially in todays climate of Credit Crunches and World Recession. My biggest problem right now is working out where to go for my next six weeks off and how to avoid strangling or being strangled by the wife - 4 weeks was so much simpler!

I think I'll try to dream up an alter ego like Foamy and join him in Fresh Fish wind-ups - that should keep me occupied - anyway where is he? - I heard Warri & Escravos were off line this weekend which might explain it!

Cheers

Trog

[Foamy Coolings]

Nigerian Inlaw and Trug,

You 2 fine mens also have some fine commune sense but you do not know everything about our higher archery in the Centre of Excellents.

Trugs,


Whingeing on PPrune and becoming paranoid over F.C. (& the like) wind-ups is no substitute for making your personal feelings clearly known in a reasonable and assertive way to your Senior Managers.


Who do you think will listen to your advices in Lagos I aks myself - the Scotch Boss has realised that the PeeWees and Majahs are just Ships in Wool clothings and are too much sympathetic with the mechanical men and chipper pilots so instead he listens only to his most closest advisors (my very self)

You also say

I heard Warri & Escravos were off line this weekend which might explain it!

Can a man not rest with his wifes and concubines on the 7th day and eat fine Eba and Ogbola for the breaking fast and Egussi and Jolof rice for supper - a man cannot feed on Fresh Fish alone or Jock would be a dull boy!
In the Centre of Excellents we have toppest Broad Bonds and stay on the lines constantly making monitors of the whining.
Warri and Escravos are indeed on the lines today - has not the Biggest Boy been threatening making insanitary advances on his co pilots?

In Law - keep up the monitorings from your Eket Palaces & QIB's to keep the likes of Trugs on the straighter and narrower. Also see what can be done with the morales of Biggest Boy before he travels to Lagos.

I am sure Jim Woolite (my concubines use that product - it cleans my shirts well well) would banish Biggest Boy from his fine low paid Trinidad Operation if he knew his plans.

My Egussi is ready so I must beg to go now.

F.C.

I hope Propspinners has taken the valiums and is now calm and coco - tell him to drink warm stout and take 2 tablets every 4 hours.

[propspanner]

Mr FC or is it Mr Fat so behind da glass door,

I am sniffing the s:yuk:t you dishing out... and with that can be HIGH for some days! Just hope I can eep the ball in the middle :cool:

If I had to take your Nigerian valium :uhoh: I might even fly of to da moon :ok: Give me your vectors and maybe pop in and come and get some of your vudo medication.

I will always be watching you! :cool:

[HeliJedi]

Neo,

Love the banter......

I totally agree. the numbnuts who seem to have gotten roped into the trawling net of FC are providing us with some rather interesting reading...:D

However, I am not altogether sure your facts are that acurate. A mate of mine who works there reckons before the end of the year, up to 12 people will be leaving Escravos. Maybe the new management isn't sitting too well with them:\.

[bristowburnout]

How many of us remember the good old days of yore when we had stores which were filled with a reasonable supply of spare parts? Now we have supply chain managers presiding over a series of broken links ending in “nil stock” :ugh:

Accountants don’t care about that. They don’t count the number of days we lose revenue because of 'nil stock', or have to try and maintain and fly machines carrying numerous MEL defects to keep contracts going because of 'nil stock'. All they do is proudly point to the fact that we have saved $10 per unit by having a particular part held in some central store in another country and only available at 5 days notice and probably a cost of $200 in air freight bills. :ugh::uhoh:

Bean counters are only interested in beans as numbers, whether as coffee beans (at N150 per cup) or human beans sadly needed to maintain and fly machine beans. We’re just a commodity to be acquired, ground up or disposed of like any other form of bean. If some of the beans in a can leave then it’s up to operations to acquire more stock, not up to the bean counters to ensure sufficient capital is made available so that beans are not lost. :ugh::mad:

In happier days when people like Steve Meddling was a tea boy (like ‘etienne) and Randy Organ was a senior store man, Bristow used to have personnel managers who knew who you were and who you could always call in on at the office and have a chat. People like George Pudding or Roy Birmingham who would offer you a cup of tea and a uniform shirt before you left :):ok:

Now we literally have inhumane resource damagers who have no interest in looking after our interests, only in building their own empires and wearing more flashy gold jewellery and constantly singing the meaningless mantras such as One World, One Mission, One Team. Alan Bristow should sue Air Log for turning a company people used to be proud of working for into another GOM empire with a big staff turnover :{

In Europe it’s different – there are unions and labour laws enforced by government. Overseas, most employees work to meaningless and practically unenforceable contracts which are changed by managers on a whim with no consultation. Because we are multi-national with many different work ethics and expectations of our employers this is taken advantage of and we are mostly a disorganised rabble (and I suspect will remain so :uhoh:).

Aviation unions are not what they were. Most of them now are responsible organisations which have productive discussions with employers about a way forward which is mutually beneficial in that they have a happy, productive, well paid work force with low staff turn over contributing to a profitable company with contented employees. Maybe this is why pilots and engineers in Europe are so much better paid than almost all in Africa even where they are working for the same employer having contracts with the same oil companies and yet in an area where the extraction of mineral resources is considerably more expensive and difficult. The national staff unions in Nigeria are trying to fight the worst excesses of Mike Armlick, but don’t seem to have the will or the muscle power to take him on effectively. Maybe it’s time the expatriates started talking to them, working on a mutually beneficial approach in which they all presented a united front to ensure a fair deal for all employees and that managers have to consult more with staff as people, not beans. :ok:

[MamaPut]

On Saturday the Nigerian military Joint Task Forces in the Niger Delta conducted a full-scale aerial & marine offensive on MEND in Rivers State including Farah Dagogo camps & Ijaw communities. the generic MEND spokesman Jomo Gbomo issued the following communiqué:

The 27 oil workers rescued [Friday] by MEND from the pirates that kidnapped them from the MT Blue Ocean and taken to the camp under attack to be offered as a reward leverage for the release of Henry Okah are trapped in the fighting between our fighters and the Nigerian military forces. The workers are made up of five expatriates from Britain, South Africa and Ukraine, while the remaining twenty two are Nigerians. It was learnt that the military on faulty intelligence as usual embarked on what is now a botched rescue attempt. Some of the oil workers are injured but are being treated with the same local herbs we are using in treating our wounded. The Red Cross or doctors from MSF should be allowed passage to attend to them. Injuries are mainly from high caliber machine guns and shrapnel. Meanwhile, two civilian communities; Elem Tombia and Ogboma have been razed to the ground by the rampaging soldiers who have not been able to take our positions. Civilian casualties are high”.

Yesterday MEND attacked the Chevron facilities at Idama and Robert Kiri, killing many soldiers. More than 20 bodies were flown out and the facilities evacuated of all civilian workers.

This morning MEND attacked Alakiri flow station resulting in more casuslties on both sides. I'm told that Shell and Chevron have now almost finished evacuating all civilian workers from Kula, Ekulama, Robert Kiri, Alakiri, Nembe Creek, Inda, Soku Gas and Cawthorne Channel flow stations.

MEND have stated that their aim is not to take hostages but to destroy oil producing facilities, but all oil industry workers are advised to evacuate all oil facilities in the Niger Delta because they may be killed in future attacks.

It's very hot out in the Delta at the moment so please be very vigilant.

[alouette]

I am glad I am gone!!!:uhoh:

[anjouan]

I also heard 10 going from Escravos. The Managing Pilot is joining CHC in Canada (I guess a swap for the former CHC base manager Angola, now in Escravos with PAAN) and 4 to Heli Malongo, plus 5 transferring to S92 (including the other Managing Pilot), AS332 and EC155. Maybe there are even more going now? Wouldn't be the least surprising with Bristow really just being Air Logistics re-badged to fool people into thinking they're not really working for another GOM outfit which doesn't give a damn about its staff.

