Why can't I grow a beard?

[bigley]

At the premier Helicopter School, I work alongside Royal Navy people who are allowed to wear beards. We in the RAF and the British Army are not. My questions are:

Why am I not allowed to grow a beard?

What is the history regarding the RN regs?

Finally,

Are there rules for the RAF and British Army that the RN would like to adopt?

PS, they can also have longer sideburns!:D

[moggie]

Well, as I understand it:

The RN used to grow beards to keep warm out on deck in the middle of the Atlantic - seems like a good idea. They still have to go outside in the cold so it is still a good idea. However, their aviators are discouraged from growing beards as it causes problems with Oxygen masks (although they are still allowed because that is tradition).

The RAF grew out of the Army (one of the rare ocassions where the spin off was a better idea than the original!) and as such beards were for "Johnny Foreigner and the fuzzie wuzzies". After all, it makes sense to try to find somewater to shave with in the middle of the battle of El Alamein, doesn't it? Again, though, it does not improve the effectiveness of a respirator or oxy mask so it is still a good idea not to have one.

If you prefer, you could transfer to the navy, grow a beard and wear those stylish bell-bottom trousers and have your hair in a tarred pigtail (still allowed, I believe) but then every service has traditions that are a little embarrassing.

[Impiger]

You can grow a beard options are:

a. Get the MO drunk and persuade him or her to sign a no shaving chit on the grounds that you have a rash!

b. Change religion and insist that the beard is part of your culture.

c. Join the Navy, but see the thread below on 'How to simulate Life in the Navy' before taking this rather extreme step.

d. Change sex. There is nothing in the regulations about female facial hair.

Let us know which route you choose :ok:

[Training Risky]

True, A lot of WAAFs I've met so far have owned a fine set of whiskers!

[bigley]

Don't want to go as far as joining the RN so I will have to go for the sex change option!! Might even get promoted too :D

[tony draper]

Beards are easy, it takes years and years to grow a bald head like mine.
:rolleyes:

[rolling20]

there used to be a chap at Brize with 115sq,back in 82.
he had a beard...cant remember if he was pilot or nav..dont know
what excuse he had!!

[Thud_and_Blunder]

..Or you can wait until you've enough time in the job to go Loan Service. I'd post a phot, but I think even John Eacott's helpful pic server would crash if my ugly mug appeared there...

[tony draper]

What about those big handlebar tashes you chaps used to tote?, they must have presented something of a storage problem in the confined space of a oxygen mask.
:rolleyes:

[c130 alm]

There is a Captain on the Herc fleet who has a beard.

Now how interesting is that?!?!?

[reynoldsno1]

I had a beard whilst mucking around in Betty's aeroplanes... well, 'twas the kipper fleet...

[bad livin']

Beards....yes...well, having "resigned" from JEFTS a couple of years ago and restarted in a darker uniform, I haven't met that many people so far sporting a "set"...but they are definitely out there. Lt Cdr Sharkey Ward, a former SHAR pilot and dad of Mental, had quite a cheeky example. In my new, "silent" branch of the Senior Service, beards are fairly common because, well....we don't wash that often :yuk:

[really not]

The easy answer is that the Senior Service just got on with "Not Shaving" - helped keep the face warm etc, wheras Rupert (and Crab picking up the handiest habit) preferred the "Blue Oyster" look and tarted around slug balancing. If you transferreed to the RN you could even apply to grow a pig-tail - as long as you had it tarred twice a day!!

[Runaway Gun]

Going back just a few years I remember that the Australian Defence Force Regulations still had a section in it claiming that if a horse was ridden to the base, it was up to the Orderly Officer to organise a stable, washdown and hay for the night.

I was very tempted to give it a go, but never managed to get drunk enough without passing out! :p

[Pub User]

The reason you can't have a beard, is that it makes you look like a kiddy-fiddler.

Presumably the RN don't mind that sort of thing.

[Mr C Hinecap]

How about a practical reason?

Your respirator will not fit with a beard.

I know after the last jaunt to the sand box, my ar$e was twitching every time the siren sounded and we masked up. Good enough reason for me. Guess they shut all the DOORS on a BOAT and that keeps the nasty stuff out.

[BEagle]

Never trust anyone with face fungus! Including hirsute upper lips!

