Saw this yesterday ,thought I'd share it!
A man stood in front of St Peter at the Pearly Gates.In front of him ,he saw a huge wall of clocks.He asked:'What are all those clocks?'Saint Peter answered:'Those are Lie-Clocks.Everyone has a Lie- Clock.Every time you lie,the hands on your clock will move.'
The man saw one stuck on 12o'clock.'Whose clock is that?'he asked.
Thats Mother Theresa's.The hands have never moved,indicating that she never told a lie.'
He noticed another one at two minutes past 12.'Incredible,'said the man.'And whose clock is that?'
St Peter responded:'Thats Abraham Lincoln's.The hands have moved twice,telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's Tony Blair's clock?'asked the man.
Blair's clock is in God's office.He's using it as a ceiling fan'.

OK , here's one.

Rangi and Kingi are on their way home from a tangi, and they get killed in a car crash.
Rocking up to the Pearly Gates, they find them unattended. Rangi rings the bell, and presently Saint Peter appears.

"Can I help you boys?" he asks.
"Yeah, we want to come in," says Rangi.
"Sorry, but it's Tuesday," says St Peter. "It's God's day off. You'll have to come back tomorrow."
"But we know God real well," says Kingi. "When we were little we had this Auntie who used to make us pray all the time. You go and tell Him that Rangi and Kingi are here, and he'll let us in."

St Peter relents, and disappears out the back, where The Creator is having a wee kip in a hammock.
"Sorry to bother you Boss, but there are two Maori boys here. They want to come in."
God looks up. "For crying out loud Pete, it's Tuesday, my day off. Go tell them to wait in limbo."
"I said that, but they insist that they know you very well. Their names are Rangi and Kingi."
God rolls His eyes. "OK, go bring them in, but this is the last time, OK?"

St Peter heads back out the front. A moment later he's back.
"They're gone," says St Peter.
"The Maori boys?" asks God.
"No, the Pearly Gates."

:E

Shouldn't that be scousers?

...or that's right, they'd never actually get to the gates. :p