[Troglodita]

Bristow used to have personnel managers who knew who you were and who you could always call in on at the office and have a chat. People like George Pudding or Roy Birmingham who would offer you a cup of tea and a uniform shirt before you left http://static.pprune.org/images/smilies/smile.gifhttp://static.pprune.org/images/smilies/thumbs.gif



Burnout - you are so right - whenever I visited the second floor in the late 70's & 80's from the delights of Shetland or Kuala Trengannu or Nigeria I felt like part of a big family. George and "Electric" Roy always had the time to speak to you and ask if there was any way they could be of assistance (even if it was only a couple of new shirts)

Totally unlike the real F.C. whose favourite phrase seems to be "Who are these people?" His last tome including this phrase referred to both Escravos M.P.'s, 3 x TRE/IRE's, 2 x CP's and 2 x Safety Officers who were claiming back pay for an administrative cock up - 8 months on and we still haven't seen the outstanding cash!

Wundahfull!

Trog

[SASless]

Trogs,

Not only did they make you feel welcome....you were welcome! There was always a room available somewhere in the host of guest houses....a quick lunch in the dining hall....a cold beer or two dozen at the Heli Club...then back into town for a curry or fish and chips....and closing the bar at the Chequers with Jack Trigg. Of course we should not overlook "Sword Stick Tommy"....

Once saw a fellow show up and ask for an overseas posting....something about a Sheriff going to deliver a Summons....he was on the 125 flight to Kano that afternoon. (Was not I!)

Yes....the good old days!

[mtoroshanga]

Well said mate, I had 38 years with Bristow and the last few years with Olog were a revelation! Alan would have kicked their incompetant arses into touch, If only him and
Jack Wooley and the others were till in charge, all this c**p would end and Bristow would be back where it used to be, and leading the field, not a joke,

[Troglodita]

Alan B used to interview everyone personally back in the Dark Ages.

2 x classic Q & A's

1.: -

Alan - "Where do you hope to be in 10 years time with this Company?"

Candidate - "Well Mr. Bristow - I'd like to think I would be in charge!"

Alan (in open office) - "Do you hear that you Bastards - this C:mad:t has only been here a couple of hours and already he's after my job - OK Lad f:mad:k off to Eket - you're hired"

2: -

Alan - "Why do you want to work for a C:mad:t like me?"

Candidate - "No other C:mad:t will give me a job!"

Alan (in open office) - "OK Lad f:mad:k off to Eket - you're hired"

A true Manager!

Trog

[SASless]

I must have had a charmed life.....one encounter with the old man caused Bill Barrel to actually drop the ash off his fag one morning.

Me...cowboy boots up on a desk...hiding behind a newspaper...suffering the world's second worst hangover....BB at his desk fag going.

In walks a guy....inquires of me..."Just what the bloody hell are you doing?"

Me..."I'm having a cup of tea and reading the fecking newspaper!"

The old fella stormed off....BB turned what as a ghost....the ash fell from the fag...and he stammered...."Bloody Hell Shag....you know who that was?"

Me....absolutely unmoved...."No....who was that?"

BB..."That was Mr. Bristow you c:mad:t!"

Me...thinking quite to myself....something along the lines of "Time to get my Resume' up to date....and kit packed!"

Later that afternoon....upon being summoned to "Mr. Bristow's Office" high up in the very top of the Ivory Tower"....humble face on....all prepared to get down on my knees and beg if necessary....upon apologizing to The Man....he said...."At least you knew what you were doing....unlike the rest of that lot!"

All he wanted was to have me fly him to his small cottage on the hill in the S-58T.

[leading edge]

SAS

Those old guys in RH could certainly send you to Nigeria on the next plane and often did, including those who wanted to go to escape (usually an ex wife or some irate bloke who's wife they had been seeing) and those who didn't want to go but had to to build their character. It was the old BCAL 747 in those days which sometimes used to stop in the beautiful city of Kano.

You mentioned....Bill Barrel....what a great instructor. Did my initial instrument training with Bill in AVII round and round the Norwich hold. When it came to doing the initial approach checks and the item "seat belts and no smoking sign on" old Bill, with his fag still going would say "don't worry about that shag, just fly the f...in' aircraft and get after that QDM!!"

A true character and its ad that he's no longer with us. As hard as he could be, I learned a hell of a lot from Bill.

Old man Bristow is not at all well these days, hard as nails but jeez he had respect from just about everyone.

[Owl 83]

Didn't get any e-mail from Pprune about new posts. Don't know why. Left on page 142, came back to 148. Boy, what a bunch of gripes. Glad to see the most recent posts from other ol' timers. Remember well the names mentioned. Got hired by the Old Man in 1974. Not the same company today, NO WAY. Mores the pity! He had vision and long term goals and a daughter cut out of the same cloth!

SAS Leaving next tomorrow and will call you this weekend. Don't go too far offshore (beyond cell phone).
We'll catch up.:ok:

Owl

[Troglodita]

Anjouan,


I also heard 10 going from Escravos. The Managing Pilot is joining CHC in Canada (I guess a swap for the former CHC base manager Angola, now in Escravos with PAAN) and 4 to Heli Malongo, plus 5 transferring to S92 (including the other Managing Pilot), AS332 and EC155.


Managing Pilot going to CHC is a great loss but I suspect more to do with the long term future in RSA rather than short term crap in WASBU. Other MP to S92 - progression within the system. 4 to heli Malongo - if true without being rude (honestly) Wannabes who were all pretty close to Command or conversion on to twins within WASBU - best of luck to them - they'll all be welcome back! other 4 transferring to 332 & 155 also progression within the system.

Seems like healthy turnover to me - not a mass migration.

Who else offers 412EP, EC 155, AS332L, S92 conversions after less than a year or so without mortgaging your soul (don't bother mentioning the Bond - not worth the paper it is written on in International law but be prepared to do some serious begging if you break it and ever want to work for the "Big Boys" ever again!)

Trog

[js0987]

A little perspective on the above post about AB kicking OLOG's arse. Back in the late 70's Bristow bought Offshore Helicopters and moved into the GOM. I remember my old buddy from Abu Dhabi, Don Stoneking, telling me how Bristow was going to revolutionize the gulf. It was maybe a year later, but Bristow packed their bags and went back to the UK. And in the end, for better or worse, it was OLOG that bought Bristow, not the other way around.

[Shell Management]

It was closer to two years.

And now the new Bristow (nee OLOG) is starting the phase out of their single engined ships by selling half off (53) in the GOM one go, and moving the rest of their GOM fleet to closer to where BOH would be today if the time had been right to operate to proper standards.

No great surprise when one of the first major decisions of the new CEO was to take PAAN out from the control of New Iberia.

If the Bristow GOM operation (is it still called Air Logistics (http://ir.bristowgroup.com/phoenix.zhtml?c=91226&p=irol-newsArticle&ID=1197893&highlight=)?) doesn't make the leap now, you can look back to September 1981 and this press cutting I shown by one of the Bristow Houston staff at what might happen in Louisiana:
http://www.flightglobal.com/pdfarchive/view/1981/1981%20-%203005.html?search=bristow%20wessex

Apparently some of Alan Bristow's thinking on safety lives on in Houston.

[MamaPut]

A group of 5 gunmen have captured a Briton from his house in Port Harcourt. Mike Welford, age 65 was previously employed by petrochemical company Indorama, but recently set up his own business. he was said to have been alone when he was taken from his house the night before last.

In an escalation of violence, MEND have continued there attacks and last night claim to have burnt down the Shell flow station at Orubiri. However, more worrying is that it has been reported that they have blown up the major Agip/Shell trunk pipeline at Rumuekpe in broad daylight at 0930 today. If true, this is a rather worrying development in that MEND have the confidence to attack in daylight now and they seem to be issuing a direct challenge to the JTF to try and stop them :(

[mtoroshanga]

I suggest you look at the facts! BHL did not leave the GOM with their tails between their legs. They left because of intervention from various protective American agencies who prevented them from operating to their full capacities. They could not palate the fact that a British company could out-operate their own amatuer efforts.