I recall the line from the movie 'Serpico' when he was told that his beard made him look like "An ar$ehole with dentures"!

[Flytest]

Things Matelots can do, that crabs and pongo's can't:

1. Grow a beard
2. laugh at crab moustaches
3. Giggle at the amount of crabs it takes to service a cab.
4. Drink rum, then vomit and be classed as a sterling chap.
5. Vomit in a girls underwear drawer and be classed as a cheeky chap.
6. Sleep with a crab or pongo's daughter in the W.O. & SGTS mess and not get hung by the RSM for it.
7. leave taxi's / hookers & resturants without paying.. at high speed.
8. Be vindictive / bigotted and otherwise homophobic.
9. walk past the guardroom p**sed & carefree.
10. Hit a six.
11. Ability to find an attractive woman without the use of beer goggles.
12. No amount of alcohol prevents showing said lady a good time.
13. Crash battleships and get away with it.
14. Steal shiny objects from crabs / pongo's with daring panache.
15. Leave the service and get a highly paid job which allows us to pass the day, putting juvenile posts on internet forums.

Any questions??? :p

[Mr C Hinecap]

Points 6, 11 & 12 do not hold up to scrutiny.

All the girls at a secret Lincs air base near Tattershall were rubbing their hands with glee - we had a Naval Sqn deploying there for a few weeks. Fresh meat thought the girls.

They were GUTTED! 'They're all hairy faced & scruffy! Wouldn't touch them with a rag tatters' Barge pole!'

Hence 6, 11 & 12 might work where the girls have no choice. Like on a ship.

[Flytest]

Don't knock it til you've tried it M'hearty!!

Girls on ships were the best thing ever for your traditional Naval fanny rat :ok: Hats off to the committee that sanctioned that one!! As for local lasses, we always found ourselves in demand wherever we went, half the time (Wattisham, Conningsby, Leeming, Gutersloh, St Mawgan etc etc) we didn't have to leave the base!!

The Senior Service must have had something:p

[Boy_From_Brazil]

I think Beagle has hit it on the head. The jolly tars love looking like "An ar$ehole with dentures". Their crewmates get the option of with or without teeth when pleasuring each other.

BFB

[Flytest]

Speaking of pleasuring each other rumour has it that the old crab moustache wasn't known as "handlebars" for nothing:E

[Boy_From_Brazil]

Flytest
You are absolutely right, the WAAFs really love it.

BFB

[Flatus Veteranus]

The RAF grew out of the army - Moggie

Try that one on any RAF squadron whose number begins with 2xx.

Someone's piece about ladies preferring bearded gents is at odds with my experience. I think they suspect the hairy men of having dodgy standards of personal hygiene and worry about acquiring unwelcome visitors direct from the beard to their pubic hair. I think they are called "crabs" :(

[BEagle]

But there's always the 'velcro effect'......

And isn't it members of the RN who affect those weird bits of upper cheekbone hair known, for some matelot reason, as 'bug.ger's grips'?

But I agree that only true 100% gold plated tw@ts such as Pablo and a particular ar$e at CFS affect stupid handlebar moustaches!

[Big Tudor]

Things crabs / pongoes can do that matelots can't:

1. Walk on the grass without having some d1ckhead shout Man Overboard and try to hit you with a life belt.

2. Walk out the main gate at whatever time you like, not have to wait for the Liberty Boat.

3. Swim ! ;)

(Extracts tongue from cheek and runs for cover)

[moggie]

But surely the MAJORITY of the RAF came from the RFC hence the slug balancing preference.

Anyway, "ar$ehole with dentures" pretty well sums up why not to grow one!

[SASless]

Premier helicopter school.....is that the one in southern Alabama....adjacent to the Boll Weavil monument?

[wasdale]

Why do you want a beard?

[Mr C Hinecap]

What do you have to hide?


Men with beards and men who tuck their tie into their trousers. They have something to hide.

[maninblack]

In my youthful days we were known as "Green Tuna" because we used to walk round Plymouth and the local environs watching baby Fish swerving out of the way.........anything with a 'tache was potentially cannibalistic.

Mind you the many and varied Mrs. Fish in Plymouth seemed to like a portion of tuna.