I think the 'settling with power' term is used more widely in the Americas than in UK
That could be it - all the instructors I've worked with, about 6 (all in the US), have used this term rather than VRS, though they know what VRS is. And indeed the FAA evidently uses the two terms interchangeably.
I think many demonstrations of VRS are stopped at the incipient stage (probably quite wisely)
My understanding is that a true fully developed VRS is pretty seriously scary, whereas incipient VRS is no big deal. Just like a fixed-wing spin, really. And in both cases, the only reason you'd ever get in the fully developed flavour is either because you really want to (and presumably know what you're doing), or because you just have no idea what to do at the incipient stage (in which case, you're seriously out of luck!).
Anyway thanks for all the answers, lots to think about.