[bristowburnout]

Rumour has it that the reason Mike Armlick isn't in Lagos at present is nothing to do with the fact that he's afraid of being kidnapped by his own employees (there's no risk of that anyway because the terrorists would just be told to keep him :E). With the collapse of the money markets he had to get out rather than pay N150 for a cup of coffee. The truth is that he's in Aberdeen on a course learning how to buy from the Dutch and sell to the Israelis at a profit. He's probably the worst thing that has happened to Bristow Nigeria in 50 years as he's totally destroyed morale and will end up costing the company a fortune as employees do all they can to cost the company money out of sheer bloody-mindedness in retaliation against the N150 for a cup of coffee in the BRC :yuk:

But what does he care? Brits being kidnapped in the Delta, on the brink of civil war, but no one has quit, people meekly accept the garbage he's come up with about CLA and coffee and he's close to meeting his KPIs and quitting after a year with a huge bonus. He and that laugh-a-minute stooge of his Davy Dasher must be laughing all the way to the bank. Well, you deserve whatever you're prepared to tolerate, so if you just want to roll on to your backs and let him tickle your tummy like some mangy cur, that's what you'll get - the a$$holes shall inherit the earth :yuk:

[bristowburnout]

Rumour has it that the reason Mike Armlick isn't in Lagos at present is nothing to do with the fact that he's afraid of being kidnapped by his own employees (there's no risk of that anyway because the terrorists would just be told to keep him :E). With the collapse of the money markets he had to get out rather than pay N150 for a cup of coffee. The truth is that he's in Aberdeen on a course learning how to buy from the Dutch and sell to the Israelis at a profit. He's probably the worst thing that has happened to Bristow Nigeria in 50 years as he's totally destroyed morale and will end up costing the company a fortune as employees do all they can to cost the company money out of sheer bloody-mindedness in retaliation against the N150 for a cup of coffee in the BRC :yuk:

But what does he care? Brits being kidnapped in the Delta, on the brink of civil war, but no one has quit, people meekly accept the garbage he's come up with about CLA and coffee and he's close to meeting his KPIs and quitting after a year with a huge bonus. He and that laugh-a-minute stooge of his Davy Dasher must be laughing all the way to the bank. Well, you deserve whatever you're prepared to tolerate, so if you just want to roll on to your backs and let him tickle your tummy like some mangy cur, that's what you'll get - the a$$holes shall inherit the earth :yuk:

[Foamy Coolings]

he's close to meeting his KPIs and quitting after a year with a huge bonus. He and that laugh-a-minute stooge of his Davy Dasher must be laughing all the way to the bank. Well, you deserve whatever you're prepared to tolerate, so if you just want to roll on to your backs and let him tickle your tummy like some mangy cur, that's what you'll get - the a$$holes shall inherit the earth http://static.pprune.org/images/smilies/pukey.gif

Burntout,

Scotch Boss and Mini (but tall) second Scotch Boss probably did not benefit from the supposedly excellent education system in their fine but cold Country!

If they had listened they would have realised that "penny wise pound foolish" was the good advices but what is a loyal humane resources Mangeger to do when his bosses turn out to be Dockheads.

I have no problems with firing peoples but when my shares in HBOS go the same way as Chilled Biles - I am prepared to do the listens!

I am prepared to turn my coats any time from now!

F.C.

[SASless]

But leave they did....and ultimately got bought out by the Yanks to boot!

The sad fact is the GOM was held back thirty years by the likes of Bob Suggs and his ilk. Rather a shame there were no forward looking minds in those dark days of the GOM.

Boudreaux, shrimp boats, and Bell helicopters....what a wonderful business plan!

[TomBola]

Rumour has it that there's a new hero in town :E. Having recertified the S76 main transmission to around 180% twin engine torque our hero managed to fly it all the way back to Port Harcourt. I'd like to see those blade spindles :(. I expect he'll get promoted now :}

[biggestboy]

I don't fly Sickorskee 76's -but how the kcuf do you pull 180% talk, and walk away - or in this case fly away......someone and the pax was lucky.

Whats the going rate on a complete drive train replacement these days??????:eek:

Whats next when his new 225 comes along?????

PS. You DON'T want to see the blade spindles.:{

[alouette]

Hope that your words are not as viral as you present yourself here.:} By the way, watch them MEND savages lurking at each end of the runway...

[biggestboy]

Alouette - Viral is not the intention - But!!!! there is a story behind the story - as there usually is.:ok:

I will send you the photos of what the blades look like - you will understand. What I meant was if you overtalk (sic) a Bell 206/407/412 you are in the regoin of 104%. Maybe 108% maybe 115%. To get to 186% is incredible - I would not have known the value could be measured.:eek:

Watch out for those portuguese speaking locals they can also be revolting if they want.:ugh:

[malabo]

What are you guys talking about?

Twin torque gauge on the S76. Each engine puts in its share of the torque. If both engines are at 100% torque the tranny will effectively be getting about 200. I think you can get to 100 torque on each engine before it starts to droop RPM, then up to a max of 115% if you droop it down past 101% NR. Are you saying that each engine's torque went to 180 or 186%? That would mean the tranny was twisting almost 400% or double what it's meant for. That's impossible, I don't think it would have stayed bolted to the roof!

On the other hand, if the blades are all bent up and the spindles blown out, then maybe something impossible did happen. Like flying the whole shaking mess back to the beach :D

Let's see the "aliens have landed" pictures.

[alouette]

JAWOHL meen Herr:p

[TomBola]

malabo,

Then you need to look at it :eek:. The figure I heard was considerably more than 100% per engine with Nr down below 80%. The spindles are pretty much blown out, the elastomerics are screwed and the blade roots have almost totally delaminated. It really is a miracle they made it back. So much for 'blowaway' power. It would be indelicate to enquire about the condition of the seat cushions :}. However, there is some good news as I believe the ashtrays are still in 'as new' condition.

[John Eacott]

Having recertified the S76 main transmission to around 180% twin engine torque

Last time I looked, the S76 torquemeter only went up to 120% for the A, and 140% for the B.

Is there a new mod that indicates up to 180%? ;)

[malabo]

Thanks TomBola,

Makes more sense now that you say the RPM got below 80%. Friggin thing must 'been shaking like a paint-shaker, with the blades coned up real close to clapping hands.

Were the pilots a couple of Dennis Kenyon fans imitating one of his videos? 76 will barrel-roll pretty good. Maybe so good the passengers probably wouldn't even have noticed if they'd cleverly done it in cloud. This sounds more like they tried a Dennis Kenyon "grand finale" style loop instead. With a bigggggg pull at the bottom.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Might be a silly question, but which company does the aircraft belong to ?

NEO

[soggyboxers]

NEO,

Not yours!

John,

The aircraft was a round gauge C+. I'm not sure, but doesn't VXP record stuff like that, even if it's not displayed?

[biggestboy]

Not exactly 100% sure but rumour has it, its in PH at the Naffie base and no longer has a flying chicken painted on the side. Zoom in on the blade root.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/zorgs/Flying/BGN1.jpg

[212man]

And this is what they used to look like (using the deduction that as the photo is named BGN1, it was 5N-BGN!).....

http://cdn-www.airliners.net/aviation-photos/photos/1/6/0/0848061.jpg

[Decu Total]

Torque indicator only reads to 120 on the A model, is correct , if you are running Hums, VXP or Alt Air they will record torque transmited, during the flight, We recently had a engine out on A model and the good engine got to 123% Tq for 3 seconds with a droop of Nr to 89%. Pilot could not initially find the Torque needle as it was pegged to the stop, once he was clear of the water everything reverted to normal OEI ops.

[SASless]

You are in good hands with MEND!



By Karl Maier

Sept. 19 (Bloomberg) -- Nigerian militants in the Niger River delta said they released two South Africans abducted by kidnappers last week.

The Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta, or MEND, said it handed over the two to government secret service agents at 11:00 p.m. yesterday and expected them to be presented to South African government officials in Port Harcourt.

Their release was announced by Jomo Gbomo, the MEND spokesman, in an e-mailed statement.

The South Africans were taken hostage on Sept. 9 along with three other international oil workers, including two Britons and one Ukrainian, when their vessel was captured by unknown gunmen.

MEND said on Sept. 15 it freed the hostages from what it described as pirates. It said it would release the South Africans after an appeal by the wife of Henry Okah, the militant leader who used to live in South Africa and now faces trial for treason in Nigeria.

