Towerpup, i believe you had your tongue firmly in your cheek, either that or you should increase the interval between your deep dives & pressurised flight.
You are correct about the pencils though ,personally i use them to remove the s***** from pilots ears. This can be difficult to acheive as it tends to calcify in the rarified intellectual atmosphere on the flt deck.
All that talk of pensions,pay & expenses !,frightfully interesting ,oh & status blah blah,tres ,tres drole. Yesterday i could'nt spell rectitude & today i still don't understand the concept !.