The militants last month freed two German hostages employed by a local unit of the Mannheim-based construction company Bilfinger Berger AG, after they were abducted by kidnappers.

MEND says it is fighting on behalf of the inhabitants of the Niger Delta, who have yet to share in the oil wealth of the region. Attacks by armed groups in the region have cut more than 20 percent of Nigeria's crude exports since 2006.

[chuks]

Sorry to have missed this whinge-fest but I was on a low-level mission to Madrid by Okada. I went looking for Cuatro Vientos Airport, Madrid and I was doing fine-fine, following a Cessna 172 until I had to stop at a traffic light and he just carried on. Bummer! After I lost him I went wazzing around in circles for about 45 minutes, never more than 1 kilometre from the airport but do you think I could find it?

I want to re-invent myself as a Flight Instructor under JAR. Well, why not? Bigger idiots than I have become Training Captains, eh?

Foamy Coolings, ah! What a pity that fate dictates I not be there now to enjoy this your very style of man-management. You do seem to have a way about you, getting and keeping the attention of the line slime and I am sure we would enjoy working together, if only as your Chop Master.

The desert has had to do without me for the better part of two months now. Big-big visa problems and this time I can put my hand on my heart and say that, no, I have not upset anyone. Well, one Chief TC yes, but he has nothing to do with visas. It was just blind fate that I have had two months here under the domestic lash, like a toad under a harrow. AIDS (Aviation-Induced Divorce Syndrome) is a definite risk if I do not get the hell out of Dodge next week.

[alouette]

Henry Okah used to live in South Africa?!?...now there is a twist. Let me guess maybe the bright bulb Mbeki has got a stake on all the kidnappings and ransome money. Would not surprise me the least!!!:E

On another note; that rotorhead looks pretty f%#$d:yuk:

[Troglodita]

Alouette,

I thought you were chilling in the Caribbean - enjoy Rastah enjoy before the return to chaos!

P.s. how about 6 pockets?

have a great holiday!

Trog.

Re S76 - holy f:mad: - any more scurrilous rumours on how it happened?

[alouette]

Hello Trogs,

I sure do chill in the Caribbean...:cool: it is veeery relaxing...check your hotmail:E

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

chuks,

My advice is to stay exactly where you are. If you were to come back (if the promises were ever kept that is) sadly you just wouldn't fit in anymore.

"Wazzing" is called indisciplined flying in the Ops Manual and the punishment for it is very clear; you wouldn't have time to unpack before heading off again. The Warri underbridge activities of Trog and I all those years ago are OK because it wasn't against the law then, but any young buck (like yourself) who dares to compromise, or God Forbid Bad Thing, transgress the Global Target Zero Culture of Safety is out the door without a backward glance.

Chop Master is out of date too, nowadays we have an a la carte menu lavishly created at (our) great expense by Madam Beila to choose from. Provided you give 24 hours notice you can have a miniscule portion of anything on it. Complaints are studiously ignored, as are remarks and comments about quantity.

Stick with the desert and the opportunity for wazzing that goes with it. Not to mention the abundant C rations.............

NEO

[chuks]

I hear you NEO but the idea of squeezing Naira 150 per cup of luke-warm Nescafe out of the BRC inmates is just so, so... exciting somehow! Whatever next? Charging per bean on the baked beans oozing onto the toast at brekkie? I just never saw the chop as a profit centre of excellence (for me, of course!) but now my eyes have been opened. Too late, too late... the story of my life.

Would it make a difference if I told Mr Coolings there that I have done the Lagos Yoruba conversion course including the final exam, the 100-yard sprint down Airport Road wearing flip-flops and a "Rat Quench" vest, tap-tapping on the window of a rusted-out Mercedes W124 with the boot sagging down, going "Sssst, sssst, Mastah you buy, eh? Cheap-cheap! I make you good price!" Who needs a Harvard MBA when you have that on your resume? You want excellence, I got it centred!

Guilty as charged when it comes to 'low flying" but in extenuation let me point out that it was a motorcycle I was using there! I have never acheived much in the way of lift with that thing, just the odd inch or two coming up out of the "Karussel" at the "Nordschleife" but that was about all.

I recently did have this training bod telling me to do it the way I was taught, when it came to flying my patterns at bush strips. I had to laugh, thinking, "Hmm... I guess you never flew the "Chief's House 1 STAR" at Warri Airstrip did you?" You know, the one where you went down to 200 AGL past the big satellite dish and then waited for the threshold to appear out of the murk. Or not, as appropriate.

I was doing that one day with a helo pilot in the right-hand seat when I had to throw it away on short final, just that little bit too much off on speed and positioning. He looked across at me as if to ask, "What are you doing?" I had to explain that we couldn't flare to a hover in a Twotter, could we? No probs, we got it the next time around.

I am now supposed to fly these huuuge patterns that seem like going on a short cross-country flight. It just seems like more of an opportunity to screw up compared to keeping it in tight but, yeah, it is all SOPs for this, that and the other. "The way it was taught" must mean something else to these guys; to me it means the way Nigeria taught me to fly.

I think it is simply tragic that I have had so long playing it straight without the payoff, the chance to sell out and screw my brothers. I don't ask for much, just the desk, the chair, the big split airconditioner, the "Daily Telegraph" from three days ago to read and the chance to dream up ways to shaft the guys out on the hangar floor and flying the line. Is that too much to ask for?

I can write memos with the best of them and in my heart of hearts I am a true b*stard so, come on, Foamy, just give me the chance to prove it.

[SASless]

NEO,

News for you....Chuks did not fit in the first dozen times he was in Nigeria!

His mangling of the German language certainly led to his early departure on at least one occasion that we know of (or perhaps a weak appreciation of what it takes to be a Test Pilot).

So long as the bar tender pours a full measure....Chuks would still survive in good shape as we all know his preference for perching in the BRC Bar compared to dining in the exclusive Plank W@nkers Bistro.

Low Level to a Plank driver is anytime they are using a non-standard altimeter setting such as QNH....that our Chuks fails to mention.

We helicopter pilots...much maligned by the BRC Plank community....know what low level is. One might suggest that upon hopping over the trees at the River across from the Warri IA...and thence picking up the old survey line that runs to Forcardos....as being low level. It sure was more dependable than the instrumentation in the old 212's were it not?

All that being said....I would love to be a bug on the wall....amongst the thousands....to see the scene when the added injury of having to pay 150 Naira for a cup of Nescafe wounded Chuks. I bet you would hear the whining clear to Cameroon!

[Senior Pilot]

One might suggest that upon hopping over the trees at the River across from the Warri IA...and thence picking up the old survey line that runs to Forcardos....as being low level.

As long as you flew around the raised paddles being held up out of the dugout canoes while flying across the river mouth :p

[soggyboxers]

Actually the old Whirlwind was far the best thing at Warri as it was on fixed pontoons and when the weather got too bad you could just land on a cut somewhere, water taxi to the bank and get the crew chappie to secure your chariot to the bank with the spike. Then it was down into that nice big cabin with your book and sandwiches until the weather improved :).

As for the Patani bridge or the walkway on Funiwa, I'm taking the Fifth Amendment :}.

Chuks, you'd love the BRC now. The level of service is now so superb that you'd be lucky to get your baked beans before having to catch the bus - unless you're up by about 0430 to get your order in. These new-fangled modern beans obviously take much longer to bake. I'm not even sure they're Heinz, which is the only sort of bean a chap should really consider.

[chuks]

I went along on an air test one day, out of Escravos in a Bell 206. Next thing you knew we were headed down the Escravos River trying to get a real close look at the girls' tits in the dugout canoes. One rather perky set merited a tight 360 but by then she was cowering in the bottom of the canoe. I guess her mother had warned her about those helicopter pilots and she must not have been able to tell the difference with me. Call that "guilt by association" if you like.

I have been waiting here for that call from Caverton but... nothing. I got the pointy shoes, I figured out a paint scheme for the Bajaj, I even came up with a set of extra-excellent 5-bar epaulettes to go with the shiny rhodium-plated tin wings. Damn! Do you suppose that German S.O.B. beat me to the punch?

Your man Foamy Coolings, well, I guess he doesn't really need a stray Oyingbo to show him how to mess people over?

I never did get much into that low-level stuff, tending to go with the Dirty Harry injunction that "A man has to know his limitations." One day in Florida I did have to fly around a condo on the beach up by Fort Lauderdale in the process of chickening out due to a low ceiling but that doesn't count because it wasn't me and you cannot prove it. That was before all these nasty little video cameras and the internet. Anyway I went around the back of the building, the side without the balconies.

Try that today and you would be on the Six O'Clock News before you could say, "Flight Safety District Office? Umm, yes, what can I do for you, Sir? You want me to drop by for a chat and bring my licence and logbook? I see..."

[Foamy Coolings]

Chuckies,

Do not pay the heeds to the likes of In Laws or Soggy Boxes - they are fine men in spite of their bad advises and my plan to give these men the 50% discounts on coffees and delicious meat pies and half portion of chips in the luxury dinning facilities in the BRC is waiting approvals from the Scotch Boss and his hunchman the mini Scotch Boss. Then they will back on the Target Zero team spirits!

I have read your resumer with interest and no jaundice in my eye:

Who needs a Harvard MBA when you have that on your resume? You want excellence, I got it centred!


I can write memos with the best of them and in my heart of hearts I am a true b*stard so, come on, Foamy, just give me the chance to prove it.

Catpain - I am the man to give you this chance - I will p.m. you a Humane Resources application when my Concubine has finished skinning it.

As Soggy Boxes says (with only small COBI allowed censorship to improve understanding):

Chuks, you'd love the BRC now. The level of service is now so superb that you get your baked beans before having to catch the bus -our fine pointy breasted staff wake you by 0630 to get your order in and any other thing a viral man needs. These new-fangled modern beans obviously take much longer to bake. I'm not even sure they're Heinz, they are well well better and are only short time past Lidl sell by date which is the only sort of bean a chap should really consider.


Turn your backs on the Deserted Sands and Rug Heads and come back to your Almar Mutter in the Centre of Excellents. Your WASBU issue pointy shoes (size 14) and fine glittering six bar epaulettes are already on order - we need to honour a man of your distiction and even Fresh Fish jetranger drivers in Escravos get four shinny bars so you will get what you are deserving.


F.C.

[chuks]

What I am deserving...

Dear Ogah,

Or may I call you Foamy? I want to be up on the toppest floor now, with you and your friends, if you have any, not down and out on the ramp or the hangar floor with those other losers who have to do the work. I did that for over 20 years and what did it get me? Tinnitus and a bad attitude towards anyone in charge is what.

No, it is time for a change. I want to go over to the Dark Side of the Force.

Just a small office will do, one with a door that locks, a telephone that never rings and a meaningless title on the door. A secretary with pointy breasts would be nice, preferably a female one, but that is not strictly necessary.

Yes, pay me more than I am worth, which probably doesn't have to be very much at all, not forgetting the title ("Assistant Chief Deputy Head of Human Resources" has a nice ring to it, for example) and I shall reward you most loyally by sticking it to my once friends, all those people who laughed at me when I got bucked off my little Bristow bronco into that patch of thorns. How heart-warming it wasn't to walk into the bar to be greeted by a rousing chorus of "Loser!" Now let the pointy shoes be on the other foot, hah!

"Revenge is a dish best served with baked beans on the side." Machievelli said that, I think.

This isn't going to be like the last offer, is it? I sent the man my bank details but I never heard back about becoming Chief Pilot Fixed Wing for the Twinned Ootter. It might be a problem with the mails here in Germany, I don't know...

[alouette]

Hey, if you demand baked beans why don't you order additionally a delicious cup of Nescafe for the ridiculous amount of 150 Naira? It really rounds off this succulent meal.:E

[Foamy Coolings]

Chuckies,

You may call me Mastah Foamy.

The "Assistant Chief Deputy Head of Human Resources" door sign is being made by the finest cahpentah next door to BRC as we speak. I gave the driver 1000 Nairas so expect the toppest quality. I have instructed the real Security to evacuate the Training Catpin office and the Oyibo ex Special Farces Securities people also - we have no needs for this unecessary expenses in the modern WASBU did the drivers not train before we hired them and cannot people move around without being kidnupped?
You can make your choices of Office and keep the best furnishings. The telephones never ring anyway - we cut them off to make economies!

Tinnitus and a bad attitude towards anyone in charge is what.


I am not sure what this tinytus is - it has a certain ring to it though - the bad attitude is not a problems - the Scotch Bosses are well well used to this by now.

A secretary with pointy breasts would be nice, preferably a female one, but that is not strictly necessary.


Chuckies - I beg now - do not start lifting the shirt tails - I will make the choice of eviers for you!

I have the toppest budget to pay you more than you are not worth - my savings by paying flat rate workover with no extra CLA and taking $7.00 a day from all those out on the ramp or the hangar floor with those other losers who have to do the work (I am assumpting that you mean the chopper drivers) while they are on courses plus charging for meals in BRC even for those losers who have the contract to be fed has made my bosses lots of Nairas. The pointy shoes shall be on the other foot, No Wahallah if you use them to kick the asses of peoples like Alloo ETA!

"Revenge is a dish best served with Lidl baked beans on the side." I like that - does Machievelli want a secretary job?

This most surely isn't going to be like the last offer I promise O - p.m. me your Bank Account details and do not worry if you get no reply for some time. The mails can be slow before the Xmas.

F.C.

[swamp_dwarf]

Hey numbnuts FC,

if you want to give Machiavelli a job you have to dig him up - pendejo!!! Where you live? In a ditch, mate? The projects? :mad:

[Foamy Coolings]

Na wa O Swampy!

You sound like the angry young mans!

The last fine man that I made the acquaintance with the name of Machiavelli was the Aussietralian purveyor if ice creams fron Sids' Knees!
he was setting up the franchises in Victorias Islands to sell his fine produces to Nigerian peoples with flavours like Bondi G Strings and Sheilas Pits.

There are lots of the Eyetallians in the down unders which is the reason for too many Aussietralian mens with dark hairs and the mediterranean bad looks.

Be sure you know he is not as dead as the doorknob before you make such accusations!

He tells me his brother was a JuJu man with the Dark Secrets like Chuckies.

F.C.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

chuks,

You see what I mean ?? Not only has Foamy become a sad but accurate parody of real life, there are fresh fish on here who actually rise to his obvious bait !! Is that the kind of environment you want to wind people up in ? Like the Rolling Stones, you wouldn't get any satisfaction either.

The BRC bar is no longer a challenge for your famous acrebic wit, it's populated by a clique of engineers who wonder why people don't use "their" bar after being ignored and/or insulted on their way through from down the line. A budding 747 pilot such as yourself would receive short shrift. Some may say the worm has fully turned.........

They still sell Soda Water though.

NEO

[nsa823h]

NEO
That is your opinion from a pilot who speaks to us unfriendly engineers more than pilots.:ok:

[SASless]

In my part of God's Green, we have a fish called the "Jumping Mullet" which are quite a sight to see. They can be seen making their standard three jumps into the air....always in a straight line...and do so for no conscious reason.

It would appear there are a few left in the pprune pond as well.:ugh:

The difference would be our Mullet need no enticement to make their presence known whereas the pprune version need the leastest of bait to lure them out.:ok:

[bristowburnout]

NEO,

You mean King Bob, sitting on his throne surrounded by his fawning acolytes who, as you say spend most of their time ignoring or insulting anyone not in their clique, including other engineers. Maybe that's why a number of people either drink in their rooms or cross the road and drink in the bush bar opposite. It seems to be peculiar only to the BRC in Lagos. With the amount most of them smoke and drink it will be interesting to see how many will have a problem passing a medical now that the NCAA has introduced a requirement for engineers to have an annual medical examination. Bristow has a big shortage of engineering staff already and it may well soon get even worse if new helicopters arrive and some guys can't pass a medical :eek: I used to hate going through the place.

Talking of new helicopters, what news of the almost-mythical Agbami contract?

Is it true that Mike Armlick is not on leave because he wants to be, but because he's worried about his safety after the Nigerian unions demanded that Bill Chiles get rid of him? With the number of local employees he's now put on the bread-line it's not surprising the nationals hate him. Bristow in the shape of WASBU really has become a company with no mission, many worlds, no team :yuk:. I hope that even my new bosses aren't that awful, but whether they are or not it will be good to be someplace other than Nigeria for now.

[Phone Wind]

In the war of propaganda and counter-propaganda which has been going on in Port Harcourt this week, where militants claim to have carried out attacks and the military and oil companies deny that they have occurred, there has been rather a nasty new development. Early yesterday the military JTF carried out a large cordon and search operation in the waterside areas of Port Harcourt. They claim to have arrested 69 militants and recovered a quantity of arms and ammunition. The JTF spokesman also claimed that they have intelligence MEND plans to attack security positions in the state as well as use foreign hostages in its custody as human shield and get them killed in the process. He claims that MEND plans to use four expatriate hostages in its custody as human defence shields during an attack they have planned. In the process, they plan to put the men, among whom are a Briton and an American, forward to be in the line of fire, get them killed and blame the JTF for their deaths.

MEND certainly do still have a number of expatriate hostages and have threatened a similar thing in the past. It is to be hoped that the ceasefire they have also announced today will lead to negotiations resulting in the release of these hostages.

Shell have yet again declared 'force majeure' on oil exports from Nigeria following militant attacks on installations in the Niger Delta. Alakiri Gas and all the Cawthorne Channel flow stations appear to be closed down and Chevron also seem to have abandoned Robert Kiri and Idama temporarily.

Let's hope that this next week will see an easing of hostilities and the release of more hostages.

[SASless]

I would suggest just the contrary....Peace is at hand!




Group declares ceasefire in Nigeria's south

By EDWARD HARRISSun Sep 21, 4:09 AM ET

Nigeria's main militant group declared a ceasefire in the southern oil region on Sunday, ending the worst spate of militant attacks in years to hit Africa's oil giant.

The Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta said it was ceasing hostilities immediately after appeals from elders and politicians in the restive southern region.

The group said in an emailed statement that it would launch another spate of reprisal attacks in the event of another military raid on one of the group's base camps.

A military operation on Sept. 14 prompted the latest surge in violence. Before that, clashes between the military and militants were rare and normally avoided outright confrontation. The militants declared a state of war, but called it off Sunday.

"We hope that the military has learnt a bitter lesson. The next unprovoked attack will start another oil war that will be so ferocious that it will dim the pleas of the elders," the group said.

The group, which is a loose alliance of various armed gangs operating in the southern Niger Delta, attacked military positions, destroyed pipeline-switching stations and blew up pipelines that carry crude from wells to export terminals in southern Nigeria.

The state oil company said production is now down about 40 percent from Nigeria's normal daily output of 2.5 million barrels of oil per day, helping send crude prices to historical heights this year in international markets. The militant group emerged about three years ago, calling for more federally controlled oil-industry revenue to flow to the southern states where the petroleum is pumped.

The militants have focused their attacks primarily on the country's oil infrastructure, seeking to heighten pressure on the government.

Battles with the military are rare, but there have been several clashes over the past week, raising the prospects of a larger conflict or one that spirals out of control of the militant leaders or military to embroil the wider Niger Delta region.

That's the nightmare scenario for the international petroleum companies in Nigeria, which has Africa's largest oil industry, since it would leave the largely unguarded network of pipelines in tatters in areas where repairs would be impossible.

[etienne t boy]

SAS,

You've obviously been away for too long. So-called 'ceasefires' out here last as long as it's convenient, sometimes only for a matter of hours. The information posted by PW is correct. The full text of the announcement from the generic MEND spokesman, Jomo Gbomo, is:

After one week of intense lopsided fighting and an unprecedented sabotage on the oil industry prompted by an unprovoked attack on one of our positions including indiscriminate attacks on civilian communities, the Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta (MEND) will downgrade the oil war code named Hurricane Barbarossa to a state of alert code named Tropical Storm Vigilant.

We decided to "stop outside Baghdad" even at a time of victory over the military and utter helplessness of the oil companies. This is again due to the passionate plea made by Chief Edwin K. Clark, Chief Government Ekpemupolo, Senator David Brigidi and no others.

We hope that the military has learnt a bitter lesson. The next unprovoked attack will start another oil war that will be so ferocious that it will dim the pleas of the elders. That blood oil war will come in the form of another hurricane and its devastation and mode of operation will be different from what was seen with Barbarossa.

Effective 0100 Hrs, September 21, 2008, exactly one week we launched our reprisal, MEND will begin a unilateral ceasefire till further notice. During this time, the International Red Cross alone will be allowed access to retrieve the bloated floating bodies of several soldiers to avoid an epidermic.

MEND can only speak for itself and will not vouch for the other angry groups that aligned with the operation.

Jomo Gbomo


This is more likely to be a political move to try and help Chief Edwin Clark secure the release of Henry Okah, accused of gun-running and due to face a trial in camera. It's only a matter of time (probably a short time) until fighting resumes and anyway Ateke Tom is not part of MEND and will probably carry on fighting.

[Tokunbo]

It seems Mr swamp dwarf is in urgent need of a course of anger management if he gets this wound up over such an obvious wind up :sad: I hope I don't have to fly in a helicopter with him or maintained by him.

I wonder who's the real pendejo here - for sure it's not Foamy Coolings :cool:

[S76Heavy]

This thread reads like a Douglas Adams novel with Tom Clancy quotes..

As an outsider I find it a great read.

[swamp_dwarf]

What a great read, eh?

Speaking of the ceasefire proposed by MEND...this proposal has as much value and intelligence as a piece of dog poo on a sidewalk. And as long as local politicians have a stake in this violence the hostage taking or kidnapping will not end. Additionally, I would suggest that these savages should work for a living but then I guess 10 mill U$D per head is not worth getting hands dirty. On top of it, a certain segment of airline passengers i.e. savages will play with wads of cash and harrass the airline personnell because they have money. POO ON YOU ALL!!!:mad:

[chuks]

Is Machievelli with "e" and not Machiavelli with "a" so pendejo to you, too! Short-order cook in a greasy spoon just down the road with a side-line in philosophy, Nickey Machievelli is not to be confused with more famous distant uncle from other side of family Niccolo Machiavelli with an a.

I am just off to tell the wife about this wonderful new career opportunity, leaving out the part about the secretary of uncertain sexuality and all. As Captain Oates once said, "I may be some time..."

Oh, I think if I came back with my famous joking ways and we also got that tall man with the loud shirts and the even louder music, the one who ran away to another hot, sandy place, between us we could probably do something with the BRC. Turn it into a profit center (sic)? Stranger things have happened!

NEO, why so pessimistic? Cheer up! Top prices for used generators are being paid on Malabo or so I am told!

[cavertonmanagement]

Now that Daddy and I are back from a well deserved rest in our gracious London home and a delicious holiday sampling the parsta in Italy while contemplating whether to proceed with our Super-Agusta, and with much clean laundry we are both so sad to see all the binkering which has been proceeding on here for some weeks :{. As company executives with a toppest rated company it has often fallen to us to have to make hard decisions. Luckily we have our own Foamy Coolings in the form of Mr Foolala who really knows how to use a styletto. People would never dare insult him on an open forum such as this if they wanted to get out alive. Mr Coolings, you are obviously a very good man having to make hard business decisions like daddy and I do all the time. Have you by any chance attended toppest university with book and computer such as Daddy and myself have done? If you care to visit our luxuriously appointed offices at MMIA, we can introduce you to Mr Foolala who will show you how to sharpen your styletto and use it to effect a rear entry wound while still facing your ardversary. Mr Armed Lick could well benefit from having a man trained in these arts so he can run his company as daddy and I run ours, untramelled by morning Minnies.

While in Milan we visited the excellent ice creamed parlour of Mr Machiavelli and much enjoyed both his tootie frootie and rummy raisin gelaterias. He would be a welcome addition to our staff and has not been dead at all, at all as so spuriously implied by this short, angry person from the swamp.

Mr Chuks, be assured that your luxuriously-appointed office in the splendour of the centre of excellence will have batteries of unconnected telephones to impress your many jealous friends when they visited. They will also delight in your selection of tall, deliciously appointed secretaries (with wonderful and most certain sexyality), the artificial gold-plated pointy shoe rack in the corner, your own toiletry facilities with toilet incorporating luxury nylon chintz seat cover in a pink to match your button hole stitching from your very sharp hand-made shirt from Jermyn's of Jimmy Savile Row, Aba. The solid genuine mock wood door to your office sweet will be fully insulated so you do not have to hear the voicings of losers such as have been described in this RBC bar. Your Twinned Ootter is waiting and makking toppest service flights to international airport on Bonny every day. All awaits your return. Your revenge may be served cold or hot as mike rowave's ovens are constantly at your bidding in our excellent kitchen facilities in Lagos. Your beans will be served with both dodo and fried yam chips to ensure your waistline attains the traditional African dimensions for lesser persons to know you are a true man of distinction. You are most welcome.

[soggyboxers]

Mr Caverton, it is widely known that you will shortly become the most important and excellent operator of Bell 412 in Nigeria. When this new, modern fleet arrives will you be paying appropriate remuneration and good local allowances? I am worried that I may be too thin for you to consider me as I am shortly to travel and will barely be able to afford more than 3 or 4 bowls of gari and okro soup each day, indeed I am very worried that my circumstances are now so reduced that I may only be able to afford to eat chin chin :{. Can you assure me that those working for you will be able to afford to eat amala with soup and cow leg and ogi with moyin moyin or take suya snack each evening?

[cavertonmanagement]

Mr Smoggyboxes, you are most welcome. As you must be aware we revere aged people in Nigeria and you would be in recepit of excellent rumen runem salary of many thousands of dollars each bearing likeness of dead Presidents of USA in a tasteful green colour. Our excellent local allowance paid to all excellent expartriate staffs such as Mr Chuks is paid in cash, free of taxes and enough for many delicious dishes of amala with good soup and both Star or imported beer. There is even plenty for employment of personal secretary with pointy protuberances and G strings to attend to your every whin. When away on courses to maintain your standards of excellence you will, of course stay in toppest international hotel with room with both bed and bath and many allowances of some hundreds of dollars so you may maintain that plumpy deportment expected of our eminent company ambassadors.

Our staff house in Lagos is well known for its luxurious apartments each with all mod coons and a bar where no one can ever insult or ignore a person - that is not the way in the Nigerian centre of excellence. We Nigerians are well known for our friendlyness and horspiteality. Even if you are in Port Harcourt, you will stay in a luxuriously appointed suit in a fine hotel such as the Starred King and should you wish to visit any of the famous night spots you will be most welcome to do so. As a local company we have no need of the self serving uterances of expartriate security advices whose only knowledge is of Bargedad and will give you the information you need to make your own choice. You will at all times be treated as an adult, nit a child and your life at the centre of excellence will at all times be a delight. Your are welcome.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

nsa823h,

I think you have mistaken me for (a) someone else, and/or (b) someone who gives a flying f:mad:k.

I would never name names nor describe anything except in general terms, as is the protocol on this forum and which is entirely as it should be.

Have a good day :ok:

NEO

[Foamy Coolings]

How now my dear friend and colleegue?

I greet you my brother and welcome you from your travels. I hope I may join you in sampling some totty frooty or the raisings with rum from the fine eyetallian city of Milan O when I travel to Victorias Island to greet Mr. Foolala. I can see I have lots to learn as the "Smiling assessor"

I de fine O dealing with these people while you travel on Business essenshuls in the capitols of Europe.

We can now work as brothers (even same Mother different Father) and pick the toppest men for our fine interprises. Let us not quarrel O and steal fine men from each other. We must have the "Aunty Peaching Agreements" to decide which of us shall employ fine men like Chuckies and Smoggy Boxes. Let us keep our arms short and not reach down our deep pockets without necessary reasons! We must only offer accommodations in places such as the Starred King to our finest men - we can find much cheaper lodges for the High Polloy.
We can include our brother Noble Hacking in our agreements to keep our budgets as tight as the dogs ears.


personal secretary with pointy protuberances and G strings to attend to your every whin.


May I greet this fine Lady - I am in need of extra Humane Resources Staffs in Ikeja and this person seems to have the ticks in her box!

F.C.

[chuks]

Can we have a union, me and Soggy Boxers and all the other toppest ex-parts? You know, terms and conditions all laid down along with the pointy bits disting and no chopping and changing and "Hey, who ran off with the Pension Fund surplus?" No, not like that last time and the time before and... Oh, well, never mind.

So, when do I start? And how do I travel, given that Interflug and Balkan Air are out of business? If I have to go in a crate I insist on air holes.

[biggestboy]

Chuks, my dear fellow.

You do know you have to pay for re-unions these days????

[212man]

Well, Foamy, I think it's fair to say that you have well and truly usurped Mrs Malaprop! By comparison she looks like an A* GCSE pupil:ok: (are they above or below greenshield stamps these days?) Well done to the ruiners up!

Now, if only I knew a) who you are and, b) who you are supposed to be!!!

If I have to go in a crate I insist on air holes

Chuks, I'm sure you've seen plenty of them in your time :p

[Maurice Ponk]

Can we be serious now?
We hear, Foamy, that your HR wonderkids have 100 or more chaps and chapesses on, or going through S-92 training. Some in the West Palm in the States, some in Farnborough, UK.
Someone mentioned that there is no rush for Nigeria, and now as a result the Nigerian S-92 is plying the Scotch routes offshore Scatsta.
This has been confirmed as true. So, no contract yet?

[anjouan]

Monsieur Ponk,

Contract or not (and supposedly it is yet again........... imminent) I hope they will have repacked the floats before it starts the ferry flight - c'est loin avec ces grands ballons non? :E

[Blackhawk9]

What is happening to the 2 x 225's for CHC(in Aero colours) for Nigeria sitting in France since May?
If they don't want them in Nigeria several other operations in the CHC group will gladly snap them up.

[MamaPut]

The EC225s, like the Bristow S92s and the announcement of the award of the Agbami contract, will be arriving 'any day from now' :}

[overspeed.abroad]

I hear they are due to leave Marseille in the next few days, into Lagos by the end of the month.

Nice trip - coastline on the right to Gibraltar -coastline on the left to Nigeria :-) At least that is how I'd like to do it... who needs GPS?!

[Foamy Coolings]

Can we have a union, me and Soggy Boxers and all the other toppest ex-parts?


Catpain Chuckies - of courses you fine mens can have Union. It is no longer problems since Scotch Bosses have decreed that will no longer "pay any heed to these loons" and discussions will only take place every 3 years! But take care O - if you try to "stir up the unwashed messes" you may end up as Assistant Float Plane Rope Catcher at the Lekki pontoon!

Murderous Punk,


We hear, Foamy, that your HR wonderkids have 100 or more chaps and chapesses on, or going through S-92 training. Some in the West Palm in the States, some in Farnborough, UK.
Someone mentioned that there is no rush for Nigeria, and now as a result the Nigerian S-92 is plying the Scotch routes offshore Scatsta.
This has been confirmed as true. So, no contract yet?


We in HR keep these secrets closed in our chest so stop this fishing now!
You and Blackhawk Down Under must wait for our Master Plan to be reviled.

And Juan


c'est loin avec ces grands ballons non?


We love you Froggy peoples - Une femme avec les grands ballons est mieux quand il fait froid dehors! N'est ce pas?
This is what my girlfriend from Niamey with the fine ballons and nyash tells me!

F.C.

[chuks]

Mrs chuks just heard a rumour that the girls in Lagos are hot-hot-hot like monkey pepper soup. Probably just started by some jealous helicopter pilot, but you know how women are! Now she wants me to stay right where I am, Cabin Number 37, Burning Sands Airstrip, East Nowhere, Algeria.

It would help very much if you, Mr Coolings, could please inform her that your company works to ISO 9001 Standards which totally preclude any sort of jiggy-jiggy on the part of toppest floor staff such as I hope to be.

I already pointed out to her the way the Page 3 girls from "Punch, The Paper for Lively Minds" had their pointy bits blacked out years ago by small-minded mens with black markers plus the way that naughty movie Boogie Nights was banned despite large outbreaks of roadside cannibalism in our very own Centre of Excrements but the miserable woman is screeching like a fishwife plus flailing away at my bonce with one high-quality German frying pan every time I float the idea of a return to my second home.

We Oyingbo are not the mastahs you Yoruba are and I need help, otherwise there shall be one empty office on that toppest floor and no one to applaud your memos, laugh at your jokes and carry your bag to the Vee-boot at the end of the short working day.

"No condition is permanent," okay, but this domestic life is lasting very, very long.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

chuks,

Why not try for oil company Aviation Advisor ? They just criticise (something I recall you had a knack for) and they pay real pilot wages........... Imagine being able to order all those helicopter pilots around, just for the sake of it ?

You won't get the chance to sample any cheeky girls either as being born again is an interview pre-requisite.

NEO

[chuks]

Dear Mr NEO,

I am sweating with anticipation. No, drooling! Okay, both! What a mess! Give me a minute to mop my brow and adjust my bib... Okay, back in business. (As some famous Frog once said, "Old age is a ship-wreck!")

Tiny grains of suspicion are grating in the mind of chuks: If this is such a good deal why has not the famous NEO done one of his "rat up a drainpipe" numbers and already materialised as said Advisor like so many of our Bristow brothers? Is there something about this you are not telling me?

"Born again"? What be dis ting? Is this like "funny handshake with one pants leg rolled up", another career-enhancer I never got sorted?

I can quote chapter and verse from King James Bible no problem to the point where one might be unwisely tempted to let me hold billfold while going in for a swim-results not guaranteed. Will that do or must I go on to speaking in tongues and fondling serpents? Surely writing memos in true management style counts as speaking in tongues and anyone who has spent much time in a Nigerian bar has fondled or been fondled by a few serpents so I guess I am already there.

I would love to be giving of the helps and advices to my rotary-wing brothers especially because of my totally original approach to this form of aviation thanks to a rather profound and all-encompassing ignorance of same. Not just confusion but ignorance too and all for one low-low price.

Please send address for applications soonest.

[Troglodita]

Overspeed,


Nice trip - coastline on the right to Gibraltar -coastline on the left to Nigeria :-) At least that is how I'd like to do it... who needs GPS?!


Way before GPS we used to just fly straight down to Lagos through the Sahara - took about 6 - 7 days from the UK in a 212. (Unless you were ex Army and took twice as long!)

Typical Route: -

Redhill - La Rochelle (Great Seafood) - Palma - Algiers - Ins Salah - Tamanrasset - Agadez - Niamey - Lagos.

Whatever happened to D.R.?

Trog

p.s. I know politics in Algeria now rule out this route!

[Tony Mabelis]

Back in 1968 we flew a WS55/3 G-AODP from Redhill to Lagos, the long way around the coast, it took over 60 hrs flying time, I still have the dent in my head from the old heavy headset as a souvenir!
Very interesting ferry flight, some of the legs were over 5 1/2 hrs., but sadly, the old girl only lasted 3 weeks in Nigeria, flying the route, Warri-PH-Bonney and return, before being crashed near Ughelli.
Some of you old timers may be interested in a picture of the wreck, in which myself, Bill Petrie, and Lambert Abali appear, its in the book 'Shadows', the history of the Biafra airlift.
Another picture shows Bristow's Riley Dove in the school playing field at Uli, taken by myself.

[SASless]

Did not Swordstick Tommy cross the Sahara both North/South and East/West in a Whirlwind for BHL? Seems I recall that story from one of the Chequers Late Night Staff Meetings.

[RunFastDieTired]

Trog,

For you I know flying wiffout GPS was the good life - But as a claim to fame is parmount to have seen the great Wildebeest migration before the days of the rundapest when the dead sea was still only sick.......the British Empire had an Emperor albeit he spoke Latinus maximus and coffee at BRC was free.:Oaaaaaahhhh the good old days when plonking a sick helicopter in the drink was considered "Good show old chap" and nobody needed a shot of Blooo compressed carbon to confirm he was a man amongst men.

Well Aeros 225's polished and shiny will be here next week in time to watch BHNL officially start the 1st official Agbamivichikov DW runs and maybe - one day- the great nnnnnnnnnnninetytwo will make an appearance. They have a dream!!!!!!!

PS If Martin Luther had had a job instead of a dream, he may still be alive today!!!!!!:ugh:

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Trog,

You need to change the bulb in that swinging lamp for a low power energy efficient version mate, these nostalgic journeys will only end in tears of frustration as those days are definitely gone forever. :{

The powers that be would only approve a ferry flight if it's cheaper than dismantling the aircraft and shipping it on a RoRo to Tin Can Island with Tokunbo cars these days. And the cost will have been calculated to the Kobo so no sharing out the leftovers at journey's end. :=

Which reminds me, the sandbags are getting pretty flat. I'll need to hire a jobless would-be militant area boy for N1,000 a day to refill them so the youngsters don't get piles when listening to war stories. :ok:

NEO

[Troglodita]

Sorry O!

After the last few weeks of "Doom and Gloom in West Africa" I thought a little tad of nostalgia was just the medecine to bring the chaps off suicide watch!

I have been scanning my e mails and watching the horizon eagerly for the Factrice in her little yellow van to bring my invite to the "New Darrels Olympic Size Pool and BBQ" opening party to no avail. There is obviously no light on the horizon to drag us out of our misery.

At least you Darrels Boys will soon have the "Ritolin Kid" to do all your flying for you since he has been lured by your higher CLA and as many Idoho sardine sandwiches as he can fit in his jock strap - you will need those sandbags refilled pretty sharpish so the old boys have somewhere to hold the "Suppository Swap Club" meetings while he is doing their flying!

I'll need to hire a jobless would-be militant area boy for N1,000 a day to refill them so the youngsters don't get piles when listening to war stories.

Just make sure he is not a distant relative of anyone on the payroll and that all correct income tax deductions are made at source or you could have a visit from another bunch of born again Zealots from the Hurricane Alley COBI Office!

Trog

[Good Man In Africa]

Trog,

I think NEO was trying to say that Kleenex assisted trips into the past only make those who remember those days feel worse about how things are now !!

[SASless]

Trogs,

After the staff built swimming pool was bulldozed over during the widening of the Eket airstrip.....and the company promised to build a new pool at the exquiste Ekpan estate....why should the pool at Darrels be an issue?

One Pool, One Company, One Time!


Is it true the parrot out by the pool called Murdoch a w@nker?:uhoh:

[Troglodita]

SASless,

At the risk of being accused of incurable nostalgia by NEO & GMIA - absolutely true!

Led by Wally P. just about everyone on the Operation spent a whole month while J.M. was on leave ensuring that they never passed Bertie's cage without uttering "M's a W@nker" at least a dozen times. The African Grey Parrot picked this up in no time and when J.M. returned from leave and approached the cage was met with the immortal lines.

Give J.M. his due - all he said was "I suppose you realise Bertie that you are now never going to meet Mrs. M!"

OK that's it - back to suicide watch!:}

Trog

[Aser]

http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/8324/ferry044jw9.jpg

I was taking off from Agadir-GMAD on the 25 sept. when I saw 2 x EC225 with AERO colors landing, next day I found them in Las Palmas-GCLP.
They must be in Nigeria by now?

Also we met a Bristow S76 in Tanger-GMTT.

It was my first flying in Africa, "interesting" at least. :E

Regards
Aser

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

One cannot help but wonder what our Bristow bretheren (that's a Masonic term by the way) on the North Sea would do if any of their allowances were cut/changed unilaterally the way CLA was in Nigeria ? Go to BALPA ? Vote with their feet ? Whatever action they took (if any), it would be done with solidarity following an open ballot or poll with no fear of reprisals.

COBI says nobody can be shafted for doing such things but with no representation there is little chance of any tangible action, just the usual crew room and bar rumour and moaner mongering.

Don't get me wrong, no blame intended.

Food for thought.

NEO